Nautical Nuisance

Authoress note: Ah Maths Class…the best place to find bored individuals who- look, do I really need a speech? Me + Maths = bored. Me + Bored = fan fiction.

I am also really sorry I haven't written anything in a while and, as my apologies I bring you a multi-chapter…ugh…commitment, here it comes.

The sun beat down lazily like a blond layabout who hated training. Its golden rays shot out in all directions like spiky yellow hair. Its sharp heat burnt like the flaming cheeks of said boy.

And yet, when compared, Cloud was not very sunny this morning.

Fair enough he was bright-eyed and busy-tailed but that was only because Zack, for no reason Cloud could tell, had just screamed. Loudly.

His eyes open very wide, very quickly and Cloud had to wait a few seconds and blink a lot until he could see again. Once he was certain he wasn't blind, he peered carefully over the side of the bed, his heart thundering away.

Zack grinned up, fully dressed and happily kicking the top bunk which Cloud was lying on.

"Morning Spiky,"

"…Did you just scream?"

"Yup."

"Um…why?"

"Because inventing new and interesting ways to wake you up brightens my Mondays."

Cloud growled.

Zack merely continued to grin up at him.

Cloud, however, was not grinning.

He was almost tempted to go back to sleep to spite the irritation he called friend but he had to go to training.

Unsteadily, the boy clambered down from his bed and tripped over to the wardrobe.

"Hey Spiky, you do realise you got swim practise this morning."

Cloud felt his soul wither and die.

If there was one thing that was almost certain to ruin his day/life it was swimming.

Mostly, because he couldn't, and it was mandatory.

Cloud crumbled like bad pastry.

"Zack, please, if you can get me out of this, I-"

"Save it choco-boy, I have a mission later and I'm busy preparing by doing nothing."

Cloud blinked.

"That didn't make any sense.

Zack shrugged,

"Maybe so, but I don't have to swim on this mission." Zack ducked as a sock flew past his head.

As Cloud's will to live slowly left he thought as fast as he could.

"Come on Zack, I'll-"

"Still nope." And with no further words he left blondy to his despair.

After moping around for the best part of an hour and missing breakfast, he clambered into his swimming trunks.

He almost had to drag himself away from the mirror.

Staring back was an unsure, weedy, pathetic sight that Cloud couldn't believe was him. Now Cloud knew that he didn't have the most impressive muscles but not only was red not his colour, the boy barely looked twelve. And he was pretending to be sixteen.

Cloud sank to the floor again, He was so going to die.

Quickly dressing and grabbing his bag of pre-packing essentials he trudged down to the swimming pool and his own certain doom.

The swimming pool was surprisingly non-budget and oddly deep. The shallow end would have reached the General Sephiroth's armpit.

The authoress would like to apologise profusely at this point for making you think of Sephiroth's armpit.

Anyway, Cloud found his way there and entered the changing room feeling nominal. When his eyes left his feet and he found most of the room staring back he almost legged it but some masochistic part of his conscious told him to walk in.

"Hey princess."

"Wrong changing room honey!"

Cloud sighed heavily and tried to ignore it. Which he succeeded in, until the foot popped out of nowhere and sent him flying into the wall, inches from a metal coat peg.

Dazed, Cloud staggered back and bit his lip, trying not to scream out.

"Way to go Daniel." Cloud heard, a few snickers followed but Cloud was out of it. His head reeled. Nausea danced around him.

"CHOP CHOP! EVERYONE GET A MOVE ON! SHINRA DON'T PAY YOU FOR GOSSIPING LADIES! YO, BLONDY! MOVE IT!"

Some days, that mouth of Reno's was lucky he was a Turk.

Steps. They stopped inches from Cloud seconds before the ground jumped away from him.

"Yo, I said move it, not lose it, you gonna get in deep if you don't get up man!"

Cloud's eyes opened blearily and vision decided to pay him another visit.

"Whatcha doing on the floor?"

Cloud got to his feet like a baby deer.

"I…was…"

"Forget, just move it, I don't care." With that Reno left and Cloud stripped to his trunks and ran through to the pool room. Gracelessly, he tripped over a rubber ducky, which, by all means, had no explicable reason to be there save the humour of a cruel authoress and her accomplice Daniel. It wasn't really important why it was there, but because it was Cloud flew into the deep end.

At this point both authoress and Daniel felt guilty but as Cloud flailed around in the water, his head spinning and perception lost, there was only one man who could save him, and he had very important armpits.

This man had endured a very trying morning filled with five meetings too many and a brush in with the president. Naturally, Sephiroth was not the one who left worse off but Sephiroth needed to de-stress and the best way to do that was to laugh at the first classes.

He stalked through the corridors and into the watching area of the poolside. The sight he saw however did not amuse him.

The first years, even the bulky ones looked up in fright and even Daniel gaped. The authoress gazed up from her hot chocolate and tried not to think about armpits.

The silver maned General rolled his eyes as his let his jacket slip to the floor and ever so casually slipped off his boots.

All the readers and spectators huffed as they realised he wasn't going to take off his trousers but giggled in delight as their hero dived into the water like a swan to rescue the useless and clumsy but utterly adorable blonde porcupine from his watery death.

He surfaced with the boy hooked under one arm, the water dripping down his chest dramatically and his long silver hair drowning the rest of him. The readers gaped and swooned, the first classes gaped and some left for the showers and even the authoress had to put down her hot chocolate and go have a quick lie down.

Sephiroth gasped in the sweet air and threw himself and the boy onto the edge of the pool.

Everyone knew what was coming next even before Sephiroth took the next breath.

Peeling the blond's hair back from his face Sephiroth's open mouth pushed against Clouds and elsewhere several nosebleeds occurred.

"He has concussion, he hurt his head…" Sephiroth lifted the boy and felt through the wild hair for a lump. He found a small raised area just above the forehead, before he breathed into Cloud's airways again.

The authoress giggled away into her Hot Chocolate which, after the lie down was now Lukewarm Chocolate and several fangirls giggled away.

"IT IS NOT FUNNY," snapped the impressive man and everyone was silenced even the fangirls who would, given the chance, have taken down Sephiroth and glomped him in public.

Cloud's eyes fluttered open and rolled back again.

Daniel's friend stepped up but only because the authoress made him.

"Um..sir…we should…um…"

"SPEAK LOUDER CADET!" snapped Sephiroth. This was not what he wanted to be in his spare time.

"Sir, we s-should go get the first aider…or a medic-"

"Are you saying my first aid is not good enough?" the silver haired angel quizzed. Daniel's friend wanted to melt into the ground.

"He is!" snitched the authoress but was promptly ignored due to Sephiroth hating the fact he didn't have any hot chocolate and had to deal with a clumsy little teenager.

"Fine. Get the medic. I'm done here."

And, soaking wet, Sephiroth swayed out of the room, grabbing his jacket and stalking off.

Cloud hacked and coughed and spluttered.

"Did…where am I?"

/line\/line\/line\/line\/line\/line\/line\

Back in the room, Cloud hid in his bunk while Zack laugh his head off.

"SHUT UP!"

"No! It's funny! You got kissed by the General!"

"He didn't kiss me…He resuscitated me! He saved my life!"

"True loves kiss…saves the day." Zack made kissing motions and hugged himself pretending to make out with himself. He grinned evilly at the boy now glaring him, his hair was still sopping wet but it would be lovely and dry and everywhere by the next morning.

"You're lucky he was passing…or unlucky, it depends on your point of view Spiky."

Cloud decided it was time to change the subject or beat up Zack and since he couldn't do the second one, he said coldly.

"How was your mission?"

"Piece of piss! The girls were so into me!"

Cloud scowled.

"I'm going for a shower, if I bump my head-"

"Call Sephiroth?"

Cloud slammed the door and went to find a gun for the authoress.

End Note: Don't forget to leave me juicy bribes and reviews….or no yaoi mwahaha…well…maybe…