Hello fellow Whovians! My name is Cora. My best friend, Kati, and I share this account. You may have seen her stories; "Emperor Uh Oh" and "Would Be Willow". If you've not read them, I highly recommend you do:) I wrote this ficlet about a month or so ago, and thought I'd share it with you. Enjoy:)
She had a choice, to run or to stay. She had known for about two and half weeks now, and keeping this secret was tearing her apart. What was she to do? River's thoughts ran wild as she poured a second cup of steaming hot tea. Her hands were shaking as she carefully set the pot down. She was full of anxiety, worry, and fear. It made her lower stomach turn and twist in discomfort, a familiar feeling nowadays.
When the twisting subsided, River continued by picking up the cups of steaming tea, then returning to her bedroom. Glancing at the clock as she passed, she barely registered the time. It was merely 9:30 PM, why did it feel like it was 12 AM?
River entered the bedroom, seeing her dazzling husband where she had left him, reading. He had been reading that book religiously for the last week. She wouldn't admit it yet, but she felt jealous. Jealous of the attention he was giving the book and not her.
"Tea?" River handed a hot cup of tea to her husband.
He took it gratefully. "Ah, thank you, River."
River gave a barely audible sigh as she slumped beside him on the bed. The familiar hum of the TARDIS engines sounded through the walls as she quietly drifted through empty space.
River glanced over to the Doctor, and began to watch him for a moment, taking in his mannerisms as he read. The way his lip twitched, the way his brows were creased, the way his eyes were squinted as he read through those goofy round glasses. River breathed in the aroma of her 'special' tea as she watched him. She wanted to talk to him. But to River's dismay, he didn't even notice she was looking. The small grain of jealousy grew, and ran wild through her suddenly. Why wasn't he paying her any attention? She needed to talk! River felt her gut twist and turn again, so very much this time, it caused her fear. She didn't know what to do. And when River felt fear, it often came out as anger.
Instinct took over as River quickly slammed down the half drank cup of tea on the night stand.
The Doctor jumped at the sudden noise, turning to look at River. The two stared at each other. The Doctor with confusion, and River with a strange type of anger. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, River felt extremely nauseous. No, this tea was suppose to help with that. Okay, maybe it didn't help with that. Blimey!
River leapt off of the bed, taking a run to the toilet.
The Doctor stared after her in confusion. "What," he muttered under his breath. After shaking his head, it took him no more than a few seconds to get to his feet, making his way to the nearest bathroom. "River? River, are you ok?" His voice was filled with concern. After a moment with no response, he began to worry. He tried the door, but it was locked. Now he was extremely worried. The Doctor went to straighten a bow tie that wasn't there, so he ended up rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. Worried ever more, he hesitantly put his ear up to the door. The faint sound of River's crying filled his ears. He had to help her, it was his first instinct.
"River, do you need to talk?" The Doctor asked, followed with a few light knocks. But he winced back when a heavy object was hurtled into the door from the inside, followed by River's screaming. "Go away!"
The Doctor rubbed his sore ear as he quietly listened, at a safe distance, for anything else.
Soon after, the shower turned on, giving the Doctor confirmation that River needed her space. So he slowly, and helplessly, made his way to the console room. When he arrived he gave the console a few light pats. "What have I done this time, old girl?"
oOo
River shivered as the hot water rolled down her back. She was getting to old for this... She fingered a few wrinkles that had taken residence on her still so soft face. River lowered her head. Why did the Doctor love her? She looked so much older than him. He could've chosen someone much better looking, someone who would be much more happy about her current situation. To make it worse, River knew she hadn't been the Doctors random choosing. He'd had to marry her because she was to stubborn to kill him.
River adored the Doctor. He was her everything, and that's why she had the urge to run away. She didn't want to hurt him with this. She was afraid of what he might say or do. She had been there for him through his hardest time, when he couldn't hold on. When he had lost it all, she had gave it back. She didn't want to bring him down again.
She felt as though the tables had turned. For the secret she held was huge-one of the biggest so far. She didn't want to tell him for fear of what it would do to him. But if she didn't, it would present itself boldly for him and all to see. Then what would he think of her? How would he feel?
In the end, it was rivers decision. River's choice. Run away, or face it. The woman sighed, sadness and anxiety had a tight grip.
River concluded, that she must face it. Because in the end, weather or not she was the Doctors true love, she was his wife and he was her husband. She had been given to him at his command. River had a responsibility now, and she would not abandon it or her husband. She would stay loyal, and she would never run. Because no matter how much she wanted to run, no matter what good excuse she had, she knew that it would be cowardly now. River wrapped her arms around her achy torso as it twisted yet again.
River had been through angels and monsters, through danger and death. She would get trough this, weather the Doctor was there for her or not.
oOo
The Doctor stood at the console, trying to reset a control panel that had gone awry about a week ago. His mind was going a million miles per second. As hard as he tried to divert his attention from River's strange behavior, he couldn't. He didn't know what he had done, or what had happened to make River act so strange. A spark snapped, zapping the Doctors finger. He yanked his hand back and stuck his pained finger on his mouth as he did a mad dance around in front of the panel. That had done it. When the Doctor turned about he saw River, standing on the stairs looking at him in amusement. "Oh sweetie," she sighed with a smile.
The Doctor self consciously pulled his hand down from his mouth and turned away for a split second. "River," the Doctor greeted a bit to sad for her liking. River made her way down the stairs towards her husband. The Doctor watched her, admiring her damp space hair and her new overly oversized pajamas. River sheepishly took place beside her husband, staring at the control panel.
A silence followed, not necessarily uncomfortable, but not refreshing either.
River broke the silence after several moments. "I see you're fixing that panel."
The Doctor smiled. "Yeah." He shrugged casually. "It needed to be done."
Another quiet moment followed. The Doctor glanced into River's wandering eyes. They were filled with sorrow. She was carrying a burden, he knew. Oh he knew. He knew form his own experience.
"River. Are you ok?"
River nodded, taking in a deep breath. This was it. "Yes. Yes I'm ok." It felt as though every nerve in her body was trembling. As if she was sick. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I was jealous."
The doctors eyes widened a bit. "Jealous? Of what?"
"That book," admitted River, a bit to tense. "You've been putting all of your attention into that book, and I know it's it's foolish of me to be jealous of a book, but-" River's voice was strained and she began to be choked up.
The Doctor gave River a genuinely worried look, as he nodded his head, encouraging her to continue. "Go on," his voice was a whisper.
River ran a sleeved hand across her nose. "I need help. I can't do this on my own, cause I've never had to deal with anything like this before. I'm afraid. I'm afraid something might go wrong. Or that you won't want this, because I know you've had this before. I don't want anything to hurt you. I'm just so, so afraid." River sobbed as she poured her heart out to the Doctor, letting out her innermost thoughts and feelings.
The Doctor tilted his head, reaching out and taking ahold of River's shoulders, gently forcing her to look in his eyes. "River, you need to tell me. What are you afraid of?"
Her eyes were filled with something he'd never seen before. A mix of worry and vulnerability, all in one. The Doctor felt as though this was the first time he'd ever seen her this way. So week, so fragile. Needing protection and help from her husband.
River looked up, forcing herself to look straight into his eyes. Her voice was soft yet strained. "Oh sweetie, I'm pregnant."
The Doctor pursed his lips, brows coming together, his eyes filled with what could only be described as a mix of fear and sadness. So much sadness. Old sadness.
River couldn't keep eye contact. She let her head hang low, waiting in desperation for the Doctor to say something.
Why wouldn't he say anything? River continued-only if it was to break the horrible silence. "I'm afraid. I don't-I don't want to hurt you with this."
River was surprised when the Doctor pulled her into a tight hug. "Hush now. You mustn't worry about what I think anymore. You must be careful. We don't want to stress the baby."
River sniffled a smile. The familiar beat of the Doctors hearts ringing in her ear, and his steady breathing was a comfort.
After a moment, River moved back, initiating eye contact once again. "Are you ok?" Her voice was genuine, filled with honest and heartfelt concern.
The Doctor thought for a moment, his brows creasing and his lips tightening. Then his bright smile lit the room. The biggest smile River had seen come from him in a long time. "Oh River, I'm very much ok. I couldn't be happier." His voice was low, and ever so husky as he whispered these words of comfort to her.
River felt relief flood through her. And with it came the familiar twisting and moving of the baby as it kicked within her lower stomach.
River smiled hesitantly, placing her hands on her lower belly.
The Doctor knew what she was feeling, and what she was thinking. He leaned in a bit more, placing his hands atop of hers. "Hey," he lured gently, causing River to look at him. "I know you're afraid. I know this is all new to you, and it is to me in a different way. But I assure you, we will be amazing." The Doctor pulled his wife close yet again, knowing she was holding his child safely within. They were both safe, and he would do anything to keep them that way. "Amazing."
There you have it! An amazing start to their journey. I thank the writers for keeping this time line untouched, and left for our imagination. I hope you've enjoyed;)