Title: Folie à Deux
Author: Nikayla
Genre: Angst initially
Pairing: Regina/Jefferson, Mad Queen
Set During: Welcome to Storybrooke (2x17)
Rating: PG-13 (mostly for safety)
Author's Notes: The title reflects not only the pairing (translated: A Madness Shared By Two) but also the format of the fic itself as I will be jumping POVs. I write in second person more often than not. Inner thoughts, past reflection, etc from a somewhat outside point of view. Like a conscience almost. It may eventually go third person but until then. Reviews would be lovely if you have the time :)
"But there is something I can do."
The spell falls from your fingertips almost inconsequentially, turning to ash as it hits the flame. You knew it wasn't the right thing to do, to force him to love you, but how else is anyone going to stand by your side now?
The look in his eyes is what did it. Made you make that decision, to prove to him that your love is real and he is the only thing that matters. It almost stuns you when he runs into her arms, but your expression doesn't falter. Only when they all turn to walk away do your eyes begin to turn glassy. Even your son is nearly oblivious to your pain.
You're lonely. Reminded more and more of that fact every time he walks away from you. Every time you do something good and the only thanks you receive is every back turning in unison to flee from you. The Evil Queen. With not a friend in the world. All that power and somehow, you've still ended up all alone.
Your insides feel hollow. All the time. It's an empty throb set deep behind your ribs. A blackened pit, airless and suffocating and you're so tired of feeling nothing and too much all at the same time. It's breaking you. This emptiness. You'd never admit it but one more night in this house and you'll lose it for sure. If you haven't already that is. Your eyes cast downward as a frown pulls at your lips and a tear drops out without permission. This was supposed to be your happy ending. You were supposed to win. (For once.) But every day is a cruel reminder of just how greatly you ended up losing. What a sick twist of fate. Your own curse damning you more than your victims. It just isn't fair.
It almost angers you that there's no one considerate enough to fight you. To kill you. To try to. If you can't have Henry then what is the point of all this? Of anything? You would have been enough. But you weren't were you? Aren't. For anyone. Perhaps not even yourself.
It's mocking you. This house. Pristine and white and soundless. Every step you take is a reminder of the past, of what you had, of what she now has. When he clung to her like he was afraid of you, even after you destroyed the curse, you realized just how much he isn't yours anymore. And the part of you that wonders if he ever will be again grows smaller and smaller. It was your last chance, that curse, and now it's gone. If bringing back Snow and his mother wasn't enough to prove to him how much you had changed then what else is there? You're out of options. And losing hope. It's barely a flicker now. Soon it will be snuffed out entirely. And then what?
Why can't you have just one ally? Oh that's right. You did. And Snow insured you lost her in the cruelest way possible. Finalizing the trifecta really. Now every person who ever loved you died by your hand. No one left who has ever felt anything but disdain for you. For your very existence. Who you weren't merely a chess piece for. No one.
No. That's not entirely true, is it? There is one person who felt something else for you. Not quite love. But certainly not hate. Not always at least. Someone who may have actually liked you before all this. Your chest tightens at the thought. Someone who cared how you felt, who listened, who didn't try to make you something you were not. But he ruined it didn't he? He ruined it. He left you. You're fairly certain that of everyone, he who actually saw what you were before, who enjoyed what you were before, in a manner of speaking, is now someone who hates you more than any other. Another fate must be rearing its head in laughter.
You're tired of being alone. Presumed evil and yet nothing is done to try to end you is it? It's almost pathetic. To be told you are feared but then no one makes a move to rid this town of your threat. Do they really think you one at all? Surely to Snow of course, but do they even think you capable of another curse? Something to bring them all to their knees and put you on top of the throne again, wielding the whip that will forever lash at them? Do they really cower in fear anymore? Why is no one trying to stop you?
You ask yourself not in anger. You wish someone would try to stop you. To prevent your wrath from harming anyone again. You wish someone would just...end it. But none of them are strong enough. They hate you, and yet, you live on. It isn't really living anymore. What good is this with no one to share?
It's a quick decision. Nearly thoughtless. A puff of violet and there you are. It's almost too easy. Surely here you will be regarded as what you truly are. Surely here you will get what you deserve.