I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did
I remember years ago, when it was still Dad, Sam, and I, we would travel from motel to motel following our father's cases. I was always told to stay put and watch over Sammy, while he would go gank monsters out in the dark. He would be gone for days at a time and Sammy would always ask, "Dean, where is Dad?" I always gave answers that would reassure my little brother, but I knew they were crap. I knew that Sammy would grow up and soon see that too, but that's not why I'm telling you this.
Anyway, this one time Dad was gone longer than usual. He was out hunting a couple of bloodsuckers somewhere out in Iowa. I was getting worried. I, uh, I decided to go out and look for him. It was a stupid decision, but you know me. I put Sammy to bed early that night that night and stepped outside. I remember it being cold as balls. I didn't know where to start. Dad could have been anywhere, so I just choose to look around the hotel quickly and then run over to the store across the street to stock up on more mac n' cheese. When I came back I saw the Impala sitting in front of our room. I knew I was in trouble for sure. I could almost taste the blood in my mouth from when Dad hit me before. I didn't pay the pain any mind though, as long as it wasn't Sam. I opened the door to our room expecting my Dad's hand to close around my throat at any moment but there was none. He wasn't in the room. I stepped out and closed the door confused. Man, I should have just got in and stayed there. Someone came from out of the blue and grabbed my shoulder, and that same someone told me I should take a hike. "Daddy will be done with Pixie in an hour. That's all the bastard paid for." He let go of my shoulder and told me I looked just like him minus the stupid coat. He ran off to do more 'business.' I did as he said, but when I think back now I should have opened a can of whoop ass. When Dad arrived back I saw a truly broken man.
I never forgot about that night. One day, when I was a bit older. I decided to ask Dad about it. Of course I knew what happened. He screwed a cheap hooker, but I wanted to know why. So I asked. I expected anger but like that first night so many years ago all I saw was a broken man. He broke down and told me everything that happened that night. About how he missed Mary, my mother. "Have caution when it comes to love," were the last words I heard him say before I turned away and stopped listening.
I promised myself I wouldn't be like him. Great lie, huh? I even fooled myself. I drowned myself in porn and cheap sex. I even banged a couple of the girls I saved just because I could and they wanted it. I sicken myself sometimes. I think I would have gone to Hell regardless of the deal I made for Sammy just for that alone. Who needed love? I sure as hell didn't. Sam was all I needed. Me, him and the Impala. Not like that would last. Then you crashed into my life at full throttle. Knocked my right on my ass that's for damn sure. I automatically felt a connection with you. I tried my damnedest to fight it, I did, because let's face it you were weird and I didn't like you at the time. Heh, you grew on me though. You ended up being the one of the best friends I ever could have ever had, Cas. I'm s-so sorry Castiel. I didn't mean for it to be like this. I should have watched over you like you have so many times for me. Cas, I lov-.. I have to go. I'll see you next year, Cas.