Author's note: I did not write this and therefore claim no rights to it. This story was created in joint by two of my friends from the Carbuncle server on FFXI, Tails and Rinku. Oh, and I understand that it's not Christmas anymore, but I was not supplied with this story until just the other day. So… deal with it. d
We do not own FFXI, so don't come sue us.
I have a story to tell, my children. It's very important that I tell you, for if I do not, the future generations may not be able to save Christmas. My name is Rinku, I am a Black Mage, and you must know how I saved Christmas. The evil Chinese RMT squad tried to use the Inferno Goliath Snake, a creature of legend, to ruin Bastok's Christmas celebration. Bastok is my hometown, and we love Christmas. This was kept under wraps by the government, but if someone doesn't tell you now, I fear it may happen once again.
One day, as I was walking out of the residential district, I smelled the burning of thatch-roofed cottages, and the scraping of iron against rock. I put on my large, burlap witch hat, and ran out into the commotion. A giant serpent was sprawled about the central square. Its claws grated against rock and metal, shooting fire out of its mouth, demanding all of the Christmas presents with its loud, commanding voice. I was offended by his demands, so I started reciting a most foul incantation. The Inferno Goliath Snake heard this, and slithered over to me in a menacing manner. He growled like a demon, and his flaming tongue burned my cheeks. As I finished my incantation, the air started to chill, relieving me from the Inferno Goliath Snake's rage. I ran as he stood still, frozen in place. Ice crystals formed on his skin as a giant pillar of ice shot up through the ground, impaling him. The Inferno Goliath Snake spat out the city's presents stored in him, screaming in pain from the cold stiletto that pinned him to the ground. However, he pulsed a dark red from some sort of inner inferno, melting the ice, flying off defeated into the day. I wondered who would want to use this evil leviathan to steal Christmas from my beloved hometown, and how they could summon it. Only my dear friend Alcest held the key, so I went to pay him a visit.
He lived overseas, so I had to take a long ride on a shipping barge to see him. Alcest… I had known him since we were small children. Famous for his care of dragons and similar creatures, he lived in this far off land to continue his research. When I got there, my friend was troubled to see me. He had heard about the preemptive Christmas-robbing attack of the Inferno Goliath Snake, though thankfully, he was able to point me in the right direction. For fun, he had always had a battery up for sale in his bazaar for five million dollars. Of course no one ever bought it; it was a battery. Since no one knew it could summon the demon serpent, he thought it best to hide it in plain sight to not raise questions. However, not two days before the attack on Bastok, someone bought the battery for all five million dollars. He had no control over the matter, as his bazaar manager oversaw every sale. Alcest said the battery had gone over the Chinese RMT guild, crafters of counterfeit money. Real Money Trade, to be more precise, they sold the counterfeit money for real money. They were said to work out of a densely forested island to the south called Elshimo. After a few hours of catching up, I bid my friend a good farewell, and headed towards Elshimo.
On a ship going south, I thought about why the RMT guild would be trying to steal Christmas. Profits were a likely deduction. Had they no soul? Christmas was the most wonderful time of the year. It was not long ago the famous Mao said "religion is poison," but Christmas is so far from religion, that couldn't be the reason. As I pondered this, a large man approached me, calling himself the Juggernaut. He asked me why I was going to Elshimo, so I of course told the truth: I was going to save Christmas from the evil hands of the Chinese RMT guild. Before I could ask him the same question in response, however, he punched me in the face. I blacked out.
A bucket of water, with no time seemingly passed, woke me up in a completely different place. It was some sort of compound, hot, rainy, without much in the way of roofing. I was tied down along with Alcest next to me in the same condition. I could hear the roar of the Inferno Goliath Snake—surely this was the Chinese RMT guild! The man who called himself the Juggernaut sat in the corner by us, pensive, looking towards the distance. I pleaded with him for us to be freed, but he declined in short order. I decided then, the only thing that could save us would be the Christmas Spirit. In explaining Christmas to this melancholy giant, he shed a tear, but was still reluctant. Alcest, in desperation, said he had a present for the Juggernaut that the Inferno Goliath Snake stole. The man felt so betrayed, he said, that the only group he felt he had a future with would steal his presents. With his bare hands, he broke us from our bonds, and joined us in our quest to save Christmas.
My violent ice projectiles, Alcest's savage dragon that so recently appeared, and the Juggernaut's fierce punches all tore through the countless screaming Chinese. We were like a Christmas ice storm, tearing down all that opposes it with the power of friendship. Even the Inferno Goliath Snake was no match for our golden fellowship, as we made our way to the vast pile of presents. Alcest picked a random one and handed it to the Juggernaut. In opening it, he found a gold-studded glove that fit his immense hand with shocking ease. Alcest commented on his dumb luck as we hauled all of the presents onto the barge.
As we got back to Bastok, we handed off all the presents to the good girls and boys. There was much rejoice. The people opened their presents, as we arrived on Christmas day. A friend of ours, Mister Oak, came over to greet us. We discussed our triumph over the Inferno Goliath Snake, but Mister Oak interjected to tell us that we, in fact, did not defeat the Snake, as its womb was filled with tiny Inferno Goliath Snakes. Just then, the sound of explosion from the cliffs surrounding Bastok heralded the arrival of many a small Inferno Goliath Snake. Protecting my beloved Christmas, however, I started casting a spell on the immense group, and an ice storm came down, impaling all the Inferno Goliath Snake Children with blizzard shards. Never again would the threat of Chinese RMT take away Christmas… or so I thought. That's why I told you this story, to prepare you for the next wave of RMT!