"Ugh" I cringed.
It seemed I was always ill lately. Those horrible days where the sunlight just burns, and the only way you can see yourself getting through the day is to slump on the sofa with a big thick duvet, mug of hot chocolate by your side watching cheesy chat shows and falling asleep. The kind of days where your head spins, and your eyes sting, and your skin begins to burn and dampens through sweat and yucky illness, and the only thing you could possibly get through is soup, because everything else requires too much energy to chew. The days where you can't breath through one side of your nose, and you have to open your mouth to let the air in, and it only brings horrible chapped lips and a sticky tongue, and when you finally get those few golden seconds when your nose begins to clear, it only tricks you by swapping to the other side.
This was one of those days.
"Ugh" I repeated into Edward's chest. Ah, Edward. Given, ill days are not my cup of tea, I doubt they were anyone's really, unless you truly hated school and a day of sickness was sweet relief. However, with Edward Cullen's cool arms wrapped around you, it made today just that little bit better. I was once again lost in the questioning of how this perfect, indescribable creature was somehow my boyfriend – what possible thing did I ever do to deserve, not just someone who I love to an unending extent, but who claims to love me in the same way. Well, not quite the same way, as I was on the verge of combustion, and anyone who ever loved someone this way was surely insane, and Edward was inot/i.
"What's wrong?" his angelic voice breathed, and I was forced to open my eyes. I was shocked to see that the film we had been watching had text scrolling up the screen, and Emmett, who had been here the last time I knew, was no longer perched on the edge of the sofa's arm. Had I actually fallen asleep?
"What happened?" I asked, cringing as I raised my head to look at Edward's face.
"Well... we were watching a rather boring film," he gently smiled, "and then you dozed off."
Ah. So I had fallen asleep. Is it verging on the borderline of madness when you don't even realise you were semi-unconscious?
"How long was I out?" I shut my eyes again, finding comfort in the lack of the dim light.
"Well, judging by your mumbles and speech, I'd say half an hour or so."
My eyes flicked open and my stomach sunk. "Speech?" I groaned, rolling my head over to bury my face in Edward's chest. He chuckled, and I heard it coming from inside him. It was oddly soothing.
"Don't worry. You only mentioned me once or twice. It was only until you started groaning that Emmett got uncomfortable." He laughed.
I swear my heart stopped. What had I been dreaming? I couldn't even remember. Ignoring the devastating burn in my throat, and the thudding in my head, I snapped my head up, eyes wide. The look of horror on my face was enough for Edward to react, and he was instantly laughing uncontrollably. I slapped him once on the chest, knowing that the pain was only on my behalf, yet I didn't care.
"Shush! It's all right for you, you're not the one having dodgy dreams and speaking them outloud!" I moaned. I waited a few moments for him to calm down before I pouted at him, rolling my bottom lip out and gazing down.
He put his finger on my bottom lip before quickly ducking to kiss it. He kept his hand cupped around my cheek, and his thumb started to stroke my skin. I closed my eyes.
"I was joking, love." he whispered. I opened my eyes again to look at his apologetic eyes. "You didn't say anything, don't worry." I smiled, and he leaned in to kiss the tip of my nose. "You were only snoring quietly." his lips moved against the bridge of my nose, and they glided up to my temple. There, he planted three gentle kisses, and I sighed.
"That's even worse." I mumbled. I heard his chuckle move over to my ear, and felt his cold lips kiss the tender skin behind it. It was so unbelievably easy to lose myself when he was kissing me. He very rarely kissed my lips, it was usually different places on my face, or my arms, or my neck. That way, when the time did come for him to kiss my lips, it made that moment just that bit so unbelievably precious. His lips had started to kiss a trail from the dip in my neck to the tip of my shoulder, and back again. He did this three or four times before he sighed, and rested his head against my shoulder.
"I wish you would know how much I love you." he murmured. I smiled, and was about to reply, when I found myself choking viscously and unable to breathe. Edward snapped back up and was gone, and within the same second he was back by my side, glass of ice cold water in hand. I took it from him quickly, drinking a vast amount as I felt my throat begin to sooth it's way back to normal, groggy illness. Edward sat behind me, and was slowly rubbing gentle circles on my back. I reached over to put the empty glass on the coffee table, then sunk into his lap, closing my eyes. He shifted so that I would be more comfortable, and repeatedly brushed the hair from my forehead. He began to hum my lullaby, very softly, and I felt the routine of normality kick in. I relaxed as I became familiar with the path his fingers made; brushing one side of my hair, following the curve of my jaw-line, trailing down to beneath my chin, down my neck and from one side of my collar-bone to the other, gliding back up the side of my neck and around my ear before starting again. I sighed into his lap further, and he lifted my hand to kiss each finger, before entwining them with his and stroking my face. The relaxation I felt in this moment was exquisite, so when multiple thuds of someone pounding down the stairs murdered that feeling, I felt myself slip into an typical teenage temper tantrum. I huffed and opened my eyes to see Emmett Cullen, smiling widely at me from the other end of the sofa.
"What?" I spat, and felt the vibrations of Edward's chuckle ripple against my back.
"Now, now" he said, wagging one finger from side to side, shaking his head, "I wont take that tone from you." I closed my eyes and counted to 5. 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi, 5 Mississippi...
"Yes, Emmett?" I said gently.
He chuckled once before speaking. "I have something for you." he grinned. "Something I know you will appreciate."
"And what might that be?" I asked. He pulled out from behind his back a small, multicoloured rubber duck. I examined it, unsure where he was going with this.
"Emmett," I began, "I know I am a considerable amount younger than you, but that's just ridiculous."
His mouth dropped, and he looked horrified. "How dare you!" he shouted, and I cringed at the sound. Edward moved to kiss my hair, and his thumb began to rub small circles on my hand. I was instantly relaxed again.
"Sorry," Emmett said, fluttering his eyelashes in a playful way. I rolled my eyes. "Anyhow, what I was getting at was that I... made you a bath!" His grin by this point was so stupidly wide that I couldn't help but giggle at him. Then it hit me what he said.
Oh. A bath. Sure, I love that feeling of first getting into a bath and your body just melts, and you feel totally bliss. I mean, I may not be into all other girly things like shopping and chocolate fondues, but a bath is something that everyone can enjoy. But after the first 5 minutes or so, you begin to feel uncomfortable and hot, and then you feel stupid for sitting in a tub of hot water, with nothing to do but drink considerable amounts of cold water in order to cool you down. For me, showers were the way to go.
"Oh" I said, but felt bad once Emmett's face sunk into a small frown. As much as he could be annoying, Emmett had become a very close friend, and there was no point in denying that he was so incredibly funny. I had known him no longer than 4 weeks, what with being Edward's girlfriend, and already we had had multiple pillow fights, several sessions of cookie-baking and many horror-film nights, where I would cower into Edward's chest as Emmett laughed at the "inexcusable acting". So when I saw him frown, it made me unhappy too.
"Fine," I said, untangling mine and Edward's hands to sit up properly. I grabbed the rubber duck from Emmett's hand and stood up, with great effort. But my body seemed to refuse to stand up, and sent a rush of blood strait up to my already heavy head, and I felt a tickle in my nose. I braced myself for an almighty sneeze that I knew was going to come any second, so I held my hands out and closed my eyes. When I did sneeze, the force of it made me lose my balance, and I wobbled around on one leg until I fell backwards into something very hard. Before I could even look to see where I was, strong arms had hooked themselves underneath my legs, and I was instantly horizontal. I opened my eyes to see Edward's shirt, and was horrified to realise I was being carried up the stairs. I started to squirm and kick, doing all in my power to resist the humiliation of being carried, but he was not having it.
So I decided to let him have his way. Besides, it's not as if I had any energy, so I may as well let him carry me. I wrapped my arms loosely around his neck, and rested my head against his chest. I let the soft bump of every step fall into a soothing rhythm, until my feet were put gently on a hard, wooden floor.
"Just because I'm not feeling one-hundred-percent, doesn't mean you have the ability to take advantage of me." I pouted.
"Well, then it's up to me to make sure you are feeling one-hundred-and-ten-percent." he grinned. His hands slipped down to rest on my hips, and, even with my eyes closed, I could tell he was smiling my favourite smile. Very carefully, he placed a kiss on the side of my neck, and I felt his hand slide it's way up my spine, to cup the side of my face. His other arm wrapped itself around my waist, and pulled me tighter against his cool body. I started to stroke the small amount of hair on the back of his neck, and mentally followed his lips move over to my shoulder. I let him hold me up, sinking into his body and hanging onto his neck, and he allowed me to kiss his collarbone. I tried my luck further, by leaving trails of kissing up his neck, across his jaw, his chin...
Abruptly, I was at arm's length, staring at him questioningly. H stared at me back, a gentle smile on the one side of his face. He stroked my cheek with his thumb.
"I'm sorry." He said simply. "It's just," he sighed, trying to find the best way to put this. I knew then, that this was a time where he was about to explain something to me, without scaring me off. I stood still, patient. "When I kiss you, it takes an enormous amount of self control for me. But that's fine, it's not me that I'm worried about. If I'm in control, then I know I won't hurt you." he explained, looking at me in the eye. "But, when you kiss me, it's an entirely different thing." He grinned then, lightly poking me on the tip of my nose. I smiled back. "There's only so much control I have..." he trailed off, smiling wider, before sneakily dipping down to kiss me softly on my lips. Before I could get a chance to appreciate this fully, he had pulled away and was no longer supporting my weight. It took me a moment to steady myself and realise he had disappeared from the room. It was then that I realised I was in their bathroom. Oh. I felt the colour rise to my cheeks, and was relieved that Edward wasn't here to see me blush.
I looked around to see that over-seized bath tub filled with hot, bubbly water, and I had to admit, Emmett had made a good job with this. That was, until I saw a necklace draped over one of the taps with a pile of magazines besides the bath, and I rolled my eyes. Alice. Of course, this had Alice Cullen written all over it. I sighed, and removed my thick jumper. By the time I had folded it and folded it over the sink, Edward had returned with, what looked like, a small box full of many different bath soaps and beauty accessories. I panicked.
"Alice left you a few magazines," he said, shrugging and putting the box to one side and nodding over to the magazines. I groaned, reluctantly picking them up and scanning through the titles. Most of the covers had the same photos on them, just with different titles. Edward's arms wrapped around my waist from behind, and I let them magazines fall to the floor, making a large "flop".
"Oops" I said, and Edward chuckled behind me.
"C'mon" he said, clapping his hands. "Bath time."
I moaned again, and he kissed my hair before throwing me a quick smile and slipping out the door. I stayed firmly where I was for a moment, and then strode over to the door to lock it. I stripped and folded everything neatly on top of my jumper, and climbed weakly into the bath.
The hot water burnt my skin for a split second, and I jumped back out instinctively. I added a bit more cold water, before trying again. The water was still hot, but I could stand it this time. I sunk in, letting the water cover my body until it was touching the bottom of my chin. I closed my eyes and relaxed my hands, feeling them rise slowly to the surface.
My toes fiddled with the taps, occasionally dipping in to them and then wrapping around them. I breathed heavily, slowly, feeling totally at ease. Right now, I couldn't care about anything; there was nothing that could bother me. Not even illness.
Musical notes began to play themselves up the stairs. I sighed in contempt; Edward was playing. I had only ever heard him play once, and that was the first time I had come here. His talents never ceased to amaze me, and the way he played the Piano had me mesmerized. I still remember watching his long, truly alien-like fingers dance around on the white keys as they played my lullaby. However, these notes weren't that same tune that he often hummed, but something completely different – ones I'd never heard before. I listened closer, trying to pick out the emotions he was portraying in this particular piece of music. I couldn't put my finger on it, but whatever it was, I felt even more peaceful.
I continued to listen to his music for several minutes; he never faltered. I listened as it told me a different story, one full of happiness, love, anguish, angst, lust, and many more. I could feel my senses closing down; my mind was a still lake. I listened to it being toyed with until it begin to form into a piece of music, twisting and turning to fit different moods, until it stopped dead. I opened my eyes and almost jumped out of the bath in shock as the door opened, revealing Edward's anxious face. "Hey" he murmured softly, peeking around the door. I smiled back, feeling the colour rising to my cheeks.
I was suddenly very concious of the fact that I was naked with Edward in the room. He came in, turning around to close the door. I took this as an opportunity to collect as many bubbles as I could and decorate myself with them to the best of my ability. He strode over to perch himself on the edge of the bath, and I stayed as still as I possibly could, trying desperately not to destroy any of the white cloud of bubbles that covered my body.
"How are you doing?" he asked, his voice intoxicating my mind. I tried to speak, but found that nothing but I growl came out. It appeared to be that I had lost the ability of speech in the few minutes I had been quiet.
"That good?" he smirked, and I rolled my eyes. I coughed to clear my throat. "So, you made a new piece of music?" I asked.
He scratched the back of his neck. "Er, yeah. Nothing much, I was just playing around really." He said, smiling. "How's the bath?"
I blushed further, "Running slowly out of bubbles." I admitted, and he turned around to pick up the large bottle of bubble bath. As he grabbed it, he noticed my clothes, and, to my absolute horror, my undergarments. Was there anything else that could possibly happen to me now that would result in more embarrassment? He passed me the bottle, knocking my bra to the floor. He bent down to pick it up and put it back on the side.
The answer was yes. Yes it could get more embarrassing.
I squeezed the bottle until I had put a decent amount of bubbles in, and swished the water around to make sure they came up all fluffy, like before. I felt much more relaxed with a few more bubbles to cover me up with. Edward sat back on the edge of the bath again, picking up a handful of bubbles. I watched as they, one by one, popped in his grasp. He cautiously peered down at me and smiled. Then, before I knew what was happening, I had water splashed lightly across my face with white bits of fluff clinging onto my eyelashes. I screamed in shock before wiping my eyes to see what had happened. Edward was laughing now, and I noticed his hand was wet from the recent water attack. I scowled at him, flicking as much water over him as I could.
We continued like this for a few minutes, laughing and squealing (on my behalf, his was just more laughing), until we were both tired. I blew some hair from my face and he chuckled as it fell back down, so he tucked it back behind my ear for me.
"Thanks" I whispered, and he gave me another one of his breath-taking smiles. He leaned in to kiss my lips, and I willingly kissed him back. I could feel that he was holding himself back, trying not to hurt me but yet giving me what I wanted. I tried not to kiss him with too much eagerness, but the desire I held for him was too over-powering, and I couldn't help myself. I grabbed clumps of his hair and pulled myself closer to him, never wanting to let go. I tried to open his mouth further to access him further, but he had pulled away before I could try. I could never get used to the way he acted with inhumane speed.
He grinned at me. "You seem to have a memory span of about two and a half minutes." He said simply, kissing my forehead. "Did I not just draw a few lines on our physical relationship?"
I sighed. "Well, yeah... I guess I was kinda hoping you might be persuaded otherwise" I said shyly. I peeked through my eyelashes just in time to see his horrified face, before he composed it back to it's original, smooth self. I quickly looked back down, trying to hide the red blush spreading it's way across my cheeks. He gently brushed his fingers across one of them, and the cold of his hands was a nice contrast to the heat. "Love," he began softly, "as much as you do appeal to me in the most human of ways," he chuckled, "I can't just quickly slip up." He sighed, as did I. I knew he meant full well, and that was hard for him. But I couldn't help myself from wondering.
"I think..." I started, unsure of how to put it. I looked him in the eye, and he waited patiently for me to finish. "I think, that you love me so much, it would be impossible for you to ever hurt me." I paused, waiting for him to reply, but he didn't say anything, so I continued. "That, maybe you know deep down that hurting me would only result in your own pain, so you wouldn't be able to -"
"Love, do you really think that the reason I don't want to hurt you is so as I won't get hurt?" I continued to look at him, and he looked right back into my eyes, trying with all his might to convey this. "If I ever hurt you, if I ever unintentionally did you any harm, it would not matter how I felt, that has nothing to do with any of it." he stopped when I lowered my eyes, and he lifted my chin so as I was looking at him again. "The fact is that I would have hurt you. Would have caused you pain. Do you know how much it kills me to see you cry? To see you frown when you get a cold? To hear that you are in the slightest bit unhappy? But if I was to be the one causing you this pain and misery, I could not live with myself." He finished. I tried to smile, but it felt like the muscles in my face were numb. I knew I was showing no emotion, yet I wanted him to see the way I felt.
The idea of Edward hurting anyone was just madness. He was such a kind, gently, loving creature, incapable of hurting anything. I knew that he could, quite easily, hurt something if he wasn't paying attention, but it felt to me that he had immaculate self-control, and therefore there was no chance he could hurt me, or anything else.
He moved away from me and sat back in his original position. He looked at me. "I want you to pick that soap bubble up." he said. I looked around me, but couldn't understand what he was talking about.
"What?" I questioned.
"The soap bubble. Pick it up. Hold it in your hand, and look at it."
I looked around once again to see this soap bubble, but I couldn't pick out which one he was talking about.
"Which one?" I asked.
"Whichever you want."
I sighed. I scanned the bath until I found a large bubble, perfectly round, buried amongst the others. As careful as I could possibly be, I extracted it from it's bed, and very slowly lifted it up. I held it, cupped in my hands, careful not to flinch in case it popped. I looked questioningly up at Edward.
"What now?"
"Just, look at it. Admire it."
Completely unsure as to where he was going with this, I obeyed. I lifted it up, closer to my face, until I could see my own, mingled reflection in it. I turned and twisted my hands, watching the rainbow on the edge of it move with me. Nothing special was happening, but I was particularly proud that it had managed to stay in my hands. I smiled to myself, continuing to examine it from every angle.
To my utter devastation, I moved my hand too fast, and the bubble was gone, leaving behind it a deadly silence.
"And now you're dead," Edward said numbly.
And I understood. My heart had frozen, and my hands were still in the same position as they had been moments before when the bubble was still in my hand. I stared at the place it had been, transfixed. And then my breath came, fast, as I tried to put the pieces together. I looked up at Edward, and for the first time, saw the complete self-loathing painted across his beautiful face.
"It's not that I would ever hurt you with any conscience," he said slowly, "but you are my soap bubble." He sighed, and his eyes lowered. "You try, with everything you have, to keep that bubble from popping, from breaking. Just one move, one flinch, and it's gone. You don't know why you feel so responsible, or why you miss it so much. It's the same as questioning why it was that one that stood out to you so much. Maybe because it was the most perfect out of the rest of every single bubble in this bath, and you were just drawn to it. But, once you've found it, once you've picked it up and it's in your hands, it's taken everything just to get it this far; you will do all in your power not to destroy it. But it's just so fragile, so perfect, that one falter, one lapse in your self-control, it's over."
I was still unable to move, hearing the words coming from him and putting them together. I looked back down at my hands, that were still in the same position, and understood now what he meant.
"Yes, you are human, and yes, you are not as fragile as a soap bubble," he said "but I am not human. To me, you are just as fragile as that soap bubble was to you." He stroked the side of my face and I leaned into his touch. Now understanding everything that he did, something even so simple as this, took an immense amount of discretion. I nodded, and he kissed my hair.
"Doesn't mean I love you any less." he grinned and I smiled in return, kissing his wrist.
"I love you too."
He continued to stroke my cheek and I became aware of the fact that there were many bubbles disappearing. "I think I need to get out." I said, and he jumped up, darting out of the room, only to return seconds later with a large, white, fluffy towel. I smiled in appreciation, and took the towel from his hands.
I could tell he was about to say something, when all of a sudden there was a defining screech from downstairs. It seemed as though somebody had taken advantage of Edward's absence on the piano, Alice, I would have no doubt. Edward looked furious.
"Be back in a minute." he said through gritted teeth. "Just popping out to murder a Vampire."
I chuckled to myself, and counted to five. I hadn't even reached 2 before the noise ended.
***
Once in my fluffy pyjamas and Edward's thick jumper, I scrambled into the "bed" the Cullens had made me last week. I flicked the light switch off, and pulled the covers up to my chin. I had barely been lying down a minute before I felt Edward crawl in besides me. I turned around, automatically pulling myself closer to him, before I remembered tonight, and held back.
"It's all right, love." he whispered in my ear, wrapping his arms around me. "It doesn't change anything. It's just, I wanted you to understand that, even though I do hate to admit it, there is that slight probability that I might... loose control."
"I know." I mumbled into his chest. He sighed, and my head followed him. "I just hate that this is painful for you. I know how hard I tried to keep that bubble whole, and I hate that being in this relationship is causing you pain."
"Does it matter?"
I yanked away to look at him. "Yes, of course it matters! How could you think it doesn't!"
"Is it not worth it all? Yes, so I have to control myself around you, but in the end, I get to be with you. No one else in the entire history of the world has ever been, or will ever be, as lucky as I am."
I grinned sheepishly. "And what about me? Did it ever occur to you that I might just be that one person who is luckier?"
He chuckled. "Admitted, no it hasn't. But we can try and prove to each other who loves who more another day. In the mean time, I suggest you sleep." I felt his hand smooth back my damp hair, and his clod lips touched my nose. I sighed in content, listening to him him my lullaby until I slipped into a blissful sleep.