Hi, so I'm sorry to confuse everyone but I wasn't happy with the way that the story was going and so I decided to re-edit the first five chapters and just add a few changes. I'm having a lot of trouble writing this story and so I only want to put out something that I'm really happy with. I hope that makes sense
Don't feel that you have to re-read these chapters as they are mainly for me and very minor but only if you have the time. I have tried to correct some things that people had issues with.
The simplest questions are the most profound
Where were you born?
Where is your home?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Think about these once in awhile and watch your answers change
Richard Bach: Illusions- The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah
I suppose that I had better state that this is not the beginning. It's not even near the beginning of the story.
In the same way that every action has a consequence every consequence must have an action that started it. And since every person is a consequence of a particular action that is where we should really be starting.
But we cannot as that would lead us down an altogether different path and that is not the journey that this story has chosen to take.
Life was once compared to a box of chocolates. You know why, you can hear the voice 'because you never know what you're gonna get'.
Except that it is not the case. A box of chocolates has the neat little compartments and sections. It has a pretty ribbon on the outside and can be put away and I'm sorry but you do know what you're 'gonna get' when you read the description in the accompanying booklet.
Life doesn't come with a book or instructions and there are no pretty bows.
Life I have found, at least in this story, is like a spider web. Intricately woven with many complications, once looking back at it you would never know exactly where it started. Each point meeting various other points spinning round each other to meet in the middle where ultimately the aim is to catch a big juicy fly. That is not the aim of this story. No bugs involved but certainly some things that need to be squished.
A spider's web has many purposes, the spider can merely survive or catch food or meet other spiders or it can sit in the corner of a shelf and catch dust.
And that's the thing about life. It can be any one of those but it can also be a dark scary often dusty and confusing time. Very much like a room full of spider webs.
It can however in the right light shine and shimmer in a very unique way. Even at the darkest times when the rain is pouring down a spider's web can catch this and look all the more pretty.
The real similarity? Life is so very fragile just like a spider web. It all depends on when that first corner was placed or what happened in the process to how that web turns out to be. The slightest thing can change its course.
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'My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.'
Dame Edna
Elizabeth Madeline Gardiner had always been a focused young girl. Unlike the many who dithered over what they wanted to do with their lives she had always known. Luckily enough for her the dream had come true and she had a job and life that she loved.
Through all the years, trials and tribulations that she had gone through she had kept that focus.
Until one night a year and a half ago, she will be able to tell you the exact number of days something happened to cause her to lose that focus that she had held onto for so long.
She had, as the expression goes; stopped living and was merely existing
This is about her journey to get it and consequently her life back on track.
Perhaps that was why she was so nervous. It would be much easier to stop and never really bother.
She knew that she could always turn back and was half convinced to but a little voice reminded her that she had done well to get this far.
That voice had become an increasing present in her life, whispering things to her, reminding her, encouraging her. She wasn't sure if this was something that should worry her.
Remember, you can always lie. There is nothing wrong with just fumbling a bit and going. Who cares what they think of you.
Admittedly the voice in her ear wouldn't worry so much if it didn't keep changing tones.
But wholly crap, Liz, have you seen the size of this place.
So? It's not like he necessarily lives here.
Stop talking to yourself, for goodness sake!
No, stop telling yourself off.
Actually just stop arguing and ring the damn bell. Here goes nothing.
"Hello?" A young man answered the door dressed in a white t-shirt and jeans. Elizabeth was rather surprised to see him standing there, immediately she knew that it wasn't who she was looking for or the servant she had expected.
"Hello, I'm looking for Charles Bingley."
"No," the young man smiled. "You're looking at Charles Bingley."
"Oh. I think that I mean Charles Bingley senior."
The young man's face fell slightly and he suddenly looked far less comfortable. "Um well I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but he passed away last year."
She wasn't aware it but the look on her face showed one of great shock. She stepped back of the porch a little uneasily and Charles Bingley stepped forward in concern.
"Did you know him well?"
"Um no, not exactly." Elizabeth was desperate to get away. "I'm sorry to have bothered you. I should go."
"Of the thirty six ways of avoiding disaster, running away was best".
She couldn't remember where this quote came from but certainly knew all about the flight or fight system and her body knew which one it would prefer now.
"Don't." He smiled at her again and she felt increasingly uneasy. "You must have travelled quite a way to visit us, there's no sense in rushing off now. Why don't you come in for a drink?"
"Oh no I couldn't." Elizabeth was tempted to say yes but didn't feel it was right. Then she remembered all the trouble and the upheaval that she had gone through to get there and realised that this could be her only opportunity and felt that because of that she really ought to say yes.
"You must, my mother and cousin are here and nothing drives a guy more insane than spending too much time with family. Maybe I can tell them we're dating and that might get them off my back a little."
Had it been any other situation she would have laughed and said, "Really? Dating before you even know my name? Just what kind of girl do you think I am?"
Here right now that response wasn't appropriate. Well not from her, this Charles guy just seemed to storm right in and say it, "So I guess I don't actually know who you are, which may come up if I were to tell them that we are dating."
"I'm Elizabeth Gardiner."
"Charlie Bingley," he shook her hand.
He was what a person would typically classify as a 'nice guy' and therefore chose not to ask again how she had known his father as he sensed that it was a rather personal relationship from the shock in her eyes.
"We're all in here."
"All?" Elizabeth was growing less and less convinced that she should stay.
"Yes, my friend and his sister are here as well as their parents and my cousin and mother."
"Oh, maybe I should go, I mean I don't want to interrupt.
"You should stay." A woman who seemed to have heard the conversation had entered the hall. "It would be nice to have company."
"This is Anne Darcy my friend Will's mother."
"It's nice to meet you really but I really should be on my way."
Elizabeth's sense of awkwardness had been growing more and more aware and she wondered why on earth she had ever made the journey.
Not exactly known for being a decisive person Lizzie hovered for a moment and then realised that if she wasn't completely comfortable then she ought to leave.
"You should definitely stay." Another woman had entered of a similar age. "If that's your blue ford out front I think it's getting a flat tire." Suddenly she looked up at Elizabeth and recognition flooded her face, the glass that she had been holding was suddenly gripped tighter. No one would have noticed apart from the woman herself who was suddenly thinking at a furious rate.
We are given moments to decide things in life, moments that change others and these inevitably require decisions to be made.
Many of the decisions come to be regretted as most major acts in the heat of the moment.
Of course one should not sensationalise these moments, they do not always mean everything. However Sophie Bingley's was an important one and one that she would not regret.
"It's ok, I have a spare."
"But that'll take time to change so you might as well wait."
She felt herself shrinking against all these kind offers from people and nodded.
"Come into the kitchen with me and I can show you the selection of drinks we have." The second woman gestured towards Elizabeth.
"Mum I can do that." Charlie interrupted.
"No, its fine besides your coffee's getting cold."
Unsure Elizabeth followed her into a large well lit kitchen. The woman who Elizabeth presumed was named Mrs Bingley busied herself in the nearest cupboard before craning her neck around the corner checking to see if her son had followed Anne Darcy into the living room and turned to Elizabeth.
"I'm sorry if this is rather forward of me but you are Elizabeth Gardiner aren't you?"
"Yes."
"And I'm sorry about this, but I have to ask, were you adopted?"
Elizabeth stiffened slightly. "Yes I was."
Mrs Bingley's hands went to her mouth and she rubbed her chin for a moment. "Does this mean that you believe that my husband was your father?"
She paused taking the moment to respond in the best fashion but her silence confirmed it.
"Oh." Mrs Bingley closed her eyes for a moment.
"I'm sorry, I really didn't know what had happened and I just wanted some confirmation. I'm going to go now. I'm sorry; I really didn't mean to interfere."
"No, I'm glad you came. I also have something to confess. I found out about you a few years ago. I mean I always knew you existed but I found out proper details of you two years ago."
Yes, Sophie realised; this was the right decision.
The two women looked at each other both going through a torrent of emotions. Elizabeth was wondering what she meant by saying that.
"Um."
"You have lot of questions, don't you?"
"Yes," there was a long pause. "But I can see that this is a difficult situation so thanks for inviting me in but really I should be going."
Elizabeth was incredibly aware, given her rough estimation of Charlie's age compared to her own that if Charles Bingley was definitely his father then in order for her to be born and this woman to not be her mother then it meant that her father had had an affair.
"I don't blame you. Really I don't." Mrs Bingley rushed in.
Elizabeth was unsure what to say.
"I'm sorry I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm Sophie, Sophie Bingley."
"It's nice to meet you."
"Look it's awkward, we both know that but I also know that you deserve some answers which is why I think that you should stay for dinner."
"Um."
"Look it's obviously been a shock and you came here for answers so I feel that we should give them to you."
"Oh no, not if you have guests." Elizabeth was aware that showing up out of the blue had been wrong but it had been the only way to work up the nerve
"It'll be fine and it saves me from the inane conversation that you always seem to get when people spend too much time together with very little alcohol."
She smiled.
"Look I appreciate that it must have taken a lot of courage to come here, so I'm going to go next door and tell them that your mother knew my husband which is technically true and then why don't we go upstairs and I can give you some information and show you photos."
She felt eerily calm. Perhaps knowing that Elizabeth was here looking for answers and judging made her keep it altogether.
"Ok."
Moments later Sophie returned and Elizabeth followed her up the stairs.
"So where do you live? We're quite a way away from people here."
"Oh I'm in Aldershot."
"Wow, what time did you set off then?"
"Um twelve."
"Twelve?" Yes Aldershot was quite a way away but it was now five o'clock there was no way that the journey could have taken that long. "Was there an accident?"
"Um no. I just kept finding reasons to stop and turn back."
"Ahh, I suppose the idea of alcohol for Dutch courage doesn't work so well when you're driving."
"No."
Elizabeth didn't even want to think about driving drunk.
Sophie led her to a bedroom and urged her to sit down on the bed. Elizabeth was surprised to see that it was not as tidy as the rest of the immaculate house.
"I'm sorry you caught me off guard. It's normally much tidier than this."
Elizabeth decided that this showed a more human side to her rather than the perfectly presented and rather grand area of the rest of the house.
"So here is a picture of my husband, who I suppose is your father, Charles Richard Bingley."
It was clearly a recent photo and Elizabeth studied it waiting to feel.... something.
"It's not the best photo. Um here are some more."
She handed over an albums and Elizabeth was suddenly struck with the acute feeling of the fact that she was in a stranger's house looking at photos of strangers.
"This is our wedding."
"Lovely." There was a pause as she looked at the photograph "Can I ask how long the two of you would have been married?"
"Um let me think it would have been twenty eight years this march."
"Oh." Elizabeth was twenty five.
"Charlie will be twenty six in November."
That made Charlie 4 months older than her which officially made her father a complete bastard in her opinion. Well that wasn't a complete surprise.
"And you're twenty five- ish?"
"Yes." Another long pause. "Did you know?" Elizabeth didn't have to specify.
"That my husband was having an affair? Yes, I knew. It's very hard to make yourself pretend otherwise."
"I," she was going to say sorry but realised that was wrong; "I don't know what to say."
"Yeah that's most people's reaction."
"I shouldn't have just turned up like this."
"Trust me, if you had given me time to prepare I would have probably just fled and left you standing at the door. We should arrange another time for you to come back when I can find better pictures and when the house isn't full of guests."
Elizabeth was embarrassed by her timing and Sophie could see this and so smiled at her and told her to let it drop.
"Ok, let me start at the beginning. I found out about the affair a year into my marriage. I didn't find out that she was pregnant," there was a pause where Sophie searched for the right words clearly wanting to say more.
"I know she died." Elizabeth added.
"I had realised that the affair was no longer continuing but I wasn't aware of the result. My husband told me what had happened about three years ago when he had a mini heart attack."
"And then you found out details about me?" Elizabeth had known how difficult it had been to find her parents and supposedly the law was meant to be on her side, protecting her.
"Yes, my husband wanted to meet you, the Doctor was unsure how much longer he had."
"But you didn't, because...?"
"We decided it wasn't fair to you. I mean we didn't know if you had been told that you were adopted and it just wasn't right."
"You're son Charlie doesn't know?"
"No but Anne, Anne Darcy knows. She's downstairs. She was a family friend and at the time I needed someone to talk to. Do your, parents," she had struggled to pick the appropriate word, "know that you're here?"
"My mum and dad were killed in a car crash eighteen months ago."
Elizabeth had rehearsed this line so many times that she no longer felt as though she completely understood what she was saying.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry." Sophie did feel genuine sympathy for this stranger in front of her.
"It's fine."
It wasn't but there was very little that could be said.
They looked at each other for a moment and smiled tentatively.
"I want to tell Charlie but I don't think that tonight is the right time what with all the guests we have."
"You could come over to my place. I could cook something." This offer was unexpected but the moment it had leapt from Elizabeth's mouth she knew it was the right one.
"That would be great." Sophie Bingley knew that her son had to know but also knew that it would be incredibly difficult to actually tell him.
At this moment Georgiana Darcy came up the stairs and said some of the most dreaded words in the English language that can only occur when a group of friends and family have been cooped up in a house for a long time, "Mother has decided that we should all play parlour games."
So here we go again! This was the most popular story idea and I'm excited to start. Right now I plan to update once a week but it is possible that life will get in the way.
This is going to be a bit different from GEM. It'll be slightly more angsty and is more about Elizabeth and the journey she is going through trying to find herself or 'belong' than it will be about a romance between her and Darcy.
I decided to jump right in there and have her visit right away but will explain her thought process over the story. I also know that Sophie Bingley's behaviour might seem strange but will become clear.
Anne and George Darcy are alive because I felt that I couldn't kill of four parents of Elizabeth's and justify killing off them.