The Price I Must Pay
By AngelMorph
My name is Cassie. They say that your teenage years are the happiest years of your life. I personally can't comment on the matter. I was never a teenager. I went straight from childhood to adulthood. Adolescence is the bridge that connects the two but I didn't take the bridge. The change didn't come about gradually. I lost my childhood innocence in a flash, basically overnight.
Nothing just happens. There are always warning signs, or so they say. If there were warning signs of the change that took place on that night, the night we met Elfangor, I for one didn't notice them.
My passage into adulthood was sudden and unpredictable but the slow but unmistakable deterioration of my morals is quite the opposite. I was once a girl that had all her morals and values straight but day after day, battle after battle I am slowly losing that too. It's my last link to my childhood but I can only watch in horror as it slowly fades away and I am left with a cold merciless heart. I am slowly becoming a heartless killer.
I fear that even when we win this war, if we ever win this war there won't be any me left. I don't think I can ever be happy again. Marguerite Yourcenar once said, "All happiness is innocence." I am no longer innocent. I can't erase my actions. I can't erase the guilt. I can never be innocent and happy again.
But all this is meant to be. We were all chosen for a reason and given a destiny. Each of us has something important to contribute to the messed up bunch of teenagers, dare I use the terms, that call themselves the Animorphs. The world needs me and if saving the world requires cashing in my innocence and happiness it's a price I'm willing to pay. It pains me to admit it but I am willing to do anything if it might help save world. If becoming merciless is necessary then so be it.
I will continue to hold on to every bit of childhood innocence I have but if it is required that I give it up I am willing to pay the price. I can only wish that it will never come to the point where I become a heartless killing machine