I can't believe I'm doing another one. Just a reminder this is set after Children of Earth, BUT it is also a continuation of Revelation and Revelation P2 which means CoE would have turn out differently, i.e. Rhys wouldn't have been in it (sorry Rhys). I never planned a Revelation P3 for those of you who are still following it (and thanks a bunch for your support). For those who haven't read Part 1 or 2 don't worry;) I wrote this chapter with you in mind. It should fill you in with all the relevant events of the first two fics, but if you're confused about something and can't be bothered reading the first two please don't hesitate to ask, just keep in mind that although this is written post CoE it is slightly AU. Oh, and Merry Christmas:)

Three years of running as far away as he could possibly get and what did it amount to? Drinking, gambling on foreign planets where sex was the currency of the realm. He had gotten as low as he could possibly get, literally venturing into the darkest pits and uninhabitable atmospheres the universe had to offer, undertaking the impossible. He was the only person to have escaped a black hole with his life, only to be disappointed in discovering that, like death, that which we expect to find the great mystery that lies beyond, holds nothing but darkness. Inevitably, death stalked him wherever he went, and he came to realise that, like his shadow, it would always follow him, but somehow when he was thrown into that impeccable darkness it would somehow seise to exist for him. In the darkness, he was at peace. He felt like he belonged there. But without a shadow, how can a person truly be living? The darkness was the absence of life. Without being stalked by death, there is no life. Of course, for an immortal, there is no life or death. The only consolation is the sun. The sun gives life; the sun creates the darkness that follows in our wake. Take it away and that it when you truly have nothing.

For Jack, the sun was Gwen.

He had gone away, for however long it would take, because he had hated who he was. He was a danger to the ones he loved. He would always save the world no matter what the cost, therefore the world was what he needed escaping from. However, his journey of self-discovery had also come at a cost, and that cost was Gwen. He had abandoned her and in doing so he had also abandoned himself. The journey had not changed him, but simply made him realise that Gwen was the only person who had any hope of making him a better person. Just being with her made him want to be better, to be what she deserved. But he wouldn't keep putting her in danger. As long as he knew she was alive, he could just live with himself. And with no choice in the matter, to find that he could live with himself provided him with the solace that he so desperately needed to be able to return.

As he stood on the very spot he had last laid eyes on her, contemplating how in hell she was ever going to forgive him, he cast his mind back to the short time they had together, before the world scarcely avoided peril yet again. Gwen had tried to convince him to give her six months, but after seeing Alice he couldn't bare to stay on this planet any longer. He'd left immediately, after giving Gwen the proper goodbye she deserved. He'd said there was nothing, no one on earth that could change his mind. God, how he regretted the look on her face when he'd said that. He only hoped that she understood why he had to leave, or more importantly that it had nothing to do with her.

In the end it was Owen and Tosh which had brought them together. In their grieving, always in their grieving, would they find the light in one another to keep on fighting. Gray and John now seemed but a distant memory, but one he hoped he would never have to come to terms with.

John's betrayal came as more of a surprise than it should have been. John's love knew no bounds. His perverted sense of what was right had clouded his judgement to the consequences; that consequence being Gwen. The day that John had released Gray, the same day that he feared he would lose Gwen forever, still haunted him, stalking his every dream and every moment he thought of her in danger. Of course, it was the not knowing part that was really killing him. Whether she was safe, whether she was happy…the universe had kept them apart, but it had not kept her from his thoughts, no matter how many distractions he could find.

When he left her he thought it'd be easy for her, knowing that she'd been through hell and back. How could being abandoned compare to the horrors of that night? But no matter how many times his mind would go over the events of the past, he could only draw out the facts, never seeming to find a conclusion; very appropriate considering his life had no end. Sometimes his life seemed as though it were…one long day.

And the facts told him this:

1. Suzie, Owen, Tosh and Ianto were dead.

2. Gray had murdered Tosh in order to make him suffer.

3. John had released Gray.

4. Gray had kidnapped and raped Gwen.

5. He had killed Gray, his own brother.

6. He had killed Steven, his own grandson.

7. It didn't matter how his mind recalled these events, the fact was, and always would be, that all these things happened because of him.

Each fact branded him, burned into his skin his own visual illusion of the pain he had caused and that would forever be apart of him. Never could he forget these things; that was his penance. No forgive and forget, no recognising what he had done and moving on. There was no conclusion. Each number added to a long list of higher numbers that made up what he was: a monster.

His only hope, the only way he could be at peace with himself was for the women he loved to forgive him. He had decided long ago that until the day she died and an eternity beyond, that she would be his reason for living.

Not knowing how he was going to find her, he set out for the one place that, although no longer existed, was where they're story had begun. A story that had started and ended many times, but as that old saying goes: third times a charm.