Chapter One
"Mabel share the popcorn!" Dipper sighed, trying to wrench the bowl away from his brightly dressed sister.
"Mmph- bff shbhh-" She responded.
"What?"
Mabel swallowed and turned to her brother.
"I said, I was trying to break the record for most popcorn shoved into a girl's mouth in under 30 seconds without getting tangled in her braces!" She said, puffing out her chest and spilling the popcorn bowl rested on her lap.
Dipper rolled his eyes.
"That is not what you said and that is not a real record."
"Oh yeah wel-"
"Can it you two! Ducktective is gonna be on any second." Interrupted Grunkle Stan in an irritated tone.
The two pines children settled down and turned towards the television set.
"I've got more snacks duuudes!" Cried Soos, dramatically appearing in the doorway. The kids cheered and reached for the multi-coloured candies the larger man had bought them.
"Is this a gummy-worm wrapped in a fruit roll-up and covered in m&m's?" Mabel asked in a hushed whisper.
"And dusted with popping candy." Soos said, crossing his arms and nodding his head.
"You're the man Soos!" Dipper cried and dug in.
"I'M GOING TO EAT THIS UNTIL I BLACK OUT!" Mabel exclaimed, joining her brother.
Stan watched with a faint smile on his face.
"God I am the best at parenting, absolutely nothing could go wron-"
"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" Screamed Ford, sprinting into the room waving his arms.
"whAT?! ABANDON THE CRIPPLED RUN FOR THE WINDOWS!" Bellowed Stan as he moved to grab his baseball bat.
"Wait no Stan calm down I just needed everyone's attention." Ford said coolly.
"So… we're not going to die?" Mabel asked, lowering the pair of bedazzled craft scissors she'd grabbed in the panic.
"Well technically we're all going to die Mabel." Ford said.
"Okay thanks Ford did you come here to drop painful truth bombs or did you actually want something?" Stan asked gruffly.
Ford opened his mouth to respond.
"And could you hurry it up? You're blocking the TV." Stan interjected.
Ford glared at him, pushed his glasses up and pulled out a scroll.
"As you all know, Bill will stop at nothing to break into our realm and bring chaos and havoc."
"Evil Dorito…" Soos whispered under his breath.
"For many years I believed him to have no weakness, but the other week whilst browsing through my research I came across something I had missed before. A rumour. It was a lead; it was tiny but I knew if it was true it could change the game. We could truly defend ourselves against Bill."
"What was the rumour!" Mabel practically screamed, her eyes were wide from perhaps one to many sugar filled snacks.
"Well Mabel, the rumour was that there was a scroll. On the scroll were the instructions to conjure something from the nightmare realm that is Bill's home. It is said that whatever is conjured is Bill's greatest weakness. Something that could destroy worlds if set loose. The most dangerous thing to ever exist." Ford said, growing more excited as he spoke.
Dipper's eyes flicked to the scroll in his Great Uncle's hand.
"A-and that's it? You got the scroll?"
"Yes Dipper! I almost lost two fingers and had to sock wrestle with an ogre but I got it! We can stop Bill!"
Grunkle Stan stood up abruptly.
"Woah, woah, woah there. You just want to conjure that thing up? Were you even listening to your own words! That thing is dangerous! Even more dangerous than Bill!"
"Calm down Stan, from what I've gathered it's some kind of weapon, and a weapon is only dangerous when in the wrong hands! Once we harness it we'll stop Bill and send it right back. As long as we control it the world is completely safe." Ford said cheerfully.
Grunkle Stan crossed his arms.
"Well I don't want no conjuring in my house Ford."
"1. It's my house and 2. Fine, the spell only works if we do it outside anyway." Ford responded, marching out the door.
The pine family stared at the direction he left in for several seconds.
"Well I'm not just sitting here if there's a demon conjure whatever to watch." Yelled Mabel, exiting after him.
The other three paused for a moment before scrambling after her.
…
"…aaand done!" Ford declared, putting down the last marking on the ground in the forest.
"Here's the scroll Uncle Ford!" Said Dipper handing the mystical object to him.
"Brilliant Dipper. Then let us begin." Ford opened the scroll and began to chant.
The trees surrounding the family began to sway as a howling wind began to grow. The sky darkened as clouds covered the horizon.
The ground began to rumble and the creatures of the forest retreated. Rain started to fall and lightning crackled in the sky. Thunder rung out in the distance and a tree heaved over with a slow groan.
"Uh Poindexter… this is normal, right?" Stan asked nervously, holding his fez down and shivering from the wind.
Ford stopped his chanting.
"Yes. I think. Probably." Ford responded, raising his voice to heard above the now hurricane like wind.
"Is that it?" Asked Dipper, staring at the markings scrawled across the ground for any sign of change.
"Not yet, there's one more step." Ford said, taking out a knife. In one quick motion, he sliced the palm of his six-fingered hand and let a few drops of blood escape and drip onto the ground.
Mabel gasped and pulled out a sparkly band-aid and placing it on her Uncle's wound.
"There you go Uncle Ford!" Mabel said, surprisingly cheerful for a person in the middle of a supernatural storm.
"Thank you Mabe-" Ford was interrupted by another flash of lightning, directly in front of him. The family jumped back and Stan stepped in front of the kids.
"The greatest weapon to ever exist, the most dangerous thing in the goddamn nightmare realm! Absolutely fantastic idea bringing it here Ford! True genius!" Yelled Stan at his brother.
A circle on the ground rippled and shimmered, a burning light escaped it and momentarily blinded the family.
"It's a portal." Said Ford under his breath.
"Now remember! Whatever is coming out of there is more powerful than even Bill himself so stay back and be careful!"
Another flash and the markings on the ground began to spin.
Ford was knocked back and everything grew dark for a moment before the whole forest lit up like a bomb had been dropped. The author's ears began to ring and he covered his face with his arms.
It's about damn time. Called a distance voice.
The wind died down and the rain slowly retreated, the sky opening up to the soft blue that was hidden.
Ford stood and wiped the ash and dirt from his clothes, a quick glance up showed him the rest of the family were doing the same, all were luckily uninjured.
A crater had been left on the ground. Ford stepped closer to examine. He peered down into the abyss to see…
… a girl.