Disclaimer: SelfcreatedCharacter does not own even a cent to Toradora.

Reminder for readers before they start reading, this piece is based on Takasu Ryuuji but it is also not canon. So if it does not applease you, hit the back button.

Takasu Ryuuji: The Fatherless Child

I had been called several names. Most which I hardly care about and some that I would not deny, but never had I ever been slandered for not having a father. It's funny because the first time I realize that I don't have two sets of parents, I brushed it off. I did not even ask about what a father was or where my father was.

What does it feel to have a father? What is it like to receive another parent's love? I don't know. I never received my father's love or attention, much less met him in person. My father, I always been told by my mother, was an amazing cook. He met my mother during their high school years and was quite good friends with my uncle and his buddies. My father, in every way, seemed like a good guy.

The first time, I genuinely thought of my father was during my younger school years; the third grade. At that time, I became familiar with the holiday, Father's Day. I was perplexed at such a holiday and when I asked my teacher what would I do with my project when I don't have a father to give it to. She paused, stared at me as if trying to look into the depth of my innocent heart and suggested to give it to an uncle. Being naïve at the time, I smile and went back to work, this time for my uncle. After that, I forgot about Father's Day.

By fourth grade, I never thought of a male figure it my life. My grandfather counted as not such a thing. He's my grandfather, not my father. I became acquainted with several new elements of the world. I learned new words and began playing an instrument, the violin. I made friends kind of like honey to a bee. There was a kindred connection between them and me, yet when conversations came about parents. I never brought mine up unless asked directly to which I answer, "I live with my mother." That sole statement brought both silence to the understanding ones and questions to the curious ones. They tended to shift the conversation afterwards.

I must say the first parent conference I went with my mother was during the fifth grade. Weeks before the parent conference, the teacher has encouraged us to come with our parents. I told my mother of the event and she schedule to attend. Time and time, there were school activities that I wanted to attend with my mother but could not for she was a busy person. I had never disagreed with my mother's agenda for she has always been very preoccupied with work. I'm used to her schedule for she has always done this. Other times I attended alone and spotted some familiar faces with another that resembles theirs; their parents. I tended to avoid them because I feel like I am intruding in. So I laughed at their antics and continued onto another fun activity.

Making my mother cry was one of the last things on my checklist, but I had done it. I was crying, on occasions when my emotions are too rough for me to handle I breakdown and cry. I can usually control it to a minimum so that the people living with me would never have to see me like that. Just… I can't comprehend why I even started crying and before it came to me; my mother was confused and distraught. Each time she asked me what's wrong I could not come up with an answer and I uttered something that caused my mother to hug me closer to her. That cracked the last control on the lid and tears were a never ending flood on my face and on my mother's face, I noticed. She consoled me but I continued to cry. I could help but cry because of what she said, "It's alright. You have a father out here but he's not going to be with us anymore. It's alright; mommy will make sure that you will be alright. Okay?"

I made sure never to ever think about such a useless thing as a father. Frankly, now I feel quite relieved he left us. I don't ever want to mention my father or having a father to anyone. He was crease to exist in my life. I. Don't. Have. A. Father. Period. I have never consoled with my school before so middle school had surprised me. Again, it was like elementary only with separate kids and a different schedule. I liked Physical Education back in elementary, but here in middle school, I started to lose my liking for it. During my three years at middle school, I have learned that I have asthma, a delicate body and the worst capability with endurance. When days came for running all period, I began having episodes of fainting and being brought to the nurse. I did not want to create any trouble for my mother, but time and time it kept happening. The nurse went into doctor mode and asked the typical questions of did I eat and what did I eat. Then she switched to psychiatry mode and asked about my father. I faltered and tears stained my eyes. It did not help that the nurse was encouraging me to let it all out.

High school… aah. Being to personal can be gossip material and that would be a problem. I have come to terms with my feelings concerning my father. Though regardless of the circumstances, he's a stupid man for leaving my mother. I will never forgive him for that and if I ever see him, the first thing I would do is beat him to a pulp. Then I would talk to him and maybe if I think he deserves it, I would say, "It's nice to finally meet you, Old man."

Song play list:

Bird by Yuya Matsushita

Aozora by Lia

Ichiban no Takaramono by GirlsDeadMonster

Euterpe by EGOIST

"Musician" (Tsunaida te Ni kiss Wo) by Sanae Kobayashi