So here it is, the obligatory Twilight fan-fic. From Renesmee's POV (mostly), 7-ish years after Breaking Dawn. I have to admit this was the first fan-fic I ever started writing, so for that reason alone I'm putting it on here (that's a slight lie, I've totally got into this story now, cringe). Anyway it's my first post on here, so please review if you fancy it, would be much appreciated! This has been a work-in-progress for about 2 years now, and there's some chapters that I still haven't got round to writing! Hopefully one day they'll make it on here... :)
My mother always tells me not to attract attention to myself, but sometimes it's harder than it should be to disappear into the background. For a start, I bet any teenager who's half human, half vampire would have trouble fitting in.
Not that there are any teenagers like that.
Except for me.
At least I've got rosy cheeks and blood in my veins, which would make it easier, you'd think, and my perfectly ordinary brown eyes and copper hair make me look normal enough. But I can never make friends with humans, not properly. It's too dangerous - for them and for us. Besides, they'd take one look at my impossibly young parents and know something very, very strange was going on.
In a few months time I'll look about eighteen, and that's where I'll stay.
Eighteen forever. Like Bella. Like Alice, Uncle Jazz and Rose. Older than Edward. Older than Jake.
Jake.
He was Bella's best friend when she was human, which caused a few problems, seeing as he's supposed to be our mortal enemy, the scourge of all vampire-kind. Rosalie said that, before I was born, everyone hated him. I can't imagine that at all. How could anyone hate Jacob Black?
Jake is a shape-shifter, who can take the form of a wolf whenever he feels the desire to. A werewolf, for want of a better word - although technically him and the rest of the Quileute guys are much nicer than real, Hammer horror type werewolves. My werewolves don't actually kill people.
Except vampires. The only reason they turn into wolves at all is because my family live so close to their territory, but thankfully, although things will never exactly be friendly, we can agree to disagree on most things. Like our existence.
I've made Bella and Edward promise never to move away, so that there'll always be some of our kind around Forks. Werewolves lose the ability to phase if the vampires disappear, and when they can't phase they start ageing. I'm going to live forever, as far as I'm aware, and I want Jake in my life as long as possible. I just hope he decides the same thing - unlike me he actually has a choice about how old he can grow to be.
I can't imagine life without him. That's why this time away from home has been so hard.
We keep in touch with them all of course, but it's not the same as being with them. The next time I see them they probably won't recognise me. I change a lot in a year. I looked like a kid when I left Forks, now I look like a teenager, and soon I'll be a young woman, pretty much adult. I'll be eighteen in their eyes, and I'm worried it's going to freak them out. Although I suppose a child growing on average at five times the normal rate is pretty freaky, and they've all had to deal with that.
That's why I've had to be hidden away - banished, really. If I'd stayed in Forks then questions would be asked, questions that would be impossible to answer. We could probably pass me off as another stray that Carlisle and Esme decided to adopt. We could deal with that. But the real questions would start being asked when people saw me two days in a row, and I looked different to how I did before. How would we explain that one away? So the best plan was to be taken out of the spotlight, away from Forks, where people knew, or guessed, too much already. Away from the Cullens and all their strange ways that attracted attention. Away from my home and my family.
Naturally we needed to go somewhere with minimal levels of sunlight. If Edward and Bella go out in the sun in public, the whole world would know about it within a day.
And wherever we were headed had to be somewhere that you could easily hide a young teenage girl who in a matter of months would be an adult. No school, no friends, for me. Not that that would be too hard to deal with - I'd never been to school, or had a friend that was outside the whole vampire/werewolf category.
Where better to move to then, than a tiny village in northern England, close to the border of Scotland, nestled among mountains and lakes, where people keep themselves to themselves?
From the wettest place in the continental US, to the wettest in England. It's a good job I like the rain.
"Renesmee!"
Bella was the only person that called me by my full name anymore, and that was one person too many.
"Renesmee!"
She was angry, by the sounds of it. She'd just got in from buying completely unnecessary groceries. I could hear her slipping her raincoat off in the hall, dumping the bags of food on the floor. She was shouting up the stairs to me. I didn't answer. I already knew what this was going to be about.
"Renesmee Cullen, get yourself down here right now." She put on her 'angry' voice, but it was a vain attempt - no vampire can ever sound truly angry unless they are going for the kill. It's in-built that we always sound, as well as look, beautiful.
"Awww Bella," I moaned. "I'm busy."
"I don't care," she shouted up, knowing I wasn't. "Renesmee if you're not down here in two seconds I'll - "
"Nessie come down and talk to your mother, please." That was Edward, muttering under his breath, knowing I'd still be able to hear him. Bella and I were much more prone to breaking into human habits, like shouting, than he was. But I could never say no to his voice - it was hypnotic. That's how Bella fell in love with him of course, but she denies it.
"Okay, okay," I murmured. When I got to the top of the stairs, she was standing at the bottom, looking pretty mad.
"In the lounge. Now. We are going to discuss this with your father."
"I thought you weren't my parents, remember?" I said quietly, trying to sound angry, but ending up sounding worried. Since we'd moved away, it appeared that we were all just a bunch of teenagers, friends. We had to be so careful to keep up the pretence, so they insisted I call them by their first names even when we were alone. Well, it worked, being here over a year had made calling them Bella and Edward an habitual thing.
"This is pretty serious," she said, glaring at me. "I think this constitutes us being in parent mode."
"What have I done?" I tried to look puzzled and a bit sad. She saw right through me of course.
"You know exactly what you've done. Something we both told you not to do, for everyone's sake."
"Oh, that." I was in major, major trouble.
"Yes, that," she said condescendingly. "Get in the lounge."
She flitted into the lounge, too fast for normal human eyes to see. I slowly moped in after her, to see my parents, as they'd decided I should call them now, sitting together on the sofa. I stood before them like I was on trial.
"I saw you this afternoon, on my way to town," Bella said quietly, her anger sounding much more dangerous that way. "What did you think you were doing?"
I was quiet. I couldn't answer.
"Nessie," Edward said reprovingly. One look at me from his odd, ocher eyes, which all the family had except me, and I had to tell the truth. He usually had that power over people.
"I was hunting," I whispered. Like he needed me to tell him. He must have seen it in my thoughts as soon as I got back.
Bella tutted. "I know you were hunting, Renesmee. I want to know why, when we both told you that you must never go alone."
"Because I was really thirsty! It's been almost two weeks since we last hunted! Honestly Mom, did you want me to do something stupid?" The 'm' word slipped out.
"You have done something stupid," she said quickly.
"Oh, you know what I mean," I said, frustrated. "Would you rather it was a human instead of a mangy old fox?"
"Renesmee," she cut in. "Do you understand how serious this is?"
I was silent again. I knew exactly how serious it was.
"If you knew it was that serious then why did you do it, Ness?"
Why Bella actually wanted Edward to read her thoughts I'd never understand.
"Edward - " I stopped when Bella scowled at me. "Fine. Dad. You don't get it, I'm thirsty all the time. I couldn't stand it any longer. I needed it. It's not like I didn't think it through."
They weren't buying it.
"Nessie, we know you're growing a lot faster than is normal, so you need more than the average amount. Fair enough. But if you'd honestly thought it through you would have realised that there is plenty of human food in the kitchen, especially for you to eat in this kind of situation."
"But human food is gross!"
"If it keeps you alive, you will eat it young lady." Bella was trembling with anger now. "What if I wasn't the only one that saw you today? What if someone was walking their dog, or driving down the track? We'd be ruined, Ness. You risked everything today. For you, for us, for all of our kind."
"I didn't do anything that you and Edward don't do!" This wasn't fair.
"We don't go out in broad daylight in a semi-populated area! We don't run ten times faster than an average human, across a field, in sight of a road!"
She had a point.
"God, Nessie, if the Volturi heard about this they'd - "
"Bella." Edward cut her off, putting his hand on her knee.
"They'd what?" I said cuttingly, wanting an argument now. "Kill me? I don't think so, I'm far too interesting to them."
"What?" She looked almost sad now. "Ness, how can you say that? I wasn't just talking about you, I was talking about all of us. We came so close to being destroyed because of you once before."
I gasped. She'd never said the exact words before. They stung.
"Bella," Edward said again, sharper this time. "This isn't what we meant to discuss."
"Well I'm sorry if I'm such a burden on this family," I said angrily, tears in my eyes. "I'm sorry if I nearly got you all killed. You know, clearly it was my fault that I was born the way I am. Seems I'm never going to be forgiven for that."
I couldn't stand seeing them staring at me with such disappointed faces, so I ran up to my room, slamming the door behind me. I wasn't just saying it for effect. It was true, and everyone knew it. All I'd been since I was born was a problem - a fascinating one, according to them - but a problem nonetheless. I just seemed to have an amazing talent for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, for saying or doing the wrong thing. I was hurting this family, I was a danger to them all, and there was nothing I could do to change that, except disappear.
I woke up the next morning, having barricaded myself in my room all night, with a horrible feeling that they'd been discussing what to do with me. I hated that I was the only one in my family that needed sleep. I had to waste my time every night getting energy from keeping my eyes closed, unlike everyone else who just had a never-ending supply. Clearly while I'd been in my fidgety, restless slumber they'd been talking about me. Well, let them talk - we all know what the answer is. Let me go home, where I'd obviously be happier, where I know the safe places to hunt on my own, where I could have more support around me when I felt the need for human blood. It would be safer - their favorite word - for everyone if I was at home in Forks. The sooner they realised that, the better.
I'm sure the others would love to have me back. I know Jake was going crazy without me there. He'd sent me a letter just last week, enclosing a photograph of him leaning casually against his battered old Volkswagen Rabbit.
'Just making sure you remember what I look like,' he'd scribbled on the back of it.
Like anyone could ever forget how Jacob Black looks. He's pretty memorable. Nearly seven feet tall, with ridiculously large muscles for a sixteen year old, dark hair that he usually has cropped short, but sometimes lets grow a little so it hangs in his eyes. Whenever it was like that his wolf fur was longer too.
My favourite thing about him was his smile, the smile that always took me by surprise. Some days he could sulk for hours about something pretty unimportant, but then it just took the tiniest thing to make him grin so wide it must hurt his cheeks. That smile always made me smile too.
I suppose you could say he was good looking, but it wouldn't make a difference to me either way. I loved him, but I've never looked at him, and never will, as an 'available guy'. There are some things that would just be too weird, and that was one of them. Jacob was practically my brother.
His latest letter went where all the others had gone - tucked inside my book of photographs and little scraps that Edward had given me on the day we left Forks - but not before I'd memorised it all, word for word. I'd done that with all of his letters. It gave me something to do with my time here, apart from trying to ignore how thirsty I was all the time. Better than getting letters, though, was when the telephone rang. Jake called the most, checking up on me, followed by Carlisle, checking up on Bella and Edward. But whoever it is on the line, my heart leaps with happiness when I hear their familiar voices. Their voices remind me of the ocean, the beach at La Push, the breeze blowing through the trees in the forest that surrounded the house, the feel of the hard piano keys under my fingers. Everything I'd loved since I was a baby, everything that surrounded me as I grew up. Everything that told me I was home. We had another six months here to sit out before it would be safe for us to go back to Forks, back to that cold, wet corner of Washington State, my favourite place in the world.
I refused to let my thoughts linger on the feeling that I was abandoned out here, and decided to read Jacob's latest letter again. I took it out of its special place in my scrapbook, tucked behind the photograph of him, and unfolded it gently.
Dear Ness,
Remember me? My name's Jake, in case you've forgotten.
I chuckled to myself.
I know you're stupidly busy over there, so I won't be surprised if you've forgotten all about me. But just so you know, just 'cause I'm not there with you, doesn't mean that I don't think about you, and miss you every day.
Rach and Paul's wedding went without a hitch. Guess I really am stuck with him as a brother-in-law now. I'm sending some photos in an email, just like a girl.
Oh and Jared and Kim got engaged. It's one big party on the res at the moment.
Anyway, all the usual questions coming up, sorry.
How are you? Done anything interesting? Do you still miss me? How's Bells? How's Edward? How's England, still rainy enough? Any news on when you're coming back yet?
I know how hard it is for you, being so busy and all, but surely you could spend some time on your old friend and write back with the answers. (Even though I know them all already!)
Hope life isn't too bad for you without me there.
Miss you so much kid. Write back soon. Although I'll probably speak to you tonight anyway!
Love from your Jacob x
The trouble with reading his letters was no matter how happy they made me I always missed him a little bit more than before by the end of them. I couldn't believe I hadn't already written back. I must have been more preoccupied with getting a square meal than I thought. I quickly snatched some paper and a pen out of my desk draw, and started scribbling.
Dear Jake,
Why do we write letters to each other? We email and call each other all the time! Not that I don't want you to write to me, I just never really thought about it until today.
Maybe because letter-writing takes more effort and time? I need to fill up my days with as much as possible. I'm going totally crazy here, everything is driving me nuts.
I hate this Jake, it's like a punishment for something, it seems to be going on forever. I miss everyone so much. I miss you the most of course. I think about you every day. I think the day I get to see you again is going to be the happiest day of my life. But that's a whole six months away.
I've grown half a foot since you last saw me. I'm five foot four now, the same as Bella, and I still haven't finished growing. Seriously Jake, I'm really starting to worry that none of you will recognise me when I get home. Just be prepared for a major, MAJOR transformation, okay?
Rachel looks so pretty in her dress. You should be a very proud brother! It looked like a beautiful day, considering the amount of wolf-men present.
Tell Jared and Kim I'm really happy for them please. And tell me more about Forks and the res in your next letter, anything at all. I miss home so, so much.
Shut up about me being stupidly busy, you know how bored I am here! You know how much I can't wait to get home! But as it is, don't worry, I kind of get the feeling you're missing me as much as I'm missing you... which is a lot! That makes me feel a bit better.
Okay, since you asked for it, usual answers:
I'm thirsty, but it's just about bearable. I'm miserable but I'm fine. Don't be stupid. Of course, more than anything. She's fine, mad at me for going hunting without them though. She misses you. He's fine, still reading my mind... England sucks. I miss home. It's never rainy enough. Nothing to report. Probably still mid June of next year, no sooner.
There. I guess that's it.
I've put the photo of you in my scrapbook. Looking at it I'd say it's time you gave your old VW a paint job. Actually no, save it for when I'm back and we'll do it together.
Miss you, love you bro!
Lots and lots and lots of love from your Nessie xxx
Well, that had made me feel slightly better. I read it through, then folded it neatly and put it in an envelope. Sticking a stamp on the top corner I sighed, wondering how quickly I'd hear back from him.
Don't be stupid, I thought, he'll probably call you tonight anyway.
But there was something about holding it in my hand - he'd touched it, he'd thought over it. In some ways that was better than hearing his friendly, husky voice.
I braved leaving my room for the first time since the argument last night. Taking the letter, I tiptoed across the landing and down the stairs, leaving the letter at the bottom. I knew one of them would post it for me the next time they went into town, even though they were still mad at me. They knew better than to punish me by forbidding me to be in touch with Jacob.
"Alice." I could hear Bella speaking down the phone. "I've just found a ball gown at the bottom of my suitcase. What possible use could I have for a ball gown over here?"
"You never know." I could hear Alice's voice on the end of the line as loudly as if she was in the room. "It's always better to be prepared."
Bella spotted me through the doorway and looked at me in disbelief. I smiled and shrugged. Did this mean last night was forgotten?
"And besides," Alice's voice went a bit quieter. "It gives you something to remember me by. Only I would pack you a ball gown."
I saw Bella's throat constrict. If she were human, tears would have sprung to her eyes.
"Oh Al, it's only six more months. It'll fly by."
It sounded like she was trying to convince herself as well as Alice.
"But I wanted to see Nessie grow up. We all did."
"You know it was too dangerous," Bella sighed. How many times had she had this conversation with Alice?
"Yeah, but if we'd kept her hidden?"
"It's too much of a risk. Better to keep her here, where no one knows us, where there are less of us to draw attention to ourselves."
I love the fact that she felt it was okay to talk about me as if I wasn't there. I should really have gotten used to it by now. The conversation started getting tedious, repetitive. Bella spent a good half-hour trying to persuade Alice that we'd done the right thing.
They still haven't done a good job persuading me, and we've been here over a year. But I can see it's hopeless for me to keep whining about wanting to go back, it's not getting me anywhere, in fact it just makes the already tense atmosphere here even worse. The mature thing to do would be to just shut up and sit it out, like they were. I trudged back up the stairs.
Back in my room, I grabbed whatever CD it was that happened to be on the top of the messy pile by my bed, and shoved it in my stereo without looking to see what I'd picked up. I hit play and flopped back on my bed, my eyes still tired after my restless sleep last night. I smiled as I closed my eyes - the song was whiny and very, very American. I recognised it as the first track on a compilation CD Jake had made for me a while back. It wasn't exactly chill-out music, but it was precisely what I needed. I was feeling particularly whiny and determinedly American at the moment. After that song had played out a pretty depressing British band came on. Well, that suited my mood too. I lay back and let the heavy, repetitive chords phase any thoughts out of my head.
I must have drifted off for a while, because the next thing I knew another track was playing that I knew was much further down the playlist.
The sound of Bella and Edward arguing was coming up through the floorboards, loud enough to carry through the booming bass of the song. Whoa. As far as I knew, they never argued. Ever. Not unless they thought it was a matter of life or death.
As much as I didn't really want to listen, I couldn't stop myself, I had to hear what they were saying. Shouting, rather.
I turned the music down and crept out onto the landing, not wanting them to know that I was listening, although surely they must be aware that, if we'd had any neighbours, they would be able to hear them too. Their voices suddenly came much louder as I sat down on the top step, my elbows on my knees, nibbling my fingernails, an awful human habit I'd developed since I came here.
"This isn't even about Nessie anymore, Bella!" Shouting didn't suit Edward.
"Everything is about Nessie!" Bella almost screamed back. "She's the only reason we're here!"
"Bella." Edward tried to make his voice calm. "We both know it's more than that."
Bella was quiet for a minute. She sighed after a while.
"Fine," she said quietly. "I can't take this anymore. I have to go back. I can't watch my daughter live out a meagre existence instead of a life. We're trying to make her into something she's not, and it's not working, it's just making it worse. She's starving, Edward. Our baby is starving and we still can't tell her the truth?"
"Bella," Edward hissed. "You know she can - "
There was no way I was going to let him finish that sentence.
"The truth about what?" I asked as I ran down the stairs. A split-second later I was staring at him, unable to believe that my parents would be lying to me about something, anything.
Edward looked at Bella, a wary, almost frightened look in his eyes. Bella stared him down.
"Sit down, Nessie," she said to me, unsmiling. "I'm going to tell you the truth." She put a very noticeable emphasis on the 'I'm'.
"Bella - " Edward said quickly.
"She's my daughter too, Edward." She interrupted him. "We've tried your way, now I'm trying mine."
"Will you just tell me what's going on?" I begged.
Bella sighed, sat down next to me, and turned so that she was facing me. Edward stayed where he was, utterly still and straight in the center of the room, tense and waiting for whatever Bella was going to say to me.
"We haven't exactly been lying to you Renesmee," she began. "We've just been... hiding the whole truth," she got out. A cautious look at Edward, and then she continued. "We haven't been hunting properly, and we've been encouraging you to eat human food, because we thought we might be able to wean you off the taste of blood. We want you to lead as normal a life as possible. We want you to be able to have friends."
"I do have friends," I muttered, not letting what she was saying sink in. She let it pass.
"Do you understand, though?" she asked. "Do you understand why we did this?"
I was silent.
"It was only because we love you more than anything, and we wanted you to be the happiest you can be." She carried on regardless. Edward was still a pillar in the middle of the room, silent and still.
"We wanted you to lead a human life. We don't want you to have to hide any longer than is absolutely necessary."
She looked over at Edward again, who looked as if he wanted no part in this conversation.
"Your father - Edward - thinks that we should keep trying, that eventually you'll stop craving the blood. But I can see how ill this is making you. You're always tired, you're a nervous wreck and you're constantly unhappy. That's not what I wanted for you. I want you to be happy more than anything."
It was starting to sink in just what my parents had been doing. She was still speaking.
"So I'm saying that this is it, from now on we go hunting at least twice a week, and you'll be coming with us. And you don't have to eat any of the food in the kitchen. You're part vampire, and if that's the part of you that's dominant, then, so be it. You're my daughter. I don't care what you are as long as you're happy."
I couldn't say anything, much as I wanted to. I let everything she'd said whirl around in my head, until I realised I was forgetting to breathe. So this was it then, the proof that I was right. That I'm nothing but a problem - that my parents, my whole family, think I'm a freak - that they wished they could change the way I was. All that crap about doing it to make me happy? They were doing it because they didn't want a freak for a daughter. A thought came to me, fighting through the jumble of realisation.
"Was this the real reason we came here?" I whispered, not sure if I wanted to know the answer.
"It was part of it," Bella said quickly, speaking before Edward could get a chance to lie. "The main reason was to give you somewhere to grow up away from... the family, where it was safer for you."
"Safer for them," I muttered. She didn't answer. Great, so I was right on that one too - my family think I'm dangerous, a threat to the human population of Washington. They didn't want to be associated with me.
"And we figured it would be easier for you to try to resist hunting while you were away from them. The less of us around that only live off blood, the better."
"But that makes no sense," I said, raising my voice for the first time. "Why are you here then? You need it as much as any of them! How do you think I feel, seeing you come back from another hunting trip I wasn't allowed to go on, and knowing that there's a bowl of cereal and a carton of milk waiting for me in the kitchen? Why couldn't you have sent me out here with Jacob? You know he would have come!"
"It wouldn't be appropriate." Edward spoke for the first time. Bella looked at him sharply.
"You need someone here who understands," he said smoothly.
"But he would understand!" Surely they could see this? "He's not going to age either. He's going to have to spend his life trying to fit in too."
"He doesn't have an unhealthy appetite for blood, Renesmee," Bella snapped. "You know that hunting is different for them."
I huffed. She had me there. They kill to eat only when in their wolf forms, and they would never harm a human intentionally. When they were in their human form they ate popcorn and pizza like everyone else, even though their portions were usually ten times larger than normal.
I was nowhere near done yet, another thought was picking at my brain.
"This is a pretty big turn around from last night," I exclaimed. "You were saying you were so angry with me for hunting on my own. Now you're saying we'll all hunt together? Twice a week? What, I've suddenly been forgiven? I'm suddenly allowed to come?"
"I'm tired of lying to you," Bella said. "I can't lie to you anymore. I'm sorry we ever did."
"If that's meant to be an excuse..." I tailed off.
"We're just trying to explain."
"You know what, there's no need to explain." My voice was bleak. "I know all I've done since I was born is cause you problems. You've just proved my point. I'm not human, I can't survive without blood in my system. But I'm not a vampire either. I have blood in my own veins, I have a pulse, I'm, I'm warm. You say you understand, but you don't, because you're not like me. No one is. I don't fit in anywhere, not even with my family. I don't have a place. I'm a freak. I should be left alone."
"None of us would ever leave you alone," Bella said intensely. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, to the whole family. You are more precious to me than anything in my life. All of us would put your life before our own, we already have. You are not a freak, Renesmee, you're a miracle. And we will do anything, anything to protect you."
"What if the only way to protect me is to leave me alone? What if I want to be alone? What if I don't want your protection?"
They were both silent. I could tell Edward was trying to make out the maelstrom of thoughts going through my head. Bella had her head in her hands.
"You know what?" I said again. "This is too hard. I quit. I'm going home, I need to see Jacob."
"Honey, Jacob won't be able to help you," Bella said sadly.
"I didn't say I needed his help, I just said I need to see him. He always listens to what I say, and he would never try to change who I am. You have no idea how much I wish he was here with me instead of you. Maybe then I could endure it."
I said it to hurt them, of course, like they'd hurt me. But with perfect control, Bella said, "I know sweetheart."
She looked blank - but Edward looked as if he was fighting with himself. Whatever part of him that won said, "Well, he's not here, Ness. So you'll just have to endure it. We can't go back to Forks now. It's not just you that has to wait, Nessie, it's all three of us. Two years is a long time away from everyone for us too."
"Then why - " I started.
"It's not going to happen, Nessie." He interrupted me. "One day you'll understand, but right now it's impossible to explain. I know it seems like I'm being horribly unfair and over-bearing, but this is the way it has to be."
"Well that's not good enough!" I exploded. "You haven't given me any straight answers, you just keep hinting at stuff! It's not fair, I can't take it anymore! If you're going to keep me here then I deserve some answers. I'm tired of being punished for doing nothing wrong! God, I hate you!"
"Nessie!" Bella looked pained.
"Both of you!" I shrieked, beyond controlling myself now. "You're as bad as each other, pretending that you're doing it to protect me, but secretly you're just ashamed that you created a monster!"
In a scene horribly reminiscent of last night, I bolted out of the room, up the stairs and into my bedroom, slamming the door behind me.
"And don't even think about coming to talk to me," I shouted downstairs. "I'm not interested!"
I slammed my head down on the pillow and lay there sobbing. After a while I started to feel guilty about the childish way I'd behaved, which made me cry more.
But everything I'd said was valid. Everything I'd said was true, unlike them.
I stuck out an arm and grabbed my cell phone, a ridiculously small, silver thing that Edward had given me.
Please let there be a signal, please. I don't care how much this call is going to cost me, just let there be a signal.
I needed to call Jake, right now. I didn't stop to think properly about the time difference, knowing vaguely that it would be sometime around half eleven at night there, and knowing that it wouldn't matter at all to Jake. He'd stop everything to talk to me, even sleep, although I doubted he'd be sleeping yet.
Just don't be off doing wolfy things, I begged him silently. Be human, and have your phone on. Don't make me call your house, this has to private.
I pressed number three on speed dial, after one for Bella and two for Edward, and then hit the dial button.
Please, Jake, please be there...
After a frustrating moment of silence, it started ringing, a bit muffled, but ringing.
Yes!
I couldn't believe it was actually on.
Pick up, Jake, come on, pick up.
It was still ringing.
Come on Jake.
"Hey, this is Jake... ob Black." I'd got through to his voicemail. "Uh... uh, yeah, leave a, a message after the beep, uh, the tone, whatever you prefer. And, uh, I'll get back to you. Bye."
I figured I might as well p phone, "Ness," just in case he didn't recognise my ever changing voice. "I, um, uh, I just, you know, wanted to... see how you were. I wrote you a letter today, but I was bored so I thought I'd see if I could call you, so I have, and uh, so this is me leaving a message for you to call me back, please. If you have time. No worries if not. Guess I'll just, um, hang up..."
I had no idea what I was saying - I didn't know what I could say to make him see how much I wanted him to call me. I think I was still in shock from actually hearing a dialling tone, even if I was talking to a machine.
"I miss you," I whispered. "Please, please call me back as soon as you can. I, I need to hear your voice. It's the only thing that can make any sense to me anymore."
Although that part I'd kind of tacked onto the end, I hoped he could hear the sheer desperation in my voice. I certainly could.
"Okay, well... Hope you're okay... Bye. Oh, call me on my cell, not the house phone. I'll explain later. Love you. Bye."
I hung up. It was only when I'd put my phone back on the table and lay down I noticed I had fresh tears running down my face. I really didn't know how much longer I could go on living like this. Exhausted from all the shouting and crying, I fell asleep for the third time in twelve hours. My last thought before I drifted into unconsciousness was that I bet I wouldn't be this weak if I had a decent meal inside of me. A decent amount of blood.
Oh my crikey, that's pretty damn long! And Renesmee's a bit of a whinger! But I reckon in the circumstances she's allowed to be... What do you think? R+R please muchly thankyou! :)