Zee's Puppet Problem
Disclaimer: I own Kid Razor. Cookie Monster belongs to Sesame Street Workshop. All other characters belong to DC Comics.
Hey there, folks! L1701E here! And he is back with a new one-shot set in RogueFanKC's Misftverse, inspired by a preview I saw of an issue of Zatanna's own comic. Enjoy!
Author's Note: This one-shot is set a couple days before RogueFanKC's "Nexus Nevermore".
The Watchtower
Zatanna Zatara was the Mistress of Magic. A member of the Justice League. A famous entertainer. And right now...she wished she was someone else.
"AHHHH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The laughter rang out. The tux-clad sorceress groaned and rubbed her temples. She shot a glare at the source of the laughter: A man with a bright orange bowl cut, dressed in a customized Green Lantern uniform: A sleeveless green jacket with large lapels and white highlights, and white boots and gloves over a black bodysuit. On his ring finger of his right hand, shone the Green Lantern ring, with small green sparks flying out of it. His name was Guy Gardner, and he was finding this hilarious.
Zatanna was talking with another Leaguer, when Guy happened to overhear her predicament, and he found it extremely amusing. The dark-haired woman glared at the Lantern.
"This isn't funny, Gardner!"
"She is right, Guy." A sweet white-haired woman dressed in a blue costume with white boots that had fur trim frowned. She was Tora Olafsdotter, Ice. Her powers were obvious.
"Oh come on, babe." Guy chortled. "You have to admit, that is funny. I mean..." He smirked arrogantly at Zatanna. "How the hell can a magician be afraid of puppets?"
"I hate puppets." Zee sighed. "Those things have the eyes that seem like they'll suck out your soul."
"Oh, my God!" Guy laughed. "This is so insane! What kinda magician fears puppets?"
"Guy!" Tora admonished, smacking Guy upside the head.
"Ow!" The GL yelped, rubbing his head. "What'd I do?"
"How do you think I feel?" Zatanna frowned. "But that's not the embarrassing thing. I went on Sesame Street yesterday. I figured, hey, the kids would love it, even though I wasn't comfortable working with the Muppets."
"That's very brave of you, Zee." Tora smiled encouragingly.
"How the hell can you be afraid of the Muppets?" Guy started to laugh. "What, did Jim Henson kill your family in front of you?" Zee glared at the GL.
"I swear, Gardner. One day, I will turn you into a mouse."
"Guy, stop." Tora admonished again.
"Anyway, I walked up on set..." The magician let out a groan. "And I ended up vomiting on Oscar." Guy started a fresh round of laughter. "That's not funny, Gardner! I nearly ended up banned for life!"
"God, Zee!" Guy laughed. "If ya wanted to get banned from that show, why not just do what that singer chick did and show off your boobs? Certainly would be a lot less messy."
"GUY!" Tora smacked Guy upside the head.
"Ow! What'd I do?"
"That's not the embarrassing part." Zee groaned. "Guess what? It somehow ended up on YouTube! A friend of mine showed it to me, and it got over a million hits! In one hour!"
"Oh Zee, I'm so sorry to hear that." Tora apologized sincerely, patting Zee's hand.
"I saw that video." Guy grinned. "Zee, never let it be said that you were never funny." Guy found himself being on the receiving end of a glare from Zatanna and Tora. "What? It was funny!"
"You can be a royal jerk sometimes, you know that, Guy?" Zee grumbled.
"What? What?" Guy blinked innocently. "Come on! You know you'd be laughing if it had happened to someone else, Zee! Like Batman! I know I'd find Batman puking in public hilarious! He did get barfed on once by that hired killer."
"I don't think it's particularly funny." Tora shook her head. Guy rolled his eyes.
"Aw, you people just have no sense of humor!" The Baltimore-born Lantern chuckled as he got up. "I'm grabbin' me a burger." He walked off, leaving Zee and Tora to stare in disbelief.
"Tora...what do you see in him?" Zee blinked in confusion.
"He really is very sweet deep down." Tora smiled.
Elsewhere in the Watchtower
The central area of the Watchtower was typically hustle-and-bustle with activity. Two Leaguers happened to be walking through the area. One was a Latina woman wearing a green tube top with matching leather pants, go-go boots, and gloves. She was Beatriz Bonilla da Costa, a green-haired Brazilian beauty with fire-based powers. A supermodel, former Brazilian secret agent, and the Local Heroine of Rio de Janeiro, she served in the Justice League as Fire. The other was a Hispanic man with short dark hair and sunglasses, clad in a black costume with big yellow-and-red lapels, as well as black gauntlets. Paco Ramone was a former gang member who turned a new leaf and decided to use his ability to fire sonic vibrations to be one of Detroit's Local Heroes: Vibe. He also was a Justice League member.
"So then, Beetle wiped some mayonnaise off his face, glared at Booster, and he said, 'Well, Booster, that's another fine mess you've gotten us into!'" Bea finished her story, making the two heroes laugh.
"Damn, girl." Paco laughed, wiping his eye under his glasses. "How did you end up witnessing that? I'm surprised the Mounties didn't shoot them."
"Well, to be fair, the mayonnaise was all Doctor Octopus's fault." Bea grinned. The two noticed Superman, the Man of Steel, heading in their direction.
"Hey there, Superman." The two Leaguers greeted. Superman smiled and waved.
"Hello, Fire. Vibe."
"How's Supergirl?" Vibe wondered. "Heard about her and that Phoenix thingy."
"She's still recovering." Superman sighed.
"You know, Superman..." Bea smirked. "If you'd like, I could take the Girl of Steel out for a nice shopping trip. Always does me good when I'm down." Vibe visibly winced. Bea's shopping trips were legendary. Her last trip resulted in a mall literally being emptied out, and spinal injuries from carrying bags that Green Arrow, Vigilante, Shining Knight, and S.T.R.I.P.E were still recovering from.
"I'll...think about it." Superman tried not to visibly wince himself. However, the Metropolis Marvel would find himself being distracted by other things.
FWASH!
A blue portal opened up in the middle of the room. Out stepped a smirking teenage boy with wild blond hair, and dressed like a metalhead mixed with a pro-wrestler, a guitar slung across his back. He was Kid Razor/Robert Redford Parkins, a young super-powered rock 'n' roll musician, who's magical guitar accessed a mystical force that was known as the Power of Rock, which Razor could use for various effects. The Cleveland native's face, covered in paint to hide his identity, showed a cocky smirk.
"Hello, Justice League!" He laughed, marching up the three heroes. The Kid of Rock 'n' Roll smirked at Superman.
We really got to find a way to keep him from doing that. The Metropolis Marvel mentally sighed.
"Hey there, Superjoke." Razor's smirk became a big grin. "Still being the big dumb brick wall you always are?" Superman frowned at Razor's rudeness. "That's good. Gotta make up for the fact that you're not that gifted up there." Razor tapped Superman's head. He then turned to Vibe. "Hey there, Ramone. How're things in Detroit Rock City?"
"The usual." Vibe shrugged. "A lot of crime, but it's nothing I can't handle. Especially with Gypsy and RPM." Razor smirked at Beatriz.
"Hey there, flame girl." Razor was not looking at her face.
"My eyes are up here, little man." Beatriz smirked, crossing her arms and pointing at her face. Vibe couldn't help but chortle. Razor caught Vibe's chuckling.
"Hey, speaking of funny, did anybody see that YouTube video of Zatanna puking on Oscar the Grouch?" Razor burst out laughing. "It was so hilarious! I'm surprised that they didn't ban the broad for life from the show!"
"Only you would find pleasure in someone else's embarrassment, Razor." Superman's frown deepened. Razor shook his head, still laughing.
"At least the Kid of Rock has a sense of humor, Superdork." Razor continued laughing. "Anyway, the Kid of Rock felt a little bad for Merlin Girl, so he thought he'd give her a little gift to show he does care." In a flash of rainbow light, a box appeared in Razor's hands. It was a tall blue box with a purple bow on it. Superman blinked.
"Well, I am surprised, Razor." The Man of Steel admitted. "This is awful nice of you."
"Hey, the Kid of Rock has a heart." Razor grinned.
"What is it?" Vibe blinked.
"You'll just have to see." Razor grinned, starting to leave.
"Hold it, Razor." Superman frowned, stopping the Kid of Rock. "How do we know that this isn't one of your juvenile little pranks?"
"He does have a point." Fire agreed. "Wonder Woman is still after you for that incident involving the Jello."
"The Kid of Rock thought she liked Jello! Who hates Jello?"
"And I heard about that legendary incident involving those horses in Titans Tower." Vibe added. "Robin is still after you."
"The Titans need to loosen up!"
"And the Avengers are still angry with you about the Nefaria incident." Superman reminded. Razor's face darkened.
"Don't you dare mention the Nefaria incident." Razor snarled, getting in Superman's face. "The whole damn thing was Captain America's fault! If that senile bastard had just stopped trying to make the Kid of Rock mad,he wouldn't have pitched his guitar at him, and all that Vibranium wouldn't have exploded! The Kid of Rock could take Nefaria down all by himself, and Cap knew it! Cap was jealous of the Kid of Rock, so he decided to try and pull his regular control freak bull on him! He cared more about taking the glory of whuppin' Count Nefaria's monkey ass than actually getting the damn job done!" Razor shoved his way trough the other heroes. "Now if you excuse the Kid of Rock, before his good mood is completely destroyed, he's got a magician to help!" The three Leaguers blinked as Razor left.
"...What is wrong with that guy?" Fire wondered.
"Hey, they never said that Kid Razor is completely sane." Vibe rolled his eyes. Meanwhile, Zatanna was eating a sandwich in the League's mess hall, when she noticed Kid Razor walk up to her.
"Hey there, Zee!"
"How'd you get up here?" The magician frowned.
"I'm the Kid of Rock. I go where I please." Razor shrugged.
"You know that Batman doesn't want you up here...Oh wait, you don't care what Batman thinks." Zee realized.
"Got it in one, Zee." Razor grinned, sitting across from her. "How is the Bat-Jackass, anyway? Still running around being a big dumb like always?"
"He's still mad at you for the time you switched his mind with a gorilla's." * Razor burst out laughing.
"To be fair, that was an accident." Razor laughed. "He only meant for Batman to be a monkey for six hours, not all day! Besides, I heard Batman was actually more pleasant to be around that day."
"Just make sure you make yourself scarce before Batman sees you." Zee warned. Razor just waved it off. Why should he be frightened of Batman? She then noticed the present. "Who's that for? To be honest, Razor, I never imagined you to be the gift-giving type."
"Well, the Kid of Rock saw your performance on YouTube (Hilarious!), and so he decided to help you out with your little problem. He got you a new friend."
"A...new friend?" Zatanna blinked, eyeing the present warily.
"Yup!" Razor grinned widely. He opened the box, and pulled out a blue-furred ventriloquist's puppet with big googly eyes. "Say hello to Cookie!" Meanwhile, as this was happening, Guy Gardner was walking down the hall, smirking. He had heard about that gorilla incident, and considering that he hated Batman as much as he loved a cold beer, he thought he'd find the Dark Knight and make fun of him about it. It wasn't the Green Lantern's fault that the Caped Crusader couldn't take a joke. The GL then heard a screaming.
"Huh?" Guy blinked, turning his head. His eyes widened. "What in the-?"
"KEEP IT AWAY!" A panicked Zatanna screamed, tossing magic bolts behind her. Chasing her was Kid Razor, operating the Cookie Monster puppet, impersonating the famous character.
"HUG COOKIE! ME COOKIE NO BITE! YOU WANT TO HUG COOKIE! ME HUG YOU!" Razor whooped. Guy burst out laughing.
"Damn, I gotta start bringing a camcorder when I come here! At this rate, they could have a 'Best of Zee' compliation!"
Thanks for reading!
* - In "Kingdom Hearts: Mutants of Twilight: Squatter", also written by me.