This story is the mental baby of strayphoenix and Cornelia Claire Chase with assistance from Stray's brother White X-Slayer.
Will
Repeatedly insist that she likes Caleb
Ask her if you can see the Heart of Candracar every 5 minutes
Ask why her astral drop is so stupid
Imply it might have something to do with its creator
Tell her you can see why she likes frogs so much then don't tell her why
Tell her Mr. Collins will send her away to military school after marrying Susan
Show the other Guardians her baby pictures
Get 'Beat of My Heart' by Hilary Duff stuck in her head.
Buy her a Mrs. Huggles so she has to deal with two psychotic dormice
Tell her Aldarn has a crush on her
Tell her Drake has a crush on her
Tell her Phobos has a crush on her
Tell her Cedric has a crush on her
Spread a rumor that she likes Caleb
After Cornelia kicks her butt, insist it was Blunk who started it
Irma
Keep asking why she's such a flirt
Keep insisting that there is major chemistry between her and Martin
Ask her every 5 minutes if she could get you some water
Get 'She's My Kind of Rain' by Tim McGraw stuck in her head
Tell Chris how to open her diary
Tell her Aldarn has a crush on her
Tell her Drake has a crush on her
Tell her Phobos has a crush on her
Tell her Cedric has a crush on her
Insist that she has crushes on all of them
Tease that she's got a crush on Vance Michael Justin
Be sure to mention Cornelia does too
Spread a rumor that she likes Matt
Tell Will where she's hiding when she comes to kick her butt
Then insist that it was Cedric who started it
THOUGHT PROCESS
Chapter 1
Strayphoenix: (snickers as she is emailing Cornelia Claire Chase with more ways to annoy WITCH) That's so awesome and then we can...
Whitexslayer: (enters room) Um, Stray?
Stray: (rolls eyes) I'm kind of busy finding ways to torture my favorite WITCH characters, bro.
Slayer: (nervously) hehe...About that...there are seven canon characters, four series original characters and a large pissed off reptile waiting at the door
Stray: Damn they're quick. Oh well. (snaps laptop shut, opens hatch in the floor) To the bomb/flames shelter! (dives in)
Slayer: (peeks head into bomb/flames shelter) You have a bomb shelter?
Stray: (from inside) A bomb/flames shelterThis happens a lot more than you would think. Please close the hatch
Slayer: (sighs and closes hatch then goes to door where angry WITCH mob awaits with torches and pitchforks) She's um...out
Cornelia: Damn these accursed fanfiction writers and their bomb/flames shelters!
Irma: (powers up) I could flood her out
Aldarn: But then we'll never find out what happens to my sister with the freaky voice and strange sounding name!
Other Characters: (murmur in agreement)
Caleb: (dramatic Arnold Schwarzenegger voice to Slayer )We will spare her this time. But if she ever tries to turn us on each other with that stupid rumors thing...
Slayer: (raises eyebrows) That wasn't stray. That was her co-writer, Claire.
Will: (evil sideways glance) Really? ...
Dramatic Music: (plays)
With Claire:
Cornelia Claire Chase: (smiles at computer while emailing stray more ways we
can torture Witch) That's awesome! Another thing we could do to...
Sun (friend): (coming into room) Um...yeah, there's an angry mob of characters outside
the door looking for you.
Claire: Crap! Not again. To the escape pod to LOST Island! (Escape pod pops up
out of nowhere shuts laptop and gets up)
Sun: (staring at escape pod) Since when did you get an escape pod installed in
here?
Claire: Ever since Stray got a bomb/fire shelter. Come with me if you want to
live and help us torture the characters more!
Sun: Somebody's got to get rid of them
Claire: Good point. Once they're gone, just summon the escape pod to LOST
Island! (gets in escape pod with laptop, door shuts, and she's off to LOST
Island!)
Sun: (goes to door where mob awaits) Um...she's not here right now.
Cornelia: Remind me to add escape pods to LOST Island to the list of damned and
accursed items.
Aldarn: So, we'll just go find this "LOST Island" and do away with her!
Cornelia: Two problems with that: 1. No one knows where the hell or what the hell LOST Island is!? and 2. Then, we'll never find out whether or not we defeat Phobos again, what happens with me and Caleb, and if he gets rescued or not!
Other Characters (even Phobos): (murmur in agreement again)
Aldarn: Gr. Curse you fanfiction writers for writing such good stories that we
get hooked into reading!
Phobos: Well, she won't get so lucky again if she continues to do things to me
and blame Cedric and the others for it.
Sun: (raises eyebrows) That wasn't Claire. That was Stray.
All characters: (look at each other)
Vathek: (very heroic and determined) To Stray's!
Irma: (sigh) I have a feeling this will never end.