fandom: the vampire diaries
pairing: stefan/caroline
genre: friendship, romance
episode: loosely follows after 4X21, but instead of damon killing matt, elena does it herself.
summary: can he help her now? and what if there's no one around to help him? but what they have is simple and he's willing to hold on, for her.

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He sits on the couch opposite her and watches her, the way her eyes look tired and raw; the way she fixes them on the carpet and not at him. The bottle of whisky Damon had handed her wordlessly hangs from her motionless fingers. She refused to relinquish it when he asked her to. He can't think of anything to say, nothing to bring her back from the edge of darkness he knows she's so close to toppling over. He's been there before. He knows the signs.

"Caroline?"

"Don't, Stefan."

He bites his lip, sinks back into the couch. It's a tone he's not used to. Biting and cold. She's shut the sunshine out of her life. Caroline drops the bottle she's been holding, let's the cold glass smash against the floor and stain the carpet a deeper shade. The glass splinters everywhere and Stefan flinches as a piece flies his way and he ducks to avoid it. Caroline picks a shard out of her own skin and watches the wound heal itself in seconds. There's a look of loathing in her features that he recognises. That she can be healed and he can't. That she can't die and he's buried three feet under the ground.

"Caroline, I-"

"I thought I made it clear that I don't care anymore, Stefan. So whatever you're about to say, you can forget it."

She's built this wall around her, these last couple of days. Not answering phone-calls. Ignoring Bonnie, blocking out Damon. Even him. And he's more hurt by that fact than he understands. He's surprised he even got her out of her house to talk to him. And now she's here, he doesn't know what to do, finds the words he wants to say dying on his tongue and coating his lips the blood of those he knows he can not kill. But he wants to, and she does too.

He takes a deep breath before speaking. Useless, of course, but at last Caroline'e eyes flick up to meet his and she raises an eyebrow in warning. He swallows and continues.

"I'm sure Elena didn't mean to-"

And that's precisely the moment Caroline explodes and he knows he's taken it too far.

The veins around her eyes pop out and her irises darken to the deepest blue he's ever seen. She's spitting she's so angry and her foot connects with the coffee table, sending it flipping backwards across the room, ornaments collected from years of travel shattered in a blink of an eye.

"Don't you dare try to defend her Stefan! Don't you freaking dare! I know I promised not to give up on her, but I am so done! I'm done, okay? She killed Matt! She stood there and killed her best friend, without even caring! She killed my best friend. She's a cold hearted bitch!"

After this point in her speech she starts to break down, the veins around her eyes dissipate, and instead hot tears replace them. Stefan's frozen in place, looking on in hopeless horror.

"She can't be helped Stefan! I'm through helping her. She's not you! She doesn't want to be helped. Stefan, I-I don't think she can be saved, so I'm going to stop trying. Matt was the last straw. What did Matt do? Matt was the most innocent, the best, oh God Matt!..."

As she descends into incoherent sobs that spasm along her body and shake her shoulders, Stefan gets up and gathers her into a hug, just like he did in that bathroom so many moons ago, and he feels the guilt and shames start to press in on him as he holds Caroline in his arms. If it weren't for him, Elena would still be human. If it weren't for him, maybe Caroline would be too. If it weren't for him, Matt wouldn't be dead, Elena wouldn't be a psycho killer, Jeremy would still be here to help, Alaric...The list goes on and on in his mid until he's shaking too, sobs he's trapping inside for a time when he's alone and no-one is watching. When no-one needs him, especially not the blonde vampire in his arms. Caroline buries her face into his neck and murmurs words he can't make out. He thinks mostly they're apologies so he kisses her hairline gently and directs her chin up so she's looking at him.

"Caroline, it's my fault. I'm sorry you lost him. I'm so damn sorry."

"It's Elena. Everything always comes back to Elena," she sobs, a hand fisting in his shirt as her knuckles turn white and an edge creeps back into her voice. Stefan rubs herr back in smooth circles through the material of her dress, soothing her. Trying to calm himself.

"No, no, no. It's me. It's my fault. I'm sorry Caroline- I promised I'd never let anything happen to you. And I failed. I'm sorry."

Caroline yanks her hand away and takes a step back, her eyes burning into his own. "Yours? Of course it's not your fault! Elena was the one who drained the blood from his body! God, Stefan you're so self-righteous. Not everything is to do with you, good or bad! This is all on Elena!"

He blanches at her words, lets the hand that had been caressing her back fall limply to his side. "What's that supposed to mean?" And now there's something bubbling in the pit of his stomach too, something that promises trouble.

Caroline narrows her eyes, crosses her arms and glares at him. "You know what I mean Stefan! You blame yourself too much. You have this, like, anti-hero thing going on, and you need to stop it! It doesn't help anyone. It won't bring Matt back and it won't fix Elena!"

"Well maybe it's because if I weren't here than none of this would have happened. You'd still be okay!"

"Maybe, but probably not! People get hurt inevitably, Stefan. It happens. I just wish it wasn't Matt!" Caroline practically screams at him.

"They shouldn't have to! You shouldn't have to!" he roars, his hands clenching into tight balls at his sides. Caroline flinches and then the anger in her face slides away and she blinks at him a couple of times before brushing away the last stray tears and stepping forward towards him. Stefan freezes, even though her posture has softened and there's a sad smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"You tried Stefan. I'm a big girl now." She pauses and licks her lip nervously. "Look at us, Stefan. This isn't right."

"No, it's not," he returns. He closes his eyes and squeezes them shut tight for a second. When he opens them again Caroline has a hand on his arm, her thumb brushing his skin.

"I'm not saying give up on her Stefan, not totally, but let her do this one on her own. Or with Damon. You don't owe her everything."

He nods disjointedly and sits back on the couch. He feels the material sag when Caroline collapses next to him and feels as she curls her legs up underneath her. She leans into his shoulder, her forehead resting on his sleeve, the thin material soaking up the last of her tears.

"I am sorry about Matt, though," he says. He feels Caroline nod and breathe in deeply.

"I know. He was a friend to all of us."

Stefan nods and slips an arm around her shoulder, his fingers finding the ends of her curls and playing with them, stroking them. Caroline shuffles a bit closer.

"I'm glad you came out of your room. You had us scared, you know."

"I was mourning. I've always been over-dramatic, you know that."

Stefan's lips twitch. "You know it's now you remind me of Lexi more than ever."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. She was never afraid to put me in my place either." Caroline smiles and swats him gently on the arm.

"I'll take that as a good thing."

Stefan turns to look at her and drops another kiss to her forehead. "It is."

"I'm sorry I got angry, though."

"Me too."

Caroline's fingers creep up to find Stefan's in her hair and she wind their digits together. Stefan doesn't even pull away, just lets Caroline hang on as tightly as she wants. Maybe he can stop her from falling off that cliff into the darkness.

"When did things get so complicated?" she whispers.

A sort of sarcastic smile creeps over Stefan's features. "Some point when we weren't looking, I guess."

Caroline sighs and reaches up to press a slight kiss to his cheek and then slides back down, as though embarrassed. Stefan doesn't know whether to ignore it or not, either. Instead he just squeezes her hand tighter, making another promise to himself that he'll never let her go, not to get hurt again.

"Sorry about the ornaments I broke."

He gives a dark chuckles. "Don't be. Probably useless tat. Stuff from traveling I kept for nostalgia's sake, nothing else."

Caroline frowns. "Maybe we, you and I, should just go, leave Mystic Falls, get away for a bit. We could travel too."

"You know we can't, Caroline."

There's hitch in her breath when she next speaks and it reminds him that the pain's still there. In fact, that it's never going to go away.

"I know." she replies. She doesn't sound disappointed, just resigned. He misses the sunshine in her voice, the playful teases she used to fire in his direction. He misses when things were simple, with everyone. But maybe they never had been to start with.

Caroline sighs and closes her eyes, wraps an arm around his stomach. The action is purely innocent he knows. It's simple. What he has with Caroline is simple; mutual respect, mutual love, a strong friendship. It's clean and pure and innocent and maybe he needs to focus on that, rather than the mess and the hurricane of destruction that is Elena going on in the rest of his life.

For an hour or two anyway. He pulls Caroline a little closer.

an: hello, this is the first (published) fic i've written for tvd so i'm hoping the characterisation wasn't too far off. if you read it, then thank you. how do you think i did? leave a review on your way out?