"Night, guys," Detective Amanda Rollins told her squad. She clocked out, feeling exhausted after a long day of work. She couldn't wait to get home and go to sleep.
She was heading to her car when somebody grabbed her and pulled her into the bushes. She realized there were three men. The man who grabbed her was now pinning her to the ground.
"You're in debt to the wrong person, sweetheart," the man growled. Amanda recognized him as Declan Murphy. She owed him a lot of money, but she had been paying him as she earned money.
"I-I've been p-paying you," Rollins argued.
"I need all the money now," Murphy demanded.
"I don't have it all now," Amanda spat.
"Fine. Then, you'll have to start paying it off differently," Murphy growled. Before she could respond, one of the men held a gun to Amanda's head. Murphy began pulling her clothes off, and Amanda started struggling. She opened her mouth to scream.
"You scream. You die," Murphy warned her. Amanda let out a whimper. Murphy's grip on her was strong, and she couldn't even attempt to reach for her gun.
"Please, d-don't. Please, don't. I-I'll get you the m-money, I pr-promise," Amanda pleaded.
"I think you need a little motivation to ensure I get my money," Murphy smirked. Her shirt was off, and Murphy pulled her jeans off. He pulled off her underwear before unzipping his pants.
"No, please. Please, don't. Please," Amanda begged, her body now trembling. He planted a kiss on her lips. Amanda continued struggling, and Murphy slapped her across the face.
"Do you really want to struggle while there's a gun to your head?" Murphy questioned. Whimpers continued to come from Amanda as she pleaded for Murphy to let her go. He slapped her a few times to make her shut up or stop squirming or just to remind her who was in charge. He forced himself inside of her, and Amanda let out a cry of pain. He did as he pleased while Amanda cried and begged him to stop.
Twenty minutes later, Murphy came out of her. She was sobbing and trembling. She was bleeding. He zipped up his pants. He smirked and caressed her face, causing her to flinch.
"Now, not a word to your lieutenant. You wouldn't want to make things worse. You'll meet me at the bar around the corner next week with ten thousand of the twenty thousand you owe," Murphy told her.
"P-please. I-I can't g-get t-ten grand in a w-week," Amanda begged.
"Find a way, unless you want to work it off on your back again," Murphy spat. The three men left. Amanda laid there for a few minutes before getting dressed and shaking walking to her car. It was actually more of a limp. She was in so much pain.
When she finally got home, she went to shower. She took a two hour long shower. When she got out, her skin was red from the hot water and from scrubbing so hard. She stared at herself in the mirror. There was a bruise on her cheek and one on her eye. There were bruises on her inner thighs. Walking was a chore. She limped to her bed and cried into her pillow. Frannie jumped on the bed, and Amanda let out a shriek. She relaxed when she saw her dog. Frannie snuggled up to her in an attempt to comfort her.
After a restless night filled with nightmares, Amanda woke up to her cell phone ringing. She opened her eyes to answer the phone, but she closed them again as she brought her phone to her ear.
"Hello?" She mumbled, still tired.
"Rollins, where are you?" A frustrated voice asked. It was Olivia. The memories of last night flooded back to her, and she let out a whimper.
"Uh, sorry. I-I overslept. I-I'll be there in a half hour," Amanda apologized.
"Hurry up," her lieutenant snarled before hanging up the phone. Why was the blonde detective always late to work?
She's probably gambling again. Or she drank too much last night. Olivia thought to herself.
Amanda forced herself out of bed. She felt so dirty, and she didn't have enough time to take a shower. However, she didn't care. She was already two hours later. What's one more hour at this point? Olivia was going to scold her anyway.
Amanda took a forty five minute shower. As she showered, the night before continued to replay itself in her head. Murphy had pinned her down. Two other guys were with him. One of the other guys held a gun to her head. Murphy had taken her clothes off. He had unzipped his pants. She begged him not to do anything. He didn't listen. He raped her. He threatened her, saying that if she didn't have ten grand to him by next week, he would rape her again.
She couldn't go to her squad. Olivia would be angry at her since she seems to blame Amanda for everything. In Olivia's eyes, Amanda can't do anything right. Olivia wouldn't want to deal with Amanda's personal problems.
She won't believe you anyway. She'll think you're lying. You always lie to her. Why would she believe you now? Amanda wondered to herself.
She couldn't tell Fin or Carisi either. They would believe her, but they would also blame her. It was all her fault. If she hadn't gambled, she wouldn't owe Murphy so much money. He wouldn't have raped her if she just didn't gamble. It's all her fault. Fin and Carisi would never look at her the same way again.
Amanda was ready and driving to work a half hour after her shower. She was bracing herself to be reprimanded by her lieutenant. She knew she deserved it for being late.
She clocked in as she entered the squad room. She headed to her desk, and Fin watched her. Amanda noticed and became uncomfortable. Carisi didn't seem to notice her entrance until she greeted them in a quiet voice.
"Where were you?" Carisi asked.
"I overslept," Amanda mumbled.
"Amanda, are you gambling again?" Fin whispered.
"No, Fin. I'm not," Amanda answered. It was true. The debt she owed Murphy was from before the squad found out about her gambling. Fin gave her an unsure look.
"Rollins, my office," Olivia called, appearing in the doorway of her office. Amanda sighed quietly, and both Fin and Carisi gave her a sympathetic look. Carisi placed his hand on Amanda's shoulder, accidentally causing her to flinch. The flinch didn't go unnoticed by either male detective. Amanda stood up abruptly and headed to Olivia's office.
"Care to explain why you were late today?" Olivia asked, clearly annoyed.
"I overslept. I'm sorry, Lieutenant. It won't happen again," Amanda mumbled.
"Why did you oversleep?" The lieutenant questioned, suspecting there was more to the story.
"I went to bed late," Amanda answered, growing frustrated.
"Were you gambling?" Benson asked.
"No. You know I'm going to meetings for that," Amanda responded. Olivia noticed Amanda's eyes were puffy.
"Were you crying?" She asked hesitantly.
"No," Amanda grumbled.
"Just start being on time. Fin shouldn't be without a partner because you don't go to bed early," Olivia scoffed.
"Copy that, Lieutenant," Amanda responded.
"We're done here."
As the hours passed, it became clear to the squad something was off with Amanda. She wasn't talking much, and she flinched when Carisi or Fin gestured. She tried to keep it on the down low, but she wasn't too successful.
When it was time to clock out for the day, Amanda feared walking to her car alone. She worried Murphy might come out of nowhere and give her another "warning".
"Good night, guys," Amanda said to the squad.
"I'll walk you out," Carisi offered, getting up from his desk. Amanda didn't feel comfortable alone with a man, but she felt more uncomfortable walking to her car alone, so she didn't protest.
"Hey, what's with you today? You've seemed a bit off," Carisi pointed out as they exited the building.
"Uh I'm fine. Really. I just didn't sleep too well," Amanda lied. It was true she didn't sleep too well, but that wasn't why she was acting different. She was far from fine, and Carisi could tell.
"Why didn't you sleep too well?" Carisi questioned. There was a slight pause as Amanda tried to think of an excuse.
"Uh Frannie was sick. She threw up like three times," Amanda lied. Carisi didn't press Amanda for more details since she clearly didn't want to talk about whatever was going on, and she was only going to keep lying.
"Night. Drive safe," Carisi smiled once they reached Amanda's car.
"Thanks," Amanda responded. She got in her car, relieved that no one tried to attack her. She quickly started her car and drove away.
When she got home, she hurried to take a shower. After an hour, she got out, dried off, and tried to stop her hysterical crying. She went to her kitchen, feeling the need for a glass of vodka. As she poured a glass, her phone buzzed.
Unknown: I hoped you learned your lesson. I'm expecting that ten thousand by Friday night unless you want a repeat of last night. And don't go to your lieutenant. One word to your squad, and you won't even see me coming. You'll just be gone.
Amanda felt the color drain from her face. She didn't respond to the text. Instead, she made sure her door was locked, closed all of her windows, and put her glass away. Instead, she drank straight from the bottle. Once the bottle of vodka was empty, Amanda stumbled to her bedroom. Suddenly, she felt nauseous. She rushed into her bathroom and threw up. A half hour later, she got up from the bathroom floor and crawled into bed. It didn't take long for exhaustion and her sobs to put her to sleep.