Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to THG trilogy and have not been created by me. All I own is the storyline, which is extremely AU.
Furthermore - This is not a happy story.
Rated T for violence and use of language. Nothing too graphic, yet the world has ended so there's obviously going to be some harsher dialogue at times.
Timeline: Takes place in Catching Fire, after Gale's whipping and the announcement of the Quarter Quell, but before the Quell actually takes place. So about summer in Panem.
The crackle of the firewood is all I can focus on right now. The steady sizzle of wood and coal. Too much has happened today. Yesterday. Too much.
Everyone around me knows this. Maybe the fire is all that they have to listen to as well. It's better than the moaning. Not that we can hear the moaning out here in the woods, but sometimes I think I can. The images still haunt my mind, along with the noises. I try to tune them out. I really do. But it's quiet out here, and my thoughts are empty.
Katniss and Peeta are around here somewhere setting up watch assignments. Despite being in the woods there's still the chance one of them will wander onto camp. We need people keeping guard. Delly and her younger brother are already asleep. I wish I could sleep. I don't think I've slept in a very long time.
"Madge," Peeta nudges me with his elbow, lowering himself onto the log next to me. He's appeared out of nowhere. Or maybe he's been here the entire time. I've been too focused on the flames, trying my hardest not to let anything else intrude my thoughts. "Who've you been staying with?" he asks me. My mother has turned into one of them. My father, too, probably. They're not here. I shrug. "Who did you stay with last night?"
"We didn't have sleeping arrangements last night," I tell him. We had only just got here, got everyone calmed down. I slept in an empty spot under a tree.
He sighs and rubs at his forehead. He's tired, too. "How about you stay with Taftan and Proja?" Peeta asks. I lift an eyebrow at him. His brothers? "I'm staying with Katniss tonight," he tells me. "We're taking a shift on watch."
"I don't want to burden your brothers," I tell him. Peeta's parents didn't make it out of 12 either. I'm not sure if they became one of them or not. Neither is Peeta. We don't talk about it. "I can just stay by myself."
"They said it was fine," Peeta reassures me. His hand gently rests on my shoulder. "We're over by the lake." I nod as he stands and offers his hand. "It's only temporary, Madge. We're working on what to do next."
"I know," I say. But what is there to do next when the end of the world is already upon us?
Peeta leads me down to the lake to where his brothers are playing a game of cards by lantern light. They smile as I arrive just as they always had when I would enter the bakery. I've known Peeta long enough to consider his brothers my own, mostly. Taftan pats the sleeping bag next to his and I wordlessly lower myself down to it. It must be where Peeta had slept last night.
"I'll see you guys in the morning," Peeta says.
"Don't overwork yourself," Proja tells him. "Remember that you need to sleep too." Peeta nods and walks away, and then both of his brothers roll their eyes. I drop my head down to a makeshift pillow and stare up at the stars. I never could see them from my house in town. "What do you think they're going to do?" Proja whispers. Taftan shrugs, laying down another card. I wish the stars were this bright at home. I wish I was home. "Set up a team to clear out the District?"
"I don't think we should go back," Taftan intones. "There're too many of them. It's not safe." He shudders and then readjusts how he sits, trying to make it look like he hadn't winced at all. I roll on my side and face away from the two brothers. "If we clear the place out and move back in like nothing happened then the Capitol will just come and take over again."
Proja grunts, slamming down a card. My eyes drift shut. Maybe I will sleep tonight. "Would you rather us live like animals out here?" he asks his brother.
Taftan drags his fingers through his hair. "Which is safer?" he asks.
"Neither," Proja responds. "In the District and out here in the woods we're just meals waiting to be eaten." I shiver and bury my head in my arms. "Sorry, Madge," he calls out, clearly noticing my response to his words. I don't reply. I wish I was back by the fire listening to the crackle and sizzle. Even the crickets out here aren't loud enough to fill my thoughts.
Taftan wakes me up at the crack of dawn, stops me from screaming and waking everyone else up. I throw my arms around him and cling as though he's a life vest and I'm stuck out at sea. "It was just a dream," he tells me. But it wasn't just a dream. I apologize for waking him up. He apologizes for talking about them last night. "Do you want to get some more sleep?" he asks. Proja's still out like a light, drooling onto his pillow. I shake my head. "Me neither," he says.
He stands up and extends his hand, helping me up as well. "Where are we going?" I ask. My voice is raw and rough. Scratchy. I could use a drink but I won't ask for one.
Other people are already milling around the camp. I'm surprised at how quiet they're all being for the ones who still sleep. We walk in silence toward a small gathering of people. When we reach the crowd they part for us. Prim spots me and rushes over, holding out her hands. A few apples. We don't even need to exchange words. I take them gratefully. Breakfast.
Katniss is nearby whispering something to Peeta who looks pale, but nods. He needs sleep. Katniss, too. Just because they're our latest Victors doesn't mean the entire District should have to rely on them. Haymitch is nearby as well, the trio sticking together in these desperate times. I want to go over to all of them, tell them to go to bed. Tuck them in. Stand watch until they do so. I'm just not strong enough.
I stare at them a few more moments before biting into an apple. Taftan has moved away, talking to a group of people nearby that he knew back inside the District. I force pieces of the fruit down my mouth and keep to myself. Suddenly someone is tugging on my skirt. I look down and find the curious eyes of a little girl who looks vastly familiar.
"You look sad," she says to me. "My name's Posy."
"Hi Posy," I say, dropping down to a knee. "My name's Madge." I look at the apples in my hand. I only need one. "Have you had breakfast yet?" She shakes her head no, brown locks of hair tumbling in every direction. "Here, take one of mine," I tell her. She smiles brightly, accepting the fruit gratefully.
"Are you sad?" she asks me through a mouthful. I blink a few times, trying to work out where I've seen her before. Everyone looks out of place out here in the woods. "Were your mommy and daddy eaten too?"
"You can't ask people that, Pose," a little voice says. I turn and find Rory Hawthorne dropping down onto the ground next to his sister. Ah, this must be Gale's sister. I knew I had seen her before. "Where'd you get that apple?"
"Madge gave it to me," Posy tells him through another mouthful.
Rory frowns, extending his hand to me and giving me one of his apples. "Here," he says, forcing it onto my palm. "We have plenty. Gale made sure of that." I smile, trying to show that I'm glad his brother is taking care of them. I don't think that message is delivered, though. Rory munches on his fruit, letting his eyes stray over to Prim once or twice. "Sorry about Posy," he tells me. "She doesn't really get it."
"It's alright," I say, lifting my shoulders as best I can.
The Hawthorne family is just as complete as it was before the attack. I'm glad Posy hasn't had to lose anyone.
Posy finishes her apple and pulls the stem off of it. "Don't worry, Madge," the little girl says. "The zombies can't get us here."
"Posy," Rory scolds her again. "What did Gale say?"
"Gale said not to call them that," Posy answers him, "but Vick calls them zombies so why can't I?"
I wince without meaning to, squeezing my eyes shut and forcing her words from her system. That's exactly what they are. Brainless. Dead, yet still walking around. Hungry. Unthinking. Cold. Mutts? Zombies.
"Sorry," Rory murmurs again. "C'mon, Posy," he pulls the little girl to her feet. "Gale wants to see us before he goes on the run. You want to see him?" Posy nods ferociously, her hair toppling in every which way. "Let's go, then." The two start off toward their camp and Posy giggles, waving over her shoulder at me. Rory offers a sad smile. Of course he knows what happened to my family. Everyone does.
We were the first.
A hand on my shoulder startles me and I jump, freezing and taking a deep breath when I realize it's only Taftan. "Sorry," he says instantly. "I didn't mean to scare you."
"S'okay," I squeak out. He helps me to my feet like Rory had with his sister and then guides me back to where our sleeping things are.
By then Proja has awoken, rubbing at his eyes and yawning as wide as he can. Taftan passes him a few apples, apparently everyone's breakfast today, and then trudges to the lake to fill up some water bottles. Proja rests back at camp, chewing on his fruit and staring up at the clouds.
"How's the camp?" he asks me.
"Alright, I suppose," I respond. "I think there are some people going into the District today." That's what Rory said, right? Going on a run. A snare run wouldn't require a big farewell. "I'm not sure, though." It's not like anyone would tell me if that's what was happening. I can't go back there, I'm of no use. "Taftan might know."
"Supplies?" Proja wonders.
I nod. What else? More blankets so we can rest easy. More food so we don't have to eat apples for the rest of our existence. Weapons too, probably. To fight them off. And more clothing as well. I wonder if we'll be spending the rest of our lives in the woods right outside the District. Even that place will run out of provisions sooner or later.
"Maybe I'll go," Proja says, finishing off his apple. "If we time things alright Taftan and I could bake some bread to bring out here. We'd just need people to cover our backs."
"Maybe."
He drops the subject. When Taftan returns Proja rattles off the same suggestion he made to me, only his older brother is a bit more accepting of the idea than I was. I pull my hair out of the ribbon I've tied it up in and run my fingers through it. Greasy. I wish I could bathe. I hope that whoever goes into the District brings back some soap, but that's a bit farfetched and I know it. The life of the high and mighty is gone. I'm no longer the mayor's daughter. I'm no longer anyone's daughter.
Taftan and Proja both go on the run into the District, alongside a group of boys who consider themselves fast and clever. Gale is among them. I let my eyes linger as they say their goodbyes. Taftan and Proja both ruffle my hair and tell me they'll be back. I can only nod and cross my fingers.
I decide to spend the day washing clothes with a group of other people. Of course I'm not one of them; I just station myself near them. It makes me feel as though I'm part of a group, though I know they all look at me distastefully. I don't blame them.
I can't help but wonder where Delly is. I wonder if she would join me if she knew I was washing clothes. Perhaps her younger brother went on the run into town. It looked like a group of both boys from town and Seam. I find it lovely how now that the world is over we've gotten over our differences. Let's just hope it lasts.
As I ring out one of Proja's shirts, methodically trying to get out a coal stain he must've acquired on his escape out of the District, a little girl makes her way next to me.
"Hi Madge," she giggles. I turn, finding Posy Hawthorne by my side. "Whatcha doing?"
"I'm cleaning this shirt," I tell her. She nods and stares at it as I hold it up. And then she giggles again. I can't help but smile. "What's so silly?"
"That shirt is too big for you!"
I laugh softly. "It's not mine, Posy, I'm washing it for a friend." The thought of me wearing Proja's shirt leaves the smile imprinted on my face. Yes, much too big. "Where's your mom?" I ask her, only to have the question answered seconds later when Hazelle stations herself next to me. "Oh, hi Mrs. Hawthorne."
"I've told you, Madge," the woman sighs, "call me Hazelle." Must be in my hardwiring to add Mrs. or Mr. to everyone's name. "Is it alright if I sit here?" I nod instantly, welcoming any type of human interaction. Posy leaps across the stream and starts splashing a bit out of the way. "I told her she could come with me as long as she behaved," Hazelle says with a smile. "I'm trying to keep her preoccupied."
I can understand that. I like to be preoccupied as well. "How is everyone?" I ask her.
"The kids are all fine," Hazelle answers gently, dipping down a shirt into the water. It must be Gale's, it's too large to be Vick or Rory's. "Rory's the only one that really understands what's going on. Vick and Posy just kind of make light of it."
I hesitate. I know I shouldn't ask, but I do anyway. "And Gale?"
"Happy to get out of the mines," she mutters, though still smiling. "I don't think this is the revolution he wanted."
"I don't think this is the revolution any of us wanted."
Hazelle laughs, "Right you are with that one." I smile slightly, returning to work on Proja's shirt. It'd be a lot easier to get out this dumb stain if I had some soap. "How've you been, Madge?" Hazelle isn't a fan of the silence. I wonder if her thoughts stray much like mine do. "We haven't gotten to talk since the night I thanked you for bringing Gale's medicine."
I swallow back the memory. That night feels infinitely far away from this moment. Years, when really it was only months.
"I'm holding up." Holding myself together with tape and glue and paper clips and rubber bands and anything sticky that will keep me in one piece.
She sighs, ringing out the shirt in her hands. "I hate to ask," she says quietly, glancing toward the girls a bit up the stream from me to make sure they aren't listening. "I do. I'm not one for gossip. I just want to know…"
"The rumors are true," I answer.
I have no reason to lie to Hazelle. She's always been kind to me. I shake out Proja's shirt, listening to it crack as it straightens out. The stain isn't gone but this is the best I can do without any soap.
She flinches at the noise and wrinkles her eyebrows. "Madge, dear, I'm so terribly sorry—" she starts, but I won't have any of it. I don't want people apologizing to me. If anything, I should be apologizing to them. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't because of me. "You must know that this isn't your fault," Hazelle continues.
"But isn't it?" I ask.
"No, Madge, honey," Hazelle reaches over to place her hand on my shoulder but I shrink away. I'm not ready for human contact. Conversation will have to be enough for now. She frowns. "I'm sorry," she says again. "I shouldn't have asked."
"You had a right to know," I say back. Before she can say anything else I start on my next shirt, letting it splash obnoxiously loud into the water. Posy giggles at the nose. Hazelle just looks more concerned. We spend the rest of the afternoon in silence.
My father frowned as I made my way back inside, shaking off the snow and letting it fall to the ground by the door. It wasn't my fault that it was snowing outside. I didn't ask for a blizzard. He took my coat and hung it on the wall before I could even get a word in.
"Where were you?" he asked. "I was worried out of my mind, Madge."
"I took Gale some medicine," I answered quickly. I knew he didn't like it when I was outside. I knew he didn't like me around other people. Not at that time. "Some morphling. Mom hasn't been needing it and he did so I—"
"It's alright," he had said, letting his face fill with relief. "Not to the square, though?"
"No." Too many people. I wasn't to be around too many people.
But Gale had been whipped, and that was an emergency. I wasn't going to let him die because of things he couldn't control.
"Good," he nodded. My father helped me untie my shoes and set them by the door. He locked it. Didn't want anyone coming in, didn't want anyone going out. "Have you heard anything about it?" he asked. Not whippings. Not the brute force of the new head peacekeeper Thread. Something else entirely.
"No, Daddy," I told him. And honestly, I hadn't. I had never been one for conversing with others, and learning about the strange sickness wasn't high on my to-do list. "Have you?"
"Yes. It's spreading," he answered quietly.
I watched as he furrowed his brow, feeling the weight of the entire situation on his own shoulders. I felt it too, just not as heavily as he did.
"And Mom?" I asked.
"Still breathing," he said. "Her fever is getting worse, though." I drummed my fingers on the staircase where I was sitting, trying not to think about the sickness that was destroying my mother. First headaches, now this. "I informed the Capitol but they've yet to reply." And why should we have expected them to reply? They were the ones that sent it along with their own people.
We noticed my mother falling ill days after the Capitol citizens left when the Victory tour was over. We knew it came from them. Many of them had coughs of their own during the harvest festival, many of them were sick with the virus before we realized what it really was. It got mother first. Then our maid. Our butler. Daddy and I were the only ones still healthy at that time, though somehow the sickness had managed to weasel its way into the District.
People from town. People from the Seam. It looked like an ordinary fever but we knew better. We should've said something. We didn't know what it would do to them.
"Do you think she'll get better?" I asked.
He frowned. "No, Madge," my father said. "I don't." And she didn't. She was the first.
A/N: Zombies are my specialty, tbh, and I've always wanted to write a fic centered around them. Not much gadge yet but it will happen, I promise. The unanswered questions will be answered in the upcoming chapters. This fic will be updated sporadically. I've missed first person so I've resorted back to Madge. I always liked writing from her POV! I also love the Mellark brothers, and wanted to bring them into this story for a little bit. What do you think? Any theories yet? I mean a bit of it is obvious, just not all. This is vastly AU. I hope you enjoy it! Reviews are always welcome!