A/N : Sweet Spuffy spin on the end of 6x18 Entropy - some dialogue at the beginning of this is stolen from the eppy.
Disclaimer : Joss stills owns all the characters from BtVS, and someone else wrote any dialogue you recognise from the episode Entropy
Just Into Unjust
"Here" Spike says as he picks up the glass that contains the last remaining shot of whisky and holds it out to Anya "Ladies last" he tells her.
"Thank you" she sighs and he pushes the glass further towards her.
"Take it quick or my chivalry'll run out" he smirks but she puts her hand on his instead of around the glass.
"No, thank you" she emphasises, so pleased to have someone to talk to about everything, she's felt so alone of late, "This is the first time since... It feels good to be with someone who understands" she admits as he puts the glass back down on the table and listens to what she is saying, knowing he feels the same, "This whole time, I've been coming on all hell-bent and mad. Wanting his head, y'know?"
Spike nods his understanding as she continues.
"When really I, I can't sleep at night, thinking it has to be my fault, somehow...
"Anya" Spike shakes his head, feeling terrible for her, but she isn't paying attention to him anymore as tears run from her eyes.
"What if it was just pretending?" she cries, "What if he never wanted me, the way I wanted him?" she asks, suddenly realising what an idiot she is making of herself when she sees Spike looking back at her, all sympathetic and understanding.
"I'm sorry" she apologises quickly, wiping her face with her hands, and more or less hiding from him.
Spike moves her hand away from her face and his own finger-tips linger at her cheek.
"He would have to be more than just the git he is, he'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to want a woman like you" he assures her.
Anya's voice is no more than a whisper as she asks, "Then why?"
She leans in closer to him and Spike is not entirely aware just how close they've gotten as he answers her.
"The two of them, they're weak, is all" he shakes his head, too in this moment and slightly inebriated to realise what he's saying, "But y'know what I think? They'll miss the water now the well's run dry"
"But you and Buffy" Anya frowns a little, "She didn't want your...water. You and she were never..." she trails off as Spike's hand slips from her face and he looks away. Now Anya understands why suddenly the vampire is hurting as much as she is. There was something going on with him and Buffy, something it seems she has ended now.
"Guess I'm just not bloody good enough for her" he laughs painfully, "Never could compare to the others, the great bleedin' poof and then soldier boy..."
"I think you're better than both of them put together" Anya assures him, catching his attention, "You're a much better shape and you have none of these stupid rules and codes about who's worthy to live and to love...and to marry" she ends sadly, tears coming to her eyes once again.
"Come on now, none of that, pet" Spike tells her, his thumb wiping a stray droplet from her cheek, "Bugger's not worth it y'know"
"Neither of them are worth it" she breathes as she leans into him again and they find themselves closer than they've ever been before, "Spike..." she whispers as their lips meet and they kiss with some passion. It isn't about love, not even about desire or a genuine physical attraction, it is just about comfort and solace, and it isn't enough.
"Anya" Spike says as he pulls away, his hands going to her shoulders to keep her at arms length, "This won't solve anything" he tells her sadly shaking his head, "You're beautiful and a wonderful woman, and if things were different, obviously, I'd jump at the chance to...well, y'know" he tells her, suddenly feeling a little awkward, "But you still love him, and I love her, and if they ever knew what we'd done I couldn't..." his sentence trails away, he doesn't need to say anymore since Anya clearly already understands and she nods her head.
It stings a little that he pushed her away, but she knows what he says is true. She is a vengeance demon and should truly believe in hurting those that have hurt her, but despite the pain Xander has inflicted upon her, making him feel just as bad suddenly isn't so appealing. Besides in the harsh light of day she knows both she and Spike would probably regret their little liaison, and she has enough regrets already.
"S'pose I should get going" he sighs as he gets up from the chair onto surprisingly steady legs despite the alcohol he's consumed, "Will you be alright, luv?" he checks and Anya nods her head, though she feels far from alright. She at least knows now she's not the only one in the world that's hurting and that hopefully in time, somehow her pain will ease.
Outside the door of the Magic Box, Spike leans against the wall and expels a breath. He sees Anya through the glass, tidying up a few bits on the counter and the table they'd been sitting at. Some bad-ass he was these days, wouldn't even shag a bird that was offering it on a plate, but in the end what they did would mean nothing and would cause more hurt than happiness. The only woman he wants in his arms is Buffy Summers, and it seems she is less than keen these days.
Spike is not sure how long he stands there before he decides that home is probably a good option. The sun won't be up for a couple hours, he can take the long route past the Summers' house, torture himself a little bit more, since he has nothing better to do.
He's halfway to Revello Drive when her scent reaches his nose and as he glances up he sees her coming towards him. Though he can see her face as clearly in the dark as he might've in the light, her expression is unreadable.
"Slayer" he greets her uncertainly as she stops walking right in front of him, illuminated somewhat by the nearest street lamp, "Out patrolling are we? Cos I don't reckon on you finding many vamps in the folks' back yards" he tells her, head tilting to one side.
"I found you" she shrugs, "and that was actually kind of the point..." she admits glancing at the pavement and then back up, "I heard what you said, we all did" she tells him, shifting awkwardly and the frown on his face tells her he doesn't understand. Now that she looks properly at him she can see he's not entirely in the conversation, a little out of it, and the smell of alcohol on him finally hits her. He's clearly had a lot more to drink than she observed.
"The guys that have been playing me" she explains with a sigh, "They're the ones who planted the cameras, and they weren't just at my house" she says, hoping he'll understand but he still doesn't seem to, "One of them was...at the Magic Box" she explains and finally his eyes go a little wider as he realises what she's saying.
"S'posed to be bothered am I, pet?" he says as nonchalantly as he can manage, "Nothin' I said there that you haven't heard a million times before, a hundred different ways" he sighs, as he realises just how true it is. His eyes go to the ground as he scuffs his boot on the pavement.
"Maybe this time I listened" Buffy says so softly, Spike wonders if she really did say it or if he's just imagining the words leaving her lips.
He looks up at her with a curious expression and she sighs again unable to look at him as she explains.
"Spike, what I said before...what I accused you of, I shouldn't have" she shakes her head, "You don't hurt me, I know that, and I do believe you love me"
"You said all this before" Spike reminds her wearily, "and to be honest, luv, I dunno 'bout you, but all this to-ing and fro-ing, I just..."
"I love you" her confession drowns out his words and causes them to cease as he tries to take in what she's saying to him.
"You...you what?" he asks, shaking his head as if to clear the fog that's settled within, possibly due to the alcohol, but mostly he is sure due to the shock.
"I...I love you" she repeats, looking very uncertain of herself, something he is not used to seeing, "I didn't want to believe it, and then when I saw you with Anya, when you kissed her..."
"She kissed me" he points out, "Though I admit, took me a minute to push her away"
"I saw it" Buffy reminds him, "and I heard what you said... After all I put you through" she says, voice shaking and tears running down her cheeks now, "You still love me so much, Spike, and I realised I couldn't deal if that love went away, if you did" she cries openly now and like instinct he pulls her into his arms.
For the first time she allows him to hold her properly, without a fight or a struggle, or telling him it means nothing because he is nothing to her.
"My love for you will never go away" he whispers into her hair as he kisses the top of her head. She swallows hard as she looks up at him with red-rimmed eyes, "And I'm not going anywhere either" he promises, wiping away her tears for her.
"Good" she nods, "That's a definite good thing" she says, hugging him tight, and Spike is just glad he doesn't need to breathe, at least he won't have to break this precious moment for the sake of oxygen.
Where they go from here is as yet uncertain, but if they love each other enough as it seems they do, there is hope for some kind of happy ending.
The End