You know how you guys pretty much wanted me to continue the insanity that was Save Christmas? Well they're back. Hopefully you enjoy. Peace
Warning the following story contains scenes of Vulgarity that some people may find offensive. Read at your own risk.
Valentine's day. Where relationships could either blossom and become something beautiful and something to be admired, or they could totally epic fail and turn into a yelling match because someone forgot to take out the god damn garbage which isn't even full yet so honestly someone should just take a fucking Midol. But we all like to think of that first option better where young people find love hopefully if not then you're a sick fuck. The two vulpines Wombo and Whitefur were laying down on the couch watching chick flicks because they couldn't find the remote even though they could probably walk over and change the channel by pressing the button on the T.V but who cares?
"Johnny I want you to say you love me. Tell me nothing will ever break us apart." the woman on the boob tube said with tears rolling down her cheek.
"Dude that chick is hot."
"For fucks sake Wombo shut up!"
"NEVER!"
"Fucking asshole.."
"I love you Janice. Nothing will ever separate us. The bonds of love are too strong."
"He's just saying that so he can fuck her."
"Have you ever heard of common decency? I'm actually captivated by this."
"Ha! Queer!"
Whitefur sighed and continued watching "Tell me that you'll never die and leave me on this planet."
"You know I can't promise that."
The lady sighed "If you were able to promise me that I would make love to you right now." she turned her back towards him.
The man's eyes widened and he said turning her towards him "I promise I will never die." Here eyes lit up the a sun going supernova. He smiled devilishly and winked at the camera.
"And here's where I lose interest." Whitefur walked up towards the television and turned it off.
"What? It was getting to the hardcore sex scene! She was totally going to take his load!" Wombo said protesting Whitefur's actions. "It was going to be awesome!"
"Dude! When is the last time you were outside?"
"Uh.. Well.. Hm.." he put his fist up to his chin and thought extremely hard
"Seriously you have to think on it? Dude go outside and do something!" Whitefur pointed to the door and looked at him expecting him to obey his command.
Wombo looked back at him "You have to come with me!"
"I've got better things to do."
"Like what? Watch Terms of Endearment of Pay Per View? Then once it's done you can cry and masturbate and use your tears as lubrication so it feels better?"
Whitefur looked stunned "Where did that come from?"
Wombo smiled "I don't know.. So will you come?"
"Sure.. But let me get ready."
"Awesome! But can we take a toke before we go?"
"What do you think I meant by get ready?"
"Yay!"
Half an hour later
"Dude.. Are you sure you're fine to go?" Wombo asked
Whitefur burst into laughter and tears "Ha! No! I'm not!"
"Where did you get this? For a toke this seemed to have done some damage."
"I got it from Blacks."
"What?" Wombo looked at him weird, mostly confusion
"Yeah. At the store Blacks they sell hardware tools and behind it a white guy sells it."
"Oh.. All right." he let his face return to normal
"What did you think I meant?"
He shook his head "Nothing.. Just being a little racist."
"Well as long as you don't do it in front of them. Because doing it behind their back is way better." Wombo and Whitefur both look at whoever is reading this as to make it so clear that its not cool to do either. Because that's what is bringing us down. All this hate. That's why we have Valentine's day, and Death Metal. Because Death Metal rules.
They enter the stationwagon and roll up all the windows so the good stuff isn't just rolling out the window because this is good shit. "Dude where are we going to go?" asked Whitefur who was out of his mind.
"I don't know. But wasn't Tyronos doing something with that one chick Bill set him up with?" Wombo asked after puffing then passing.
Whitefur took some and held on to it "Yeah what was her name? Fuck I can't think of it for the life of me."
"Well I know where they are at. He said he was going on a blind date."
"Then he thinks he's going to get some?"
"Yeah, if he plays his card right. He may be able to splooge inside of her."
"Sweet."
"Yeah let's go get him."
Wombo started the stationwagon and left to go get Tyronos and more than likely ruin his chance of being able to creampie.
"So I was like if I don't get some coupons with this I'm going to flip a tit."
"Uh-huh." He was about ready to blow his brains out. He was set up on a blind date by Bill the mosquito. He knew it was going to be a bad idea but gave him a chance. Under his breath he muttered "I am so not doing this shit again."
"What was that?" she asked
"Nothing.. Please go on about these coupons." he figured he would have at least been able to get a handie if anything and that was it. But with her reptile hands his schlong probably would have been cut up by it and been unusable for the rest of his life.
"So my girlfriend is up in this bitch's face and is totally hammered. Then the bitch smacks her across the face." inside Tyronos was crying more than a five year old who's favorite toy was just taken away. "Wouldn't you know it this bitch is Krystal. Now I'm not a lesbian or anything.. But I would fuck her."
He nearly puked in his mouth "Excuse me I have to use the bathroom." he raced to the men's room where he blew past a crocodile man who stopped him.
"Hey dude I don't want to be rude or nothing but that woman you brought in is very beautiful."
"You can have her for all I care."
The man looked at him weird "You sure?"
"Yeah she's yours." he went in and pulled out his phone.
"Thanks man." he fixed himself up and went to go fetch his prize.
"People disgust me.." he had dialed in Wombo's number praying that he could get a ride in order to escape his very unattractive date.
"HOW DARE YOU!" he turned to see his date come in the men's room "AFTER ALL I GAVE YOU? THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME?" he was immediately frightened. He looked around looking for a possible escape route. There was none except the way he came in. "ONLY ONE WAY OUT YOU LITTLE FUCKER!" he licked his lips "COME TO MOMMA!"
He ran straight at her yelling and slid underneath her legs and was able to slip past her. "COME BACK HERE YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" for a big woman she was able to run pretty fast. "GET IN MY BELLY!"
"She would say that." they ran out of the restaurant her following pretty close. He felt a vibration in his pocket. He dug around while still running. He picked it up and it was Wombo. "Finally!" (click) "Wombo!"
"Dude! I totally see you from up here! Why is that rhino chasing after you?"
He could hear Whitefur in the background "Lemme talk to him!"
"No I'm talking to him!"
"But I wanna say something!"
"Fine!" Tyronos could hear the shuffle between the two. There was a long pause "Hey Tyronos?"
"Yeah?"
"We're all out of Chips Ahoy."
"WILL YOU GUYS JUST FUCKING GET ME!"
"Fine.. But when we go to get more you're not having any."
"FINE!" he turned it off and put it back in his pocket looking up in the sky for any sign of them. He heard a boom that nearly popped his ears. He stopped running as did his blind date. He saw the stationwagon and could see they were going to do a the run and sweep. He started running as fast as he could. His date saw him do this and continued running after him.
"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" she yelled at him
He looked behind him and she was charging at him full speed. Obviously looks were deceiving him. He saw the stationwagon trailing right behind her full of smoke. It slowed over by her and Whitefur poked his head out. "Hey do you know where we can find a guy named Tyronos?"
"I'M RIGHT HERE YOU FUCKERS!" Whitefur looked to where he was running.
"Never mind thank you though have a nice day." The stationwagon pulled up to Tyronos and Whitefur had the front door way open.
He held onto the door and jumped in successfully. "Come on let's go!"
Wombo put it into overdrive but for some reason it wasn't moving. They looked behind them and there she was eyes full of rage and fire. "Hey dude.. I think you have a lover."
"Fuck you man."
"I can't like.. Shake her off of me.." Wombo looked at Tyronos "Should I?"
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!" Tyronos slammed down on the red button that read "Beast Mode." the voice from the computer said "Beast Mode is turned on.. Also your Hot Pocket is done."
"STEP ON IT!" Wombo broke free of the Rhino's grasp and left her in the dust and burnt up the by the engine's thrusters that spewed a light blue flame.
"Hey.. Dude.. She's like.. A puddle now.. Ha.. Funny.."
"Whitefur you're sick."
"I'm high son!" he then puked in the back of the stationwagon. "Ok I'm also sick."
"Aw.. Now we gotta clean it out.. No more for you mister." Wombo said
"Whatever let's go home." Tyronos said
"Did you get sand in your vagina?"
"As a matter of fact I did Whitefur. It hurts really bad and I would like to get home and clean it out."
"Dude really?"
"No you idiot.. God stop smoking it makes you an idiot."
"But you smoke weed too!"
"But I'm not an idiot on it."
"True.."