Until I have at least tried.
The council was silent. Every pair of eyes glued to the king's face as he stared down at the table top, at the small scrap of blood coated leather that Lord Agravaine had placed there. His frozen features didn't show any surprise, but his carefully schooled expression couldn't hide his worry over his lost manservant. Arthur himself could feel the stares, and stiffly raised his hand to ward off his Uncle's condolences. He didn't want them. He couldn't bare them. Merlin, the idiot, had to be alive. It was inconceivable for it to be otherwise. Not after everything they had been through.
He could feel Sir Leon's worried glances, despite the knight being at the hall doors, and his self at the head of the long table. His hands moved involuntarily to clasp in front of his face, fingers interweaving agitatedly as he fought the urge to hide his face in them, as if that would make this nightmare vanish also.
"The mercenaries – what news of them?" He asks, finally dragging his eyes away from the material placed on top of his map, and even though he is concentrating, he barely hears Sir Leon's quiet reply.
"We found no trace."
"Surely sent by that snake Alinor." His uncle adds viciously, pacing behind the throne.
"It can't be!" Arthur exclaims, turning to frown at him. "How?" He questions, his hands gesturing absentmindedly. "Our route was known only to a few – within Camelot!" His mind is already turning it over, coming to only one conclusion and yet still shying away from it. Surely not?
"Then there is only one conclusion we can draw," Sir Leon replies, stepping forward to address the court, his hand unconsciously resting on the hilt of his sword. "We have a traitor in our midst." The silence after the knight's analysis is fraught, glances thrown furtively between the advisors and the king, who nods tiredly.
"Which is just as I have feared." He says quietly, standing wearily and pocketing the small tatter of Merlin's jacket. "I want a full patrol out searching once more at first light – checking every bush, hole or ditch. The idiot may very well have fallen in one." His heavy tone belies his attempt at the more light-hearted words. He turns to his right to address his first advisor. "We will find him Gaius, he can't have gone too far." He clasps the physicians shoulder with a nod.
"I hope so my Lord. I hope so."
"Arthur please! You don't need to go – if we truly have a traitor in the court then you must stay here until we figure out whom it is!" Gwen exclaims, holding her blue skirt up to allow for the long strides needed to keep up with the king. She huffs as they sweep around the corner into the courtyard. "I'm just as worried about Merlin as you are!"
"You aren't going to change my mind."
"Who knows if the mercenaries have even left the forest?" She frets, following him quickly down the steps. Why couldn't he listen and stay here? She couldn't bear to lose him as well.
"I have to go," he says finally, barely pausing to turn and look at her.
"The patrols found no sign of him."
"Do you really expect me to accept that? Just to sit here and take their word that Merlin is gone?" He asks wearily, stopping by the bay stallion that a guard held ready for him. "I won't rest until I at least try."
"I know!" Her expression softens, and she rushes forwards to him. "Just...Do one thing for me. Don't go alone." Her worried face looks up at him earnestly, begging him to grant her this favour. 'Please Arthur, take the knights with you.'
"He won't be going alone." Sir Gwaine shouts from across the courtyard, bringing horse alongside Arthurs usual mount and flashing a tight smile at the pair. Arthur sighs, turning back to face her.
"See?" He frowns, adding drily, "Now you've condemned me to a day of mindless chatter".
"Good." She nods, her worry only slightly diminished. A flicker of a smile at her lips as he rests his hand on her shoulder.
"We'll return." He assures her, sending a small smile her way.
"You better." She replies, as he mounts up, and watches with hands clasped tight as they leave the courtyard at a canter, the hooves clattering loudly against the cobbles. "You better." She whispers to herself, turning around and heading back into the castle.
It is after sundown when she hears them returning, the clatter of shod hooves on cobblestones, the horses cantering wearily back into the citadel and gratefully coming to a halt, their sides heaving. The stable boys rush forward to take the reins of the sweating animals, with soothing rubs to the neck promising a good rub down as the knights dismount. Even as she near flies down the steps she can see only the figures of the two knights. They haven't found Merlin. Not today.
"Was there any sign?" She asks, already knowing the answer, but asking anyway. If there had been even a hint of a trail, or a clue to where either the mercenaries or Merlin were, she knew they would not have returned. The tired shakes of their heads just confirmed it.
"I'll get George to prepare a wash basin, if he hasn't already." She murmurs before hurrying back into the castle, trying not to think about how unlikely it is that Merlin will be found alive after two days with no sign, and suffering a grave wound if Arthurs account was right (which she doesn't doubt, as he's seen enough battle injuries to know). Her skirt rustles whilst as she whisks along the corridors to the king's chambers. The manservant who woke him this morning, George, would be there, most likely fretting and polishing something. He seemed very eager to please the king, and on any other day she would have found the story of how he woke Arthur very amusing, but not now. Not when her heart was heavy with worry and she couldn't help but picture the disgusted yet amused expression Merlin would've worn if he had seen it.
"George?" She leans around the open door, before stepping into the room. Just as she expected, the man is fidgety – the room has been tidied, the deep red bed sheets straightened and she can see the floor has been scrubbed again, regardless of the fact that Merlin had cleaned it not 3 days ago. "Arthur has returned, please could you prepare him a warm water basin so that he can wash before he retires for the night?" She lingers only long enough for the vigorous nod and enthusiastic 'yes milady' before turning about and heading back to her own chambers. Her worried but collected front does not waver until she is behind the privacy of her chamber doors and a long moment has passed. Then her facade crumbles, and she slides down the door with a strangled sob, uncaring of the guard posted in the corridor outside who can probably hear her pain. All she could think of was one thing.
If he hadn't been found already, then there was very little chance that Merlin was still alive.
Authors Notes: Hi guys. Thanks for reading the first chapter of 'Until I have at least tried'. I've not written any fanfiction for atleast a year, if not two, so I hope this isn't too awful for you to read. ^.^ This is based around episode 6 of series 4 - Servant of two masters, if you didn't already know/hadn't guessed. I'd love to know what you guys think about this. Hopefully the next chapter will see some more...uh...action. xD Thanks for reading!
LittleRit x