"Its all wrong." Elena said throwing down the dress, it floating quickly to the floor. She fell to her knees and buried her face in her hands. "Maybe one of these…" She picked up one from the ground and just groaned in frustration.
"Elena… no one cares what you wear.." Caroline said gently, trying to be supportive.
"I want to look nice for him Caroline." Elena said desperately. "I just want to be pretty for him."
"Lena.." Caroline sighed. "He thought you looked beautiful always."
Elena shook her head a tear escaping her eye. "This is bullshit." She said quietly. "The whole point of bringing people back was so we wouldn't have to go to another damn funeral."
"You're right." Caroline said quietly. "You're absolutely right."
"All of my funeral clothes are ugly." Elena said quietly. "None of them are good enough." She sat hard on her tailbone, a sign of defeat. "I'm just not going to wear anything." She said in frustration.
Caroline looked slightly alarmed, "You can't go wearing nothing Elena."
A slight smile grew on Elena's face. "He might've actually enjoyed that."
Caroline's expression didn't change. "That isn't funny…"
A small laugh escaped Elena's lips. "Actually.. it kind of is, Care." She brought her hands to her lips, covering her mouth, but not hiding the small giggles that escaped through her fingers. She stood grabbing a dress from the back. "This is the one." She said surely.
"Elena its is below freezing outside…"
"Yeah its appropriate I think," she said knowingly. "Virginia hasn't ever gotten over a foot of snow… But he is dead Care. All bets are off."
Caroline looked down. "at least put on tights, boots, and a coat, okay?"
Elena nodded and hugged Caroline. "Thank you." She murmured against her friend's hair. "I know you didn't like him…"
Caroline forced a smile. "But I love you."
Elena nodded wiping her tears. "I'll see you there."
After Caroline left Elena slid the dress, tights, scarf, hat, and coat all on. She looked at herself in the mirror. "Why did you do this to me?" She asked herself, and most importantly she asked him. She knew the otherside had collapsed, so she was aware that he wasn't there, that he wasn't anywhere. But that didn't stop her from wishing.
She wiped her eyes and reapplied a little more waterproof mascara, they call it waterproof but Elena was sure that the extra dollar wasn't worth it, she needed heartbreak proof. But unfortunately this was all she got. "You can do this Elena." She told herself in the mirror. "It's just another funeral." She lied to herself. "You've been to a million… there's no.." She looked away, not even able to finish her sentence, what was the point? She couldn't pretend he wasn't dead, and she couldn't pretend it wasn't his funeral she was going to, and she sure as hell couldn't pretend she wasn't dying inside from all of this.
She walked down the stairs and out the front door and she waved the car on, the car that everyone else was in. She didn't want to have to see them before the funeral began. The cold winter air stung her cheeks, and blew her hair back gently. It was enough to wake her up, make her alert and ready.
Elena made her way to the cemetery, and everyone was already there. A steady icy mist, she made her way to the gravestone. She stopped when she saw it Damon Salvatore, beloved brother and friend. Elena's throat ached reading the words. 173 years and those were the words he got. "You're so much more than that." She whispered.
"Elena," A hand touched her shoulder, it was Jeremy. "Stefan wants to start, you okay?"
Elena nodded taking his hand, she was trying her best to keep it together but her heart was hurting and she wasn't sure how long she could keep this up. Jeremy squeezed her hand protectively.
"This is.." Stefan took a deep breath standing in front of everyone, his eyes moving from Enzo, to Caroline and his eyes slowly swooping away when he reached Elena's eyes. "We are here today because of Bonnie and Damon." He said quietly. "We uh… we know that they will be forever missed, and that they did so much for us. For me." He turned away slightly a tear escaping his eye. "I can't express how grateful I am to have had Damon as my brother… and to have even known Bonnie." He ran his fingers through his hair looking up at the sky. The mist was now soft white snowflakes, that melted as soon as they reached their faces. "You know I had all of this stuff I wanted to say…" His voice caught in his throat, Caroline moved to him and pulled him into a hug, tears were falling down her face too. Elena clung to Jeremy knowing he was hurting too, they all were.
Caroline lead Stefan back to the crowd and Enzo walked to the front of the group pulling a flask from his boot. "To my best friend, you were a bastard and you left me to burn…And you killed my girlfriend. " Enzos eyebrows came together and he sighed taking a swig. "But you're still my best friend, and maybe that says something about me… But I think it says something about you, mate. Not even burning me alive makes your friendship any less worth having. Cheers." He took another swig and made his way back to the group.
Jeremy let go of Elena's hand and shakily made his way to the front of the group. "Death never scared me." He admitted. "Because I always had this connection to it." He shrugged slightly obviously chewing on his lip, trying to fight the emotion he was feeling. "I don't want to be, but I ended mad at Bonnie. Because I love her and she lied to me. She had this way about her…. Ya know? She always knew how to keep everyone reassured, even if she didn't know what the hell was going on. But we just expected her to know, because she was Bonnie and that's what she did." Elena could hear Caroline sobbing. "One of the last things she said to me is that she had already lived, and the extra time we got together was a gift. And it really was. But like every other spoiled brat, I took my gift for granted, and now she's gone. But I won't make that mistake again." He said walking to a tree, and he leaned against it nodding to Elena.
Elena took a deep, shaky breath and walked to the front, the snow was really coming down now. Elena avoided everyone's eyes. "Let me start with Bonnie." She said quietly. "I never thought I would be cursed enough to lose my best friend twice, but I also never thought I'd be blessed enough to lose her twice either." She laughed quietly, a tear escaping. "But that's this crazy world we live in, someone is here and then they are gone. And something that Bonnie taught me is that nature always has a balance, and I don't know why it was always her who had to suffer. Bonnie is….was the best person I knew. She was beautiful and selfless. She was talented and loving, she was just incredible. I was so lucky to know her and to call her my sister. We only get that lucky a handful of times in our life." Elena closed her eyes tears steadily flowing now. "And Damon. Where do I even start?"
Alaric nodded to her, his face pained.
Elena unfolded a piece of paper and looked at it, a tear falling on the page and smudging the ink slightly, snow falling and blending in with the white paper. "It was never my intention to love him, it wasn't in the plans ya know? But I think the things we don't plan on in life are the most exciting, and the most worthwhile. He spent our time together convincing himself that he wasn't worthy of my love, and he spent half the time trying to prove to me that it was true." She shook her head and laughed quietly, through her tears. "Damon was beautifully stubborn, and he constantly struggled between his idea of what 'being the better man' meant and what it actually was. Because he was that, it was simple, because love does it. The moment you show that you're capable of something so deep and pure, there's no doubt that there's a light in you, and I feel so blessed to have been that light for Damon." Elena's knees were shaking at this point; there were white flakes in her hair and covering the cemetery's ground. She held up her hand when Alaric started to approach her. "This is the least I can do for him." She assured Alaric.
She flattened out the paper and looked back down. "I know Damon didn't believe in much. He didn't believe in humanity, it equaled weakness, and it was boring. He didn't believe in God, but this is my speech… so I'd like to believe that he's… out there somewhere. With some beautiful wings, somewhere that he doesn't have to feel pain, or anger, or regret. Somewhere where there's bourbon and boozy women to spare." Everyone laughed a bit quietly. "And I hope he saves a seat for me." She closed her eyes a dark tear running down her cheek. "Because he promised me a future with him, and I'm not really ready to accept that I'm not going to get that." She looked up at the sky, a large snowflake falling and catching in her eyelash. "I love you Damon, where ever you are."
They all crowded around the two gravestones putting a rose on each before they all headed back to the boarding house, to get wasted and try to forget. "You coming?" Alaric asked her.
She shook her head. "I want to stay with him for a little bit." She told him and walked him walk away. She then collapsed to her knees and touched the stone. "I'm so mad at you." She cried. "How dare you do this to me, Damon." She threw her stocking cap off into the snow that was accumulating quickly. "We always act like we're immortal, like there will always be a spell…or a cure." She shook her head. "I never believed that I would ever have to lose you. And maybe that makes me an idiot or a hopeless romantic, but… I don't know, I just keep expecting you to show up or for Klaus to come swooping in with some magical fix, but you're dead, Damon. And I think my luck has run out. And the worst part is…now I have an eternity to miss you. An eternity of sitting in this spot talking to a freaking rock…" She sighed leaning against the tombstone. Her eyes started to feel heavy so she closed them for a moment and before she knew it she was asleep, and without waking up two strong arms wrapped around her and when she opened her eyes she was back in Damon's bed, and the curtains were blowing out of the open window into the dark night.