BORN TO DIE.
A/N: I do not own Glee or anything affiliated with the TV show. This oneshot mentions MPREG and ABORTION so if this isn't you're thing I urge you to turn back now. So if you're still here, enjoy.
They'd been doing the long distance thing for a while, four months approximately. Everyday felt like another stab to the chest for Blaine... every day he was struggling more and more at McKinley. He desperately wanted to return to Dalton but it was senior year and he knows he really probably shouldn't transfer; plus he loved Glee and Tina and the rest of the group...
It was just hard without Kurt.
Sure when he first left they skyped all the time and sent texts throughout the day - staying up late, curled up in bed imagining Kurt wasn't just a few words on a screen, that he was there snuggled up next to him; making fun of him for being a massive cuddle whore.
But as time went by the texts lessened, the skype conversations came to stunned pauses that were no longer filled with a comfortable silence - for Blaine those silences were filled with a complete ache of just missing the smiling, loving Kurt that would chat aimlessly for hours on end about NYADA, New York but also asking how Blaine was, McKinley, Glee Club.
Now... he didn't see that Kurt. Now he seemed distracted, not like he didn't love Blaine or didn't miss him - but like he couldn't handle the conversation, like he struggled to know what to say anymore.
That was before he even came home for Christmas.
Blaine was so excited to see Kurt, the last time was Thanksgiving but that was when things were still "I love you, Blaine, I can't wait to see you" and then he'd give him a scarily accurate time of how long it was until they could just hold each again - a lot of the time was down to the minute. Now if Kurt said something vaguely similar it would just be "see you in a few weeks, B".
But Blaine still hung onto hope, that if he rushed over to Kurt's house the same day as he arrived home they'd have some run into each other's arms moment and one of them would jump and their legs will wrap around the others waist while they just felt so completely in love.
Of course it wasn't like that... but it wasn't bad. It was a lot easier than skype, they loved each other - it wasn't awkward. They hugged and kissed, they talked and laughed, they even jokingly sung a little, for Blaine this was what he was missing; the feeling like he was still in Junior year and Kurt wasn't nearly 600 miles away. For God's sake that was the length of England ... an entire nation.
A lot of their Christmas was spent that way, feeling in love but also trying to forget that Kurt will shortly be returning back to New York and they'd most probably be returning back to the way they were before...
One moment stuck in Blaine's head, they were sat on his bed, his parent's out, Cooper, who was home for the holiday season, out drinking with friends at a local bar.
They were sat together, wrapped in each other's arms watching what he could only call the 4th Grey's Anatomy episode they'd seen that evening when Kurt suddenly turned to him and placed a soft kiss behind his ear, then slowly creeping down his neck - Blaine had missed this. Kurt had been back two weeks and they'd yet to have had sex, both of them knew why but refused to talk about it... it was because they didn't feel close anymore.
Well that's where it led; sex.
It was like it was before full of love and adoration and passion. Although at times they felt so grown up, they were still teenagers and their hormones still raged.
Blaine remembered feeling so complete, not just physically but emotionally - like that special part of him that had been missing since Thanksgiving had returned and... like all his doubts had just flown out the window.
He fell asleep in Kurt's arms feeling so blissfully happy - waking up though. That was a different story.
The minute he woke up he knew something was wrong. Kurt wasn't holding him, in fact the space next to him was cold - eerily so.
Blaine rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and slowly sat up, he saw Kurt looking out of his window into the snow dusted garden and immediately he could see Kurt's mind racing, jumbled yet so determined.
He slowly got out of the bed and walked up behind Kurt, then slowly sliding his arms around his waist going to rest his chin on his shoulder but before he could Kurt spoke.
"Blaine... no." He whimpered as he turned around.
The younger man immediately stepped back, looking as if someone had punched him in the stomach.
"What?" Blaine whispered.
"We need to stop lying to ourselves, B." Kurt looked just as heartbroken as Blaine felt. "This isn't working anymore... this distance thing, it's breaking us."
"Sure, it's been a bit different lately but... but were you not there last night? You can't tell me you didn't feel anything... you just can't." The tears were filling Blaine's as he choked on his words.
"Blaine..." and that was all he had to hear before the anger got to him.
"So you just used me? Thought you'd have one more go at it and then just dump me like last week's trash?"
"Of course not, I lov - -."
"I swear to God, Kurt, if you say you love me I will not be responsible for my actions." Kurt just stood there, gazing at the floor. Blaine could feel the tears slowly slipping over onto his cheeks. "What's so wrong with me, Kurt? I thought things were changing back to the way they were these last two weeks, but obviously all your NYADA classes have made your acting simply amazing."
"It's not your fault, Blaine, and I had no intention of breaking up with you after we had sex - if anything I was hoping sex would fix this. I love you, Blaine - I really do. But college changes people, so does New York."
Blaine scoffs in sudden realisation. "That's it. That's exactly it. You live in the city that represents everything - freedom. I live in small town, close minded, Ohio and I was you're only choice wasn't I? It was Blaine Anderson or be lonely... well now you're in New York and you have your free pick of men."
"No. You want the truth? It's that I realised that I could a week and not miss you. That I'm so busy with college that you don't deserve to be sat at your computer every night just hoping to see me online because I won't be. You don't deserve to be treated that way. And it's not that I don't love you; it's just I don't love the idea of us anymore... at least not like this."
Well that was eight weeks ago. Here Blaine sat in the middle of a consultation room at the local doctors, feeling faint and so very, very alone.
"Mr Anderson, your genetic mutation isn't uncommon anymore. It occurs in about 1 in every 200 men but then you have to subtract the mass amount that aren't actually homosexual and then you have to access the chances of the partner with the gene being... on the receiving end of the sexual encounters it decreases the amount of male pregnancies significantly."
The words were brushing past Blaine's ears in a haze. This couldn't be happening, he'd just been a bit sick lately and his mom made him come in for a check up - no way in hell did he think it was serious... let alone this.
Blaine was pregnant. With child. Expecting.
"What you have to understand, Mr Anderson, is that being male your pregnancy is at a slightly higher risk of danger than a normal female one however I've never delivered a male carried child yet that hasn't been of significant risk to either itself or the father."
Father. That's what he'd be. A dad. At 17.
And without a partner to help him...
Plus they'd be all the stares, the slurs, his future would fly out the window.
And his baby, it would never live down having it's daddy give birth to him or her, let alone being raised by a single parent on top of that.
He'd get called a slut, a whore. People would think he'd slept around - that the consequence of this was get pregnant or get infected. Either way it was going to be painful.
For him and his baby.
"His baby" he thought. It's not a baby, it can't be - it's a few cells big - no huge deal.
Plus Kurt told him the sex that would have created their baby didn't mean anything to him.
"Of course being so young we urge to think about your options. Here are some pamphlets on all three of them, adoption, abortion, keeping your child. But we do have to tell you that making this decision, although it's your body, is also going to affect your partner - -."
"I don't have boyfriend. At least not anymore." He choked out, these were the first words he'd said since the results of the blood work came in.
The doctor looked slightly shocked but sympathetic none the less.
"Well then, take them home and have a read and get back to me as soon as you'd like. My door's always open."
"I don't need to read them. I want an abortion, can you sort that please?"
"Mr Anderson, you need to thin- -."
"No, I'm sorry I don't need to think about this. I heard that these things are better the sooner they're done. Well I want mine done now." The doctor didn't respond. Blaine was feeling so angry he just wanted to burst into tears. "Do it or I'll find another doctor that will."
Exactly a week later Blaine found himself on a cushioned white hospital bed in an equally white hospital gown, knees positioned in the air, awaiting the doctor to stroll in and do another procedure that they'd probably been performing all day.
His mind raced to Kurt. He tried to stop it, he did but everything just came running back to him.
No one knew where he was, not even Tina, and she was the only one that knew anything about the break up. He couldn't bear the thought of anyone judging him, firstly for getting pregnant, then pretending like it never even happened.
Blaine's not going to lie and say he never thought about having children with Kurt. He just presumed they'd be in their late twenties, settled, married and be adopting that said child. He then imagined being married to Kurt and finding out that they could in fact have a biological child together, that he could carry that baby for nine months - feel it grow, have it look like the both of them.
But Blaine couldn't afford to think that way, he couldn't have a baby. Not without Kurt.
The doctor strolled in and looked almost happy to be there. She gave Blaine a briefing about what was going to happen and how it would most likely affect him in the next couple of days. That this was actually a relatively easy procedure considering he was so early on and that it'll all be over soon.
All be over.
But it wouldn't, Blaine realised. It wouldn't all be over - he'd live with the fact that for the rest of his life he was selfish.
But Kurt was selfish too, wasn't he? Surely it was his turn.
It was becoming an internal battle between Blaine's subconscious - he couldn't be a dad but what if this was going to be his only chance and he throws it away?
Blaine begged for a sign, anything, to make him feel okay about this as the doctor moved to sit between his positioned knees.
He took a deep breath in as he could feel the doctors breath on his skin getting closer and closer to that area where everything would just disappear.
He closed his eyes waiting for the inevitable to happen. Asking why had life been so cruel to him so young, first off he was gay, then broken hearted, now here.
What Blaine didn't realise with his eyes closed was that the iPhone on the desk next to the hospital bed had lit up.
Lit up with the all familiar "KURT CALLING: ACCEPT/DECLINE" and that beautiful face he'd craved to see for the last nine weeks since that fateful morning.
With his eyes closed Blaine's subconscious battled with itself.
Ignoring that sign he so desperately wanted.
A/N: Please review if you think it's deserving or wish to give constructive criticism, both are strongly appreciated. I understand that this has the potential to be a full story as we don't Blaine's fate so if there is interest in it continuing, please state or it'll be left as it is.
Thank you.