Final Fantasy VIII CLUE: Who Killed Rinoa

Presented by LeMistressV

WARNING!!! This fanfic contains complete stupidity and OOC! If you are offended by this kind of material then leave now! Also, this fic contains RINOA-BASHING!!! IF YOU DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ! I HATE FLAMES AND I CAN'T STAND IT WHEN PEOPLE DON'T READ THE WARNINGS AND FLAME ME ANYWAY!!!

Disclaimer: I don't own the cast of FF8. There, happy? SO DON'T SUE!!!

· Starring the cast of Final Fantasy VIII:

· Ms. Quistis Trepe

· Colonel Squall Leonhart

· Mr. Seifer Almasy

· Mr. Irvine Kinneas

· Ms. Selphie Tilmitt

· Professor Zell Dinch

· Ms. Xu

· Mrs. Edea Kramer

· Rinoa Heartilly

Chapter 1

Beware of the Kitchen

(Setting: It's cold and dark. Nothing can be seen in sight. The only lights that are seen are the ones coming from a manor. Everything else is quiet. Anyway, moving on…Inside the manor arrive 7 guests, waiting for the surprises that are in store for them.)

Quistis (looks around): Not too shabby.

Rinoa: (looks disgusted): Gross! You expect us to stay in here, Squall?

Squall (mutters): You're the one who picked this place.

Edea: Welcome to Death Manor, my humble home.

Irvine (shivers): Nice name, quite catchy.

Edea: Please enjoy your stay. Oh, and please don't die before eating dinner. I find it rather rude.

Selphie: Thanks, I'll try to remember that.

(Suddenly, a strange boy bumps into Selphie.)

Young man (looks around nervously): S…sorry. I didn't mean it. I was just trying to get away from…

Seifer: Getting away from whom?

Young man: Uh, I…I…forgot…

(Everyone falls on the floor in anime style.)

Irvine (sweat drop): Okay, so who are you anyway?

Young man: Oh, I am Professor Z. Dinch. I'm Head of the Hot Dogs Department.

Rinoa: What does the "Z" stand for? Zero?

Zell (glares): That's my real name. Zell.

Selphie (takes Zell's hand and shakes it): You mean the Professor Zell? Wow! I'm a big fan of yours. I've read all your books! My favorite was The Many Ways to Steal a Hot Dog! Can I have your autograph?

Quistis: I'm afraid we haven't properly introduced ourselves. I am Ms. Quistis Trepe.

Squall: Colonel Squall Leonhart.

Seifer: I'm Mr. Seifer Almasy. I'm Head of DCP.

Selphie: DCP? What's that?

Seifer: Department for Criminal Punishment.

Squall (mutters): Betcha that would be the only place they'd take you in.

Seifer: What was that, Puberty Boy?

Squall: Nothing.

Irvine: I am Mr. Irvine Kinneas, Head of the Gun Department. And guess what. I have three degrees after my name! Wow!!!!

Rinoa: How'd he manage that?

Quistis: Ha! I have FIVE degrees after my name.

Squall: …

Selphie: Hiya! I'm Selphie. I'm the founder of Trebia.

Rinoa: Trebia? Is that some kind of a band or something?

Selphie: Yup! It's an organization to overrun the Skittles Factory!!! I wanna taste the rainbow!!!!

Rinoa (Sweat drop): Okay…loser…

Quistis: Oh, you mean like you?

Rinoa: You wanna run that by me again?

Quistis: I just did.

Edea (clears her throat): Now that all of that is settled, I would like you all to meet another guest of mine.

(A girl walks in, wearing a short skirt and a black sweatshirt. She looks VERY suspicious.)

Edea: This is Ms. Xu. She'll be staying here also.

Xu: Hey.

Edea: Uh, Xu, would you be a darling and show them their rooms? You've been here a couple of times, so you probably know all the passages already.

Xu: Okay. Come on. (goes up the stairs and begins to point to rooms) Here, this will be Squall and Irvine's room. Next door will be Seifer and Zell's.

Seifer: Wha?! How come I get stuck with Chicken Wuss?

Zell: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

Xu (ignoring the boys): The room across from that room will be Quistis and Selphie's. And the room next to that one will be Rinoa's and mine. Oh, and I think Edea would appreciate it if we we're not late for dinner. She doesn't like it if you're late.

Irvine: What's she gonna do? Chop our heads off?

Xu: That's a possibility. The last guest who was late for dinner NEVER came out of the kitchen…ALIVE!

Selphie (gulps nervously): Never? You mean, never, never?

Xu: Yup. NEVER ever.

Irvine: So you're saying the guest still walked away? But not alive…? Cool!

Squall (grumbles): And he has three degrees after his name…

Quistis: Why do things go the violent way?

Rinoa: Who cares?

Selphie: Definitely not you.