Katia: Extricate subject
You are Katia Managan, and for reasons you don't fully understand, you've found yourself in a strange and unfamiliar land with the mission to rescue the President's missing daughter, Ashley Graham. All this happened before you got the chance to tell anyone that you were probably the last person who should take on such a mission.
On the bright side, they gave you a sweet jacket. You think it looks good on you, and it's a style you should consider keeping when you get back home.
A couple of guys wearing blue clothes, who you think are something like the guards around here, carried you to a village in the middle of nowhere in some kind of noisy, horseless carriage. When you went into the village, you found that everyone was trying to kill you, and also the guards in their horseless carriage managed to get themselves killed. With nothing else to do, you pushed forward through countless dangers and survived overwhelming odds, until with your unparalleled wit and detective skills you found a lead saying Ashley was being held in the village church. Pushing through even more dangers and surviving even more overwhelming odds, you've finally reached that church. All that's left is to open that door, locate Ashley, and bring her out to safety.
Yep.
Just gotta open that door …
Oh, for fuck's sake Katia!
You're sorry, okay? You don't really know what a "president" is, but from what you've gathered he's basically the ruler around here, and he has influence all over the world, and that basically makes him an emperor. And if he's the emperor, then that means his daughter is a princess. You just don't think you can handle this right now.
Katia, think of all the scary stuff you've overcome to get to this point.
You'd really rather not …
You fought back an onslaught of angry villagers. Even the one with the fucking CHAINSAW.
And you just barely survived until the church bell rang, and the villagers all just decided to stop attacking. It's a good thing they did, because you're pretty sure that chainsaw guy was minutes away from turning you into a pile of giblets and kibble to feed to that dog. From then on, whenever you heard a chainsaw rev, you went as fast as you could in the other direction.
You caught the biggest fish EVER in that lake.
And almost got dragged down with it when you somehow got the rope tangled around your foot. The fish tasted terrible, by the way.
You toppled a MOTHERFUCKING GIANT, Katia! You can handle this little girl!
You ran around like an echidna on speed until he finally tripped over his own feet. You're not sure if that counts as "toppling."
Okay, actually it was pretty awesome.
You still don't know if you can go through with this, though.
Katia, a president isn't at all like an emperor.
What makes you say that?
A president is an elected leader of a free state. They're chosen by the voting public to lead until their term is over. Being president isn't hereditary, so his daughter isn't really like a princess at all. Before he was elected, they were both just normal people, and when his term is over, they'll go back to being normal people. That's really all a president is, a normal person who was picked by his country to lead for a time.
You guess, but …
Katia, Ashley's almost the same age as you. You could probably talk about make-up, or bra shopping, or your periods, or …
Okay, you get it! Look, you understand all that, you really do, but they still give you the heebie-jeebies. You didn't actually meet the President, but you feel like if you had, he would have stood there being a president just as horribly as an emperor would have.
Face your fears.
What?
You've accomplished so much in such a short time. You took on a quest that could change the course of the world, even though you didn't think you were the best person for the job, and you succeeded. You survived every danger this wasteland had to throw at you, you pushed on and on to where Ashley was being held, and you made it. You are a BADASS, Katia Managan! You've come this far, now all that's left is to go through that door and secure the objective!
Yeah, maybe you're right …
You got this, Katia. Just put your paw on the door …
Put my paw on the door …
Twist the knob …
Twist the knob …
And rescue the President's fucking daughter.
You slowly push open the door and enter the room, holding your weapon ready. It appears to be a storeroom, full of dusty barrels and crates.
You see someone dash into the corner.
"A-Ashley?"
"Don't come! Yeeuuch!"
The President's daughter just threw a piece of wood at your head.
You rapidly exit the church and flee into the wilderness.