A/N: I went through something similar to this, and it still really hurts, so I thought if I wrote out my pain into words, it might subside a little bit. This is the end result. Originally, this wasn't going to be a songfic, but it ended up being that way. The other two songs that are alluded to in this fic are "Allenby's First Love" and "Star-Stealing Girl." I hope this isn't too bad. RR please. This is my first full-angst fic since "Just a Pinch of Pink", which mainly dealt with Chibodee, so I want to see how this one compares with that.
Disclaimer: I do not own G Gundam, "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas, "Allenby's First Love", or "Star-Stealing Girl."
Seven Months
Allenby sat there at her computer desk, idly checking her email, but her mind kept wandering off. Frustrated, she clicked out of it and leaned back in her chair, a small frown on her face.
Seven months…
She got up and paced aimlessly around her kitchen. She had bought this apartment after retiring from the military, and it was a lovely apartment, almost taking up half the tenth floor of the building. It was expensive, but with her still as the nation's Gundam fighter, she could afford it. The sun was setting, casting an orange haze throughout the room as it seeped through the windows. The steady ticks of the clock that hung on the wall kept its repetitive rhythm as she fixed herself a glass of water and promptly took two small white painkillers. Her head wasn't the only thing that was hurting these days. She looked out the window, her vision blurring slightly as crisp, salty tears stung her eyes. Quietly, without a whimper or a sniffle, she blinked them away, and with her half-filled glass of water, she crept into her living room. As she left the domain of her kitchen, her green eyes glanced at the calendar that was hanging up.
Seven months…
Was it really only seven months?…
The Gundam fighter walked into her living room, going straight to the stereo. She clicked it on, standing by it as she waited for the first song to play. A loud, fast tempo began to play as a happy, high-pitched voice began to sing. Allenby wrinkled her face in disgust as she pressed the skip forward button; she couldn't stand to listen to that song ever since that day. Softly, a piano began playing a slow melody as the flute twirled some notes in spaced intervals as the melancholy song gradually grew to a decent volume. Allenby looked down, listening to it for a moment; that song better suited her mood, and she left it playing as she walked back into the kitchen and sat down at the table, holding her glass loosely in her hands.
Seven months…
Where had all the time gone?
She sniffled softly, placing her glass down, but her left hand kept its grip on it as though as if she was afraid it would vanish into thin air if she let go. Mentally, she cursed herself for being so depressed; she wasn't a little kid anymore. She…She needed to let go. Yet, if she were to rid her mind of the pain, what would she have left of him? Nothing. In fact, she had nothing of him, except for the memories. Her body trembled as tears formed in her eyes and a choked sob escaped her lips, and she held her head in her hands, trying to will the pain to go away.
Seven months…
Those seven months…
The 14th Gundam Tournament had come and gone, and Domon Kasshu of Neo-Japan was once again crowned Gundam of Gundams, allowing his nation to rule for another four years. But that wasn't what had made her upset, nor the fact that he had been married to Rain for a little over two years now. She had gone to the wedding and was even one of the bride's maids; she had long been over her infatuation with the champion. He wasn't the reason her heart was in pain. It was the Lone Star…
Seven months…
Damnit, how could such a short period of time mean this much to her!
Allenby wiped at her eyes, and reaching into her vest pocket, she pulled out a small pin. It was no bigger than half the length of her thumb and was of the American flag. Her green eyes refilled themselves with tears as she stared at the tiny object as she whispered the name of the man it reminded her of. Chibodee. Yes, it was Chibodee Crocket. After the 13th Tournament, the Shuffle Alliance had gathered together many times during those four years and had invited her on most of the occasions; they met and quickly became friends…best of friends in fact. During the 14th Tournament, he had surprised her by asking her to be his girlfriend; she accepted gladly. The tears fell quicker now as her shoulders shook from her bitter sobs. The song playing in the other room came to an end, and the next one started up. A guitar began playing a repetitive rhythm, and her body froze over in shock. That song…That was the same song she heard that day…
Seven months…
God, those seven months…
I close my eyes…Only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams…
Pass before my eyes of curiosity
Dust in the wind…
All we are is dust in the wind…
It was a very old song; in fact, it may had been him that had introduced her to the song, but for whatever reason, she loved it. Or…She used to love it, before that day. Allenby sat there, shaking her head slowly as she still cried, wiping futilely at her tears. She tucked away the pin back into her pocket, and she sighed sadly as she stood up, walking over to her kitchen counter to pick up a simple letter.
Seven months…
Those short seven months…
Same old song…
Just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do…
Crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind…
All we are is dust in the wind…
Heartache was nothing new to her, but this had the be the worst pain she had ever felt in her life. Not even her unrequited love for Domon brought this much pain. How could this have happened? How did everything go wrong so fast? With shaking hands, she held the letter. Her tears fell onto the paper as she skimmed over the words. She didn't even really concentrated on the words; she had them already burned into her mind forever from the first time she read it.
Seven months…
God, those short, wonderful, terrible, magical, haunting seven months…
Now, don't hang on…
Nothing last forever but the Earth and sky
It slips away…
And all your money won't have mattered anyway
Dust in the wind…
All we are is dust in the wind…
Dust in the wind…
Everything is dust in the wind…
Allenby never thought he would leave her. The idea never once popped into her mind. She honestly believed they were going to be together forever. But this…She still couldn't believe it was over. She didn't want to. Crying, almost wailing now, she clutched the letter close to her chest, as she let all her pain out in her tears. A simple letter, that was all he had given her. A simple letter with only one sentence: We need to break up; I'm leaving. That was it. No explanation, nothing. He wouldn't return her calls or her emails. He had completely left her and taken her heart and spirit with him. He had broken up with her a little over a week ago, but the pain was still as fresh and hurtful as the first day. Allenby didn't know what to do; hell, she didn't know what had went wrong between them. Every night she went to sleep and dreamt of him; it was the only place where they were still together. Deep down, she only wanted to sleep forever, just to be with him like they used to be…
Seven months…