In one swift motion Joe flicks his hand up and the glass back- another vodka shot; his favourite.
It was overbearing in taste and intensity but straight to the point, and it set his throat alight and made his insides burn but it made him feel better. His misery, his anger, his frustration could all be washed away by a drink. He admits its addicting, the sensation of alcohol in his throat, momentarily making him forget, distracting him from his feelings with its fiery-burning sensation. He craved to feel like that forever. Joe, for the first time in a fucking long time, feels alive. He has another, and another until the world is spinning and people are in slow motion and he has forgotten why he had started drinking in the first place. A cute bartender flirts with him and he sleeps with her to forget, she does it for a better tip, and because hey, this totally drunk sad looking kid is making eyes at her, and she wants to feel alive too. The cycle continues.
Caspar's been gone for 3 weeks now; filming in LA. Joe only remembers this in the few hours of the day he doesn't spend hungover, wasted or passed out. When he's sober the world is too harsh; everything smells like Caspar and he is reminded again of his stupidly cute face, his laugh, the way his hair looks messy in the morning, he cant take it. He goes out every night; a few beers come first; for he actually enjoys the taste of them. Then come the shots. He closes his eyes with each one, enjoying the limbo he was in. Enjoying the feeling of forgetting.
Somehow another week passes and Caspar is back home from LA and Joe can't look him in the eye. The time apart has only made him realise how fucking in love he was. He wills himself to blurt it out one night before he goes to the bar but his mouth is dry and his face feels numb and he swallows a lump in his throat, feeling utterly fucking useless, only to mutter a bitter "See you later" to his room-mate before leaving. All he can think is that he needs a fucking drink. Caspar has only been back for a few days and Joe has definitely decided that its worse to have Caspar back rather than gone; Caspar borrows Joe's clothes for a video and somehow Joe is drowning in Caspar's scent on his clothes and the way he laughs and talks and smiles and suddenly he's finding it hard to breathe; spluttering for air, and Joe knows he's falling apart.
Eventually one night Caspar goes out, smiling at Joe before leaving and Josh watches Joe's face fall after the lock in the door clicks behind Caspar. Josh later asks Joe if he was ok, if he needed to talk about something. If something has been causing him to drink. Joe tells him that he does really love Caspar, but that he knew Caspar didn't love him, and that it fucking hurt. Josh cant really say much in order to console Joe for there is nothing to say. Caspar doesn't love him. Joe knows this, he doesn't cry when Josh confirms his unrequited love, instead he saves his tears for the vodka that would be sure to come later that night.
A/N: ...um yeah. Bit of an angst drabble (wow ive never wirtten one of those). Again this was kind of sad to write, & someone commented on my last oneshot that my ending was a bit ambiguous and i 100% agree so i hope this weeks ff was a little less open ended. I haven't done anything Jaspar in ages so i thought i might have a go at it. I don't think i have the characters down but i liked this idea and this is the result! R&R and cheers for reading guys xxx