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This is posted somewhere on livejournal too, but I'm an extremely lazy livejournal--er so I'm posting it up where

I'm sure you're all used to Alternate Universes by now... I mean... you watch Doctor Who after all...

The Doctor ran as quickly as his legs could carry him through the corridors of his Tardis. He was yelling at the top of his lungs about something he found, or something he thought was extinct, or a new life form that had grown from a mouldy banana. The Master scowled from his seat in the control room hearing constant thumping, giggles, yelling, a roar at one point, and the squeak of a rubber duck. The Master threw his book across the room violently. The book crashed into one of the Tardis' walls causing a satisfying 'thud.' The Tardis gave an annoyed shake in response... or the Doctor had blown something up again.

At that thought the Doctor barrelled into the control room giggling (like a girl the Master might add) wearing a flotation device with TITANIC printed on it around his neck, one shoe lace undone, a rubber duck sticking out of his pocket, a mop in one hand and some sort of tiny mouldy banana monster in the other, his face was covered in soot, dust, and spider webs, and his wild hair was more wild than usual.

"I found some of Ace's old explosives! Gave me a shock I'll tell you!" The Doctor laughed.

The Master glared.

The Doctor continued babbling on about explosives and the Banana Monster (which he wanted to give a name to) and completely missed the Master's menacing look for a good twenty seconds.

"I was thinking of Alonzo because then I could go Allon—oh." He stopped FINALLY seeming to notice the Master's glare. The Doctor blinked utterly clueless as if he had no idea why on the Tardis the Master would be glaring at him.

The Master glared for ten more seconds.

"What?" The Doctor finally pouted the banana monster running up his shoulder hiding behind his head to get away from the Master's fierce look, "What? Whaaat?" He whined.

"Shut up," The Master said after five more seconds.

"Wha-"

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!! YOU'RE NAMING A BANANA FOR RASSILONS SAKE, A BANANA!!!" This outburst had been a long time in coming. Was it the Master's fault that his self proclaimed keeper was a ... was a... the Master didn't even know WHAT the Doctor was. The Master was strongly reminded of their childhood and sharing a dorm with the nut job. Theta always had brought in animals he claimed were 'cute.' Animals that liked to bite the Master's nose when Theta wasn't looking.

"The Banana Mould Monster has feelings too," The Doctor chided as the strange little creature hugged the Doctor's neck cowering from the Master's shouting.

The Master took a deep breath. Shouting didn't get through to this Doctor as he had learned the first week of his imprisonment. Neither did manipulation, the silent treatment, or violence. None of it, no, this Doctor tried to talk about feelings when the Master shouted, THIS Doctor didn't pay attention long enough to be manipulated, THIS DOCTOR didn't even NOTICE the silent treatment because he was talking EVERY-WAKING-MOMENT.

And violence. VIOLENCE resulted in the puppy dog eyes. A look that screamed hurt confusion about what he possibly could have done to deserve a little punch in the face.

To put it short, the Doctor didn't understand that he was an annoying chatterbox with no mute button.

Rasslion that man never changed, but at least he used to understand he was annoying instead of giving the Master clueless looks.

The Master pulled himself out of his angry thoughts happy to know that he missed most of the Doctor's speech about—

"You just need to give Alonzo a chance—"

"We are not calling it Alonzo!" The Master yelled. The Doctor gave another of his little pouts again and looked down slightly like a scolded school boy.

"Oh, alright... Master," He said with the smallest hit of a smile. The Master's stomach tightened slightly at the sound of his name. He was sure, completely sure that the Doctor did it on purpose, in that voice, and that tone that made him sound so submissive. The Doctor KNEW how much the Master liked to hear his name on the Doctor's lips.

It always threw him off.

"So anyways," the Doctor exclaimed instantly energetic again, "I'll leave you to name the Banana Monster while I finish the spring cleaning alright?" The Doctor rushed forward dropping the banana monster into the Master's lap and then ran through the opposite corridor to the one he entered from shouting, "ALLONS-Y!"

It was all over before the Master had a moment to protest. He twitched slightly. He looked down at the Banana Monster.

"I could kill him," he told it, "I could kill him and rip him into teeny tiny pieces, light them on fire, and then stomp on him and after he regenerated do it again, I just choose not to."

He mentally groaned. He was so starved for a conversation with an intelligent life form (and no, the Doctor didn't count) that he was talking to a creature born from the mould of one of the Doctor's half eaten bananas. The Banana monster looked up at him for a moment—

--And then promptly bit his nose (and why the hell hadn't he seen THAT one coming?)

"YOU LITTLE BASTARD!!" The Master screamed jumping up and grabbing the Banana Monster off his nose. Being made of slime it easily slipped out of his grasp and ran off hiding somewhere in the Tardis' cables.

"What happened I heard a shout," The Doctor said poking his head into the control room (he now had a pair of groucho glasses on).

"It... that little... thing BIT me!" The Master growled. The Doctor blinked taking off his ridiculous glasses.

"Alonzo wouldn't do that—"

"HIS NAME IS NOT ALONZO!!!" The Master shouted in frustration. The Doctor beamed a smile lighting up his face.

"You named him then?"

"NO!" The Doctor frowned.

"Oh."

The Master took a deep breath, "Doctor," he said as calmly as he could, "Have you not noticed, that I extremely dislike you? Or have you gone senile in your old age?" The Doctor tilted his head screwing up his mouth as he thought out loud.

"My, you are grouchy today aren't you?"

The Master balled his hands into fists trying not to throttle the skinny idiot, "I am always grouchy, you make me grouchy, I hate living with you. I ALWAYS hate living with you no matter what your personality is like. This one though, this one is the very worst, at least before you made some effort to not being as annoying as you naturally are. You're doing it on purpose aren't—"

The Doctor dropped to his knees eyes down a small frown on his lips. The breath caught in the Master's throat. He took a step towards the kneeling Doctor.

"I'm sorry," The Doctor said quietly. The Master bit the inside of his lip. Was the Doctor--?

"It's okay Alonzo! I won't let the mean ol' Master hurt you! You can help me clean some more okay?" The Doctor finished cheerfully as the Banana Monster jumped into his hands out of the clump of cable he had been hiding in. The Master was sure that one of his hearts was having a heart attack. The Doctor looked up at him from the ground curiously.

"Now sorry, what were you saying... ... ... Master?"

"I'LL FINISH THE BLOODY CLEANING STAY HERE AND TALK TO YOUR STUPID BANANA!!!!!!!!!" The Master yelled picking up the Doctor's abandoned mop and marching through the corridor.

The Doctor watched him leave, a small smile on his lips.

Perhaps it was a bit on purpose, but the Master didn't need to know that.

With our Anti-Hero

"Bananas, apologising to Bananas!" The Master spat as he stomped down the endless corridors. He seethed. He wasn't so much as cleaning as he was stomping away from the Doctor and his ridiculous little ... thing. Yes, he knew, he had never wanted to be kept by the Doctor in the first place, he literally would rather have died, and stayed dead, but OH NO, the Doctor figured out that it was actually one of the guards in a mask being controlled by the Master remotely. Even though he knew that living with the Doctor would be just another version of Hell for him to visit he had thought, perhaps, there might be an upside. They were the last of the Time Lords, former friends, former enemies (well, not so former enemies, though the Doctor didn't seem to understand that point), they had always been... special to one another, they always mourned when they believed they managed to kill the other. Even with the Time Lords alive the Doctor was always the Master's and the Master was always the Do—only one able to own the Doctor. They were the only constants in each other's long lives.

And this regeneration of the Doctor looked ever so pretty on his knees, the Master's name on his lips, eyes looking up with adoration at---

Yes, the Master wanted to shag the Doctor, he had known he wanted to at his first glance. The Earth's domination was foreplay, did the Doctor think he'd be stuck as an old man forever? It was only until the Master killed off that annoying Jones girl. After that... well... there never was an after that because of that annoying Jones girl now was there? Meddlesome cockblocker... Oh, but all the plans the Master had had for his Doctor... willing or not. He had even had a few plans for Handsome Jack as well, but all those went down the drain along with his plans for universal domination and recreating Galifrey.

He had lost to the power of positive thinking, now THAT was embarrassing.

It didn't matter though, it was an impossibility now, he couldn't really force the Doctor (in his mind the Doctor usually gives in after the first violent kiss) with the Tardis so completely on guard. Besides that, all his advances had been either missed or misinterpreted. All the Master wanted (at the moment) was the Doctor submitting to him. Was that so wrong? No. In fact, if any other person saw them together they would WANT the Master to have his Doctor in the end. It was romantic, entirely romantic and the Doctor was ruining it with his obtuseness!

At least the Freak was gone, if he had seen one more leer come the Doctor's way he would have thrown the immortal into the void. He may not be able to die, but Hell was just as good.

The Master sighed and pushed open the last door in the corridor. He stared at the contents not really believing his eyes.

"What?" He said in disbelief at the man before him. A handsome blond man in a Hawaiian shirt and sandals grinning ear to ear at him.

"What!?" He repeated himself staring angrily.

"Master! Wow man, long time no see!"

"WHAT?!??!?!?!??!?!?"