damage control
Tomoyo stood with one hand against the wire railing. She gave a gentle sigh as she looked out to the familiar scenery of the town beyond the school, but she didn't feel unhappy to be looking at it. More than that, she felt tired - exhausted, even. Still, even that wasn't unwelcome; anybody would feel tired if they were busy, surely? And the whole school was full of people who were busy, preparing for the school's upcoming festival. Dressing up classrooms, planning events, making schedules, the whole school seemed full of that certain buzz that came from group activity. Not only that, however, but so too came the Student Council elections; therein lay Tomoyo's primary source of exhaustion, as well as her primary source of pride. Being tired right now; it wasn't that it didn't matter, but more that it felt... fulfilling, somehow. Tomoyo knew that when she won the election - and she wasn't allowed any shard of doubt to pierce her ambitions - there would only be more work afterward, but she looked forward to that, too. Working hard and wholeheartedly, wasn't that how the Student Council president should behave? She knew that a lot of students were put off a place on the Council due to the amount of work it entailed, but she didn't care about any of that. If they couldn't be bothered, that was their problem; she was going to do this and do it properly, and she couldn't wait to show the rest of the school how it should be done.
"Students aren't allowed on the roof, are they?"
A voice from behind made Tomoyo start slightly, but the voice wasn't hostile (and, most importantly, didn't belong to a teacher). The surprise came only from being disturbed; it didn't take any time at all to recognise the voice, and feel calm for it. Tomoyo turned around with a smile, "Fujibayashi. You startled me."
Kyou walked with her arms folded until she reached the wire fencing, then putting both hands against it. "You're not setting a good example, are you? Good thing it was only me checking up here, else you'd really be in trouble--! Now isn't the time to be getting into trouble!"
Tomoyo made a small noise of amusement, "... I know." (She knew that more than anybody.)
"... I thought you'd be up here." A brief pause. "And what have I said about 'Fujibayashi'? It's fine to call me by my first name, I've already told you..."
Tomoyo sank down to sit against the concrete, "And I've told you before, haven't I? That as a running candidate for--"
"'-- the Student Council I should be doing things properly', right? Yeah, I think I've heard that before. Maybe."
"Nice to see some of my policies are getting through to the ears of the students...!"
Kyou sat herself down next to Tomoyo, "Yeah well, that's my job. Make sure everybody's listening when you've got something to say."
Thinking this over, Tomoyo did suppose that Kyou had somehow set herself up in that role. For as long as the election trail had been going on, Kyou had been by her side, supporting her. It wasn't that Tomoyo didn't appreciate this, she was grateful for anybody who was on her side in this and here, in Kyou, she even had support from a third-year student (and due to Kyou's influence, support from many more of them) but even now, and not for the first time, the same question drifted across Tomoyo's mind.
"... Fujibayashi. Why are you here?"
"Couldn't find you in your classroom, couldn't think of where else you'd be. Thought I'd try here. Struck lucky."
"I don't mean that. On the campaign, you've... always supported me. Why?"
Kyou leant back against the railings, resting her head against her hands. "This close to the elections, you'd ask something like that?"
"I've always wondered."
A shrug, "I want to see you succeed, I guess. I don't like that lot there at the moment. I know it was against the rules, but that girl's Drama Club posters... that just made me more determined. I thought they went too far and I know you thought they went too far too, so... doesn't that make you more determined, as well? To get in there, to be able to actually listen to the other students rather than to just throw rules and regulations around... I really think you're the kind of person who can pull that off, so, I thought I'd stand behind that." Another shrug, "I don't know. I just thought you were cool, I guess. You've got pretty high spirits for a second-year student!"
"It's that different being in the third year, is it?"
"Well, hey. You get students like Okazaki and Sunohara who can't be bothered to do anything, can't even be bothered to turn up to school half the time... it's just nice to see someone taking things seriously for once, that's all."
"... Like that Furukawa girl?"
Kyou pulled her knees up to her chest, "... Kinda. I sort of feel sorry for her. No-one else is gonna join the Drama Club by this point. Gotta admire her, but she's going about it all wrong..."
"So if it was you trying to put together a club at the eleventh hour, how would you go about it?"
Kyou smiled, "I'd have been doing it since way before the eleventh hour!"
"... I think Fujibayashi's pretty high-spirited, too. You never ran for the Student Council?"
"Nah. Not my kind of thing."
"So you admire people with high aims, but don't want to put your own forward?"
"Not quite. ...I'd just rather see you get there, that's all."
This, at least, was true. Kyou didn't really remember Student Council elections from the past, just knew that they must have happened and that she'd never really been interested in them. The current Student Council was as much of an example as anything as to why it had never really held her interest; in her mind, Kyou supposed that there was a certain kind of person she had pinned as being 'the type' to be a member of the Student Council, all harsh and steadfast in all the wrong ways, like those in power at the moment. Tomoyo had really broken her expectations, moving her to an interest in Student Council politics she'd never thought she'd had before. There was just something about Tomoyo's ambitions that seemed terribly sincere, and Kyou liked that; not just that, something about Tomoyo that always seemed so sincere. Somebody like that, Kyou felt, could only do the Student Council good - and by extension, the rest of the school. The rest of the school would benefit from Tomoyo's influence. Kyou really believed that.
However, Tomoyo still seemed somewhat troubled. It wasn't that Kyou's answer wasn't satisfactory, it wasn't that her answer didn't make sense, but... "I--... I still don't--..."
Kyou put her hand over Tomoyo's own, "You're just that rational, huh?"
"... Fujibayashi..."
"... 'My girlfriend, the Student Council president'... has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?" There was a long silence. "... That's what you don't understand, right?"
Looking to Tomoyo then, Kyou saw that she was looking away, down at her feet, blushing lightly. Asking her that kind of question would always cause that kind of reaction, but even in the tone of her silence lay a kind of sincerity that Kyou loved to observe. That, and to see the normally upfront and determined Sakagami Tomoyo lost for words stirred some kind of nurturing instinct deep in Kyou's feelings. The Tomoyo who could be quiet, the Tomoyo who could be embarrassed... Kyou reached out with one hand, tipping Tomoyo's chin up with one finger. There was the reason, as much as it was. There was the reason, as much as Kyou couldn't explain it in any way that Tomoyo seemed to accept. For being such an honest person, she did seem to have such difficulties dealing with issues that weren't as clear-cut as her own ambitions...
Still, when Kyou leant across to kiss her, Tomoyo didn't push away. Had never pushed her away. There on the roof, where students weren't supposed to be, lay a small protection; we won't be disturbed, not up here.
The first time Kyou had made any such move had been during the initial preparations for the Student Council elections, back when the initial candidates were all establishing themselves and the whole school was getting used to the faces they would be seeing an awful lot over the festival season. Tomoyo had had first-year students volunteer for the work involved with leaflets and posters, but hadn't expected help from a third-year student; then Kyou had said that she'd pass the word through her class, encourage their support too. Tomoyo had been surprised then, but not as much as once the first-year students had left and Kyou had stood Tomoyo by the podium, holding her hands and then kissing her so briefly and gently that the action barely registered through the shock and Tomoyo looked to Kyou, who stared back with singular determination.
"If you don't like it, say so."
"I--..."
"If you don't want my support then tell me, and I'll go away."
"It's--... it's not that, just--"
"I don't mean for the elections, Sakagami."
Tomoyo had found herself pulled into a tight hold, then hearing Kyou's voice as a whisper brushing her ear. "... Tell me to stop, Sakagami..."
There had been some certain note to Kyou's voice at that moment that Tomoyo had been able to identify, but not understand. For a half-second, the thought of stopping seemed impossible now that this had started. This. Whatever this was. It was a thing that had started? Then, to stop it seemed too cruel. Tomoyo, overwhelmed, returned Kyou's embrace. Felt she could do nothing but that. Was confused, but not as disgusted as the note in Kyou's voice had seemed to fear she could be. And she didn't stop.
After that time, Kyou hadn't stopped either. Rallying around support for Tomoyo on the campaign trail, backing up all her public appearances, helping with all of the things that needed doing every step of the way - Kyou had determination but more than that she had energy, to the point that Tomoyo really wondered if she'd have ever been able to get as far even as this without Kyou's continued assistance. And yet she'd never wished to be on the Student Council herself? Tomoyo couldn't understand that. She didn't have the determination to push herself that far, but had limitless amounts when it was enabling somebody else to do it? As a person who was determined to do as much as she could for herself, Tomoyo couldn't really understand this way of going about things. She sometimes wondered if it was wrong to rely so much on Kyou's help, but at the same time, she didn't think she had any option not to; besides, elections (of any kind) were never won by one person alone. Any support was appreciated and Tomoyo definitely appreciated Kyou's, but still didn't feel that she understood it. Even now. Maybe she never would; it had got that far that this was the kind of thought she was resigning herself to.
Throughout the preparation for both the school festival and the elections, everything seemed to feel so rushed and busy. Time still felt like it was crawling, but there was so much packed into it nonetheless - Kyou's attentions were but one of these things. Things would still be busy after the elections, but not like this. Kyou wasn't volunteering for the Student Council. Would she stick around after the elections had finished? What position would she put herself into? Tomoyo was quite determined to focus her sights only on the Student Council, to not let anything else distract her from this. Kyou's support was valued now, but Tomoyo couldn't work out her intentions. After the elections, would she fall away as if she'd never been there in the first place? Once Tomoyo had her place, would Kyou's interest fall away? If it didn't, how would such a thing be balanced alongside Student Council commitments? How could such a thing be balanced with anything? Tomoyo had never really given herself time to consider any kind of relationship, let alone now, let alone with a girl...
And yet, even just the thought of Kyou's interest falling and disappearing after the election felt unbearable, in a small, piercing, definite sort of a way. Tomoyo didn't understand a lot about this situation, but knew that one thing for sure. Already, she felt indebted to Kyou for her input during the leadup to the election, and all the separate elements felt entwined with one another; Tomoyo's ambition for the Student Council, Kyou's feelings, Tomoyo's own feelings, the election itself... Tomoyo felt the strength of her own ambition, but couldn't help but feel that Kyou seemed strong. When Kyou talked of being impressed by Tomoyo, she wasn't sure how to take that. Kyou seemed so impressive by herself in her own unique ways, didn't she see that herself? ...Perhaps she did. That didn't mean she couldn't identify it in others, too.
Because of all of this, when Kyou held Tomoyo close, Tomoyo would wrap her arms around Kyou's shoulders and wish for this, whatever this was, for as long as was possible. Holding Kyou in that way felt both exhilarating and dangerous; a badly-timed relationship could destroy a member of the Student Council in many different ways, but that Kyou was a girl made this all the more difficult, gave it more potential to be devastating. A relationship would be frowned upon but this...? Many people wouldn't even accept it as a relationship. Many would hate it. (Tomoyo wondered if this was partly why Kyou was so determined to drum up support in the first place.)
Reluctantly but definitely, Tomoyo pulled away. "... We don't have long before the end of the lunchbreak. We should start getting ready."
Kyou swept her hair back, "How romantic. You make my heart race when you say things like that--!" Tomoyo was still blushing, but didn't reply. Kyou stood up, "... Fair enough. But you know, Sakagami..."
Tomoyo looked up, "What is it?"
"... I thought that maybe, you could get used to me."
"... Used to you?" (Tomoyo felt far more than that. However, at the same time, she supposed she couldn't say that she was exactly used to Kyou's affections. Wasn't that part of the thrill?)
"If I stuck around. And so long as I stick around, I'll make sure nobody hurts you, too. There are rumours, right? About your being a delinquent..." (The way Tomoyo looked away made Kyou all the more determined.) "... I'll make sure nobody minds about that. I'll make sure the people who matter see what's good about you, and why you should lead the Student Council. ...And I'll make sure nobody hurts you, too."
Despite being the first one to mention getting ready, Tomoyo made no move to stand up. Instead, she stared at Kyou, "... And if you were the one to hurt me, Fujibayashi?"
Kyou hadn't expected a response like this, that much was plain to see. Slowly, however, she smiled. "... Then, you're allowed to never forgive me. Because I wouldn't forgive myself, either."
At that, Tomoyo did stand up. She turned around, looking out towards the town once more. "... The Student Council president, in a relationship with another girl... what a bad example."
"I don't know, I think it's a great example."
"... Fujibayashi..."
"I think it's a great example. Doesn't mean other people would. That's why I'm here; I've put you in an awkward situation due to my selfish feelings, so it's my responsibility to make sure that nobody sees Sakagami Tomoyo in a way that could hurt her. Right?"
Tomoyo smiled, taking Kyou's hand. "... I don't think you're selfish."
"I forced my feelings on you suddenly. I think that's pretty selfish."
"You were honest about what you wanted, and straightforward with your desires. As a girl who has witnessed many girls unable to confess their feelings to boys that they like, I think a girl being so forthright like that is quite admirable."
This time, it was Kyou who couldn't make eye contact. "... I'm lucky you don't hate me."
"And I'm lucky to be the recipient of your feelings." (Kyou looked up at that.)
It seemed so complicated yet so simple, both at once. There were possible difficulties and possible dangers on the road to becoming Student Council president, but Tomoyo didn't care. Perhaps Kyou saw herself as the cause of those difficulties and perhaps in a sense, that was true, but Tomoyo couldn't see it like that. Couldn't see it like that at all.
She had Kyou's support.
That was enough.
end
13th May 2009