A/N: Hey! This is Charmed Ravenclaw and SuperiorDancerChick here. This is a joint story which we have decided to write, and we hope you enjoy it!
Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter, A Christmas Carol, KFC, Barry Trotter or dogs that play the piano. Thank you.

Two budding wizard-play directors, Charmy and Chicka, rushed along a street towards their theatre. Today they were holding auditions for their new sure-to-be smash hit movie/play: A Hogwarts Carol. As they ran, Chicka cursed under her breath, "We're late, we're late, we're very, very late!"

Charmy scowled. "I told you we shouldn't have stopped for that dog playing the piano!"

"How many dogs do you see playing the piano?" Chicka said. They rounded the corner to find….

The theatre deserted. It was so empty that even the tumbleweed decided to tumble somewhere less lonely. Only two people anxiously awaited their arrival. One was Snape, who had been kicked out of the auditions next door. The other was Ron, who was confused.

"What! Only two people! This can't be happening! Pinch me!" SDC shrieked and closed her eyes tight. Charmy pinched her hard. "Ow! Not that hard!"

"You asked me to pinch ya, I pinched ya," she replied. Chicka looked back at the sign. It clearly read 'A Hogwarts Carol: Auditions Here!' "Doesn't anyone else want to audition?"

"Yeah, it's so isolated. Even the crickets aren't here to chirp!" Charmy commented. Nothing happened. Not a peep or a sound. She raised her voice, "I said: Even the crickets aren't here to chirp!" The crickets came back from their coffee break and rushed up at their cue. Soon the abandoned atmosphere was filled with the sound of crickets. "There we go! I don't feel so lonely now there are crickets. Now, what are we gonna do?"

Chicka looked over her shoulder. "Wait here. I have an idea."

"What? I can't hear you over the crickets! Jeez, can you pipe down guys?" Charmy yelled at the crickets.

Chicka took no notice and walked over to the auditions for The Barry Trotter Movie and saw a long queue. She went up to them and said, "How would you like to act in a play by a nutter called Charmy and me, the ever so gorgeous Chicka, called 'A Hogwarts Carol'?"

"Nah. I wanna act in Barry Trotter."

"No thanks."

"What's a carol?"

"Listen buddy," Chicka walked right up to Harry and pressed one finger against his chest. "You're gonna act in act play whether you like it or not."

"What's gonna happen if I say no?"

"YOU'RE GONNA ACT IN OUR PLAY!" Chicka screamed. All the other actors backed off and agreed. Draco even wet himself.

Ten minutes later….

"Hey, that's a big turnout," Charmy commented. "Where did you get all these people?"

"They were all just waiting in the wrong queue. Right guys?" Chicka said sweetly.

"Yes ma'am," they all nodded, slightly scared.

"Right, let's get started then!" Charmy said, walking inside the theatre.

"Alright!" Chicka said.

Once they had set up inside the theatre, they let in the first actor. It was Snape.

"Hi Professor!" Charmy smiled, falsely optimistic. "What part are you here to audition for?"

"Scrooge," Snape answered.

"Oooookay," Chicka said. "So why do you want this part?"

"Because the Barry Trotter people said I was 'too evil'. Hah! I'll show them! Ahahahahaha!" Snape cried manically.

"Well, he has a good evil laugh," Charmy pointed out.

"Yeah, definitely," Chicka agreed. "So, Professor, could you recite some lines then please?"

"Of course: Bah, humbug! Christmas is stupid! Never give to the poor! I hate everything! Bah!" Snape recited, his voice full of menace. He added "If you don't give me the part, you'll get double detention in potions!"

"Whoa. Ok, thanks Professor, we'll call you back later, just wait outside for now," Charmy smiled innocently and pointed at a door labelled 'Rejects'. "Uh, don't mind the sign; it's supposed to say…um…. 'Hopefuls'! We've been meaning to get it changed. Right, Chicka?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, what she said!" Chicka replied, nodding vigorously. Snape walked dejectedly out the door. "Next!" called Charmy and Chicka.

Ron was the next person to audition. "Hi Ronald!" Chicka said.

"It's RON!" he bellowed.

"Right, yes, Ron. So what part are you auditioning for?" Charmy asked.

"The ghost of Christmas past. I have a little scene prepared, if you want me to do it," he replied.

"Excellent! We'll read in the other characters. Carry on," Chicka and Charmy said. Ron pulled out a page of script and began to read: "I am the Ghost of Christmas Past."

"What business has brought you here?"

"Your welfare."

"A night's unbroken rest might aid my welfare."

"Your salvation then. Take heed. Come."

"I beg you, Spirit... I am mortal and liable to fall."

"No, you dork, you're a wizard, come on, get moving!"

"Is that it?" Chicka asked.

"Yes. What did you think?" Ron looked eager.

"Fantastic. You got the part!"

"Really? Thank you!" Ron jumped about the stage in excitement.

"Yeah. Just one more thing…"

Ron stopped jumping. "What?"

"Can you fly?" Chicka asked.

"Well, no…" Ron admitted, looking upset.

"I'm sorry but the Ghost of Christmas Past HAS to be able to fly," Charmy pointed out.

"I'll learn! I'll learn! Please! It's my dream to be in a movie!" Ron pleaded.

"But you already are in a movie. Four of them!" Charmy argued.

"That wasn't me! That was some git who isn't even half as handsome as me! Ahem. I mean, what I meant to say was 'It's my dream to be in a movie/play directed by you two!" Ron said.

"Really? Aw, Ron how sweet! You're in!" Charmy and Chicka were totally flattered. Happily, they yelled 'NEXT!"

Hermione walked onto the stage. "What part are you applying for Hermione?" Chicka asked.

"I would like to be the narrator," she said, looking very important.

"Sure, can you recite something for us?" Charmy asked.

"Of course! I've studied Charles Dickens novels, read up on acting and stage performance, done some theatrical work, had a crack at writing my own play, searched the library for all sorts of play books, I even wrote a special assignment-"

"Um, actually never mind, you can have the part!" Chicka interrupted, looking slightly alarmed.

"Oh yay!" Hermione cried and did a happy little dance.

"Next!" Charmy said.

Draco was the next to enter the theatre. "I want to be the ghost of Christmas Present," he declared.

"And why do you want this part?" Charmy asked.

"Because she yelled at me!" he sobbed, pointing at Chicka.

Charmy whacked her upside the head. "You said that they were in the wrong line! Didn't I tell you not to yell at the actors? The last time you did that they wound up in therapy!"

Chicka pouted. "It was that or do the whole play with Ron and Snape!" she said.

Charmy ignored her and turned to Draco. "So you don't really want this part then?"

"Well, no. I want stardom!" he flung his arms into the air to emphasize his point. A vase fell over and smashed on his head.

"Ok, great, well you can be an extra," Charmy said before he could break anything else.

"What? No! I want to be the staaaaaaar!" he wailed, breaking into sobs.

"Uh, too bad, never mind. Next!" Charmy signalled the security guards to get him off the stage.

"Mummy! They won't let me have the part!" Draco cried as they dragged him off.

As Charmy and Chicka awaited their next applicant, they heard scuffling outside. Suddenly Trelawney and Firenze burst into the room. "I want to be the Ghost of Christmas Future!" they both shouted at the same time.

"Ok, well. Shall we have a little test?" Chicka suggested.

"A test?" Charmy asked.

"Yes. Let's see who is better at future-gazing!" Chicka said.

Charmy shook her head. "I foresee that nothing good is gonna come out of this."

"Ok. Ask me anything! I can see the future!" Trelawney yelled.

"Whatever," Firenze muttered.

"Ok, um…Will our play be successful?" Chicka asked.

"Yes!" yelled Trelawney, hoping to suck up to the directors.

"No!" yelled Firenze, seeing the truth.

"Ok, next question, really tough one here: What day will it be tomorrow?" Charmy asked.

"Tuesday!" Firenze shouted.

"Wednesday!" Trelawney shrieked.

"Wrong!" Charmy and Chicka chorused. "It's Thursday!"
Chicka looked at her watch. "We'd better hurry this up, it's nearly lunchtime already."

"Yeah, I have a big bucket of KFC and some Cockroach Clusters to chow down. Mmm, KFC. Ok, since Trelawney was closest-"

"-and she says our play will be successful-"

"-we have decided to give her the part." Charmy said. Trelawney whooped loudly. Firenze gave the directors a sour look and said, "You two just have prejudice against centaurs, don't you?"

"No! What? Of course not!" Chicka stuttered.

Firenze took no notice. "All my life I have wanted to be a star, but no, in the school plays they always said, 'No! You can't play Little Red Riding Hood, but you can play the back of a horse!'" And with that Firenze fled the building.

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were the next to audition. "We want to try out for Bob and Emily Cratchit," Mrs Weasley explained, giggling nervously.

"With me as Bob Cratchit, obviously," Mr. Weasley added.

"Yes, we figured, so anyway, why do you want this part?" Chicka inquired.

"Well, we heard that Ron was auditioning, so we thought we'd have a go too," Mr. Weasley explained.

"Ok, what have you got for us today?" Charmy asked.

"Um, well we hadn't prepared anything really…can't you just give us the part? I mean, no one else wants it," Mrs. Weasley said.

"You sure?" Charmy asked. She went outside and yelled, "Is anyone else here auditioning for the part of Mr. and/or Mrs. Cratchit?" No one gave any sign that they were going for that part. This crickets chimed in on time... for once. "Ok then. Thanks for your time!" Charmy yelled and went back inside. "You're right; no one else wants the part. It's yours!"

Arthur and Molly thanked Chicka and Charmy and headed out of the theatre to tell Ron their good news.

"Next!" called Chicka.

Thunder clashed and lightning flickered outside, even though it was a clear day, as Lord Voldemort entered the theatre. "I shall be Scrooge!" he announced.

"Well, that's nice, but we've already given the part to Snape." Chicka told him. Snape reappeared upon hearing this. "You did? YES!" Snape yelled, and began a strange kind of victory dance. Meanwhile, Voldemort was dumbstruck.

"What? But I'm more evil!" Voldemort screamed. Chicka attempted to calm the evil warlord down. "Now, now, Voldemort, Snape got the part fair and square. We just think he looks more evil than you."

"What! He looks more evil than me! That's impossible! I have spidery fingers, pale flesh, super skinny stature, no hair and red eyes! How can you choose him over me!"

"Because I have long luxurious black hair," Snape waved his hair around, flicking grease everywhere. Everyone wiped the greasy gunk off themselves. "And I also have black tunnel-like hollow eyes, a hooked nose and a pale complexion. You can't deny who's more stereotypically evil. I even look like a bat with my billowing robes. It was a pity they didn't hire me for Batman."

"That's because Batman is a superhero with strength," Charmy pointed out. "You sir, have no strength." She lifted one of Snape's sleeves to reveal a weak arm.

"Well that's not the point! I basically turned into an inhuman freak for nothing!" And with that Voldemort stormed out of the building.

"Well that settles that. Next!" Chicka said. Professor McGonagall strode on to the stage.

"Which part are you going for?" Charmy asked.

"The Scrooge's girlfriend in his memories," she announced.

Charmy and Chicka looked at her. Finally, Chicka broke the silence.

"Er, I'm sorry but we just can't give you that part."

"Why?" McGonagall's temper flared.

"Because you're too, well, old," Charmy attempted to say gently. ZAP! She was replaced with a possum.

"That'll teach you to insult me," McGonagall said.

"Well, what we mean to say is that, well, we need someone younger to play the part," Chicka said anxiously. She glanced at Charmy the possum. She was chewing on one of her toenails. She seemed to have gone a little dumber while she was transfigured, which was no good at all, because as stupid as Charmy was even when she was human, Chicka still needed her help to run the play.

"Well that's not fair! I mean, look at the man who's going to play my boyfriend!" Professor McGonagall shrieked and pointed at Snape who wasn't too far away.

"Hey!" Snape exclaimed.

"Well it's a general rule that all the women in the play have to be young and good-looking in order to lure and attract male audiences," Chicka explained. "I apologise that your boyfriend is about to played by a mean old goon - "

"Hey!" Snape scowled.

"– but that's just the way it is."

"Well fine then!" Professor McGonagall said and stalked off. Chicka looked at Charmy. She was still a possum.

"Next!" she yelled.

Professor Flitwick came in. "Hello Professor! What are you auditioning for today?" Chicka asked him.

"I want to be Scrooge's employer, in his memories," Flitwick explained. Chicka looked uncertainly at Charmy the possum, who continued to chew her toenail. Flitwick noticed the possum and said "Why is there a possum sitting on that chair next to you?"

"Oh, uh, nothing to worry about, Professor McGonagall wasn't very happy because we didn't give her a part," Chicka explained.

Flitwick said, "Um, ok. Shall I recite some Shakespeare?"
"Ok," Chicka replied.

Putting on a girly voice, Flitwick said: "Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou, Romeo?" Then, in a deeper voice he quoted, "To be, or not to be, that is the question."

Chicka was impressed. "The part's yours!"

"Thank you, girls. Oh, and that essay on Cheering Charms is due Monday!" he reminded them. Chicka groaned. Charmy looked up from her toenail. "Next!" Chicka called.

A young woman stepped onto the stage.

"Hi, I've never seen you before. Who are you and what part are you going for?" she asked.

"I'm going for the part of the Scrooge's girlfriend and my name is Minerva McGonagall," she purred.

"McGonagall?" Chicka repeated and looked her up and down. "Is that you Professor?"

"Yes. You said I was too old in the last audition and now I've taken some youth potion. What do you think of me now?"

Chicka glanced back at Charmy and said, "As long as you change Charmy back into a human being you can have the part."

"Very well." ZAP! Charmy reappeared as human.

"Get that toenail out of your mouth!" Chicka snapped. Charmy spat it out. "Ok Professor you can leave. Next!"

Luna Lovegood entered. "Hello," she said dreamily.

"Hi! What part are you here to try out for?"

"Tiny Tim," she answered.

"Tiny Tim?" Chicka echoed.

"Yes, what's wrong with that?" Luna said.

"Nothing. It's just that, you know, you're a girl," Charmy observed.

"You noticed," Luna muttered.

"What was that?" Charmy asked.

"Oh nothing. Do I get the part?" Luna asked.

"We will have to talk it over," Charmy said, dragging Chicka outside by her sleeve. "Hey! Hey! Stop that! Ow!" Once outside they looked down the decreasing line of people. "Are any of you trying out for Tiny Tim?" Charmy asked. When no one answered she prompted, "Anyone? Anyone at all?" Still nothing. "Please! Somebody! Does anyone at all want to change their mind?" Three people shrugged and left the queue. "Great move," Chicka grumbled sarcastically. They were forced to go back inside. "Well, Luna we have no choice – ahem, I mean, we are delighted to – give you the part," Chicka said.

"Thank you! I might get to make some friends now…" she drifted off.

"She is so weird," Charmy said.

"Tell me about it," Chicka replied.

Bam! Charmy and Chicka turned to see the stage door on the floor. Behind the hole was...

"Sorry 'bout that," Hagrid said. Chicka and Charmy watched, wide-eyed, as Hagrid lifted the door and set it back into place. "Um, hi, Hagrid!" Chicka said. "What can we do for you today?"

"I wan' to audition fer the part o' Ghost of Christmas Presen'" Hagrid said in his deep rumbling voice.

"Oh boy," Charmy murmured. Chicka, on the other hand, thought it was a great idea.

"We think you'd be great for the part! Don't we, Charmy?" Chicka elbowed Charmy in the ribs.

"Uh, yeah, sure!" Charmy exclaimed with mock enthusiasm.

"Great. Thanks!" Hagrid pulled the door off of its hinges again. "Oops. Sorry 'bout that."

"What did you do that for?" Charmy grumbled.

"To annoy you," Chicka responded, poking her tongue out. Just as Charmy was about to find something large to hit Chicka with, there was a loud POP and Fred and George apparated onto the stage. "Boo!" they yelled. Startled, Charmy and Chicka shrieked and fell off their seats. "Do you think we'll make good Marley brothers then? We obviously scared you," Fred said.

Climbing back onto her chair, Charmy said, "Why do you want this part?"

"Well, mostly to annoy Percy; he says Mr. Crouch doesn't approve of plays. But also so we can get on TV!" George told her.

"Ok, good enough for us!" said Chicka, who didn't like Percy very much either. With that, Fred and George disapparated away.

Through the hole that had once been the door, Dumbledore walked in.

"Hello Professor!" Charmy and Chicka chorused.

"Hello. I would like to try out for the part of Scrooge's Headmaster from the past," Dumbledore stated.

"Sure! Could you read some lines from the script for us please?" Charmy explained.

"This is the scene where Scrooge is graduating, and you are giving him some last minute advice on life," Chicka told him.

Dumbledore nodded and began:

"Stand up. Build your life as this school is built. Ah, yes! Work hard, work long and be constructive. Ebenezer, life is a golden opportunity. Today you go forth into the real world."

"He's good!" Chicka whispered to Charmy.

"Yeah, let's give him the part," she said.

"Ok!"

"Professor, we are delighted to tell you that you have the part!" Charmy said. Dumbledore looked pleased. "Thank you!"

"Next!" the directors yelled.

Harry came onto the stage. "Are you the last person?" Chicka asked.

"Yes," Harry replied.

"Good! We can go and eat after this!" Chicka exclaimed. Harry coughed.

"Oh, sorry Harry. What part are you auditioning for?" Charmy asked.

"Scrooge's nephew," Harry said. "But before you do my audition, can I put Ginny's name forward to be my wife? She's busy today, so she asked me to ask you."

"Well, sure, why not?" Chicka shrugged. Charmy nodded.

"Great. Anyway, why do you want to audition for your part?" Chicka questioned him.

"Because they kicked me out of the Barry Trotter auditions! They want NEVILLE! NEVILLE! To play Barry! How DARE they! I'M the great Harry Potter!" Harry yelled, looking outraged.
"Ok, you got the part. But, just one more thing-" Harry, who had been in the middle of a cartwheel, crashed to the floor and stared at Chicka, "-Snape is Scrooge."

"I'm going to be related to Snape? Nooo!" Harry wailed.

"I'm going to be related to Potter? Nooo!" Snape cried, appearing again upon hearing his name mentioned.

"They're going to be related? Nooo!" James Potter yelled.

"Eh? What one earth are you doing here?" Charmy asked, looking confused.

"I came back to audition as a part of one of Snape's bad memories. Anything to torture Snivelly!"

"Erm, but there's just one itsy bitsy problem." Chicka said.
"What's that?"

"You're dead." Charmy and Chicka pointed out.

James snorted. "That's just a little problem. We can work through that."

"How? You can't pick up objects!" Charmy protested.

"We'll see how it works out."

"Uh, sure…we'll leave that to you," Chicka said. James nodded and disappeared.

Harry was now throwing a tantrum in the middle of the stage. "First they kick me out of Barry Trotter-" he shouted, pounding on the ground, "-then they make me related to-to-to SNAPE!" he cried, and burst into tears. Chicka signalled for the security guards to remove him from the theatre before he broke anything valuable.

"Right, let's go home!" Charmy said.

"Ok!" Chicka agreed and they locked up the theatre. Suddenly Seamus Finnegan came running towards them. "Wait! I want to audition! Please!"

"I'm sorry, the auditions are finished. I think Barry Trotter's still going though. With our fantastic play being just around the corner, their business has been pretty bad today," Chicka explained, smirking. Charmy whacked her again and said to Seamus: "Look, we're sorry, but all the main parts are taken. You'll have to be an extra."

Seamus considered. "Oh, alright."

"Excellent! See you tomorrow!" Charmy said. She and Chicka hurried off down the road, desperate to leave before any other late wannabes ambushed them.

A/N: Well, we hope you enjoyed it! Stay tuned for chapter two and check out our other stories on Harry Potter Fan Fiction! Reviews appreciated very much!