My Trip to the Caribbean
Disclaimer: I do not own anything that belongs to Disney, this includes but not limited to, the Disney Cruise Line, the POTC Characters, and anything else that is not myself. I'm just merely borrowing them to have some fun. Oh and I don't own the PCC or Lowe's (I will be working at my local Lowe's soon but I do not actually go to school at PCC…yet…hopefully…someday...) Neither do I own the rights to Monty Python the Quest for the Holy Grail (but I do own the 2 disc DVD!)
A/N: okay if you're reading this author's note, YAY! I promise you won't be disappointed. So, on with the story!
Day One
I had just graduated from Portland Community College with a degree in American Sign Language interpretation at the head of my class. During that time I had been saving up money from my job at Lowe's for a cruise after graduation. Right now I was at Port Canaveral, Florida waiting to board the Disney Cruise Ship, Disney Magic. I was going on their 7-night Eastern Caribbean Cruise. I was so excited; I was actually going to be going to the Caribbean.
'I wonder if we'll see At World's End being filmed?' I thought to myself as I walked up the gangplank, showing my ticket to the worker. I quickly found my room, which I spent a small fortune on for the best they had. Once I got settled I decided that I was going to look around the ship and see where everything was located. For the first two days there would be nothing but open ocean behind and in front us until our first stop at St. Maarten.
Night 2I was having such an amazing time on board. I saw a few theatre shows, learned how to play shuffleboard, treated myself to the spa, gym and salon, and partied at night at one of the dance clubs on board. I was just finishing dinner and heading back to my room when I heard the thunder crack. I saw a ship attendant and stopped her.
"Excuse me Miss, I just heard thunder. Are we safe on board? I know that we'll be docking tomorrow morning but will the storm delay us at all?"
"Everything is fine. We are in the Caribbean, this is normal weather and we're used to it. We're not that far from St. Maarten."
"Alright… I suppose. It's just storms at sea are usually not portrayed as the best thing in movies. Even Disney Movies, like the Little Mermaid and Pirates of the Caribbean… So yeah…" I laughed.
"I assure you, our Captain knows what he is doing and these ships are more sturdy than old fashioned pirate ships. You'll barely feel the ship rock if there are any waves. There's plenty to do below decks out of the rain. And if you do have a verandah I would suggest not going out there tonight just because of the lightning."
"Well, yeah of course, thank you." I smiled, "This better not be a Titanic scenario. 'Keep the passengers calm and don't tell them anything'. That would be the last thing that would keep me calm." I thought mockingly, 'Oh well, party time!'
I shrugged off my worry, as I entered my room and put on my party clothes. In honor of finally making it to the Caribbean one of the dance clubs was hosting a Pirates themed dance. I had gotten my itinerary with a daily/nightly breakdown list of all the activities so I knew ahead of time about the pirate themed dance. I was psyched for it. I had bought a new authentic looking pirate wench outfit online for the occasion.
I was wearing a white cotton peasant blouse with a low cut burgundy corset bodice. It laced up on the sides and in the front so I could give myself some breathing room so I didn't pull an Elizabeth-Swann-I-can't-breath-fainting moment on the dance floor. On my lower half I was wearing black harem pants with a black semi-sheer 4-tiered floor-length skirt. For shoes I wore 3 ½ inch heeled pirate boots. I had my honey blonde shoulder length hair in French braided pigtails. I had also bought an authentic looking Captain Jack Sparrow tricorner pirate hat that I was wearing atop my head. I looked at my self in the full-length mirror in my room to make sure I looked good, then headed out of my room to go to the dance floor. It was still raining and lighting and thundering out side. The ship attendant was right though; I couldn't even feel any difference in the ship's movement. From my room I had to go to the top deck to go down two decks to the dance club. As I walked out on the deck I looked over the railing to see what the water was doing.
It looked really choppy, so I walked away from the rail and headed over to the stairs but I never made it. The deck was really slippery from the rain and I tripped and fell, funny thing is that I never landed on my butt like I should have instead I kept falling. I closed my eyes, as I screamed not knowing what was going on. When I opened my eyes I realized that I was no longer screaming nor did I land on my rear end. In fact I was standing, still wearing the same clothes, but I was no longer on the Cruise Ship.
As I looked around I could see that I was in some body's office, but it certainly wasn't modern. In fact it looked like something straight out of the movie Pirates of the Caribbean.
'Oh yeah right! I must be dreaming. So… If this is a dream, where's my pretty pirate man otherwise known as Jack Sparrow?' I thought to myself.
But much to my dismay it was not a pirate with his back to me, it was a man in a white poofy pompous wig that looked amazingly like Commodore Norrington.
'Wait… he doesn't just LOOK like Norry, he IS Norry…Oh I can have fun with this!' I wickedly thought as I began to creep up behind the Commodore, who was unaware of my presence. He appeared to be looking through some kind of books, probably military strategy or something like that. When I was right behind him, I stood up on my tiptoes, getting as close to his ear without making him aware of me.
"Hey Norry!" I said in his ear in a normal voice. Commodore Norrington screamed and jumped at least 3 feet in the air. He quickly regained his composure and spun around to look at me.
"Who are you and how did you get in here?" He questioned, obviously trying to regain his breath.
"Did I scare you?" I laughed.
"That is not the answer to my question, who are you?"
"Who am I? Hmmm…. I… am a voodoo priestess here to put a curse on you." I said with as straight a face as possible but soon burst into a fit of giggles. Commodore Norrington tilted his head as he raised an eyebrow at me.
"Let's try this again, shall we? What is your name?" He asked.
'Hmm… I have a real opportunity here… I can be anybody I want… within reason…' I thought. "My name is Alexandria." I answered.
"Do you have a last name?"
"Yes."
"What is it?"
'Hmm… again another real opportunity to screw with peoples heads… hmmm…' I thought to myself. "Turner. Alexandria Turner." I replied.
"Turner?"
"Is there an echo in here? Yes, I said Turner."
"You wouldn't happen to be related to a William Turner are you?"
"Hmm… William Turner… The name does seem familiar." I laughed.
"Is there something funny, Miss. Turner?"
"Yes."
"Well, I've always enjoyed a good joke, why not share?"
"Okay… Commodore Pompous Hair." Again I laughed, hugging my sides.
"Excuse me? What did you call me?"
My only response was to laugh even more, which infuriated the Commodore more. He waited for me to calm down before he questioned me again.
"You have a most peculiar accent. Where are you from?"
"Uh… Um… Some place that you've never heard of before."
"I've been to many places, try me."
"Okay fine. I'm from Oregon, which is part of the U.S. of A. Heard of it?"
"No. I can't say that I have."
"Told ya so Norry."
"My name is Commodore Norrington. Not… pompous hair and not Norry."
"Okay Scruffy." I said trying not to laugh. Norrington just rolled his eyes and sighed.
"How did you get here?"
"Oh… Well if I told you, I'd have to kill you." I said as seriously as I could.
"I seriously doubt that. Besides if you even tried to kill me, you would be hung before night fall."
"Okay, okay, fine I'll tell you but you have to promise not to laugh, throw me in jail or send me to the loony bin."
"What is a loony bin?"
"Uh… I think you would call it a sanitarium, or basically where you send the crazy people."
"Alright. I promise not to laugh, throw you in jail or send you to the sanitarium, not that we have one." Commodore Norrington agreed.
"Okay. If you have any questions please save them for the end, thank you. Well, I was on a ship headed to St. Maarten, that was our first stop, but anyways, it was the second night out at sea and I was getting ready for…uh… dinner. So I was walking from my room out on the deck. It was raining and thundering and… lighting-ing… that night so the deck was wet. As I was headed towards the stairs to go below deck to the…um… galley… I tripped on a particularly slippery patch of deck and when I fell I never landed on the deck. Instead, I kept falling, but when I realized I wasn't falling anymore I was standing, perfectly fine, no sore booty, in your office and then I recognized you and decided to have some fun annoying you." I finished with a huge grin on my face.
"Alright, my questions then are as follows. What were you doing on a ship? How is it possible to fall without landing? And more importantly, How is possible for you to recognize me when we have never formally met before and lastly, why would you want to annoy me?"
"Okay. I was on a ship for the fun of it, I have no idea how it's possible to fall without landing, but apparently it is since I'm here and not there and I recognize you because I uh… I saw a… uh… drawing of you, and the reason I want to annoy you is because you are Commodore Pompous Hair and you are just so… rigid. I like to annoy rigid people." I informed him.
"A drawing? Something tells me that is not the truth."
"That's all you're getting out of me! So Ni! (A/N: Holy Grail!) Now let me ask you a few questions. How long has it been since you fought undead pirates at the Isla de Muertos?"
"You heard of that?"
"You could say that… yeah…" I said cryptically.
"It was about a month ago."
"How long ago was it that Captain Jack Sparrow slipped through your fingers the day Will Turner saved him from hanging?"
"About a month."
"When was the last time you saw the Black Pearl?"
"Not since that day Sparrow fell off the battlement escaping."
"Oh. Well… bugger."
"What did you just say?"
"I said bugger. It's my new favorite curse word."
"A young lady such as yourself should not use such language."
"Hey, I'm no lady! I find that to be an extreme insult. I'm not some… docile, dainty… thing!" I said disgustedly
"You are a female are you not?"
"Hey, just 'cause I'm female doesn't mean I'm a lady. I can play and work just as hard as any man!"
"Doubtful." The commodore laughed.
"How much do you weigh?" I asked, glaring at him through narrowed eyes.
"What?" he asked confused.
"I bet I could lift you up without any problem. You probably weigh around…160, 170 pounds?"
"I don't know, but I doubt you could lift me off the ground, even if you possessed the strength our height difference would make it impossible. You're too short to lift me, not to mention probably not strong enough."
"You wanna bet?" I challenged walking in front of the commodore.
I turned around so that my back was facing him and then knelt down grabbing his legs forcing him to sit on my shoulders. As soon as he was on my shoulders I stood up and walked around his desk. The Commodore was shocked at what I had done, protesting all the while. After I circled his desk two or three times I knelt down and let him off my shoulders and then stood back up and faced him.
"Told you so." I smirked.
"That was highly inappropriate! How dare you!"
"Actually you're the one that dared me. I don't back down from challenges and I sufficiently proved to you that I'm just as strong as any man. I doubt you could lift me like that."
"Even if I could, I wouldn't."
"Ha! So you admit that you can't, you pompous haired weakling! Muah-hahahaha!" I declared, which earned me a glare. As he glared at me he noticed my attire for the first time.
"Are you a pirate, Miss Turner?"
"No but I would ever so much like to be." I smiled.
"Why in heaven's name would you want to be a… a pirate?" the Commodore seethed.
"Because pirates are sexy… well some pirates are… like Captain Jack Sparrow… He's so dreamy…" I said beginning to daydream, but quickly I was drawn back to reality when I heard the commodore laugh.
"You must be joking."
"No, I'm serious. I would love to work under Captain Jack Sparrow. It's a dream of mine."
At this point the Commodore couldn't stop laughing. That is until I kicked him in the shin.
"Don't laugh at me. I have other people to mock and tease... So if you'll excuse me." I said walking around the Commodore, pushing him out of my way as I walked out of his office as if I owned the place. Once I exited the fort I decided that I would pay a visit to Will Turner to see how I could mess with him. As I walked down the streets I found it much easier to navigate than I thought. I soon found the Blacksmith shop and noticed that the sign now said W. Turner.
'Good for you lad, finally somebody gives you the credit you deserve. It's not like that drunken old git did anything anyways, other than smash a bottle on poor Jack's head.' I thought as I entered the shop. I could see Will hammering a piece of red hot metal, bending and shaping it into a very pointy sword.
"Excuse me, but are you William Turner?" I asked bringing his attention to me.
"Yes I am. What can I do for you Miss?" He asked as he turned his attention back to the sword to finish his work on it. As soon as he put the sword away to cool, I walked deeper into the shop and stood next to him.
"I'd like you to teach me how to sword fight. I've heard that you are one of the best skilled swordsmen."
"Thank-you, but you certainly you don't mean that."
"Which part? That you're the best swordsman or that I want lessons?"
"That you want lessons."
"Oh, no I'm quite certain."
"Why would a lady such as yourself want to learn how to handle a sword?"
"Why does everybody think I'm a lady?" I sighed, asking nobody in particular. "I am no lady and I want to learn how to sword fight."
"It won't be free."
"Oh… bugger… I have no money… well no money that works here…"
"Well then I'm sorry Miss. I can't help you."
"You would if I told you who I am… maybe…"
"Fine, who are you?"
"My name is Alexandria… Tuner." I said eyeing him to see if there was any change in his demeanor. There was.
"Turner? Really? Are we… related?"
"Yes…" I answered mysteriously.
"How so? I'm sorry but I don't remember you."
"Teach me how to sword fight and once I'm able to match you in skill, only then will I tell you how we are related… Savvy?"
"There's only one other person I know that says that… did he send you here?"
"Did who send me where?" I asked knowing full well what he meant.
"Where did you come from?"
"Um… a ship…" I answered.
"And the ship was called…?"
"A Ship."
"The name of the ship was what?"
"Oh…umm… it was called…um…uh…"
"The Black Pearl?"
"Only in my dreams… speaking of the Pearl, when was the last time you saw her?"
"Uh… I don't know what you're talking about, I've never actually seen it, only heard of it."
"You are a horrible liar Will Turner. I know you saw it, hell you were on it, locked it the brig last month."
"How did you know that?"
"I know everything… sort of… most things."
"How?"
"I'm... uh... clairvoyant."
"Prove it."
"Your mother died when you were younger, so you left England and came out to the Caribbean in search of your father but before you could make it to your final destination, your ship was attacked by pirates. The next thing you know you're waking up on the deck of a ship with a young girl dressed in fancy clothes looking down on you. She says and I quote, 'It's okay, my name's Elizabeth Swann.' You then stuttered your name and she then told you, 'I'm watching over you Will.' At which point you then pass out again. Am I wrong?"
"How did you know all that?"
"Like I said, I'm clairvoyant. I know some of the past and some of the future. I know that you will not be wed when you think that you will be. There will be a force that will prevent it for the time being."
"What do you mean by force?"
"I don't know. Like I said, I only see parts of the future. I also know that through a series of events you will believe that somebody that you care for betrays you but in actuality it was not you that was betrayed. This person that you care for will betray somebody you both know."
"Do you know who will be doing the betraying?"
"No. All I know is that it's somebody that you care about. Also I know that something will prevent you from seeing the whole truth and that is why you will feel betrayed."
"You are very cryptic, you know that?"
"Yes, but I'm sure in due time it will all make sense. So, will you teach me how to sword fight?"
"No. I'm sorry but it's not proper."
"You teach your fiancée how to handle a sword."
"No I do not."
"Yes you do. I can see her in my mind. She is very skillfully battling…somebody… with swords, two of them. You are the one who taught her."
"What do you mean she's battling somebody? Is she in danger?"
"Well… Sort of, but I can see that she's winning… sort of… mostly… I can see you battling two people on a wheel of some sort… and eventually you are hit in the face with an oar, rendering you unconscious. At that point your side is losing and then somebody that's very scruffy looking takes an object out of a boat and runs back to where ever you all left from and the 'bad guys' run after him, ignoring your side."
"A very scruffy looking person?"
"A name is coming to me… I see… Scruffington."
"Scruffington?"
"Hey, I don't make it up, I only see it and tell it."
"If you say so. Miss…Turner."
"Just call me Alex."
"Alright… Alex."
"So, will you teach me to sword fight?"
"No. I'm sorry but I can't do that."
"You are an annoying little man, you know that?"
"Little? It appears as though you are the one that is more… petite, than me."
"Ni!" I said sticking my tongue out at Will.
"Ni? What is Ni?" Will asked confused.
"What is Ni? I'll tell you what Ni is!" I said, clearing my throat, adopting a very posh British voice and a high-pitched voice I began to act out the Holy Grail 'The Knights who say Ni' scene inside Will Turner's Blacksmith shop. Will just looked on as if I was going insane. When I was finished, I took a bow, "So what did you think?" I asked.
"I think…you're insane."
"Ni! I am not insane. I'm an actress…sort of… sometimes… when the mood strikes me." I explained. Just as Will was about to respond we heard something fall in a back room. "What was that?" I asked.
"I don't know but it sounded as if it came from my room."
"You live here? No wonder you're a bloody eunuch!"
"I am NOT a eunuch." Just then whatever made the noise decided to make its presence known.
"Course ye are whelp!" said a distinct male voice.
"OH MY GOD! I KNOW THAT VOICE!" I freaked out. Just as I was about to continue, a figure rushed towards me and clapped a bejeweled hand over my mouth. I looked up and there, standing before me in all his piratey goodness, was Captain Jack Sparrow.
Okay... So this is my first attempt at a parody/comedy type fanfic... so honestly... tell me what you think... I would love reviews. Please Review! Love you all!
As Always... Take What Ye Can... Give Nothin' Back!
Mrs. Capt. Jack Sparrows