A/N: Thanks so much for the revs, my tiny chums! In case you haven't
already figured this out, my stories/poems are about anything and
everything. But tell me what you think anyway. (Also, tell me more about
how you think I should reformat the poem.)
Once upon a time in Middle-Earth, Bilbo Baggins was having tea at his home, Bag End. Suddenly, there came a knock on the door. "Who is it?" he asked. It was vey out of the ordinary for anyone to be out at tea-time.(You know how hobbits are.)
The knock came again. Bilbo sighed and got up from the table. He opened the door. It was Sam, his gardener! Sam mumbled indiscernably. His eyes were rather bloodshot, Bilbo noticed. Suddenly, Sam lunged at Bilbo! Screaming obscenities, he pinned him to the floor near the fireplace. Now, being relatively sure that Sam didn't swim on that side of the Brandywine, Bilbo concluded that Sam was, in fact, trying to kill him. But why?
"I've....worked...here....for....30...years....and... never....been...paid!!!!!!" Sam shrieked as he attempted to use some Israeli army tactics on Bilbo. So that's it! The boy just wanted pay for his many years of sevice to the Bagginses'! That was all!
Too bad.
Bilbo flipped Sam and bashed him on the head with a stick of butter he snatched from the table. But, as we all know, butter is not one of the world's most effective weapons.
Sam yelled and jumped off Bilbo. He grabbed the three-legged stool from the table and hit Bilbo upside the head with it. Bilbo staggered backwards, his hand over his left eye. His hand touched something cool and metal. Ah, yes. The fire-poker. He smiled innocently at Sam.
Sam looked at Bilbo suspiciously. Why on earth was he smiling? What kind of ...
Sam didn't have time to finish that thought. Bilbo jabbed him in the ribs with the red-hot poker. Sam shouted a very rude word indeed, but took that opportunity to seize Bilbo's teacup from the table. Bilbo flung down the poker and leapt at Sam. Sam smashed the teacup on the table and began hurling bits of broken glass at Bilbo. Bilbo screamed and fell to the floor, rubbing his eyes. Sam made to run away, but noticed the tea kettle out ot the corner of his eye. He grinned wickedly. Time for a little revenge. He grasped the handle and slowly walked over to Bilbo, still lying on the floor. He tilted the kettle up and let the boiling liquid splash onto the hobbit below. Bilbo yelped agonizingly. Sam grinned sinisterly and-
"Bilbo!"
Sam whirled around and spilled tea everywhere. It was Frodo! Run! But Sam, being the simple-minded, comic relief of the entire trilogy, just stood there. Frodo burst into the room and eyed the scene cautiously. His gardener, Sam, was standing over his uncle, Bilbo, holding a tea kettle and looking very guilty.
"Bilbo! You silly thing, you! What have you been up to?" Frodo laughed and put his hands on his non-existent hips.
Sam blinked. Not surprisingly, his hobbit brain could not comprehend this drastic turn of events.
"No....boy....it's...not....like...that..." Bilbo muttered weakly.
Sam slowly returned the tea kettle to the table and moved toward the door, all the while keeping an eye on Frodo.
"Where are you going Sam?" Frodo asked sweetly. "I, uh, have, uh, to go, uh, garden....." "Well, alright." Frodo smiled patiently. Sam's previous statement did not make him at all suspicious, because, frankly, Sam did not have the world's biggest vocabulary, and Frodo knew it.
"Okay..." Sam muttered quickly. He dashed out the door, hitting his head on the doorjamb in his haste. Now, I ask you, how can you hit your head on a CIRCULAR door? Really? How can it be done? Of all the stupid things Sam could have done, he just HAD to pick this one.......
Like I said, Sam hit his head on the doorjamb. He fell to the floor with a concussion.
"What's this? Oh my, Sam's been hurt, Bilbo! Quickly, clear off the table, we can put him up there...."
Frodo rushed about and swiped everything off the kitchen table. Then he dragged Sam's body to it and heaved him onto the counter.
Bilbo picked himself up off the floor and limped to the table. He grinned evilly. Time for a little revenge.....
Once upon a time in Middle-Earth, Bilbo Baggins was having tea at his home, Bag End. Suddenly, there came a knock on the door. "Who is it?" he asked. It was vey out of the ordinary for anyone to be out at tea-time.(You know how hobbits are.)
The knock came again. Bilbo sighed and got up from the table. He opened the door. It was Sam, his gardener! Sam mumbled indiscernably. His eyes were rather bloodshot, Bilbo noticed. Suddenly, Sam lunged at Bilbo! Screaming obscenities, he pinned him to the floor near the fireplace. Now, being relatively sure that Sam didn't swim on that side of the Brandywine, Bilbo concluded that Sam was, in fact, trying to kill him. But why?
"I've....worked...here....for....30...years....and... never....been...paid!!!!!!" Sam shrieked as he attempted to use some Israeli army tactics on Bilbo. So that's it! The boy just wanted pay for his many years of sevice to the Bagginses'! That was all!
Too bad.
Bilbo flipped Sam and bashed him on the head with a stick of butter he snatched from the table. But, as we all know, butter is not one of the world's most effective weapons.
Sam yelled and jumped off Bilbo. He grabbed the three-legged stool from the table and hit Bilbo upside the head with it. Bilbo staggered backwards, his hand over his left eye. His hand touched something cool and metal. Ah, yes. The fire-poker. He smiled innocently at Sam.
Sam looked at Bilbo suspiciously. Why on earth was he smiling? What kind of ...
Sam didn't have time to finish that thought. Bilbo jabbed him in the ribs with the red-hot poker. Sam shouted a very rude word indeed, but took that opportunity to seize Bilbo's teacup from the table. Bilbo flung down the poker and leapt at Sam. Sam smashed the teacup on the table and began hurling bits of broken glass at Bilbo. Bilbo screamed and fell to the floor, rubbing his eyes. Sam made to run away, but noticed the tea kettle out ot the corner of his eye. He grinned wickedly. Time for a little revenge. He grasped the handle and slowly walked over to Bilbo, still lying on the floor. He tilted the kettle up and let the boiling liquid splash onto the hobbit below. Bilbo yelped agonizingly. Sam grinned sinisterly and-
"Bilbo!"
Sam whirled around and spilled tea everywhere. It was Frodo! Run! But Sam, being the simple-minded, comic relief of the entire trilogy, just stood there. Frodo burst into the room and eyed the scene cautiously. His gardener, Sam, was standing over his uncle, Bilbo, holding a tea kettle and looking very guilty.
"Bilbo! You silly thing, you! What have you been up to?" Frodo laughed and put his hands on his non-existent hips.
Sam blinked. Not surprisingly, his hobbit brain could not comprehend this drastic turn of events.
"No....boy....it's...not....like...that..." Bilbo muttered weakly.
Sam slowly returned the tea kettle to the table and moved toward the door, all the while keeping an eye on Frodo.
"Where are you going Sam?" Frodo asked sweetly. "I, uh, have, uh, to go, uh, garden....." "Well, alright." Frodo smiled patiently. Sam's previous statement did not make him at all suspicious, because, frankly, Sam did not have the world's biggest vocabulary, and Frodo knew it.
"Okay..." Sam muttered quickly. He dashed out the door, hitting his head on the doorjamb in his haste. Now, I ask you, how can you hit your head on a CIRCULAR door? Really? How can it be done? Of all the stupid things Sam could have done, he just HAD to pick this one.......
Like I said, Sam hit his head on the doorjamb. He fell to the floor with a concussion.
"What's this? Oh my, Sam's been hurt, Bilbo! Quickly, clear off the table, we can put him up there...."
Frodo rushed about and swiped everything off the kitchen table. Then he dragged Sam's body to it and heaved him onto the counter.
Bilbo picked himself up off the floor and limped to the table. He grinned evilly. Time for a little revenge.....