When Loneliness Strikes...

Anime: Saint Seiya
Couple: Mu and Shaka
Rate: Angst; yaoi (light)
Author: Litha-chan
Written in: 05/18/2005
Status: Finished – One-short

When Loneliness Strikes...


I look around and I see myself alone... You are not with me, you have never been with me… What could I think? What could I expect? Why? I feel a great pain in my chest and the void swallows me whole…Why are you not with me? No response… The only one that answers me is this nothingness.

My mind travels… It meets all the remembrances that are in the depths of myself…

oOo Flashback oOo

One month before...

"You know I have unfinished business, I can't take on a serious relationship, not now, not at this moment. I have to think and meditate a little on this."

His eyes were like a stream of calm water, but I could feel the struggle that raged inside yourself, my beloved one.

"But, are you going to leave me here and make me give up the idea that we may one day be together? I'd give up my holy life in order to be with you, in order to feel your kisses. You'll head for Jamiel and I'll stay here waiting for you, waiting for an answer, waiting for a sign from you…"My closed eyes were filled with tears, for I was feeling abandoned after having met him again…

"I'll go, but I'll be back, my divine angel. Until then, you'll feel my presence every night. I won't abandon you, but I need time. "Those green eyes… Their changing of color made it similar to the color of his hair… Lavender. It was incredible that, even though I kept my eyes closed I could still know perfectly what they were expressing…

And so he left… Leaving me there, in front of the House of Virgo, my temple, with my heart in pain and my face covered with tears.

oOo End of Flashback oOo

I can remember our first contact after the time he spent away.

His touching my face in a quick kiss. Oh, how I wish that kiss had been placed on my lips, I said to myself. I remember his voice sounded like sweet music… Your fast-paced way of speaking showed that you too was nervous, and that made me feel good, for I knew I was not the only one to feel that way…

oOo Flashback oOo

"It's so good that you came back, I was eager to seeing you. I could barely concentrate on my morning meditations and on all of the other ones." I spoke smiling in a shy way. He was the only one that could make me feel like that.

How could I find the concentration I needed if every night you'd take it away? Everytime you spoke directly to my cosmos, I felt as if you touched me. It was such a gentle touch, so calm and tender that I could not get to sleep afterwards, and during the rare times when I slept, I felt like I was the happiest man in the world.

"I missed you physically… Your smell, your presence…" I knew you were embarrassed and that something was bothering you.

"Let's take a walk around the sanctuary". I held your hand in a sweet way and I felt the palm of your hand becoming all sweaty.

We walked for hours, we passed by the same places several times, but being by your side was the most important thing for me at that moment.

oOo End of Flashback oOo

I remember the looks and the giggles… "Oh, how I wish I were with you now…" Time was against us, the hours could not be stopped and within a few minutes we'd be apart…

My despair increased, I wanted to feel you, I wanted much more than a kiss on the cheek, I wanted to embrace you, feel your hands running through my body, I wanted to feel the heat of your body close to mine… "If I could turn back time…" I'd certainly have done everything that we left behind.

oOo Flashback oOo

"Shaka, I have to go." He spoke in a pitiful way. His pain was visible in several tones… And mine was being made into despair.

"But why?." My eyes were shaking, I wanted to be able to stare him, let you see my despair in my eyes. "I thought that you had come to stay here in the sanctuary… Here with me." My voice sounded like I was begging him to stay. I, that was never that kind of sentimental guy, was now finding myself even more lost than before when I asked myself about death, the transcendentalism of life, the elevation of the soul.

You simply shook your head, refraining from pronouncing any word, leaving me once again helpless and taking away the smile that was before on my lips.

oOo End of Flashback oOo

We had run out of time… It's was already time for him to leave and I didn't want it to happen, I couldn't allow it to happen. I was relieved when I looked in your eyes – Yes, for I had already decided to open them by that time – And I noticed that you too didn't want to leave before that.

Relief… Yes, I was relieved when I felt your hand surrounding my neck, bringing me closer to you. My whole body trembled when I felt your other hand surrounding my waist… And for moments I found myself in heaven. Yes, I can say I was in heaven, in paradise – reaching the Nirvana – On the moment I felt my mouth being invaded by your warm tongue… I was light, I was flying, I was being held only by your arms… When I got to concentrate, I saw you looking at me and seeing your smile is something I can't yet describe… How can I describe something so perfect? I still remember that we kissed each other three more times before you left.

And watching you leaving without having told you how I felt really killed me… And I became a shadow…

It was so good to be with you, to have you that way, but I wanted more, I wanted you, I wanted to be yours completely, like I never had been with anyone else…

But all the good moments one day end… "Why did it have to end up like this?" I still feel you and I still desire you, Mu of Aries…"My voice is a mumble and tears roll down my eyes. Now, I'm lying here, in the emptiness of my room. Bounded to my fate as a knight of the zodiac I can't go after you. I still find myself mumbling and thinking to myself…

"I'll be here… Always here… Waiting for you, my love…"I try to finish my sentence between hiccups… "Because I love you".

Owari?

Do I thank Leandro ( Iceman ) for having made the translation of this fic of the Portuguese for English with the purpose? To leave some of my fics for the global reading

I want to leave a warning that the fic doesn't finish for here. Soon her continuation will also be being last of the Portuguese for English and desire to know of you readers, if I got to please them.

I am for here with my jargon...

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