[Chapter Rated]: PG-13ish

[Chapter Warnings]: Language

[Pairings]: Eiri x Shuichi, Tatsuha x Eiri, Tatsuha x Shuichi, eventual Tatsuha x Eiri x Shuichi? WHO KNOWS. :]

[Disclaimer]: The characters in this piece belong to Maki Murakami and co.

[Author's Notes]: The timeline is set at some arbitrary time mid-series within the manga/anime. (I'm not really a big fan of timelines) I started this piece several years ago and decided to give it life again, and take it into a new direction. Hope you will be happy with it. :) Title inspired by the song with the same name by The All-American Rejects (a song very fitting to this piece!)

Dirty Little Secret

-Chapter 1-

"Honey, I'm hooooooome~!"

Eiri's eyes blinked open, a scowl already finding its way to his face. His lover's shrill greeting woke him from an uneasy but much-needed nap. It was pointless to continue sleeping with the younger boy now home, he knew, and slowly he pushed himself up into a seated position in bed. Eiri could still feel the grit in his eyes, the soreness, and expected to find them still bloodshot. His nasty habit of pulling all-nighters the evening before deadlines was catching up to him in an unpleasant way. Eiri was cracking his sore, overworked knuckles when the bedroom door hesitantly creaked open.

Shuichi's puzzled face lightened up as soon as he took in Eiri's disheveled form sitting in bed. "Yuki, there you are! But geez, you don't look so good. I'm sorry… Did I wake you?"

"Yes, dammit." Eiri was surprised by the gruffness of his own voice. He hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep, but he was too hungry and thirsty to neglect his body's needs any longer. He pulled himself up and shuffled over to the door with the last of his remaining energy.

Shuichi watched him in amusement, stepping aside as Eiri brushed past him. "I told you to stop staying up all night like that! Did Mizuki already come by?"

"Yeah."

"Cool! That's good, that's good…"

Eiri managed to make it to the kitchen, and withdrew a glass from the cabinet to pour himself some water. As he drank with fervor, he noticed Shuichi follow him into the kitchen but remain hidden in the corner. He was looking down at the ground and missing his usual after-work excitement that accompanied being able to spend the evening with Eiri. An almost sad smile was gracing the singer's face. Eiri allowed the uncomfortable silence to stretch on for a bit longer as he replenished himself of fluids, but eventually put them both out of misery by acknowledging Shuichi's odd behavior. "Okay, what happened?"

In a flash, Shuichi was on his knees at Eiri's feet, gripping his pant leg with large, glassy eyes that threatened to shed tears. The novelist groaned inside. A headache had began in his left temple several hours earlier and was again making its presence known as Shuichi started rushing to speak. "Oh Yuki, I have some wonderful news and some terrible news! I don't know how to break this to you!"

"Just get on with it."

"Bad Luck is having a major breakthrough! I could potentially solidify my career and make us big, international stars!"

"Oh, poor you."

"No, Yuki, that was the wonderful news. The terrible news is that to do this, we're scheduled to go on tour with Nittle Grasper all through Europe!"

"And where does this news get terrible?"

Shuichi gnawed on his lip. Eiri resisted the temptation to gnaw on his own. Shuichi overdramaticized everything, and was making him nervous before he even heard the rest! He grew irritated as his lover beat around the bush, and opened his mouth to say something in annoyance before Shuichi finally fessed up. "The tour… is for three months."

At first, Eiri felt a flutter of something like relief in his heart. Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper on tour for three months, on the other end of the continent? Tohma Seguchi and Shuichi Shindou, the two banes of his existence, out of his hair for a whole three months! Eiri found the news anything but terrible. "Congratulations and bon voyage."

"Yuki!"

"What?"

"Three months is a long time! Aren't you going to miss me?"

"Hell no. I'm going to drink all day and party all night."

Shuichi frowned. He knew better by now than to take Eiri's banter seriously, but the other was just being ridiculous and he knew it. "You jerk! So you want a vacation from me that bad, huh?"

"Couldn't hurt." Eiri smirked to himself, already picturing himself sitting on his balcony with a cigarette and a good book in complete silence and solitude.

"Well, fine… but I don't want you to be all alone for that long! Hey, wait… Would you like to come with us!"

Sputtering on his water, Eiri set his glass in the sink with a horrified expression. He'd still be able to have regular sex, which wouldn't be bad at all, but he'd have to put up with being in close quarters with people he could hardly stand. "God no!"

"Are you sure? Yuki~… What will you do? It's not like you have any friends to go hang out with. Maybe you should visit your family in Kyoto if you're bored?"

Eiri turned to glare at him. "Screw you! And quit worrying about me."

"But I do worry about you, Yuki. You're too much of a hermit. Seriously, if it wasn't for me, you'd be so bored, am I right?"

"Drop dead."

"It's true!"

The older man brushed past Shuichi again, antsy to prepare dinner and relieve the pangs of his empty stomach. His head continued throbbing. Eiri felt like roadkill. He was sure he looked like it, too. "So when do you leave?"

Shuichi watched him with a curious eye. Eiri looked rather pale under the dim lighting of the kitchen, and the slight shaking of his hands was not lost on Shuichi either. He moved closer to his lover to assist him. Eiri was such a mess. He'd been struggling with writer's block for what seemed like the entire duration of his latest novel, and understood how much of a toll it took on him, but seeing the effects now were difficult. How could Shuichi leave him in this state! "Two days from now…"

"Hm, that's rather short notice. Were you originally planning on skipping town without telling me?" He allowed Shuichi to help him gather dinner materials.

"No, no! Not at all. Not like you would, anyway." Shuichi smirked and laughed off the muffled "whatever" from the other, whose head was in the fridge. "I guess I just didn't want to face the facts."

When Eiri moved to set his groceries on the counter and free his hands, Shuichi leaped into them, enveloping the novelist into his arms with a tight squeeze. Eiri's exhausted body nearly doubled over with the sudden weight of the younger male hanging on. "Get off me. I can't do this right now."

"You look like hell. Are you okay?"

"That's how you look every day."

"No way, bastard!"

"Why are you mother-henning me? Go away!"

"I can't! I'm savoring my last moments with you!"

"Get real. Once you get there, you'll have so much fun, you'll forget all about me."

"No chance! I'll blow your phone up every day! It'll be like I never left!"

"What! You better not. Good riddance!"

"But Yuki, I'm…" Shuichi's mood changed in an instant. His eyes darkened as they fell to the floor again. "I'm going to miss you sooooo much! This is the first time we've been apart this long since… since ever! What ever will I do without you!"

"Will you stop talking that way? You said it yourself. This is something you need to do for your career, so suck it up and get to packing your bags while I make dinner."

Shuichi nodded solemnly and pulled away, exiting the kitchen with heavy footsteps. Eiri sighed.

Now that he thought about it, alone with his own thoughts while he diced vegetables, three months was a long time to be away.

Two days later, Shuichi's mood about the tour hadn't improved. The singer loaded his belongings into the trunk of Eiri's car before settling into the passenger seat and buckling in, Eiri already seated behind the wheel of the idling car. The ride to the airport was long due to traffic, and the silence was irritating to no end. When Shuichi was miserable, everyone was miserable! Eiri fidgeted in his seat, feeling that he had to come up with something.

Shuichi flipped on the radio at one point and sang along to a few of the popular songs, futilely trying to cheer himself up. This tour was the best thing that ever happened to his career, so why couldn't he feel excited about it? As much as he ached to hop on the bus that Hiro, Suguru, and his producers were carpooling in to go to the airport, where everyone would be talking over each other and pouring over their itinerary excitedly, Shuichi insisted Eiri drive him to the airport so he could spend his precious last moments with him.

"Will you shut up?"

Shuichi's voice died on his lips mid-verse, and he turned his head to find a very disgruntled Eiri staring ahead at the road. "Wha?"

"You'll be singing for three months straight. Spare me the preview, moron."

"Hey! I was just relaxing! No need to be rude!"

"Well, your efforts to relax are driving me up the wall."

"Don't be a dick, Eiri."

The novelist's lips twitched as Shuichi addressed him by his name. He had to try harder…

"Yuki, I'm sorry again for leaving you alone for three months!" Shuichi blurted out, surprising Eiri out of his reverie. "I'll miss you soooo much! I'll… I'll send you postcards from every city we visit! I'll promise to call you every night! Even if it's late! Well, unless you don't want me to wake you. You looked terrible the other day after your all-nighter, to be honest… See, you can't even take care of yourself with me here. I can't imagine what you'll do to yourself with me gone!"

"You are a freakin' piece of work… I got along fine without you before you pushed your way into my life, and I'll get along fine without you now! And don't bother with the postcards. You know they just go in the trash anyway…"

"But Yuki, I – "

"Enough."

"Yuki, will you listen to – "

"We're here."

"Huh?" Shuichi steered his eyes out the window to find themselves at his airport terminal. He could already see the back of Hiro's head breezing through baggage checks. He flipped back around, a sense of panic in his voice now. "Yuki, I'll call you tonight! I promise!" Reluctantly, he pushed open his car door and got out.

Eiri parked and did the same, moving around his vehicle to pull out Shuichi's bags. Shuichi was still yammering beside him. "When we land in Paris, I'll call you right away to let you know I'm safe! And don't worry, you know I'll be thinking of you every day! No French guy is gonna sweep me off my feet!"

Eiri found himself chuckling as he snapped his trunk closed, all bags now at Shuichi's feet. "Like you could really pull off a stunt like that."

The singer frowned, puzzled. "What do you mean!"

"Like you would actually have the balls to cheat on me."

"Are you saying I'm not attractive enough?"

"I'm saying that it's not your style."

"Oh yeah? Who says! You're being awfully cocky!" Shuichi shoved a finger at Eiri's chest to make a point. "You should be worried, you know! Europe might love me!"

"Not if they have any brains."

"Yuki, stop being so mean! This is our romantic farewell moment!"

"Then why am I so happy?"

"Because you're a jerk!"

Eiri could already hear K and Sakano in the distance calling for Shuichi. An unfamiliar ache in his chest brought him the realization that he was casting his last looks upon Shuichi for a long time. And he was also running out of time to make Shuichi hate him. He had to think of something fast or –

"Yuki, will you miss me?"

Blinking with surprise, the novelist looked down at Shuichi's crestfallen face. He had his duffel bag already on his shoulder, but the younger male made no move to pull away, clearly reluctant to leave. He hated seeing Shuichi this sad, and he hated how his heart was hurting in this weird way, and he hated what he had to do next because he knew he was ruining everything. "To be honest, not really."

Shuichi's face fell before him, not expecting such a blunt and hurtful response. He didn't say anything for a long while, turning their conversation over again and again in his mind, wondering where they went wrong. He had stopped singing in the car after Eiri told him to shut up! What else did he do to make him so angry? Shuichi did nothing but love and dote on him relentlessly for the past two days to ease their transition apart! Apparently, Eiri was mad at him for something, because as Shuichi looked desperately in the other's face for a sign that he'd just been joking as Eiri's retorts often were, he only found a steely glare, and Shuichi realized with a stab to his heart that Eiri had been dead serious. "B-but… but…"

Twisting his face in anger, Shuichi exploded, several passersby startled by the unexpected exchange. "You're such an asshole! I thought you were just joking when you said you wanted a vacation from me! Now I know you were fucking serious!" Shuichi's fingers locked the handle of his overstuffed suitcase in a death grip. "I thought we were over this, Eiri! I don't know what I did to make you mad at me that you would spoil our romantic farewell, but all I have to say to that is, fuck you! If you want me to go so badly, I will!"

Eiri blinked, unphased at the outburst, and watched as Shuichi ran off, his luggage ungracefully bouncing behind him. Once he stood alone at the curb, he felt his throat tighten in a painful way. With trembling fingers, Eiri pulled open the door of his car and collapsed back in his seat. Shuichi hadn't even kissed him goodbye. Not even a hug. But, he hadn't deserved them.

It was a ploy Eiri often used on the singer. Shuichi became distraught whenever leaving Eiri's side, so Eiri purposely started arguments just to get Shuichi angry, if only to make the boy more comfortable with leaving him. With the frequency of times Eiri used this tactic, he was surprised Shuichi hadn't yet caught on, and still took him seriously. At least now he wasn't going to mope around on the plane.

And as he pulled back onto the highway to head home, alone, he wondered which novel he would pick up to start reading when he got there. Peace and relaxation were his for the taking! But the ache in his chest hadn't subsided. He didn't like leaving Shuichi when they were on bad terms, but it had been necessary nonetheless.

Eiri groaned loudly as he tossed and turned in bed, unable to get comfortable. It was just after one in the afternoon, and he couldn't bring himself to start the day. With his manuscript sent off and nothing to work on for a while, he'd exhausted all his chores the first few days of being alone. All his laundry was washed and neatly pressed, dry cleaning picked up, kitchen cleaned, floors mopped, and even bookshelves rearranged.

Rolling over onto Shuichi's side of the bed, the light-eyed male glared up at the ceiling. Shuichi's side was cold, unslept in. Well, duh. Shuichi had been gone a little over a week now. Only eleven more to go, right?

True to his word, Shuichi called him as soon as their plane landed in Paris, but his greeting was curt, emotional, and very brief. Shuichi was still angry, that was for sure, and called only to relay their hotel information to Eiri before he "needed to go get some things done". Eiri understood the other's tone of voice. Over the past year, their relationship had been progressing uneasily, and they still fought often, and profanity was often exchanged. Eiri learned to recognize this after some time as what was normal for the two of them. Shuichi would be back to cooing him through the phone soon enough.

That day had come only after two days of their telephone cold war. Shuichi apologized profusely for yelling at him and calling him names, and begged to be forgiven, coating the teary speech with "I love you"s and "I already miss you"s. And then Shuichi proceeded to blow up his phone each day as promised, but as the days progressed, his habit of calling dwindled down to just once every other day as Shuichi clearly became busier with his concerts.

Even Tohma called him after he and Shuichi made up, only to express his disappointment that Eiri hadn't come into the airport and wished him farewell before they boarded the plane, but understood his reasons once Shuichi had stormed into the gate area throwing things and swearing. Eiri listened on with amusement as Tohma described how airport security apprehended their group for making a scene and threatened to kick them out before Tohma put them all in their places. K apparently slipped something into Shuichi's complimentary champagne once they boarded first class and his little rock star had slept soundly for the rest of the flight.

Through these calls, learning what Shuichi was doing, who he was meeting, and how he was enjoying Europe became part of Eiri's day-to-day activities, and he couldn't help himself from anticipating his next call. In the meantime, Eiri noticed with a sickening feeling that he had indeed become bored without Shuichi around, just as Shuichi said he would.

He laid there on Shuichi's pillow, wondering what to do with himself. He knew he could read again that afternoon, but the idea was starting to get old already. He'd cleaned everything and his apartment was immaculate. He didn't have anyone he particularly wanted to spend time with in Tokyo. But he had eleven more weeks to go. What was he going to do?

His vacation wasn't turning out to be quite the way he'd imagined.

An idea came to him, and he pushed it away on impulse. But laying there immobile for another half hour found him entertaining the idea again. It was something Shuichi had suggested before. Regardless, it was something to do, something to distract him from noticing the empty side of the bed. So why the hell not?

Eiri dislodged his limbs from the covers, rolled himself to his feet, and began to locate his suitcase.

-TBC-

[Author's Note addendum]: I've been tinkering with this story for so long, that I just shoved my self-doubt aside and put it up finally. The next chapter should be up soon, because it's for the most part already written.

Let me know what you think! Comments and critiques are welcome if you have any!

Love,
Ish :)