Carlisle for President! This has been adapted from a dream I had. Hence the crazy.
It was a presidential candidate debate, and it was the most important one of the campaign. It had long been revealed that Carlisle Cullen was a vampire. It hadn't harmed the campaign, in fact it had helped it in some ways, but many voters were now undecided. After all, there had never been an Undead-American as president, and he had kept it from the public until the somebody leaked it. Carlisle waited anxiously for his opponent to make his final remarks, then Carlisle had to convince the free world that he was the man to lead it.
The opponent (his name was Barry) smiled smugly at the crowd. It was Barry who had leaked Carlisle's vampirism but far from decreasing popularity the revelation of Carlisle's vampirism had in fact gained him support in certain groups, specifically the female demographic. Not to mention history buffs after learning of Carlisle's origins.
Barry had thought that revealing Carlisle's secret keeping would turn the voters against him, plus the fact that, you know, he was a vampire. But when the story broke, Carlisle revealed all at the permission of the vampire overlords. And the vampire rulers who's lives had spanned two millennia gave him their full endorsement. They were old friends apparently. But now Barry would make the vampire-crazed crowd scream his name in joy. But now Barry would would turn this campaign around, he would have to thank his team for this plan when he won.
"Before I end and let Dr. Cullen proceed-" Barry was interrupted by the screams of support when he mentioned Carlisle's name. Barry waved his hands in a calm and polite 'shut the hell up' gesture that politicians do so well. "but I have someone who would like to speak on my behalf" Barry gestured to the side of the stage where a punkish looking man with highly eighties hair emerged from backstage. The audience was confused but was silent.
"Everyone, this is David, he's part of an organisation called the 'Lost Boys' and he would like to say a few words" Carlisle's breathing grew heavy (it did him no good of course, being the undead), this was highly irregular, what was Barry up to?
David stepped behind the podium, he cracked his neck, he appeared to begin to yawn, but it was not a yawn. He was showing his teeth. His pointy, elongated vampiric canine teeth. David jumped up with other-worldly grace onto the podium. Damn, thought Carlisle, that David
"Vote for Barry America! Vampires for Barry!" he then left in all his terrifying glory with the crowd screaming for Barry. Including the (female) debate host, who was meant to be impartial.
Carlisle was now hyperventilating and pacing the floor. Barry had sunk that low, gotten one of his own kind to turn against him. Carlisle had never really liked David, but the public did. David was eighties hot that would get the women voters, and he was just so cool males would be compelled to vote for Barry. he couldn't compete with that. Carlisle was of course, timelessly hot, but there was just something about David's awful clothes and terrible hair that combined made something wonderful. And Carlisle had never been part of the fads. Suddenly it occurred to Carlisle, let us fight fire with fire, he thought to himself. Carlisle may not be able to compete with eighties hot, but he sure knew how to match it; Turn of the century hot. Carlisle turned to his now worried looking family.
"Edward!" Carlisle said frantically "get out there and make your father president!" he hastily shoved Edward onto the stage and crossed his fingers.
Edward stepped nonchalantly onto the stage.
"Miss Noctua, if I may?" he said charmingly to the debate host.
"Of course Mr. Cullen" she sighed longingly.
"Thank you ever so much" he smiled and kissed her hand, she promptly fainted.
Edward gave the crowd a crooked smile, he tossed stray bit of hair from his face in a manner so wonderful only shampoo adverts could even attempt to duplicate it. "Vote for Carlisle" he implored the audience. He then turned his back to begin walking off stage, paused, turned his face to the audience, and winked a goodbye. There was a collective sigh from the crowd. But more was yet to be done, yes they had gained the women voters, but what of the men? Emmett knew exactly what to do. Emmett led his wife Rosalie, sisters Alice and Bella, niece Nessie and mother Esme onto the stage. "Trust me girls," he whispered in that nearly silent way vampires do. Emmett turned to the audience. Which was mainly males now as the females had left to camp outside the voting stations that opened tomorrow.
"My fellow dudes!" proclaimed Emmett "If you vote for Carlisle, this is your first lady" he gestured to Esme, "and take a look at the rest of the first family" he gestured to the other females of his family. The males of the audience (plus one female who had been unimpressed by Edward but wanted a slice of Emmett the beef cake) all swarmed out of the auditorium screaming "when do the damn voting stations open?!"
"I would have won if it weren't for you meddling Cullens!" muttered Barry bitterly.
That day was made a holiday after Carlisle's victory. 'National Swoon Day' they called it.
The End.
Disclaimerness (I know, at the end? Madness!) I own not Twilight, I hereby disclaim any rights to the film 'The Lost Boys' staring Keifer Sutherland. I also do not own the phrase 'those meddling Cullens' which was of course adapted from 'those meddling kids' from Scooby Doo.
Carlisle for President factoids!
In my dream the opponent was in fact Barack Obama, but when I started writing this the opponent became kind of evil, so he became Barry. This story goes out to my friend Rachael who loves both Barack and Carlisle a.k.a Barry and Carry.
I got the name 'Noctua' from my owl calendar cause that was in from of me when I wrote this. This months owl is Athene Noctua or Little Owl.
The female who wanted some of Emmett the Beef-cake is my friend Kate, who is Team Emmett all the way and dreams of him one day becoming a lumberjack.
Review if you want Carlisle for President! And even if you don't, review anyway!