Story: After the Rain, Chapter 1Summary: For some people, the sound of rain can be seen as comforting. However, there are others who, when it rains, can only feel regret, as it brings back painful memories from the past. Sometimes, those feelings become unbearable, and any kind of hope, or feelings of reassurance they may have had, is lost, their will to live shattered.Disclaimer: I don't own bleach, nor do I own Renji or Rukia. Tite Kubo alone has owner. That should be obviously, though, considering that this wouldn't even called a fanfiction, for the 'creator' of a tv show cannot be a 'fan'.
For some people, the sound of rain could be seen as comforting. However, there are others who, when it rains, can only feel regret, as painful memories from the past are all they see. Sometimes, even if it's only for a moment, those feelings become unbearable, and any kind of hope, or feelings of reassurance they may have had, is lost, their will to live shattered.
A certain petite Shinigami stood near a tree, staring into space. Dark clouds had settled in the sky. She was currently oblivious to her surroundings and the rain that continuously splashed in her face. Her Kimono was soaked, along with her hair, her face completely void of any emotions.
The past week had gone by much too slowly. In that time, the rain had not stopped once. It was a like the long and continuous cycle of soul rebirth. She'd been coming to the same spot each day. Two nights before, Byakuya had questioned where she was going, her answer giving no particular just told him she was going out for a bit. He didn't seem too happy about it, as you could tell by the tension surrounding them, however, he pressed no further.
"Ukitake-taichou is personally asking for your strength tomorrow. As you know, failure is not permissible in the Kuchiki clan. I do expect you to do your best." were his last words to her, before turning back to his paperwork. She had her back, with an emotionless expression that could slightly compare to Byakuya's.
"H-hai, Nii-sama..." had been her only response, before stepping out of the room and leaving him to himself.
Her thoughts and haunting memories from her past led her to that same exact spot every time it rained. Every single time the cursed rain fell, she found herself standing in front of where Kaien had died, after being impaled by her Zanpakuto.
She could remember everything about that horrible night, and her every cry, as if it'd just happened moments ago. As if he was still right there at her feet, dying.
Her legs shook beneath her unsteadily, suddenly growing heavy. Her chest throbbed, as she gulped, biting her bottom lip to prevent herself crying. She wouldn't have wanted him to see her crying. No, she had to be strong, and not cry. That's the last thing he would've cared to see, even if she was the one whose blade had shed his blood; even if it was her who killed him. Most definitely, that's just who Kaien Shiba was.
That's when she remembered the looks of horror on Kaien's younger siblings' faces, after she'd stepped into the Shiba House, and was forced to deliver the news, regarding their brother's death. There was no way she could ever forget the look in their eyes, which harbored many feelings, both sharing the same loathsome glare, and one thing stood out in their eyes, more than anything else; hate.
It wasn't until after her execution was stopped with the help of Ichigo and the others that she was finally able to gather the courage to confront Kukaku about her feelings, and apologize. Kukaku, and him, much to her surprise, just forgive her, like she'd done nothing more than stealing a cookie out of the cookie jar.
Despite that she'd had stated it wasn't the girl's fault, and told her to quit apologizing, Rukia still felt terribly guilty, anyway, for she knew that she was not the only one who'd suffered. Being their brother, and knowing the kind of person Kaien was, she could tell that it'd been harder Kukaku and Ganju than herself, considering they were actually family, a concept of which she used to ponder a lot, especially back when she was living in Rukongai. She'd never even came close to understanding it, as, even after all the time she'd known him, Byakuya, her so-called 'brother' was just as unreadable as the exact moment they met.
It's not like she wanted to hurt his feelings, or anything, as she knew he did have them. The fact that she'd been adopted into the Kuchiki-clan was proof of that. If it hadn't been for him falling in love with Hisana, she honestly didn't know what would've become of her life.
She hated herself for feeling this way, but knew she couldn't lie, either. Trying to convince herself she wasn't afraid of him would be like a stab in the back to all three of them. She had always been, even at the slightest, somewhat weary of him. She honestly couldn't believe she'd ever be able understand him, and it truly did pain her.
Just as she could never grasp the bond between a sister and a brother, or any kind of family bonds, she could never even hope to understand Ganju and Kukaku's relationship with Kaien. It was all because of her of cowardice, and hesitation that they'd lost their brother; their own flesh and blood.
She held a single hand up, trembling, as rain fell upon it. Anyone else who looked at it might call it pure, or clean, perhaps even 'beautiful'. For her however, in those so-called 'pure' hands, the only thing she could see was blood. Her hands were now forever stained with her master's blood. They were nothing but 'impure', and as long she continued to see them, those painful memories would keep coming back, slowly eating her way. If she continued living; if she continued trying to fight, she knew would only end up putting those around her in danger.
She now bit her lip harder, as the bad feeling in her chest only got worse. It literally felt as though a hand was slowly closing in on her heart, suffocating her where she stood.
Every ounce of sorrow that she'd always kept hidden from others, every single tear that she'd swallowed back, came out at once. Each and every one of her failures; her two hugest regrets, failing to protect him, and two, getting Ichigo involved in all the chaos that had ensued Soul Society ever since she'd became a soul reaper; everything she'd felt guilt for, even the smallest things, that she knew couldn't be helped. She could no longer hold anything back.
"K-Kaien-dono..." she choked, as the weight of her emotions brought her to her knees. She hugged her body, tightly grasping her shoulders, as her face froze three inches above the cold wet ground. Sode no Shirayuki remained clutched in her hand, as fresh tears ran down her cheeks, blending in with the rain that was dripping down her face.
People could say that what she did was right as many times as they like, but she wasn't convinced. The fact would never change, she'd killed him. There was other way to put it. She had murdered someone, and not just anyone. She gulped. No, this was the only man who'd ever recognized her for something other than her noble status; he'd given her a place in the world; a purpose.
After everything he'd done for her; after all the kindness he'd shown her, how did she repay him? She let out another cry, once again contemplating Sode no Shirayuki's blade. Beauty meant nothing at all, when it was an item that'd only been used to kill. She'd killed her own lieutenant; her own master, and someone she practically worshiped. She'd done it with her own sword. Now she had no one. She was all alone.
Alone...
She no longer had a purpose in this world. She was...worthless.
Worthless...
The wrong person had died back then. The wrong person had lived. She should've been dead. She should've died along with him, at theleast. It was obvious to her that she deserved nothing less than death and nothing more than to have the opportunity to say 'I'm sorry'.
However, she could say it over and over, so much to the point of losing her own voice, and it still wouldn't bring her peace, because the truth was nothing would. She was selfish like that. Her soul would never be at rest until she was dead.
Dead…
She cared not to state her sword's name, as she knew even in its unreleased form, its dull blade was enough to kill a person as weak and vulnerable as her.
Setting up, she slowly tightened her grip on the sword, as she pointed it's blade at her heart. Closing her eyes, she could feel it, pounding in her chest. At that moment, she was ready to give up everything. Whatever she saw after death; whether or not she saw anything, she was ready for it. She was prepared to die. She wanted to die. She had to die…
She gulped once more, her tears continuing to fall, as she thrusted sword towards herself with full force. At that second, she expected to feel sudden pain, or something, but she didn't. A pair of strong and firm, yet warm and gentle hands caught hers just in time to stop her.
"Oi, Rukia, what the hell do ya think yer doing?!"
~End of Chapter~
A/N: What do you think so far? Review.