Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING IN THIS STORY. I KNOW THERE IS MAJOR OOC-NESS SO ANY FLAMES WILL BE REPORTED OR IGNORED IF ON THAT SUBJECT. AND YES THERE IS MAJOR ANGST IN THIS AS WELL AS ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, SO IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE TO THOSE TOPICS THEN PLEASE DONT READ THIS STORY. ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU.
The Returning
Gone. He's gone.
That's what ran through Akira's mind as he sat in his room, in the corner of the wall near the foot of his bed. The wall's were spattered with the crimson decorating of his blood that he had spread himself. The scarlet secretion was all over the walls in the living room, kitchen and his parent's room down on the floor below. In certain segments, were the words, "Where are you?", "I'm so sorry." and, "I love you." written in the gray-eyed teen's blood. As he sat backed into the corner, his bleeding arms crossed on his knees and his head back against the wall with a peaceful smile on his face, the American band "Evanescence" was blaring through the speakers on his computer and their song "My Immortal" was playing.
Akira allowed the sweet yet haunting melody trickle into his ears, as the very blood that kept him tied to his now lonely life was slowly leaving him. Leaving him so he could die and enter the Shadow realm. So he could see Shirogane. So he could see the long luxurious hair that was kept cruelly tied up in a braid, so he could gaze into those dazzling blue eyes that would dash between a light cornflower to a deep sapphire. That translucent, snow-white skin and those full red lips had haunted his dreams, as well as that sensuously soft voice whispering "I love you Akira-kun."
Tears streamed down his face as he remembered Shirogane disappear in his arms as they shared their last kiss, vanish in an explosion of light. After that brief brilliancy, Akira's world had plunged deep into the very depths of the darkness he'd been trying so hard to keep in balance. For weeks Akira had drowned his depression and grief in a bottle, despite Master's protestations. Now those shadows had begged him to end it, to go to Shirogane now and to end his suffering. Those shadows were still clinging to his grief-stricken mind, enforcing the feeling of freedom and of relief. A watery smile appeared on his face as the tears continued down his now pale face and "Tourniquet" began to play from the speakers. Before he completely passed out, he whispered in a raspy voice "I'm coming for you, Shiro-kun," then everything went cold and black...
The gang walked at a brisk pace toward Akira's house filed with concern and worry. Especially a certain silver-haired shin. Shirogane had returned, strolling in through bar STILL with a happy smile on his face and everyone had stood to welcome him back. Everyone except an absent Akira. Aya and Kengo had told him about Akira's behavior over the past few months that he was missing. Akira hadn't spoken even one word to anybody, only stared with an empty blank look in his once fiery eyes. He'd also taken to either staying in the bar all day or locked in his room, not even bothering to even step a foot in school, and had started drinking. Heavily drinking, Master had added. Shirogane was touched that Akira had felt so deeply for him and that he had missed him, but the silver-haired shadow was still sorry he had caused such a depression in the once vibrant teen.
They reached the front door and were shocked that the door was unlocked. But their shock melted to pure horror when they saw the desolate sight when the door slid wide open. Chairs were overturned, papers were scattered everywhere, and shattered bits of glass were found all over the floor. But the most disturbing sight was the blood on the walls.
Bloody handprints and streaks were all over the walls. There were repeated sayings like "Where are you, Shiro-kun?" and "Im so sorry, please forgive me, Shiro-kun.", but the most frequent sayings were "I love you so much Shirogane." Said shadow looked on in pure terror and realization hit him as he saw that the trail of blood-spattered wall led up to the staircase and to the open door that led to Akira's bedroom. Shirogane raced up the stairs and tears fell from his frantic cornflower blue eyes at the sight of Akira sitting in his own blood, barely alive and pale as a ghost. He dashed to the unconscious teen and scooped him in his arms bridal style and nearly shouted, "Akira! Oh my god, why would you do this? Why, you little baka, why?" he sobbed as he nuzzled the quickly cooling shin's neck. Aya picked up a letter that was on Akira's bed.
"We need to take him to Master's now, so he can heal him. Akira's still breathing, so there's still a chance. We'll settle everything once Akira's on his way back to us." Shirogane didn't even glance back as he lept out the window and ran as fast as he could, thankful that Master's bar was not that far away from Akira's house.
He burst through the door, and he brought the unconscious teen to lay on the bar, while Master, calm and cool as ever, began to roll up Akira's sleeves to the main wounds on his wrists. They all stared in shock, Shirogane's tears still leaking down his face, as they saw the length of Akira's gashes. They started from the last wrist crease underneath the hand and trailed long and deep up to the crease of his elbow. On both arms. Kou was still gawking at the gashes as Master lay his chilled hands over the wounds. Akira groaned slightly in pain as he normally did whenever Master had to heal him, which was a major relief to everyone in the room. As soon as the wounds closed up, Shirogane cradled the teen close to him, sobbing in the crook of the teen's neck.
Akira stirred slightly and began to regain consciousness, but only slightly. He only saw Shirogane, and thought he was in the Shadow world, dead and now a full shadow. "It worked, I...knew it would...Shiro...kun..." The white-haired shadow looked up and stared into the teen's watery gray eyes, with his cornflower blue ones and sobbed out in a broken voice, that was filled with relief. "Stop it Akira-kun, please. Everything's ok now, see? You're alive and in recovery and I'm back and I can watch over you again. Now just relax and don't talk anymore, Akira-kun, you need to save your strength."
A sad smile appeared on the brown-haired teen's face as everything sunk in. "Shiro-kun...please don't cry...I really don't wanna see you cry...now that you're...with me...again...I love you...Shiro-kun. I love you...so much." Afterwards the teen passed out again and the now slightly smiling, yet still weeping shadow carried him up the stairs to the spare room that Master always kept empty in case of emergencies. The white-haired Shin laid Akira down on he bed and got in next to him, hugging Akira to him tightly, trying to allow the younger one to rest, until Master walked in holding a cup filled with a vile-smelling liquid.
Curious, Shirogane asked, "What's that, Master? Is it gonna help Akira-kun?" The human smiled at the shadow. "Yes it should. It increases the growth of red blood cells rapidly, only wearing off when the red blood cell count levels off at a normal level." He walked over and managed to tilt Akira's head enough for him to pour the liquid down the teen's throat, which said teen managed to swallow without gagging. Mere seconds passed, and already Akira's coloring was coming back from transparent white, to his normal human-like peach color. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, then Aya came to Shirogane, holding the blood-spattered paper that was on Akira's bed. "You wanna read it or should I?" Shirogane merely shook his head and gripped Akira tighter, which Aya took as a go ahead to read it aloud.
Dear Aya, Kengo, Kou-nii, and Master,
I am sorry you had to find out my true grief this way, but it was the only method I could think of that would match the intensity of my heart's demise: my own death.
Shirogane meant the world to me, but I was so dense and scared of getting hurt, that I only let myself accept the feelings I have for Shirogane after he technically died. I love him. I love him with everyhing I am. He is my everything. Without him, I am nothing but a shell of what I once was.
These shadows that cling to my soul, my now dead heart, and my mind keep driving themselves deeper into me, dragging me down into the pits of Hell while I am among the living. It is my deepest hope and desire to be with Shirogane once again, which I know I cannot aquire in this world. The reason I always acted so cold, which I profusely apologize for, is because I was always scared of people getting close to me and hurting me. Whether if it was of their purposeful intent, or if they have left me. Shirogane left me, although I know he didn't want to, so now I know that I need to follow him. I need my heart to be alive again, and it only was truly alive when I was with Shirogane.
If by some manner, he is there and not in the Shadow realm when I am gone, please tell him I love him with all of my being, but that I had no idea that he would return, and that doubt has been plauging me ever since he vanished, and I could find no way out of it other than trying to meet him half-way. I'm sorry Shiro-kun, for all these times I was cold to you, I was just scared of getting hurt and of you getting hurt. I mean come on let's face it, a guy coming up to you and flipping your whole world upside down and having intense feelings for you is bloody frightening, at least at first. Especially for somone who was never in a relationship before, let alone with a guy.
That aside, I do love you with all my heart, and I'll try my best to show you that once I reach you, my love. If my blood must be shed to see your smiling face once more, I'll pay that price with no qualms. I'll miss my friends and family, but living without you, Shirogane is a fate far worse than death. My heart longs for you and I can no longer wallow in grief while it yearns to be at your side. I hope you can forgive my selfishness, but my once inflated ego and my prized pride have broken. I love you and I hope you can forgive every wrong I've done to you. Being cold to you, declining your advances, inadvertantly hurting you emotionally, and always getting you hurt in battles due to my own weakness. I'm not counting on your forgiveness, but nevertheless I hope for it. I hope to see you soon my love.
I will miss you all.
Sincerely,
Akira Nikaidou
Everyone in the room, including Aya, was in tears by the end of the letter. Aya came up to Akira's bedside, buried her face in her arms and sobbed, "You baka! Why didn't you tell us any of this? Why did you suffer alone in the dark? When you're fully recovered, I'm going to thump your head so damn hard you'll wish you were never born!" Kengo came up behind her and rested his hand on her shoulder, tears sliding down his face as he looked on the slumbering form of his best-friend. Kou was sitting in the chair by the door, head in his hands and his shoulders shaking with the force of his silent sobs. Even Master, who was normally so calm and collected, was weeping in the doorway by Kou. Shirogane was the worst of them, sliding into the bed next to Akira and cradling him in his arms, burying his face in the unconscious boy's neck, and openly sobbed.
"Why didn't you ever tell me, you baka? I won't forgive you unless you wake up, you sweet yet infuriating idiot!" He kept weeping until finally sleep claimed him and everyone left the room to go downsatairs and await Akira's awakening...
The darkness was dragging him down, away from his beloved. Shirogane floated above him, surrounded in a beautiful golden light. But the light was nowhere near as enchanting as the peaceful smile the silver-haired shin offered him. His arms were outstretched and his glorious eyes were aglow in the love that Akira had stubbornly refused to acknowledge and return.
He struggled uselessly against the tendrils of shadows wrapping around him and pulling Akira into the darkness. "Shirogane, wait! Please wait, I love you! Come back!" A black tentacle wrapped around his mouth, forcing him to be silent, while Shirogane remained out of reach and the smile remained, only there was a lone tear sliding down his cheek. "Akira-kun..." Suddenly the light and the older shadow vanished, leaving Akira to wallow in the shadows of his despair and panic. All alone...once again...
"NOOOOOO! SHIROGANE!" Akira jolted off the bed to collapse on the floor in a crumpled heap of sobs and sheets. He curled into a ball and wept his heart out again as he did every night since Shirogane vanished. Akira had cried so much, he'd thought he'd run out of tears by now. Apparantly he hadn't.
He was so lost in his grief, he didn't notice the startled body next to him get off the bed until the form was right next to him with their arms tightly around him. "Akira-kun, it's ok, I'm back and I'm not leaving you again. Shhh it's ok, I'm here, I'm here." Akira's eyes, which he had subconciously closed due to his tears, flashed opened at the gentle, soothing voice caressing his ear. It couldn't be...
He pulled back to see those wonderous blue eyes stare at him, filled with relief and concern. Akira's eyes clouded with tears and he began to tremble. "Shirogane...you're here." Said shadow smiled at him and kissed his forehead gently, nuzzling his nose into Akira's sweet-smelling hair. "Yes I am Akira-kun. And I'm staying."
Akira pulled back and looked up into the silver-haired shin's eyes, then whispered in a broken voice ill-fitting of the usually confident boy. "Gomen, Shiro-kun. Gomen nasai. I love you so much Shirogane, please don't leave me again." The blue-eyed man smiled and stroked the boy's hair, letting the strands caress his gloved fingers with their softness. "Don't worry, Akira-kun. You're not getting rid of me that easily. I love you too, Akira, and there is nothing to forgive. I knew you were struggling and it was unfair of me to send you in blindfolded, so of course you were overwhelmed. But it was the only way, and for that I am sorry."
With that, he leaned down slowly, giving the other time to pull away if he wished to. He didn't pull away though, in fact the younger male closed the distance between their lips letting his eyes slide closed. Shirogane's eyes widened before they closed as well. Akira's lips were so soft and invitingly pressed against his own, the taste of rasperries luring him deeper under the younger man's sweet succulent spell. Finally, Shirogane allowed his tongue to sweep slowly across Akira's lower lip. The younger shin opened his pliant mouth with a lustful moan and twined his arms around the white haired shin's neck...
AN: Sorry, but it seemed like a teasing way to leave off and I couldn't resist. Gomen nasai. Please review and tell me if I should keep going or not. Any flames will be reported, so dont even try it. But constructive critisism is good :D