To Have and To Hold

by Ema Marsel

They had been perfect when they started. Now they seemed like cold reflections of what they had. Can they get back to how it was? Do they want too?

When we first moved in together

couldn't keep hands off each other

Now were lying back to back

And silence in the black

We used to laugh until we cried

You used to look at me and smile

Now we hardly say hello

and feelings never show

All the signs seem to say love is lost

But I don't wanna give up what we've got

Maybe you could say a bit longer

I could try a bit harder

We could make this work

But maybe we should stop pretending

We both know we're hurting

Maybe it's time to go

We broke up last Sunday night

Keep on thinking bout the fight

Rest my head against the wall

Your bags are by the door

Then your key turns in the lock

You see me on the stairs and stop

Have you had a change of heart

Can we go back to the start?

But all the signs seem to say love is lost

but I don't want to give up yet because

Maybe you could stay a bit longer

Or I could try a bit harder

We could make it work

But maybe we should stop pretending

We both know we're hurting

Maybe its time to go.

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Addison Potter stood staring at the party scene unfolding in the back of her country home, separated from the din of the party through the glass panels of windows and back door. It was a celebration for another year of birth of their youngest, so a tent had been erected, which was stuffed to the brim of family, friends and work colleagues with their own young children in tow to play with the birthday girl and older brother.

Addison watched the scene unfold as the large golden doodle Jacks came bounding through the throng of people, chasing the so called older brother, her first born, and his friend with the floppy brown hair weaving in between the adults and party decorations. Jacks being the klutzy mess of fur, since they brought him home from the breeders, did not have the stealth as the boys of six, and as his paws met contact with the smoothed paver stones of the patio, the dog started to slide and crashed into the always put together Draco Malfoy who was carrying a bowl of strawberry jello fruit salad. The bowl fell into his lap as he landed unceremoniously on his behind. The dog looked for a moment apologetically before continuing to lick the strawberry mess.

A smile spread briefly across her face, as the disgusted look garnished Draco's face and a chuckle erupted from her mouth when Astoria was pointing her finger at her husband's predicament while holding the baby on her hip.

Addison looked to see Harry come striding across the patio, at the bellows of his friend, grabbed the dog by the scruffy neck and collar. He pulled the monster from his friend's lap, the look of laughter was nearly brimming to the surface, but strode over to the door, yanked it aside and shove the dog into the kitchen.

His eyes reached Addison, the smile that reached his eyes faltered. "Can you lock Jacks up, and get more jello salad?" He asked dismissing the dog from his hands and pulled the door tightly shut before she could respond. Her eyes tightened a fraction, turned from the wall of windows and headed straight to her kitchen.

The kitchen she had designed from a blank slate, her wish box and the posh French architect that Harry hired to help create her dream into a reality. It was an opened u-shape design, that allowed for a group of helping hands to move easily throughout the workspace. The counters were made of white marble, sitting on top of dark wood counters with appliances that marveled that of a professional restaurant. Top of the line, to help her create a five star meal that typically consisted of scrambled eggs and French toast in the shape of stars or dinosaurs, macaroni and cheese mixed with hot dogs, food that revolved around little fingers, for children that would be tucked away on the stools that were situated at the breakfast bar.

This room was what sold Addie on the house when Harry brought her to look at the property so many years ago, when they had been newly dating.

Sitting in the car had become such a trivial mode of transportation, and riding in the car for nearly an hour and a half was putting Addie on the edge of her seat. She had already pushed every button on the dash, caused her seat to lean back automatically all the way and up again, played every application on her smart phone which was pointless since Harry had ruined all her high score stats, and let out yet another deep sigh.

Harry who had confidently maneuvered through the thick traffic on the interstate leaving London, and then pulled onto the byway, he glanced at his companion and her restless aura. "Please give this a chance Addie." He smiled in her direction. She flashed him a weak smile before Harry reached from the steering wheel and squeezed her knee gently.

"Just keep an open mind doll." Harry said, he had been excited since his realtor had brought the manor house to his attention a week ago. He had been determined to pull Addie out to the house as soon as possible, but she had stalled his plan until the weekend.

"I'm just restless Harry. She captured his hand from her knee threading her fingers into his while bringing his to her lips and placing a linger kiss on his knuckle. "I still don't understand we couldn't travel, you know, your side Arapaho-"

"Apparition doll?"

"Exactly." She smiled at the endearment. "I don't understand why we couldn't do that."

"I told you, Stella McGoverns isn't like me, magical, and I didn't really want to let her in on the secrecy. Since it's against the law." Harry said reclaiming his hand to help pull the car onto a gravel drive that was protected by a large electric fence.

"You told me about the secrecy." Addie mumbled and looked out the window as they sped along the wet driveway. It had been raining all week, which was one of the reasons she had wanted to wait to look at the house, and take an outing to the countryside.

"I also didn't knock her up." Harry glanced at Addie who had a smile spreading across her and she relaxed her fingers across her stomach. "But if you would like me to let Stella in on the secret.-

"Keep it in your pants Potter, if you had been able to do that the first time you wouldn't have had to let me in on your secret." Addie chuckled as she looked out the window at the birch trees that were lining the drive way.

"Who says it wasn't my idea from the start." Harry solemnly said as he pulled the car to the front of the house on the circular driveway. He parked so that Addie's car door opened right on to the brick sidewalk where Stella McGoverns was standing waving at the black range rover. Her dress suit was the color of marigolds the curl of her hair could let fingers fit through each ringlets and her black stilettos could puncture a lung.

"You have got to be kidding me." Addie glared in Harry's direction. She was only four and a half months along but already her clothes were too tight to fit her not so slimming pre-mommy body. She was dressed in a pair of black leggings and comfy tunic shirt, and a pair of green wellingtons on her feet. "You said this was casual."

Harry, who was wearing one piece less of a three piece suit looked at her sympathetically. "I didn't say that, Doll."

"And I quote, Addie what your wearing is perfect this isn't anything formal." Addie glared in his directions. She hadn't even combed her hair, sans raking her fingers to catch the strands into a messy bun on the crown of her head.

"I did say that." He said cheekily, pecked Addie's cheek before barreling from the vehicle. He rushed around the front of the car, to catch the door as it swung up, he gripped the handle as it nearly collided with him and smiled at the realtor.

"Welcome, welcome to Bridgeport Manor." Stella crowed, the sound of cigarette burnt vocal cords vocalized into their ears. Addie let the sound of crunching gravel release some of her anger, took Harry's extended hand and plastered a neutral look on her face. Harry gave her a playful pinch while kissing her neck.

"Stella, it is so great to see you, this is my girlfriend Addie." Harry gave his free hand after shutting the door to the suv. Stella beamed in Addie's direction. "We are so glad you could meet us on a weekend."

"Absolutely Mr. Potter, your time is my time." Stella nodded, "And it is such a pleasure to meet you Addie." She put her own hand out, and Addie shook is limply. The yellow of Stella's teeth, and her ragged voice made her hesitate and her eyes went wide when she caught Stella sizing her up. Her cobalt eyes ventured down her clothing, smirked at her shoes and let go of her hand as a dismissal. "Shall we take a look?"

Addie's hand clenched into Harry's, and her finger nails caused crescent indentations into his skin. They ventured into the house, that sat on top of a slight hill, was a two story classic brick house. It had white trimmed windows, and two fireplace stacks popping out on opposite sides of the house. Addie appreciated the wide walkway up to the front door that was painted a deep shade of blue with brass fixtures. That would be the first cosmetic change Addie would be making, the door would be painted red and the fixtures would change to silver.

The front door opened onto an open foyer, "And as you can see the foyer opens up on one side to a formal living room, the arched windows let a lot of natural light and facing north west it gets quite a bit of son, and it has a fabulous view at sunset." Stella motioned for the pair to move about the room, a large fireplace was situated against the wall, "A wood burning fireplace, I know how you like that feature Mr. Potter, and the flooring is made from beech wood in a parquet pattern, it is quite rough, but a good restoration project."

Addie let go of Harry's hand and moved about the room, vaguely listening to Harry discuss the size of the room, the upgrades that had been the part of the last renovation which had ended in divorce, half of the floor was torn up and the sub-flooring was showing on half of the room. She glanced to the marble surround fire place and the large mantle piece. After the living room, they moved across the foyer which led into an office with built in bookcases, a powder room along a hall way, and they then moved upstairs.

The first room was the larger of the bedrooms, that had been painted a pale blue with a white chair-rail, it had a walk in closet and connected to a jack and jill bathroom. The bathroom was another ' simple renovation project' of how Stella called it. The carpet from first bedroom carried through into the bathroom. The vanity was made of formica, and fake wood, and one wall was an entire sheet of mirror. The shower bath stall was surrounded by a mint green tile star pattern. The toilet was the same mint green. The color made a fresh wave of morning sickness spread into her flushed cheeks.

"This is a disgusting bathroom." Addie's mutter fell upon deaf ears because the pair moved ahead into the adjoining bedroom, that was painted a bright shade of yellow. This was the smaller of the two conjoined bedrooms, and it had a bay window that looked out onto a large green pasture.

"It would make a sweet nursery." Stella mentioned to the couple, Addie was staring out the window and Harry was looking in the closet and stopped to smile. He moved to her wrapping his hands around her waist and settled on the small bubble of a belly. She leaned into his hold and kissed the pressure point on his neck. "Shall we move onto the master bedroom.

It was the largest room on the second floor, that was en-suite and yes another restoration project. It was decorated on a monochromatic style. Black and white, it nearly made Addie feel like she was playing on a checker board. They moved downstairs and travelled farther down the hall that led to the back of the house. The largest project yet, was an area that was clearly an addition on to the original house. A big empty space for a kitchen and family room. The room was filled with windows but as it was situated in the back of the house privacy was not a huge issue, and it all looked back onto back yard pasture.

Her breath caught in her throat as entered the room, she went to the large arch windows and stared out of the view and she knew it was meant to be. Addie never thought of herself as a country home owning girl. She had grown up living half her life in the suburbs of the London and the city itself. Her parents had divorced when she was about four, but she was shuffled between the homes of each respected parent every other week. As she grew, Addie was spending more time in London with her father because she was involved in so many lessons ranging from dance, ballet, piano and cello lessons. She was a natural, not quite a prodigy, but her talent was multiple by her dedication.

From the age of ten on, she was living her week days with her father and spending every other weekend with her mother in the burbs, that was until her mother remarried and started another family. This shortened her time with her mother even more, to seeing her about once a month, and the occasional day if her mother was in town. Addie never felt forgotten as a child, but as she grew up and reflected on her childhood, she did have some latent abandonment issues. It had been nearly five years since she had seen her mother or half siblings.

Thinking about her family, she would rub her belly searching for a connection with her unborn child, making a silent promise to never let her baby ever feel forgotten. As she stared out the window and hand on her belly, the baby let out a kick causing Addie to giggle.

Harry was creeping up on Addie, "What's with the giggling Doll?"

"The baby has the hiccups, and he involuntarily kicks when he hiccups." Addie laughed feeling yet another kick to her stomach. She grabbed Harry's hand and placed it on the side. "Feel." Harry's face lit up in amazement.

"So what do you think of the house?" Harry asked joining her at the window looking out on to the grassy knoll of a backyard. His hands rested on the small belly, marveling in the movement inside, but he could also feel her restless muscles in her stance. After dating for eight months Harry was still learning to interpret Addie's body queues.

"It seems like a lot of work." Addie's sigh escaped slowly from her mouth, "And I think I can describe the house with three words."

"Yeah?"

"Simple restoration project." She turned and linked her arms around his neck. "Harry, we already have one big commitment coming our way in a few short months. Do you think we can tackle this as well?"

"Doll, we can do anything we put our minds too." Harry kissed the tip of her nose.

"How cheesy of you." Addie laughed as Harry captured the snark from her lips. During the lip embrace he untangled her limbs from his neck and put her into a classic dance form. It was the way they met, at a dance lesson for Harry, and he started to glide across the large expanse of room.

"Harry what-

"Shhhh just dance with me." He took a step forward and started the first of different configurations she had choreographed almost a year ago when she first taught him a simple box step. He had been a hapless case, she felt for the first hour he must be the clumsiest person she had met. Yet his determination to succeed at the dance was what attracted Addie to this gawky man. She smiled at her memory.

He twirled twice before pulling close and swaying to an invisible song. His shoulder was a good resting spot for her head "I love the house Harry." She watched as the muscles in his face quirked up into a smile.

"Good because I already bought it for us."

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The memory dimmed from her mind, and she could feel the surge of tears tingling in her eyes. So much had changed, they had grew to be such cold reflections of their previous selves.

How could did it become so broken?

How could she fix it?

Could she fix it?

Does she want too?

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I am a horrible person, I have been having some writing blockage with the other story. It isn't being abandoned but simply I cannot focus on the other story when I have this at the forefront of my mind. This is going to simply be a Harry/OC romance, with some helping cuteness of Draco and Astoria. I can't say I am going to bash the Weasley's or the cannon characters, but they may not even show up in the plot line. So you guys know, the song at the beginning is called "Maybe" by Emeli Sande. I was listening to it on a road trip, and fell in love with the lyrics. It kind of is the foundation of this story. I don't own Harry Potter, but I love to create new alternative futures for him.

I hope you liked it.

Ema