This takes place after Damon is erased from existence... Thank you to Eva. I appreciate you and your help more than you know. I own nothing. Lyrics courtesy of Faith Hill.
When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right here with me
"Elena! Hey, you were spacing out again. You've been doing that a lot lately. Are you okay?"
Shaking my head, I raised my eyes to him, "did you say something Matt?"
Gently he grabbed my shoulders and turned me towards him. "I asked if you were alright. It's like you're off somewhere in your own little world."
Hearing a crow's caw, I looked up into the trees, shaking it off, I turned my attention to him, "what... Matt?"
"I asked if you were okay..." he repeated.
"I'm fine. I just, I just.. keeping having this same dream. There's always this faceless man. The only thing I ever see is his eyes. It's like he's wearing a mask and only his eyes are visible to me. Have you ever seen a forget me not? They're these tiny but beautiful blue mountain wild flowers. His eyes are that color. It's like this feeling of deja vu, like I should know him but I can't, I just can't place him. I feel these things but he's not real. How can I feel this way when he's a figment of my imagination?"
I said, rubbing my eyes. Suddenly Matt pulled me into his arms for a tight hug. "What was that for, Matt?"
"What, I can't give my friend a hug!" he teased.
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
"There you are. I've been looking for you." Jeremy said while taking a seat on the ground beside me at our parent's gravesite.
"I might have known I'd find you here. You always come here when you need to think. Only you and the crows," he chucked while pointing to one sitting atop one of the grave stones.
"Hi Jer. Do you ever have that feeling you've forgotten something, someone? I went on a date with Liam the other night. He kissed me. It didn't feel right. It almost felt like I was being unfaithful. I don't know where these feelings come from. Last night I saw an apparition of a man. I only see those piercing blue eyes of his. I woke up in a cold sweat with my heart pounding. What's happening to me? I don't remember ever meeting anyone that remotely resembles him yet I have all these feelings bottled up inside. It's like my heart belongs to him and he's not even real," I say as I wipe a stray tear from my eyes.
"Don't cry, Elena," he whispered before embracing me in a hug.
Well you showed
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me
"Hello Elena," Stefan whispered before taking a seat beside me in the library. Grabbing the bookmark on the table, I inserted into my copy of 'Gone With The Wind' before returning my attention to Stefan. "Stefan, what are you doing here? Since when do you lurk in the library?" I uttered softly, a sly smile gracing my lips.
"Ric told me you were here. I thought we could catch up. It's been a while. Ric said you've been having nightmares?"
Shaking my head, "no, not nightmares really. It's just that they're always the same. This man, masked except for his eyes is always there. It's like I should know who he is because I feel all this turmoil inside but I just can't remember him you know."
Feeling my eyes begin to cloud with tears, I reach up to wipe them. I turned my head away, glancing to look outside. I see a big black crow sitting on a tree branch. Sometimes I wish I could just fly away too.
"Here you go," Stefan says softly while handing me a Kleenex. "Did I ever tell you that I had a brother once?" he continued before extending an arm over my shoulder and squeezing a bit. "His name was Damon. He was seven years older than me. We were so close growing up but we let a woman come between us so we wasted so much time blaming each other for the fiasco she caused. Damon did most of the heavy lifting but we were brothers again when he died. I miss him everyday. He died a hero, saving me and others. He fell in love and finally had everything he ever wanted then he died unexpectedly. I see him every day Elena as you see your mystery man.
"Damon was his name," I asked curiously. That sounds so familiar but I don't remember ever meeting him." Stefan smiled, "no, no you never met him," he didn't elaborate any further.
'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always
It was a beautiful day. I decided to go for a walk in the park. Sitting down under the shade of the big oak tree, I pulled my journal out of my purse and began to write. Before long, I heard the birds chirping and the crows cawing. One was especially noisy. Smiling, I turned my attention back to the task at hand. It was then I noticed someone casting me in shadow.
Looking up, there was Caroline smiling at me. "There you are. Jeremy told me you went for a walk. I thought you might like some company," she said before taking a seat beside me on the ground.
"I was just thinking. Did you know that Stefan had a brother? He told me about him at the library the other day. His name was Damon. It sounds like he died tragically but heroically. I was telling him about the mystery man that inhabits my dreams. Stefan didn't go into much detail except that he misses him every day.
Nodding, "yes, I knew that Stefan had a brother. He came here once but you and Jeremy were in Denver. He was very handsome, had the bluest eyes." she said, melancholy unmistakable in her voice.
"You said he had the bluest eyes. The man in my dreams does too. It's the only thing I ever see. It feels like he's trying to reach out for me but I can never quite reach him. I wish just once I could see his whole face, you know. Maybe that would spark something because it feels like I should know who he is." I looked up at Caroline, tears pricking my eyes.
"Oh Elena," she whispered pulling me into her arms for a hug.
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
There you'll be
"You have to remember Elena or I won't be able to come back..."
I was sleeping fitfully, hearing those words over and over when I felt something, the wisp of palm stroking my cheek. Startled, I sat up in bed, a scream leaving my lips. My heart was thundering against my breast bone. Wiping the light sheen of sweat from my brow, I reached for the clock. It was only two o'clock in the morning.
Suddenly Jeremy and Ric barged into my room. "What happened! We were watching a movie, we heard you scream. Are you okay Elena?" Ric asked, concern visible on both his and Jeremy's faces.
Breathless, I placed my palm over my galloping heartbeat, "yeah, I think so. It felt like someone was here. I felt a hand on my cheek. It felt so very real." When I looked up, I noticed Ric sharing a look with Jeremy.
"What, I'm not crazy. I felt it," I implored, tears erupting from my eyes. "I heard his voice this time. He said I had to remember. I don't understand. He's not real. Is he?"
"We know you're not crazy Elena," Ric assured me as he sat on the edge of the bed. "I don't know how he did it but somehow he's reaching out to you Elena. I can't keep him from you any longer. He deserves better than to be forgotten. You have to remember for his sake." With that, he cupped my face with his hands and looked pointedly at me whispering "Remember," just before closing his eyes.
Just like that, I was bombarded with images. It was like a movie reel was playing in my mind.
I see myself walking into the boarding house. Suddenly he's there, "You must be Elena. I'm Damon, Stefan's brother." I look at him, "he didn't tell me he had a brother." He smirks, "well, he's not one to brag."
Next, we're pulled over to the side of an empty road. "We're almost there," he says. "Where's there ?"I replied.
"A little place right outside of Atlanta. Oh, come on, Elena. You don't want to go back right now. Do you? What's the rush? Time-out. Trust me. Your problems are still going to be there when you get home. Look. Step away from your life for 5 minutes. 5 minutes!"
The next scene has us sitting in a diner having beer and burgers. "You don't like pickles, What's wrong with you?" He teased, taking the pickle from my plate and popping it into his mouth.
Suddenly we're in the Lockwood mansion, the two of us. I hear myself saying, "I'm not surprised you'd kiss me. I'm surprised you thought I'd kiss you back," He looks at me, eyes laced with pain, "Now I'm hurt."
Just like that, the two us are laying in a huge bed. I have tears in my eyes. I see myself trying to keep the tears at bay. "I like you now, just the way you are." I realize he's ever so close to death so I press my lips to his.
In this scene, he and I are on the porch of my old house. He's standing by the railing, "I thought for one second that I wouldn't have to feel guilty any more … for wanting what I want." I look up at him, "Yeah, I know, my brother's girl and all." He takes a couple of steps away, he stops and turns back towards me. "If I'm going to feel guilty about something I'm going to feel guilty about this."
He palms my cheeks and pulls my lips to his for a bone melting kiss. "Goodnight," he whispers and walks away leaving me breathless.
We're on my porch again. I'm standing in the door way. Damon reaches up to touch my chin, "Are you going to be okay," he asks, concerned. I raise my eyes to him, "You can't kiss me again."
"I know," He says. "I can't. It's not right," I caution him. "It's right, just not right now. Goodnight." He says. I watch as he walks away..
"My head's clear. I can remember everything, but not like I lived it, like a really bad dream. I look at him perched in the window seat in my old bedroom, "You saved me. Thank you."
I see myself jump into bed with him. "I thought you would have left," he says quietly. I glance at an imaginary wrist watch, "no, I don't have to be at school for...at least twenty minutes ago." I laugh when he pulls me in for another kiss and begins to play with my hair. "What that face?" I ask him. Suddenly shy, he says, "what face?" just as a big ear to ear smile brightens his face. "That face," I say. "I'm happy." With that he smothers me with kisses once more.
Next we're in the boarding house. "You know what would make me happy? To know this entire time that I've been completely in love with you; that what you actually felt for me is real." He says, his voice heavy with emotion.
"It is real. I know it is. Damon, I know what you're about to do. Please don't do this to me," I plead.
Anger erupts, "I don't want to do this, Elena. I'm not the good guy, remember? I'm the selfish one. I take what I want. I do what I want. I lie to my brother, I fall in love with his girl, I don't do the right thing. But I have to do right by you," he says, unable to hide the hurt in those beautiful eyes of his.
I watch myself as I take his hand and place it against my heart. "Does this feel wrong?" I raise my other hand to caress his cheek with my palm, "does this feel wrong?" I ask, pain lacing my voice. We stare at each other as the scene fades to black.
Then we're in front of the fireplace. My arms are crossed over my chest, anger evident on my face.
He looks at me before launching into a tirade, "But you know what I really am? Selfish, because I make bad choices that hurt you...
I rather die right now than spend a handful of years loving you, only to lose you when I'm too old and sick and miserable and you're still you. I'd rather die right now than spend my last final years remembering how good I had it and how happy I was, because that's who I am, Elena, and I'm not gonna change. And there's no apology in the world that encompasses all the reasons that I'm wrong for you. He finally finishes when I launch into my own tirade. "Fine, then I'm not sorry either. I'm not sorry I met you. I'm not sorry that knowing you has me question everything, that in death you're the one that made me feel most alive. You've been a terrible person, you've made all the wrong choices and of all the choices that I've made this will prove to be the worst one. But I am not sorry that I'm in love with you. I love you, Damon. I love y...
As I look on, he's pulling me to him for a blistering kiss.
Tears are overwhelming me as I see the two of us standing in the woods, conversation underway.
"Listen.. I wanted to spare you the gory details, and then I figured, well, I'll be lying, and then the whole point of the universe would be moot because you'd be pissed. So here it is; Project Kaboom needs someone to trigger the explosion so to speak..
I tell him okay. "wait-you? No, Damon no! Absolutely not." Then he mutters something I don't understand before saying, "go with your first instinct Damon, lesson learned." I hear myself say to him, "Do you see a future with me? Because that's all I see."
"Elena, I've seen it since the second I laid my eyes on you." I'm frantic, "Then don't go on a suicide mission!"
"Listen... technically, it's only half a suicide mission because we're going to be bringing people back from the other side and I'm going to be with them."
"What if something goes wrong?" I hear myself say.
"Alright not to relive old fights, but this is my choice. I need you to respect it," he says firmly.
"That was a low blow..."
His palms come up to clutch onto my shoulders, "I will make it back to you, I promise. I promise you." then he kisses me as if it's the last time...
Next we're in his car speeding toward the grill. "Damon," He looks at me, "I know," before placing his hand firmly atop mine just before we ram the grill. I see a fireball erupting. No one could survive that.
I see myself entering the Salvatore crypt. The candles have burnt out. Luke and Liv are nowhere to be seen. Bonnie tells me he's gone. I collapse into a pile of tears and unimaginable pain. "He's here, you can say goodbye." she forces a tight smile and walks out.
"You lied to me." I tearfully say to the nothingness staring back at me. "Please don't leave me. Please... please.. come back to me."
Alaric walks in and takes me into his arms to try to comfort me.
By the time the endless loop finishes, daylight is beginning to dawn. I'm sitting, knees curled into my chest, in the window seat, his window seat. I lay my head against the pane of glass. I see Mr. Poe sitting on the tree branch nearest to my window. It's as though he's staring at me before he opens his beak to caw and flies off. Shaking my head, tears begin to fill my eyes again, what on earth could've possessed me to ask for him to be erased? "I'm sorry Damon. I love you so much. You deserved better from me. I'll make it up to you I promise. I believe you're out there somewhere, beneath the clear blue sky. If you'll just give me a clue, I will find you. I promise...
I hope you enjoyed this. Please be kind and hit that little review box. Stay tuned for part two...