"How's my baby today?"
Without thinking my words become whispers, as if Dean is able hear across states (at the mention of Sammy), as I dive even further into our secret world.
(now all I have to learn is not to giggle at the mention of Sammy-boy)
"I'm always better when you come, River."
Greedy fingers pull me through the door, no longer greedy of black eyes and red sin, and it's time to express how much he missed little old me.
(and it's not with words of any kind)
"That's why I come, and come, and come. If it was different I wouldn't come at all."
That lie sits think on my tongue, as does every lie I have to say to big brother (as he turns into someone new), knowing I would come even if Satan was still boiling under his skin.
(he who knows how to bite but didn't know I could do it much better)
"How is he?"
Then after he's missed me enough (so much my lips are bled dry) it's time to talk about our lie, as I watch wide eyes while Dean (captain, oh my captain) mourns his brother, and if it's worth it.
"How do you think he is, Sammy? He thinks you're in hell, burning for eternity."
And I get to see it all, each tear that he tries to hide but I can through it, with these lips closed tight and a weight on my heart.
('Don't you miss him too, River?' 'Everyday, my warrior, everyday.')
"Promise me you won't tell him, sweetheart. I want him to have a normal life, no hunting, and that means no me. Promise?"
The only truth in it is that I miss my boy, who can't handle a normal life any more (and I'm right beside him), every day I'm away from him.
"I already promised a hundred times, silly, and I don't break them. Not ever. Now go on being Mr. Hermit, while I get back to the real world."
(my real world is taking care of the baddies that Dean doesn't fight any more but he's dying to)
"Don't forget about me, Tam."
(goodbye kisses are always the best, just ask Mal)
"Trust me, honey, that isn't possible."