Don't own Jack or Ianto or John or even a dog.

--

"I'm not sure if this is a good idea. Actually I'm positive that this is the worst idea you've had in ages. I'm also sure that John would be happy with something less… well, less this. It's not going to end well" Ianto says hands crossed under his chest with a solid frown.

"C'mon Yan! It's the perfect gift for him and you can't deny that. He'll love this!" Jack answers with a huge boyish grin which in usual occasion would make Iantos knees wobble but not now.

"I'm afraid that he'll love it little too much. Can't we just buy him a book or something?"

"It's John Hart we're talking about. You think he would be happy with a book? Well actually he might but only if you managed to find something even more hardcore than Erotica by some-creature-with-eight-tentacles. And that book makes human porn feel like an innocent foreplay between two nuns!"

"John will kill it in a week. You can't doom an innocent creature like this! Where's your empathy Jack?"

"You mean Gwen? Having dinner with Rhys I think. Should I call her?"

"Yes and I'm sure that she would agree with me. This is inhumane thing to do and I… demand you to buy a book or something!" Ianto says sternly gazing at the deep brown eyes and their owner who sits on a couch.

"I'm still your boss so you can't demand me to do anything especially to change my gift. I already told him that I have the best gift ever for him"

"Well I'm not letting you put it on Torchwood expenses."

"That's fine."

"Are you really going to do this?"

"Yes. Nothing says happy-one-year-anniversary-on-earth-without-killing-anyone-or-terrorising-Cardiff-or-molesting-my-boyfriend better than a poodle" Jack says looking like this is the greatest thing ever.

Ianto shakes his head admitting his defeat. When Jack decides to do something and is this excited about it and sure that he has the king idea of all the ideas turning his head would take much more than the usual blowjob under the desk.

"Sorry mate" he whispers giving the pure white, doomed poodle an apologizing look.

The dog manages to look like it might cry.