This is only somewhat amusing if you've read Of Mice and Men by John
Steinbeck. If not, well, you're scewed.
A few miles south of Buckland, large mushroom fields cut into the lush green hills of the Shire. Their tall caps standing in the sun, looking like nasty little umbrellas that had been left in the rain to rust. But there was no rain today. The sky was ocean blue, with white foam waves made from fluffy white clouds. Birds were signing and so were the rabbits, but you can't hear rabbits sing. All and all, it was a decent day.
But suddenly the scene is disturbed by the light foot fall of two foreign creatures. Walking in a straight line down in the brush, it was hard to see what or who had barged in on the scenic hillside. The first one was tall and blonde. He wore a bright yellow vest to match his hair and had a really weird looking nose. The other guy looked like an idiot, probably because he was an idiot. But it wouldn't have taken anyone long to figure this out, no sir, for as soon as the two stopped to rest in a clearing the blonde pulled out a small pipe which was soon snapped up by the stupid looking git.
"Now Pippin," the taller one shouted, "be careful! You don't want to smoke it all and get sick like you was last night!" The slow-witted brunette paid no heed to his friends warning and continued to smoke.
"Ah," he said at last, "that is some good weed. Here Merry, you take a smoke."
"No, no. I don't trust who we bought that weed from. I bet it's oregano or something."
"I can tell Mer, I can tell! It's real!" The blonde called Merry just shook his head and sat himself down on the grass. Wiping the beads of sweat from his forehead, he turned to face his companion, who was indeed called Pippin.
"Pippers, why don't you go collect some of them mushrooms up there?"
"Way ahead of ya Merry!" Pippin shouted running towards the open field. The sight of all those beautiful mushrooms, rising out of the ground, tall and proud basking in the sun filled the hobbit with joy. Pippin's heart swelled with the glorious sight. Sadly though, all he could utter was:
"Them is good like shrooms I eats with catsup!"
In the meager twilight Merry had somehow managed to throw together a makeshift fire where he and Pippin could roast up all the mushroom he had caught. Yes, caught. Pippin was tripping so bad he began to chase the stationary mushrooms around the hill. Took him and hour to get one sitting a foot in front of him.
"You crazy bastard," Merry laughed at his exhausted friend, "I can't believe some of the things you do when you're tippin' like that!"
"You've done some strange stuff too," Pippin mumbled.
"Yeah, well, what about that time you grabbed that girls ass? Huh? Kept talking about how you wanted to feel those nice curves, remember?"
"Merry, that was you."
"Oh yeah. Wow Pip, you never remember anything, how'd you remember that?"
"Cause it was my sister!" Pippin answered harshly.
"Oh, which one?"
"Does it matter? I think you grabbed all their bums at one time or another."
"Well, cause of you Pip we ran out of weed!"
"Why?
"Cause ya smoked it all!"
"Tell about da hookers again, Merry!" Pippin suddenly asked when he finished his meal.
"You know that story better than me! Tell it to yourself!"
"Oh no Merry, you tell it good! Tell me about how we gonna have our own whore house!" Merry sat up from his relaxed position on a log and looked his friend in the eyes.
"Well, someday, right here in this spot, you and I will own our own little place."
"A whore house!"
"That's right.
"Tell how I'll take care of the hookers!"
"I was getting there," Merry laughed, "you, Pip, you'll take care of the hookers. And they'll wear thongs of every color."
"Like red, and blue and green and yellow and purple and red and red,"
"That's right," Merry laughed again. It was indeed a wonderful dream!
"And we'll live of da fatta-da-lan'!"
"No, we'll live of the tips the hookers pick up in their multicolored thongs."
"Merry?" Pippin asked quietly.
"Yeah?"
"Will there be furry ones?"
"Yeah, we can have furry ones too."
~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+
All right, more to come. Next parody: Full Monty style as Merry and Pip audition hookers with the help of the lovely diamond.
Ps: yeah, nutting owned.
A few miles south of Buckland, large mushroom fields cut into the lush green hills of the Shire. Their tall caps standing in the sun, looking like nasty little umbrellas that had been left in the rain to rust. But there was no rain today. The sky was ocean blue, with white foam waves made from fluffy white clouds. Birds were signing and so were the rabbits, but you can't hear rabbits sing. All and all, it was a decent day.
But suddenly the scene is disturbed by the light foot fall of two foreign creatures. Walking in a straight line down in the brush, it was hard to see what or who had barged in on the scenic hillside. The first one was tall and blonde. He wore a bright yellow vest to match his hair and had a really weird looking nose. The other guy looked like an idiot, probably because he was an idiot. But it wouldn't have taken anyone long to figure this out, no sir, for as soon as the two stopped to rest in a clearing the blonde pulled out a small pipe which was soon snapped up by the stupid looking git.
"Now Pippin," the taller one shouted, "be careful! You don't want to smoke it all and get sick like you was last night!" The slow-witted brunette paid no heed to his friends warning and continued to smoke.
"Ah," he said at last, "that is some good weed. Here Merry, you take a smoke."
"No, no. I don't trust who we bought that weed from. I bet it's oregano or something."
"I can tell Mer, I can tell! It's real!" The blonde called Merry just shook his head and sat himself down on the grass. Wiping the beads of sweat from his forehead, he turned to face his companion, who was indeed called Pippin.
"Pippers, why don't you go collect some of them mushrooms up there?"
"Way ahead of ya Merry!" Pippin shouted running towards the open field. The sight of all those beautiful mushrooms, rising out of the ground, tall and proud basking in the sun filled the hobbit with joy. Pippin's heart swelled with the glorious sight. Sadly though, all he could utter was:
"Them is good like shrooms I eats with catsup!"
In the meager twilight Merry had somehow managed to throw together a makeshift fire where he and Pippin could roast up all the mushroom he had caught. Yes, caught. Pippin was tripping so bad he began to chase the stationary mushrooms around the hill. Took him and hour to get one sitting a foot in front of him.
"You crazy bastard," Merry laughed at his exhausted friend, "I can't believe some of the things you do when you're tippin' like that!"
"You've done some strange stuff too," Pippin mumbled.
"Yeah, well, what about that time you grabbed that girls ass? Huh? Kept talking about how you wanted to feel those nice curves, remember?"
"Merry, that was you."
"Oh yeah. Wow Pip, you never remember anything, how'd you remember that?"
"Cause it was my sister!" Pippin answered harshly.
"Oh, which one?"
"Does it matter? I think you grabbed all their bums at one time or another."
"Well, cause of you Pip we ran out of weed!"
"Why?
"Cause ya smoked it all!"
"Tell about da hookers again, Merry!" Pippin suddenly asked when he finished his meal.
"You know that story better than me! Tell it to yourself!"
"Oh no Merry, you tell it good! Tell me about how we gonna have our own whore house!" Merry sat up from his relaxed position on a log and looked his friend in the eyes.
"Well, someday, right here in this spot, you and I will own our own little place."
"A whore house!"
"That's right.
"Tell how I'll take care of the hookers!"
"I was getting there," Merry laughed, "you, Pip, you'll take care of the hookers. And they'll wear thongs of every color."
"Like red, and blue and green and yellow and purple and red and red,"
"That's right," Merry laughed again. It was indeed a wonderful dream!
"And we'll live of da fatta-da-lan'!"
"No, we'll live of the tips the hookers pick up in their multicolored thongs."
"Merry?" Pippin asked quietly.
"Yeah?"
"Will there be furry ones?"
"Yeah, we can have furry ones too."
~*+~*+~*+~*+~*+
All right, more to come. Next parody: Full Monty style as Merry and Pip audition hookers with the help of the lovely diamond.
Ps: yeah, nutting owned.