The Post-Game Show
And
now the FOX Kids Digi-Bowl presents the Post-Game Show, with your host, Terry
Brad…hey wait a minute, you're not Terry Bradshaw!
The house lights come up to reveal Lia sitting in
Terry's chair.
"No, I'm not Terry Bradshaw. I'm Lia Agianna.
Terry's, um, tied up at the moment. The camera pans to behind the desk, where
Terry Bradshaw has been tied up with a pair of Mimi's gigantic white knee
socks.
Well, what the heck are you doing here?
"I just finished watching the Digi-Bowl, and I'm
incredibly disgusted with it."
What do you mean you just finished watching it?
"I taped it since I slept through most of it. I was up all freaking night last night and my mom made me go take a nap."
So what are you doing here?
"I'm here to discuss what the hell happened with this ridiculous marathon with the actual cast and not just Izzy and Kari commentaries or football jokes. So, let's start with the team names. 'The Crimson Quake?' 'The Yellow Mash?' Why the hell couldn't we just call the teams 'Season One' and 'Season Two?' It makes more sense!"
At this point, our field reporter, Nicki, enters
the set and pops up behind the desk.
"Right. And another thing, what about Patamon and
Gatomon? They were in both freaking seasons! Shouldn't the first season get
points for stuff they do in the second, considering that they were on the first
season first?"
"Good point. Let's go live to the Season One cast
and get their opinions. Guys, what do you have to say about this whole retarded
thing?"
Tai,
Matt, Sora, Izzy, Joe, and Mimi are sitting in a locker room, in 02 mode,
fuming. Matt especially looks pissed.
"They cheated us! They rigged our episodes just so
they could give the other team extra points!" Tai shouted.
"Yeah, why else would they pick 'The Ultimate
Clash' and not something cuter, like…'Digi-Baby Boom?' It's just immoral!" Mimi
added.
"And when they penalized us for crying in our last
episode? That was a cheap, unfair ruling! We're leaving the freaking
Digital World and saying goodbye to our best friends, for what we thought at
the time was forever! Of course we're going to be crying! What the hell do they
expect us to do? Start beating the ever-loving crap out of one another?" Sora
cried.
"And what the hell did they do to the Halftime
Show?!" Matt hollered, throwing a Gatorade jug across the room. "It was the
same freaking fifteen second clip like always and even then that got
interrupted by those retarded Los Luchadores! They aren't even superheroes!
They're grown men (and one girl) running around in spandex wrestler masks!
Could they at least give me a freaking actual song? Especially after everything
I've done around here?"
"Just you wait and see, Lia. We'll get our
revenge," Joe said, grinning maniacally.
"Okay,
thanks guys. Let's go now to the Season Two locker room and see what the new
kids have to add to this," Lia said, kicking Terry Bradshaw from under the
desk. The Season Two cast looked just as unhappy as the older kids…well, not
T.K. and Kari. They're throwing darts at pictures of their brothers on the
wall.
"Ha! Terry awarded us double the amount of points
from that last episode just to tie it up. That should show those jerk brothers
of ours for stuffing us in a locker!" T.K. ranted.
"We should have gotten more points than we did for
those episodes," Yolei said, punching numbers into a calculator. "According to
these calculations, there were places where our digimon were taking shots at
their enemies and not getting points for them."
"They should have used better episodes! Those were
the weakest ones they could come up with! If they had used 'Crest of Kindness'
instead of 'Spirit Needle' we would have won for sure!" Davis raged, kicking
the wall.
"And speaking of 'Spirit Needle' did they count me
as a Digidestined or not? Because I'm just as much a Digidestined as the rest
of you and if I didn't get counted then that's just plain cheating!" Ken added.
"Anything else?" Lia questioned, trying hard not
to smack the incredibly annoying 02 DD's (except Cody, Ken, and T.K. cuz
they're kawaii).
"Just that they used Ken's D3 on our helmet and it
looked ugly," Kari stated.
"All
right, I've come to a compromise that's better than a tie and has nothing to do
with the Los Luchadores."
"What, that it was an evil plot concocted by
Archnemon and Mummymon so they could plug themselves in at every commercial
break?" Nicki asked.
"Not quite. This entire marathon, lame football
jokes and all, was an evil plot concocted by none other than…Jeff Nimoy and Bob
Buchholz! I say let's teach those bastards to mess with high-quality Japanese
anime!"
There was a sudden uproar from both sides as the
Digidestined (both casts) plus Lia, Nicki, and Willis who was sitting in the
referees' booth. They left the sets, ran down the hall, up twenty-seven flights
of stairs and straight to the English Script Writers' office.
"Nimoy,
Buchholz, you're about to get thrashed! Then we'll see who's crying at the end
of the episode!" Izzy shouted, banging on the door with his fist.
"This is the last time you humiliate us on a global
scale, you self-absorbed dubbing freak bastards!" Cody hollered, holding a
sword left over from Escaflowne from the prop room.
"On behalf of all the authors at Fanfiction.net I
shall beat the kuso out of anyone who dares defy the Code of Digidestined Morals
and Honors, and that means you!"
"What Code of Digidestined Morals and Honors?" Tai
whispered.
"She's going to explain, I think," Nicki whispered
back.
"The Code of Digidestined Morals and Honors is law
among devoted fans. It states thusly:
- Marathons
should not be abused or used to torment the casts in any way, shape, or
form.
- There
shall be no clearly defined couples on either season other than T.K. and
Kari.
- Matt
is not to be humiliated.
- Izzy
must always speak in technical jargon.
- The
leaders must always be slight clueless.
- There
must be at least one "dumb blonde" Digidestined *cough, cough, Yolei,
cough* per season.
- Joe
cannot ever have a lack of allergies.
The list goes on, but
these are the basics. As you can see, you are in direct violation of rule
number one, and now we shall give you a taste of your own medicine."
"W-what are you going to
d-do to us?" they stammered.
Matt narrowed his eyes and gave the writers the "Evil Matt
Ishida" look.
"We're going to lock you
in a room with Jun and make you watch the poorly Americanized versions side-by-side
with the actual Japanese versions, starting with the most completely screwed
episode of all, 'Playing Games.'"
"That's right, you cut
out the entire 'puppet with a gun' scenario just because you didn't want to
give kids the wrong impression and yet you allow my own father to be smoking
after we blow up Venommyotismon, whom Terry Bradshaw didn't even say the name
right?!" T.K. added.
"No, please not that!
Please!" they begged.
"It's either that or I
get Chris McFeely to pull out Sensors Bob, Joe, and Steve (Shameless story
plug. Keep it up, Chris!) and have them do what they do to their Nimoy."
"No! Please! We'll get
better! We promise!" And they were locked in with (dumdumdum) Jun.
"Now that that's done, let's get some coffee," Joe sighed.
"I never want to see
another bottle of Gatorade again," Sora groaned.
"Are we going to leave
Terry Bradshaw under the desk?" Willis asked.
"Why not? He has no
career anyway if he's hosting a kids' TV show," Nicki pointed out.
This has been the Digi-Bowl Post Game Show, brought to you by FOX and Fanfiction.net where the Los Luchadores unanimously suck already.
A/N: This probably sucked, but like I said earlier, I was up all night last night and the last thing I wanted to see was Terry Bradshaw making a total a** out of my Matt. If you review, I won't have to send you Nimoy or Buchholz. Season One Digidestined (not the actual digimon other than Gomamon, just the kids) all the way!