AN: I started writing this yesterday night on a whim. I have no idea where this came from and I am not sure if I am going to continue this. I'M GOING TO DECIDE IF THERE WILL BE MORE CHAPTERS BASED ON THE FEEDBACK/ RESPONSE TO THIS CHAPTER. Meaning if you want more, tell me. BUT DON'T DEMAND UPDATES! I NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU LIKED BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS WOULD CONTINUE. Concrit is welcome.
Thanks to Nantai for betaing.
It was raining but Hermione couldn't care less. She walked swiftly, her eyes on the pavement. Even though she had pulled her hood over her hair the wind blew her wet locks into her face. But it seemed Hermione didn't notice – or care. She simply walked straight ahead, not even stopping at a red light and ignoring the angry honks from an angry driver who almost ran her over. She simply walked through the rainy London night.
She didn't stop until she reached her final destination. Hermione stood in the middle of a tall bridge and stepped closer to the railing. She looked over the Thames and than up at the ancient lamp next to her and a small smile appeared on her face. She put a hand on the cold metal and froze.
Opposite her, there was a hooded figure mimicking her pose. A strong blow of the wind and the stranger's hood was blown away even before they caught himself.
"Malfoy?" Hermione whispered as she recognized the young man in front of her.
"Granger?" he echoed her question, before catching himself. "What the hell are you doing here?" he barked.
"Not that it's any of your business, but I was talking a walk," Hermione replied coldly. "What are you doing here?"
"I am taking a walk as well. And I would truly appreciate it if you continued your walk and got lost," Draco sneered.
"Oh, really? Why don't you continue your walk?" Hermione crossed her arms over her chest. "I was here first."
"No you weren't!"
"I was! And as you are talking a walk you have no reason to stay here!"
"Neither do you!"
With that, both fell silent for several minutes, staring each other down, neither willing to walk away.
"Why are you really here?" Draco asked finally.
"As I said, I am taking a walk," Hermione didn't bulge, causing him to roll his eyes.
"Yeah, sure. Not only it's the middle of the night but it's been pouring for days and you don't even have an umbrella. Doesn't sound like taking a regular walk to me," Draco grinned.
"You are aware that the same things apply to you, Malfoy?" Hermione mimicked his grin. "So either you tell me first or fuck off."
Draco's face fell. "For fucks sake, Granger! Am I asking too much if I want you to fucking walk away and look for another stupid lamp post?! Could you do what I need you to do for once?!" he cried out.
"Why the fuck don't YOU look for another lamp post?! I am staying here!" Hermione yelled back.
"Of course! Miss perfect has to always get her way and can't even let a man die in peace!" Draco was practically hysterical at that point and tears sprung from Hermione's eyes when she tried to shout over him. "Miss perfect?! Miss perfect?! Do you think I would be standing here with the intention to jump because I am Miss perfect?!"
As soon as they realized what the other had said, they fell silent again, staring at each other as if they hadn't met before.
"What did you say?" this time it was Hermione who broke the silence.
"I am here to die," Draco whispered. "As are you."
Hermione nodded, her eyes not leaving his.
"Why?" he asked.
Hermione shook her head and shrugged, as the tears flowed down her face. It was overwhelming to be looking in the face of somebody who had the same intentions she did. It didn't change the fact that she wanted to jump, but she felt sad. Sad for him.
Draco sighed when he realized that Hermione wasn't going to answer and ran a hand through his wet hair. "You know, you aren't making it easy for us both. Therefore while you are still frozen in shock, I am going to take the liberty and jump first. Please don't stop me," Draco said and put up a foot on the railing while steadying himself against the lamp. He was about to push himself upwards to stand on the railing when Hermione's hand closed around his wrist.
"Wait," she said, her voice steady.
"Why?" Draco asked. "Do you want to go first? Or together? We could make them speculate about our passionate affair," he said seriously. It was very morbid but he thought it was a good idea. Getting out with a laugh at the stupid society that caused him to stand there in the first place.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "If we were to do that, we would need to move. After all, our bodies won't be found here. And as I am pretty sure that's the reason we are both here and not on another random bridge, it sounds more like a weak attempt to get me away. But that's not why I stopped you."
"Than why did you?" Draco asked, sincerely curious. "Do you want to stop me from jumping altogether? I am sorry to tell you this, but that would be really pathetic, Granger. And totally unbelievable."
"As if," Hermione snorted. "If you want to kill yourself, go ahead. I won't be stopping you. I was just curious why you want to do it."
Draco let out a low laugh. "You don't want to tell me why you want to jump but expect me to tell you?"
Hermione nodded earnestly and Draco sighed again.
"You know what?" he asked. "Why the hell not?"
Draco leaned against the railing and took a deep breath before looking over at Hermione who leaned back as well, realizing that this wouldn't be a short affair.
"In contrary to what you think, I had loving parents and a generally very happy childhood. Sure, I was taught some very crappy things but in a quite different matter than you imagine. While I was taught to act like a supremacist, my parents told me to never ever follow an ideology. They said it made you vulnerable. I didn't understand that until Tommy came back. Hey, don't look at me like that Granger! Calling him Voldemort shows him respect but he hated being connected to his muggle father. Tommy is the most insulting thing you can call him!" Draco muttered.
"You can't be serious!" Hermione exclaimed.
"I am! And now shut up. I am telling you something, aren't I?" Draco glared at her and continued only when it was clear Hermione wasn't going to protest. "Anyway, as you know he came back at the end of our 4th year and moved in into the Manor. And no, it wasn't my father's idea. Voldemort simply appeared and announced that Bellatrix volunteered us and he would stay. My parents' couldn't complain as a single word would have meant the immediate death for all of us. And like that, I lived under the same roof with that maniac for three years. Sure, I was mostly at Hogwarts at that time but I felt like he was breathing down my neck all the time. It got even worse when father went to Azkaban and I got that task," Draco fell silent for a moment. "My suicidal thoughts started back then. I used to hope that a stray curse would hit me and I would die. I wasn't going to provoke Tommy into killing me though as I wanted to protect my parents. After the war and all the death I've decided on living as it was a miracle that I survived."
"What changed?" Hermione asked, aware that it wasn't the end of the story.
"Nothing," Draco whispered. "That's the fucking problem. I still feel like shit. I still have nightmares. I still expect him around every corner. I am tired of living, Granger. Tired."
Hermione started laughing hysterically, causing Draco to look at her again. "What he hell is so funny?" he barked.
"This," she gestured between them as she wished a tear from her cheek. "I feel the same. I am tired, Malfoy, so tired. You have described what I felt from the other side. I am pretty sure there are enough things you aren't ready to admit and that this was just the top of the iceberg but I know. Malfoy, I freaking know how you feel and it's crazy!"
Draco stared at her before he started laughing as well. "What the hell is this? My biggest rival and I are feeling the same? And it isn't hatred against each other? What's wrong with this world?"
"Everything. Everything is wrong and that's why this is so hilarious!" Hermione laughed at him.
"Are you high?" Draco asked suddenly. "Because you seriously sound like you are."
Hermione shook her head, still grinning."I am just done with everything. It's quite liberating."
"It is," Draco agreed and let himself slide so he would sit down on the wet pavement. "Nothing matters anymore and I quite like it."
Hermione agreed and sat down as well. "You know, now that we talked we really should jump together. It would be weird to let the other watch."
Draco smiled at that. "I though it would be hilarious if the Prophet got wind of it. Everybody would go crazy."
"Because of the assumptions?" Hermione asked and an evil grin spread over her face. "Maybe we should really go to another bridge. One they'll find us at."
Draco contemplated that for a moment before he shook his head. "No, it has to be this bridge," he said.
"Why?" Hermione looked at him curiously. "Not that I complain, you know. It's just that it was your idea."
"I don't want my parents to know that I died. I hope they'll think I ran off with some pretty girl or boy, whatever, and am somewhere in Brazil or something," Draco confessed.
Hermione nodded in understanding. "You know, I don't have to worry about that. My parents don't know who I am. I've altered their memories before the war and send them to Australia."
Draco patted her arm sympathetically. "What about Weasley?" he asked.
Hermione shrugged. "We broke up over a year ago. He took me for granted and I was sick of his bullshit. How about you? Anybody besides your parents who is going to miss you? And don't pretend that you aren't aware that people will actually miss you."
"I am aware of that, thank you very much!" Draco retorted. "And not really. Sure, some friends like Zabini from our year will be surprised I am gone but that's all. But won't Potter miss you?"
"He has Ginny and Ron. And his job keeps him occupied. He'll be over it quickly. He always was when something was wrong with me. But wo-?"
"Stop," Draco interrupted Hermione before she could finish her question. "We are certainly not going to list people who would miss us!"
"Does it make you waver?" Hermione grinned at him cheekily.
"NO!" Draco retorted. "But it's wrong!"
"I thought we established that nothing matters anymore and therefore your argument is invalid!" Hermione teased before she sneezed.
"Are you cold?" Draco asked, realizing that his fingers were numb.
Hermione shook her head but sneezed again and started looking through her pockets for a tissue.
Draco handed her one as he realized that she couldn't find any. He couldn't blame her. If everything went according to plan she wouldn't be needing them by now.
"You know, we should jump," Hermione said after a while. "I am getting really cold and it's quite uncomfortable."
Draco nodded and stood up before offering her a hand.
"Thanks," she smiled at him as she took it. "Are you going to climb first or should I?"
"Ladies first," Draco offered and helped her on the railing. He was about to join her when a shout caught their attention.
"Stop!" a man was running towards them. Draco didn't hesitate and pushed himself onto the railing, careful to not push Hermione over. They wanted to jump and not fall, after all. They wanted to be in control in their last moments.
Hermione ignored the approaching man, not caring who it was, and took Draco's hand again.
"One, two, three," they counted together but didn't jump. They couldn't. Their feet were stuck at the railing.
"What the fuck?" Draco barked with annoyance, looking back at the approaching man and than at Hermione again.
There was panic written all over her face. "If he catches us we'll be admitted into a mental asylum. I can't have that!" she cried out. "We have to get away!"
"How?" Draco asked in an equally panicked voice. He really didn't want to end up in a muggle mental asylum.
"I don't know! I don't know!" Hermione chanted as the man came closer and closer.
"Will apparation work?" Draco asked.
"I don't know! But even if we splinch ourselves it doesn't matter. We want to die, right?" She looked at Draco with wide eyes, but he had already pulled her closer and closed his eyes. Moments after, they were standing in a dark but dry room.
"We didn't splinch?" Hermione asked in awe as she stepped back from Draco and looked at her legs and arms, all still pretty much where they belonged.
"We didn't," Draco confirmed, looking down at the puddle that was forming at their feet in disgust. "We are ruining my carpet though," he said dryly.
Hermione shot him a disbelieving look. "We are ruining your carpet? That's what bothers you most right now? Seriously we could have been dead right now! Bleeding on your precious carpet! Hell, we wanted to be dead!"
Draco laughed at that. "Right, we wanted it but we are still alive. I am quite amazed about that."
"Me too," Hermione confessed. "And really pissed."
"Yeah, that too," Draco agreed. "Do you want a drink?"
Hermione who was pretty cold agreed and Draco went to get the bottle of Firewhiskey from the kitchen. In the time it took him to return with the bottle and two glasses Hermione had tried about every drying charm she knew and had started stripping.
"I am sorry, the glasses were in the back-" Draco stopped mid-sentence. "What the fuck are you doing Granger?"
"I am getting rid of drenched cold clothes," Hermione replied calmly and pulled one of Draco's jumpers over her head. "I would recommend you to change as well. A wet suit can't be comfortable. Who the hell wants to kill themselves in a suit anyway?"
"Still better than dying in your pyjamas, Granger," he motioned at the pile of wet clothes before he started changing his clothes as well. Obviously Hermione had decided that nothing mattered anymore and they could do whatever they wanted.
"What are you going to do now?" Hermione asked from where she sat at the floor after she took a swift directly from the bottle.
Draco sat down opposite her and drank as well before answering her. "I have no idea. I am too pissed to really kill myself now. But that can change by tomorrow. You?"
"Same," Hermione shrugged and took the bottle from Draco's hand. "I really feel like revenge would be appropriate but it's not really worth it."
"You know, maybe we should talk about this tomorrow. I feel like jumping together would be nicer," Hermione added after a while.
"It is already tomorrow," Draco replied and Hermione threw a pillow she took from the bed behind her at him.
"You know what I meant!" she said.
"Why is this so normal?" Draco asked. "Why does it seem like nothing happened? Or like too much happened? Like everything is different?"
Hermione looked at him for a long moment. "You were at the bridge because no bodies are found when people jump from there, right?"
Draco nodded.
"What is the wizard explanation for that?" Hermione asked hastily. "The muggles say it's because of the stream but even then they would have to appear somewhere."
"None, really. Some old magic. What are you hinting at?" Draco took another swift from the bottle, bracing himself for the explanation.
"What if there are no bodies because nobody jumps? What if that's the magic of that place?" Hemione looked at him with wide eyes as she leaned closer. Draco hold his breath, not knowing what would happen or what he wanted to happen. That stupid crush from school was emerging again and Hermione was still leaning towards him.
"That we can't jump," Hermione grinned as she took the bottle from his hand and leaned back. "We have to find a way to get rid of that curse before we can kill ourselves."
Draco started laughing manically.