Do you know what it is like to have your world come crashing down? To find out that you're first born has a rare condition that won't allow him to live past the first year? That is the news that I received today. I found out today that the child I have been carrying for five months now may not make it past the womb. I grabbed Shane's hand as the doctor went through our options.

"Well, Miss Torres, you have two options." I know what you are thinking but Shane and I are actually engaged. "You can either abort the fetus or choose to try your luck. Most parents that have Trisomy 18 affected kids choose the abortion route." What is Trisomy 18? I don't even fully know. I know that the chance of survival is 50% and that was only for less than the first year.

I sat there with a blank expression on my face. I couldn't cry anymore. I thought about what the doctor said. "I don't want to have an abortion." I told him finally looking up. "I'm not going to have an abortion." I told him with more force. There was still a chance that this baby could survive. Shane squeezed my hand, knowing that I was completely against abortion. I looked over at him, knowing that he wasn't going to fight me.

"Are you sure, Miss Torres? I am not going to tell you what to do, but you have to think of this in the best interest for your child and you, emotionally." I looked at him in disbelief. I mean I could understand if there was no chance to have it, but it still had a chance.

"You are kidding me, right?" I still couldn't believe he wanted me to get rid of a living thing. I grabbed Shane's hand and led him out the door. "Don't worry; we won't bother you with our child." I sneered at him.

*4 months later*

Earlier today I gave birth to my first son, Christopher Scott Grey. He was 5 lbs 6 ounces and one of the most beautiful babies I had ever seen. I sat in the hospital room, gently stroking his cheek. "Mommy loves you." I whispered to him. I knew he didn't have much time left, so I decided to make sure he knows that I loved him. I looked up at Shane; his eyes were sparkling with adoration. "Do you want to hold him?" I whispered, looking directly into his eyes.

"Please," he told me. I handed him Christopher and watched their interaction. Shane handled him with such care. "Hi. Little guy, how are you? I'm your father." He kissed Christopher's forehead. My eyes began to produce more tears than my eyes could hold. They came streaming down my face when Shane looked at me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I shook my head. Shane came over to me and sat on the bed. I went to sit up but decided against it when I winced in pain.

The next day, Shane and I had to learn how to take care of a child with trisomy 18. I nearly lost it when they told us the amount of days that we had left with him. They told us nearly 2 to 3 months left with our first son.

Each day after that one, Shane and I were grateful. I didn't want to see Christopher go, but I knew he had to. His body was unable to allow him to live anymore. He surprised us all when he lived as long as he did. Christopher spent 156 days with us. Each day, we thought about what we would do if we lost him.

He left us on January 17, 2010. That was the day we blew up 156 balloons to release in the park. One thing I always knew he would always be in my heart.