Harry Potter And The Demigod Mortal At Twilight
Hogwarts
The Great Hall
Scene 1
Dumbledore: Listen up! We have some new changes going on at Hogwarts this year, so I would appreciate if you would all shut the fuck up!
Minerva: ALBUS!
Dumbledore: Ugh! Anyways, from Half Blood Hill we have Annabeth Chase, Percy Jackson, and Grover Underwood.
Harry: OH SHIT! WE'VE GOT PERRRRRRRCY!
Dumbledore: Shut up! You're not the shit anymore! Just take your ass a seat!
Harry (whispering): Bitch!
Dumbledore: Okay so Percy will be in Gryffendor, Annabeth in Ravenclaw, and Grover in Slytherin.
Ginny: PPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRCCCCCCCCCCYYYYYYYYYYY!
Harry: What the fuck?
Dumbledore: Okay and from Clave academy we have Clary Fray, and Jace Lightwood.
Annabeth: JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Percy: WTF?
Annabeth: Sorry.
Dumbledore: Jace will be in Slytherin because of his "father figure" Valentine. And Clary will be in Gryffendor. And from LaPush High and Forks High. Jacob Black, Bella Swan, and Edward Cullen.
Ginny: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDWWWWWAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRDDDDDDDD!
Harry: Ummmmm. . . . hello?
Dumbledore: Now Edward is in Slytherin, Jacob in Hufflepuff, and Bella in Gryffndor. Hmmmmmm….. Nitwit, Tampon, Fuck You! And enjoy your dinner!
Harry: So what's up bruh?
[All of a sudden a lightning bolt, and a trident appear on top of Harry's head.]
Percy: What the fuck? How could Zeus and Poseidon be your father?
Harry: Because I'm The Chosen One! See? It's even capatilized.
Percy: Well I met the gods. You haven't seen Poseidon!
Hermione: Well he is the only one that was ever claimed by two gods.
Ron: He just loves to be in the spot light.
Harry: Fuck you! Cause I'M HARRY POTTER! Now pass me the salt!
Slytherin Table
Jace: So what do you guys learn here?
Edward: Dude. . . . really? You got a fine ass chick and you could be mackin' on Bella and you're asking 'what do you learn'?
Jace: I'll kick your ass! Pass me your wand Malfoy!
Malfoy: Here. . . .
Edward: Pass me your wand Crabs
Crabbe: It's Crabbe, not crabs… here.
[Edward and Jace are pointing wands at each other. And Grover starts to play his reed pipes.]
Jace and Edward together: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Later that night
[Harry and Ginny are kissing]
Harry: I love you Bella…
Ginny: Yo bruh you got it twisted.
Harry: it was an accident! I was just thinkin…
Ginny: Thinkin what? I'll kill you!
[Ginny walks away and Percy appears]
Harry: Hey Percy
Percy: Yea hey Harry. I think there's a problem with the bathrooms.
Harry: What do you mean?
Percy: I keep seeing Avatar The Last Airbender popping out of random places blowing wind in my face when I'm taking a shit.
Harry: Oh that's it? Just like grind up some breath mints and blow it in his face.
Percy: Thanks dude, you got something on your mind?
Harry: ……….. I think I want to leave Hogwarts. . . . . . forever!
[A first year starts to play "All By Myself by Tom Jones]
Percy: TURN THAT SHIT OFF OR I'LL KICK YOUR LITTLE ASSES!
Scene 2
Boss: I'm sorry Tom, but I just can't hire you.
Voldemort: Why not?
Boss: Because you haven't graduated high school.
Voldemort: But it's right there on the resume! Hogwarts class of 1986!
Boss: But we only accept people graduated from high schools with a Facebook or Myspace page.
Voldemort: But the link is right there! I highlighted it too!
Boss: Yes you did. But the link that you gave me was a group for the school called Hogwarts.
Voldemort: That's my school, though!
Boss: Yea but the page is supposed to be a network not just a group.
Voldemort: That's just fuckin BULL SHIT!
Boss: OKAY… OKAY… fine! Just go through one semester of Stockbridge High School in Atlanta, Georgia. You pass one semester and we'll hire you.
Voldemort: Thanks.
Scene 3
Ginny(crying): I can't b-b-believe it!
Clary: What?
Ginny: Harry and I got into a fight yesterday night. And now I heard he's trying to leave Hogwarts.
Bella: Are you sure?
Hermione: Duh.
Bella: Hey. . . . . hey. . . . . hey. . . . . hey.. . . . . Bite me!
Annabeth: I think Edward would prefer that.
Hermione: *sigh*
Bella(gasping): You think so?
Hermione: Well Annabeth is the daughter of Athena. I think she would know.
Lavender Brown: I'd love to be the daughter of Aphrodite.
[A dove appears above her head]
Annabeth: Seems like you already one.
Scene 4
Annabeth: HARRY!
Harry: Yea?
Annabeth: I love you!
Harry: What?
Annabeth: I've known for a long time.
Harry: Omg! I wish I-
Clary: Hey Harry!
Annabeth: I'll talk to you later. . .
Scene 5
Snape: I think you should just tell the boy…
Dumbledore: But…
Snape: But nothing! Send for the boy!
[Minutes later Jace walks in]
Jace: Hello Professor Dumbledore
Dumbledore: Hello… I have something to tell you.
Jace: Yes?
Dumbledore: I….
Snape: TELL HIM!
…..
[Harry runs down the hall as dramatic music plays. He opens a door and sees Annabeth kissing Jacob Black]
Harry: I…
[Voldemort walks up the stone steps to Stockbridge High, takes a breath and opens the door]
What does Dumbledore have to tell Jace?
Why is Annabeth kissing Jacob?
And will Voldemort survive high school?
Find out these answers and more questions in
Harry Potter and The Olympian Instrument Of New Moon