Glass Canvas
Violet X10
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy XIII-2. Simples.
He cannot be bothered to refer to his person as 'I'. He thinks it's too vain and confident. Besides, he is not worthy…or so he thinks. He is Caius Ballad and he has killed a man. That man was not like this man. That man was evil. He took advantage of a sinner; he took advantage of a disadvantage and although that man was just barely a man, he stole her from him. And that is unforgivable…or so he thinks. Yeul is the fire of his heart; the dagger to his back; the voice to his song; she—is—Yeul. His Yeul, no doubt about it, even though he nearly died searching for her. Yeul is the most perfect human being he's ever seen…or so he thinks.
Caius Ballad is twenty-seven years of age. He does not know what to do with his life. He is lost. He is alone. He thinks killing that man was right. And rightly so, he believes, rightly so. That man was terrible to Yeul. Yes, he was right in killing that man. Shooting him, slashing him, stabbing him, he only wished he could do more. He wondered how Yeul seemed happy to be with him.
He also cannot be bothered to refer to that person as 'Noel Kreiss'. He thinks it's a sin to speak that name – like God praising the devil for his deeds…or so he thinks he knows. He thought he could get away with Yeul. He was wrong. He said he loved her. Well, fuck you, you don't mean it!
Caius Ballad starts to scream in frustration at her picture. Her wonderful, beautiful, picture that hung on his wall isolated from the rest; singled out. This portrait is special because it was made from his very own fingers. This portrait is special because it shows the perfect Yeul before she grew up, before she married, before she died. Yes, he screams, amethyst eyes pulsating slowly, reforming fluently into harsh, crimson red: the color of love and passion and blood. Silent wrath wraps its gnarled, twisted fingers around his erratically beating heart, probing sharply at it with its malicious pointed fingernails. Caius Ballad will continue to scream until he takes that knife from the table and shoves it down his chest to soak himself in love and passion and blood.
But before the inevitable…before that man, there was Caius Ballad and Paddra-Nsu Yeul, and they were happy.
It happened like this.
Caius Ballad was a fugitive of Paddra's neighboring country. He had done something cruel (not as bad as that man), and his people were chasing him everywhere. But they would never dare search in Paddra for the Seeress knows everything and could look inside their sins. If Caius Ballad enters Paddra, he would be dead in less than a minute…or so they think.
Paddra was known for its traditions. Some buildings were still made of wattle and daub, people still dressed in long beige dresses and tattered grey shirts. Paddra was the monument of tradition and the past and even if it moved on to advancing its technology and culture, its Seeress would never survive. And the people need the Seeress to live because she sees.
Caius Ballad was a dead man the moment he stepped into the old city of Paddra.
He first hid himself away in a middle-aged lady's house, offering to do her housework while she worked for the house. She was gone in all days of the week from sunrise to sunset and strangely, Caius Ballad wanted to know where she went. Her house wasn't boring per say, it was actually quite sophisticated. There were two bedrooms and a bathroom with a kitchen next to the dining room. She was better off than most people in Paddra. So where did she earn all her money from?
On the morning of the seventh Tuesday since he came to Paddra, Caius Ballad followed her out of her house. He stalked her movements with precision, hiding flawlessly behind wooden crates whenever she became suspicious of his presence behind her back. She stopped, he stopped. She walked; he walked until she disappeared into a set of large wooden doors at the entrance of what seemed like a grand castle temple. Caius Ballad snuck stealthily past the guards and followed her inside.
The interior was not as grand as its shell. It was beautiful. Royal violet hung on the walls with the golden insignia of the vortexes of time that he saw frequently around Paddra. The walls were a polished marble with rich mahogany flooring. Jewel-encrusted chandeliers hung above him, the candle flames flickering gracefully. Caius Ballad was in awe.
Statues of the heads of countless leaders and seers lined up just below the purple fabric, showing the long history of Paddra without uttering a single word. He saw that the most recent statue was of a girl. She looked about thirteen with long hair and an unsmiling yet mesmerizing face. Caius Ballad could not help but stare. He glanced at the engraving on the stone. Paddra-Nsu Yeul the 113th. Seeress of Paddra. Caius could not help but think, 'the 113th? Isn't that a little odd?' but his thoughts were interrupted when a timid cough came from behind him.
His back stiffened visibly. Slowly, he turned around, his eyes alert and legs prepared.
But Paddra-Nsu Yeul only cocked her head to the side and stared. She was wearing the traditional seeress garb of white and tie-dyed fabrics. Beads wrapped around her wrists and fingers and a large diamond stayed in place at the centre of her chest, reflecting the light from the chandelier. Her silver-blue hair ended just below her knees, the crown atop her head glinted. Her jaded eyes were alight.
"Good morning, Caius Ballad," she rasped. Her voice was still that of a child's but the tons of knowledge that had been passed down to her from generation to generation colored her eyes wise. Her step towards him did not falter. "I am Yeul."
Caius Ballad became infatuated.
It became routine to enter the castle without permission. Every day or afternoon, and sometimes night he would get up from his bed and travel towards Yeul's majestic home. None of the guards noticed him, and if they did they never put a stop to his escapades inside the castle. He did all this just to see Yeul again and again. He would never get tired of her perfect face.
One night he tore away his blankets and got dressed. Making his way to the castle, he noticed a hooded figure standing by one of the abandoned market stalls. Their face was completely obscured, but they were short; about the seeress' height. Caius ignored them. He continued to enter the castle but discovered Yeul wasn't in the vicinity. Enraged and slightly frightened, he marched his way back home, still ignoring the hooded figure by the stalls.
The next morning, he didn't go back to the castle. Instead, the hooded figure knocked on his door whilst the woman was out at work, and Caius Ballad answered. He glared in frustration at the familiar stranger. Suddenly, "Good morning, Caius Ballad." And the stranger revealed themselves. It was Yeul, eyes dull and unresponsive. She did not wear the smile he saw when he was around her. She did not flush at his presence. She was Yeul and she was not alive.
Caius opened the door wider and let her in. He was unsure what to do. The highest person in the city with the lowest of all criminals? Preposterous. He pulled out a chair from the small table for her to sit on it. Once she was comfortable, she whispered, "I don't need any refreshments. Please, seat yourself."
Caius Ballad complied.
Then she said, "You are living with Paddra-Rea Thiell?" But she knew the answer before she even asked it. Caius nodded. "She is my caretaker," Yeul said. "She loves you."
Caius Ballad became puzzled. "How could that be?" he asked. "I have never shown any sign of kindness or-or love towards her." His eyes cast downwards at the table.
Yeul smiled faintly but he did not catch it. "Love does not have to be returned, Caius Ballad."
He remained silent, inspecting his hands. They were rough from all his crimes. They paled in comparison to Yeul's smooth fingers and palms. He sighed and spoke. "Why are you telling me this?"
"It was a vision," she answered almost immediately. "She will forc—ask…Yes, ask you to marry her tomorrow and you will accept and you will be able to work in the castle, and I will have a father…well, as close as I can get to one." She frowned. She had been parentless since birth. Her father had committed suicide and her mother died of childbirth. That was what she was told anyway.
Caius brightened at the prospect of seeing her regularly, but deflated when she only viewed him as a father. It can't work that way. What was I thinking being together with a thirteen-year-old girl? His eyes hardened. "Alright." He turned coldly away from her and opened the door. "I will see you soon, Your Highness."
Yeul stood up, an aura of happiness surrounding her movements towards the door. She smiled and hugged his waist, muttering a 'thank you' against his ragged grey shirt. Then she vanished and Caius Ballad did everything he could to stop himself from crying.
It happened just as she foretold. Thiell aske—forced him to marry her, or else she would have to banish him from her home. Caius reluctantly agreed and within a few days they were married and he did not have a good night with her and he cried when she screamed gleefully because to him it was all pointless. It meant nothing to him. He wanted Yeul.
A week after their wedding was the first time he stepped into the castle since Yeul visited him to tell him of her vision. Yeul had run to him with arms wide open and silver hair trailing wistfully behind her. Their bodies connected with such force that Caius—big, strong Caius—staggered backwards. He allowed himself to chuckle and he held her. They were happy.
Thiell came in and pulled her away from him, and he couldn't have hated her more than he already did. Yeul's warmth left his touch instantly, freezing his blood until he could touch her again. Caius Ballad went home.
He spent another night with his 'wife', releasing all his frustration and anger to her without her realizing it. She screamed and screamed and screamed with pleasure. He became increasingly furious with every hollow shriek that came from that bitch's mouth. But he could not leave her. He could not leave Yeul.
Yeul, who was the sun to his moon. She was the sunshine that shone upon his dark days and cold nights, the owner of those lush pink lips and puerile smile. He, who had lost all hope, had found Yeul in the deepest of holes. And he was thankful.
And Caius Ballad loved her.
"Good morning, Caius," Yeul grinned. She was fifteen, more beautiful than ever, but at the age Caius most despised. He was glad she dropped the 'Ballad' when addressing him, though. Thiell had made them breakfast at the castle. He spent more time inside the fortress than at their home near the market. He was glad because Thiell did not want to be intimate when inside the stronghold.
Breakfast was royalty. If there was one thing he could compliment Thiell on, it was her fantastic cooking. Simply delicious. Yeul seemed to enjoy it too; she ravaged her serving in five minutes. She was happy. Then Caius darkened at the reason why.
Her suitors were arriving in the afternoon. Caius, being the father-figure in her life, had to approve of him before Yeul could be married. But Caius did not want to approve of anyone. If anything, he wanted to divorce and approve of himself…but that would crush her happiness. And he did not want that. He finished his breakfast in silence.
In the afternoon, the sun scorched his skin. Carriages from all directions approached the castle. He wondered how they avoided the behemoths roaming around the plains.
The first to exit his carriage was a boy in his late teens – shoulder-cropped brown hair, azure eyes and a suave smirk, Yeul gasped beside him. He seethed, wanting to be rid of this day and this boy already. "Your name," he said, standing stoically beside his beloved.
"Noel. Noel Kreiss," he pointed to himself with his thumbs. His language was odd to say the least. He moved in a foreign way, strutting almost, towards the Seeress. Caius Ballad did not trust him. Not until the end. Not even from the start.
Yeul all but swooned when Noel touched her hand. Caius fled from the scene in panic of his failing heart. He couldn't bear to see this. He couldn't.
Noel and Yeul married but did not display their affection in front of Caius. Their wedding was joyous…or so they thought. Caius feigned sickness, but Yeul's happiness continued to flow. Yeul turned sixteen, life went on.
Meanwhile, Caius learned to use a sword. He started small at first, but once his muscles could bear the weight without trouble, he took on the large purple sword that hung in the cabinets of war in the cellar. It was almost his height with a closed red eye near the handle that opened when he released magic. It was intricately designed by Yeul's ancestors for her Guardian, but he never came to her rescue. In fact, he never showed up at all.
So Caius undertook this responsibility.
But it was too late. Noel and Yeul had disappeared.
Caius dropped to his knees. His sword clanged to the wooden floors.
Everything dulled. Blurred.
Thiell came running to him, wondering what was the matter.
He could still hear her. What's the matter, Caius? Caius? Caius, what's the matter?
But he was deaf to the world.
No. He was dead.
He loved her. He loved…her.
And now she's gone. She's gone with that man.
Caius left the castle. He couldn't afford looking back. He must set his sights on Yeul and that man.
He gritted his teeth and swung his word, latching it onto his back. He tied a striped piece of purple fabric from the walls of the castle around his forehead with the beads he made with Yeul during her fourteenth birthday. His eyes absorbed into red.
Redredredredred.
You bastard, I'll kill you.
He did it without looking back. He entered the vortex without looking back. Come to think of it, he didn't even blink.
He jumped forward two years, he stumbled back five. He observed families. The Estheims were completely ordinary, their silver-haired son becoming knowledgeable about his world that was more than one thousand years into the past. The Farrons: he witnessed the sisters' parents' murder. Their father had been in an accident on the road. He saw Claire stripping away her identity to become Lightning, and Serah falling in love with Snow.
He saw Oerba Dia Vanille and Oerba Yun Fang becoming crystallized inside a warehouse. Fang slumped over in her beastly form whilst Vanille basked in the sun's rays. Caius moved forward.
Once, he thought he saw himself. With Yeul. They were standing in the middle of a city. It was pouring down with rain and red lights filled his vision. Monsters sprung up from nowhere, attacking innocent children and people. He thought he saw Serah and Hope Estheim and that man. But he was with Yeul. But he was delusional.
He aimlessly moved forward. He hadn't aged a day. With every destination came a new one. He learned more about everything. He memorized every change in the timeline. Yet Yeul was still on his mind, never ceasing to fade.
By then, he wondered what the end of time looked like.
Because he wanted to end himself.
It was more of an accident, really. He jumped back into the past again, stumbling upon the point where the six L'Cie were fighting that Orphan thing. He stumbled into a white room. It was so white it was tinted a light blue. The floors, the furniture…white.
He walked over to the seat floating to the side of the room. He sat on it.
Caius Ballad closed his eyes and reminisced.
It was a small memory, something insignificant amongst his countless other memories…but yet it was the most profound.
He had jumped back in time. He recognized that it was Paddra just before he encountered Yeul at the castle and fell in love with her. She had been crying; he could see the wet tearstains on her white sheets. He walked over to her chest of drawers. He knew it would be a sin to take anything. He promised himself not to do that.
He opened her drawer, the one nearest to her bed, and took out a piece of parchment. It had been scrawled on hurriedly, as if she had to get it down before it disappeared completely. Caius read it. It went like this:
Visions again. I do not know how many I must endure before my body surrenders at last. I am estimating I will not live past fifteen, just as my ancestors did before me. This vision is strange, though. I have not had one like this before. I have been confused greatly by what it told me.
It was of a man with purple hair and purple eyes. He was handsome, I admit, but far too old for my tastes. Besides, I am only thirteen and I should not marry until I'm fifteen…but I am certain I will not live past that age.
I must stay in focus! There was a man…yes. A man. Twenty-seven years old and holding a huge sword. He was sitting in a room so white that I first thought he was sitting on light itself. But no. His eyes were closed. He looked so peaceful… I want to know what he was thinking…or dreaming about. It must've been a happy memory, because he did not look like the type to smile freely. He looked like he had lost something important to him.
I remember he looked exhausted and on the verge of defeat. I wish I could say to that man, "Don't give up. Time is not over yet." Then I realized how short my life is. I would die before I could even live. I am the 113th Yeul. There will be other Yeuls after me who will die just the same. I wish I can break free from this curse, no, I should call it a gift. It is a gift. A wonderful gift.
My thoughts go back to that man dreaming in a world of white and serenity and calm and peace. The vision had ended abruptly. I could not see him anymore. But strangely, instead of taking a piece of my life, I felt strength ebb through my veins and rushing into my head. And, yes. Yes, there was a name... Name… Name…
"Yeul…" Caius whispered in his dream. "Yeul..."
He said mine. Definitely. He said it in his sleep. I must know him from somewhere…or maybe the other Yeuls do. I am not special. Only the first Yeul was. I am insignificant.
Yes, he has a name. Name… His name…
Ah. Good morning, Caius Ballad.
I am Yeul.
He was transported 700 years after he witnessed an entire planet become crystallized.
His surroundings were dead. Ash covered the ground. He could not see a trace of living soul.
He thought, Perhaps this is the end of time.
Then it hit him. He recognized Yeul's voice from anywhere and this time it was not just another voice.
"Hey, Yeul, need some help?"
He snarled. He remembered that man too.
"Yeul? H-Hey, Yeul, wake up…" Caius heard. "Yeul? Wake up! Yeul!"
Caius ran. He ran where the voices were. He knew what was happening. He knew it was… She would be reborn again. He was sure. But it would not be the same. Never.
He stopped when he reached a shrine. Statues layered on top of each other marked the place where Paddra-Nsu Yeul the 113th died. In that man's arms.
Rage overtook his senses. He gave out a battle cry as he dashed towards the boy who had just become a man. That man. That horrible fucking man who stole Yeul away from him. That man will die! He will! He WILL!
He ducked and brandished his two swords instantaneously. Caius growled and swung again, this time, hitting his shoulder. He cried out in pain, staggering backwards. "Stop!" he shouted, love and passion and blood gushing out of his skin. "Stop! I didn't do anything to hurt her!"
"Shut up!" He swung.
He ducked. "She was happy!"
"Shut UP!"
"She was happy but she wasn't as happy as she was before…" He stopped trying to dodge Caius' blows. Caius stopped his heart beating altogether. He continued. "She didn't like my world. A dying world of…nothing. She missed her life. She didn't want to die here. She loved me, yes, but…I could tell she loved someone else more."
Caius lowered his sword. Hi—Noel's shoulder continued to bleed but he continued to speak. "You may have thought she didn't love you but…but—ack—"
"Wait—" Caius moved.
But Noel was on the ground spasming uncontrollably. He spat out blood and swallowed it back. Caius winced as he watched on helplessly at the man he just killed. He convinced himself what he had done was right. It was right, goddammit! He stole her from him! She was his Yeul! He had no right. Caius scowled and pulled out a gun. Raising it to Noel's face, he shut his eyes and pulled the trigger.
The spasms stopped. Caius kicked his body and kneeled next to Yeul. She was dead. She was really dead.
For the first time in years, Caius Ballad began to cry.
He took the knife on the table.
He stared at her perfect face for what seemed to be an eternity. Finally, sighing, he grasped the handle tightly. A single tear rolled down his cheek.
It was silence.
The next sounds were the squelching of his heart spurting out love and passion and blood, and the sound of the knife dropping to the floor with a clang. Caius' body kneeled before Yeul, his right hand clutching at his heart desperately.
"Good night, Paddra-Nsu Yeul," he whispered. "I am Caius."
He coughed, spattering blood on her perfect picture.
Then there was silence.
Etro frowned. This story did not turn out as she would have liked. This painting did not make her feel what she expected to feel. She looked at the flaws and the things that went well. Flaws: a lot. Things that went well: next to none.
She decided to keep Lightning and Serah, Hope and his father, all those people in the future. Oh, and Noel too. She liked his character. He was the best she could've written or painted.
Then she glanced at Yeul. She shrugged. She could be useful, to spice things up a bit. But if there is a Yeul, there must be a Caius. Etro grimaced. She thought Caius didn't play to her liking. He was too hard to characterize or picture. He was too alive.
But she really really really wanted to use Yeul. Oh, to hell with it.
She placed Caius next to Yeul. Now she would have to make a better story. Caius killing Noel just would not do for her. She wondered what had made her write that horrid scene.
Aha! That's an idea.
Caius will belong to the oldest tribe on Pulse called the Farseers. Oh, and Noel will be 700 years into the future where he goes back in time to assist Serah in her search for Lightning! Yes, that will be a great plot device. First, Lightning must disappear…Hmm…yes, she could fall into a hole after Vanille and Fang are crystallized with Cocoon. I will save her, yes.
What will I do with Yeul? She could be…Hmm…she will be the Seeress, definitely. And Caius will be her Guardian. I will make him into a L'Cie, infuse in him the Heart of Chaos and the Eyes of—nah, that's for Yeul. Caius will be immortal and Yeul will still die when she hits fifteen. Then he starts to rip apart the timeline…yes, just to save her.
I shall work on this later. I need to sleep.
A/N: I've edited this countless times but I'm sure FFn will mess some things up again.. Well, here you go. If anyone can guess the book where some of the plot came from and the themes, as well as the song I got inspired by, then I give you a gazillion cookies. Um...please leave a kind review and have a nice day/afternoon/evening/night~ :)