Hello. It is I... Vampire's do NOT sparkle. I have decided to write a series of one shots for Doctor who. They are all based around various Awkward situations I could think of. My last one, the first in this series, was about the Doctor finding Rose in a less than dressed state...its called "it was an accident I SWEAR!". You don't need to read it to understand this but it is 'll soon see what this one is about... I owe half the plot of this story to a dear friend of mine Monsters-Need-Love-Too. You should check out her stories. They're rather good.

Disclaimer: I do not and never will own doctor who. I also claim no ownership to the songs from Rocky horror picture show.

ENJOY!

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Rose, in simple terms, was exhausted. The Doctor had taken her on various supposedly "relaxed" adventures in the past week. Of course. The Doctor's definition of relaxed was obviously different to her own... and anyone else's for that matter. Just yesterday she had been promised a nice relaxing day at "Woodstock" to see all the old bands... instead she had been given a free trip to a fourteenth century prison for supposed witchcraft. It had been disgusting to say the least, add that to the Doctor "accidentally" walking in during her shower again,(ever since that first time after their trip to new earth it had happened quite a lot... maybe she should tell her mother.) and she was less than pleased.

It was to the point where all she wanted to do was sleep uninterrupted for a day or so... she couldn't even have that obviously.

Running, always running. Through a field of wild flowers, the Doctor's hand in hers. Her mind completely at peace,her heart full of joy. She loved these sorts of dreams... so peaceful. Doing what she loved. She looked over at the Doctor, smile in place. But he wasn't there. His hand no longer in hers. She stopped running. Around her were no longer wild flowers, but theatre seats? Her mind was full off confusion. Just what the hell was going on? This had never happened before, she normally just ran until she woke up... but this, this was creepy.

Suddenly a spotlight flashed and she stumbled back, momentarily blinded.

As her eyesight returned she wished it hadn't, for in front of her was I sight so horrible, not even watching orphans die,at the hands of a clown with puppies for shoes could compare. It was... the Doctor. He was dressed in an exact replica of the clothes that "Dr" Frank 'N' Furter wore in the Rocky horror picture show. She knew that show like the back of her hand... her mother was determined to make her SUFFER! Not that it worked. Rose loved that movie... ever since she was little.

She was just about to ask what was going on when music filled the room, echoing eerily in the empty theatre. Her ears perked as she recognised the song instantly... it was sweet transvestite. The Doctor, corset,stockings and all started to move accordingly...oh god help her. But it was when he started to sing that she was really scared...

"How do you do, I see you've met my... faithful, handyman... he's just a little brought down because when you knocked...
He thought you were the candy man.
Don't get strung out by the way that I look,
Don't judge a book by its cover
I'm not much of a man by the light of day,
But by night I'm one hell of a lover.

I'm just a Sweet Transvestite! from Transexual, Transylvania."

During all this the Doctor had danced around the stage ( which was rather difficult due to the very high heels he was wearing) his hands travelling to all the appropriate( or inappropriate,depending on how you look at it) places for the song... but on the last line as he made a thrusting movement with his hips,that was when Rose couldn't take it any more... she fainted.

Rose awoke with a start. Gripping her sheets for dear life. Heart beating erratically. Just what the hell was that... it had been so vivid... it had to be the worst nightmare ever dreamed of. It was juts so real, but she thanked god it wasn't. That thought alone was terrifying. She was quite shaken, Rose swore she could still hear the music, bouncing in around in her head. She reached over to grab her phone, resting on her bedside table. She'd only gotten back of the Doctor yesterday, he had for some reason taken it, mumbling about how if her mother couldn't find him then she couldn't kill him. God was he paranoid, she should tell her mother to back off but then where would she get her weekly amusement. She liked watching him squirm.

The phones screen illuminated her room, bathing it in its pale light. According to her phone it was two o'clock in the morning earth time. Rose let out a groan. She just couldn't catch a break. One day's rest was all she wanted. She was in the process of rolling over when she heard it... music.

Yet not just any music, no. this was Rocky horror picture show, and she wasn't imagining it. It was real, very real. As fast as lightning she jumped out of bed, phone still in hand, and bolted out of the room. Determined to find the source of noise that had disrupted her sleep.

She ended up in the console room, with the help of the TARDIS, within seconds, almost as though she wanted Rose to see something. The sight that met her stopped her in her tracks. Once again, it was the Doctor( for real this time though, and that made it worse). Singing and dancing to Rocky horror's "Touch a Touch me"... no words could properly describe what she saw that night. The Doctor, high and mighty time lord. Singing and dancing to one of the most suggestive songs of all time. Rose was nearly undone as he started using his sonic screwdriver as a microphone. But she miraculously kept quiet... thoughts of revenge bombarded her brain as she lifted her phone, thankful she had it in her hand, and discreetly pressed record... he would never live this down.

The Doctor, completely unaware of being watched, was having the time of his extremely long life. He loved Rocky Horror and it was so rare that he had the time to honor its memory like this, now that he had Rose. Not that he minded... Rose was the love of his life. Not that anyone knew, he couldn't allow that to happen. What if Jackie found out... he'd be screwed. Dead in the blink of an eye... the only person he assumed knew was jack,the perceptive bastard. But never mind that, he was singing, and what a beautiful voice he had(at least he thought so).

"Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me, Oh I wanna be dirty
Thrill me chill me fulfil me
Creature of the night."

He made thrusting movements to match the song beats and hand gestures to match the lyrics... this was so fun. The song was just finishing when he noticed something reflected on the console monitor... Oh God please NO! Rose... hidden behind a support beam, with her phone. Her phone that was... recording. NO! She wouldn't dare... would she. The Doctor abruptly turned around to face her.

"Rose... you didn't, please tell me you didn't. PLEASE!" He pleaded. A hopeless look on his face,dreading her answer. Rose just smirked, in response the Doctor paled considerably...

"...and SEND!" She gloated as she pressed the send button on her phone, smug with the way this all worked out. Jackie would be proud.

" Who to?" the Doctor said miserably, all hope gone. If he knew the answer would make him feel worse he'd wouldn't have asked. When he heard her reply he thought he would regenerate right then and there...

"Jack... with any luck it'll go viral. Youtube is a wonderful thing isn't it." she replied happily, practically glowing. If it wasn't for the feeling of mortification and hate he felt at the moment he would think her pretty. But it was too late for that. She had won for now, but if she thought this would be the end then she was sorely mistaken.

He was a time lord after all... his inner ramblings were cut short by her voice.

" Oh and Doctor, stop watching me in the shower... it's disturbing, if you don't I'm afraid I'll have to tell my mother, and we wouldn't want that. Would we Doctor?" Rose called over her shoulder as she walked back to her room, intending on having a very nice, long, uninterrupted sleep.

The Doctor could do nothing but glare after her, trying his hardest for his gaze to not trail down to her butt... he failed. Damn her. She won this time. The doctor heard the TARDIS giggling at the back of his mind. Laughing at his misfortune. He had the feeling she had something to do with Rose finding him... the pair of them were a force to be reckoned with.

But this. This meant war...

During this, one thought crossed Rose's mind " Thanks old girl. I'll remember this. I owe you one."

MEANWHILE AT TORCHWOOD 3 CARDIFF HUB...

a very focused Captain Jack Harkness was broken out of his extremely important train of thought by a high pitched sound... a very annoying high pitched sound. Sighing he reached into his pocket for his mobile phone. Lazily glancing at the screen he did a double take. It was Rose. Panic shot through him. What was so wrong that she would message him this late at night.

Jack quickly opened the message. It read " Enjoy, I know I did... you know what to do..." and had a file attached.

Jack opened the file to find a video, a very amusing video. At first he had no idea what was going on, but upon watching the first couple of seconds he couldn't stop laughing. By the end of the video he had collapsed on his desk, barely able to breath. This was SO going on Youtube.

By morning it had 10000 views and climbing.

The doctor never watched Rose in the bathroom again... or at least never got caught. He was Clever for a reason.

The Doctors next trip to earth( as you can imagine) ended up being extremely awkward... and he wanted revenge. And as previously stated, he was quite Clever.

wow. Longest story so far. Hope you liked. Please review. Any are appreciated. Be expecting another one shot... the doctors revenge!