He couldn't wait anymore, abandoned by the sun. The violins started first, always the violins.
Ianto left his beat up old car on the side of that road and ran into the club, determined he would never see it again. For all that he was, Ianto was a steady and determined individual. At least, that's how it used to be.
Ianto had this sneaky suspicion that he was changing; leaving little bits of his soul scattered across the pages of a history he was no longer writing. Before Torchwood One, there had been control. He hadn't been spectacular at anything but hiding in the library and reading, but he had been in control of that.
Like his dad, he saw life in numbers. Like his mom, he saw things in sections. Organized and brilliant, that was Ianto Jones to a tee. Only, unlike what he remembered of his parents, the inside was a mess. The inside was pain, shifting and uncomfortably numb.
The lights hitting behind Ianto's head were turning blue. He was bathed in it; the color and intensity of his pain. He took a deep breath and looked out into the crowd. There he was. The man who had stolen his breath, and his life. A man so intent and unaware of anyone but himself that he drew all to him. A man from the future.
There had been many comments on the things Ianto could do. But this, this should have been his alone. A low drum beat began to play and Ianto grabbed onto his arm, sunk his fingers into his own flesh and let one tear began to trickle down his face. His normal impeccably placed hair was as disheveled as the mess of thoughts going on beneath his mind.
He had tried to explain it all to Jack earlier in the day. He had failed miserably at the one thing that might have saved his conscience.
"I hate the things I feel when you're around me." Ianto stared into the bottom of his coffee cup, willing it to fill again. He slumped down in his chair slightly, trying to become smaller.
"I've noticed. You're rather jumpy. Not hiding another Cyber woman, are we?" Jack's eyes were half filled with bemusement, hidden behind that a questioning glance.
"No, it's nothing like that. It's just that, I feel like you steal a part of me with your light." Jack cocked his head slightly as Ianto spoke.
"My light?" Jack allowed his eyebrows to furrow while he shifted in his chair, digesting the information, and staring intently into the younger pair of eyes. For Ianto to have all these overwhelming feelings was normal, at least from what Jack had witnessed, but the desire to express them made Jack pay more attention.
"You are so incredible. With the flirting, and the leading, and the sex, and the everything."
"The sex?"
"What I mean to say is..."
"Ianto, what's wrong? If you just close your eyes and say it real fast, maybe it won't hurt so much."
But he'd chickened out, bolted from the room as Jack's on again, off again flirter entered the room and caught his eye. Ianto loved working for Torchwood, the secrecy, the accomplishments, all of it. But that feeling, that feeling was all over. He turned to Emily, finishing her notes on the violin.
Space and time hung in the air and Ianto Jones reached into his vest pocket, seizing the tiny object. He turned his head slightly and a beautiful lower baritone note began to descend on Jack's ears. This song was for him and him alone.
I'd give anything not to feel again
Not to want your arms or smile
But that can't be
Jaime was there beside him, playing an acoustic guitar, lending a falsetto twang to Ianto's lyrics. Jaime and Emily had promised to take Ianto with them.
No happily ever after
No sunsets in the west
When your hand caresses my skin
No one knew.
I haven't asked for things
I feel cursed from within
For loving something so far
Yet so deep within
No one had ever bothered or thought to ask.
My heart never gets the chance
To stabilize or rest
My fondest wish to be away
But I'll never get that chance
No one had gone through the alcoholism, the verbal abuse, the subjugation that he had undergone.
Because I need you endlessly
Through night and bitter day
If only I could believe, have the strength to say
Except for Xander Harris. Xander Harris was waiting for him, near the door. Xander noticed the look passing between the two. The great tragedy of the immortal and the beloved servant, coming to an end.
I haven't asked for things like this
I feel cursed from within
For loving something so far
Yet so deep within me
All is silver glass, and the ships are passing into the west. Xander remembered three years ago, when he had proposed to Angel. Proposed a bonding ritual Angel couldn't have fulfilled even if he had wanted. Simply because he wasn't the right one.
If you ever go, I'll never survive
But yet I know
I don't hold that power
Ianto's hand shook as he took the nearby glass of water.
How can it be?
How will I survive
Even for that hour
Only too late did Jack Harkness realize that Ianto Jones had just swallowed a long-term amnesia pill.