High as a Kite

A One-Shot Series by Gfyuwatr7

Disclaimer: All works referenced in this story are the property of their respective owners. I do not own anything.

Chapter 1: Zahmbies

It was sweltering in the Divination classroom. Nothing new there. Still, when Harry first learned he was going to be taking this class, he hadn't been sure what to expect. Their teacher, Professor Trelawney, was a strange woman. A skinny, bespectacled woman, she seemed very enthused by the idea of seeing the future. Harry wasn't really sure if he believed in her abilities or not, but the class itself seemed easy enough. Just pretend you see something in your tealeaves or crystal ball and you'd be fine.

As usual, he and Ron took their seats near the back of the room. They did so to avoid the gaze of their teacher. If anyone so much as sneezed in her presence, she would swoop down and gaze at them expectantly, as though they had seen some horrific vision of the future. Harry had already had enough of Trelawney predicting his death. She also kept talking about something called the Grin. He wasn't sure what she meant by it, but he didn't feel at all in danger of being killed anytime soon.

The class was working with crystal balls again today. As everyone got out their Divination textbooks from their bags, Ron slammed his down on the table, rolling his eyes exasperatedly.

"Hermione's right," Ron said, "this class is pure rubbish. I'm gonna grab some sleep, you?"

"Yeah, I could use a minute or two," Harry said. "Couldn't sleep last night, Neville kept snoring…" On cue, he yawned into his arm, hoping this had gone unnoticed by their professor.

Class began, and immediately, Harry began to doze off. It really wasn't his fault. Neville had kept him up all night, and it didn't help that the classroom reeked heavily of incense. At least, Harry thought it was incense…

"Harry, board up that hole, you're going to be overrun!" Dumbledore cried from his perch on the balcony. As he said this, he took aim at another zombie, and with a bang, it fell to the floor.

They were in the entrance hall of what looked like an abandoned theater. It wouldn't be so bad to camp here for the night if it weren't for the blood-stained walls and the Nazi memorabilia decorating every inch of the place. That and the swarms of the undead.

"Wait, what?!" Harry cried, looking around wildly. How did he get here? Why was he here? What is the meaning of life?

42, a voice whispered in his ear. He shook his head, and the voice was gone. However, there was the small problem of zombies pouring in from a hole in the wall to his right. There were three of them so far, but Harry could see shadows on the far side of the wall, past the hole. Harry raised his wand, but instead of casting a spell, a shotgun shell hit the nearest zombie. The result of this shot was not pretty, to say the least. Harry stood there, dumbfounded. What on earth was going on? Where did his wand go? And why did he have a shotgun instead?

He heard Ron say in a corner of the theater, "That's the-hic-last of them." He wasn't sure, but it sounded as though he were drunk. But that wasn't possible, they were only thirteen years old. And he had a strange accent, too. Speaking of accents…

"Alright everyone, on me!" Dumbledore called in a very pronounced American accent. "Let's figure out what were going to do." They all gathered around him on the balcony overlooking the entrance hall. Harry took a good look at them all. Dumbledore was bald and clean-shaven, Ron looked older and was wearing a uniform that looked too big for him, and Hermione seemed to be of Asian descent. Her cheekbones were higher, her hair was darker. And she was carrying herself with much more confidence than she normally did. And was that a sword she wiping with a cloth?

"Okay guys, that wasn't bad. But if we're going to survive and get out of this place, we need to step up our game." Dumbledore said.

"Saru mo ki kara ochiru," Hermione said under her breath, putting her sword away in its sheath. She sat down heavily as everyone stared incomprehensibly at her.

"What did you say?" Ron asked stupidly.

"Baka wa shinanakya naoranai," she replied sadly.

As the others began arguing, Harry turned away, taking another look at their surroundings. And he froze.

A man in a large chicken suit was staring at him from the doorway to another part of the theater. He leaned forward with a stern look on his face.

"Harry!"

"What?" Harry spluttered, looking around wildly. "What's happening?"

"My dear, you were in the beyond, weren't you?" Professor Trelawney cried. She was standing next to his and Ron's table. Her eyes were shining brightly with excitement. "I think you were!"

Harry stared up at her, at a loss for words. Finally, he took a deep breath.

"I-"

Author's Note: My first in a series of one-shots. Basically, when someone falls asleep in the Divination classroom, they're more than likely to have weird dreams than at any other time. These stories will take place at any point during and after Prisoner of Azkaban. They also take place in my AU Harry Potter stories.

"Saru mo ki kara ochiru" : Even monkeys fall from trees. (Nobody's perfect)

"Baka wa shinanakya naoranai" : Unless an idiot dies, he won't be cured. (You can't fix stupid)

Reviews, comments, and constructive criticism are welcome. Hope you all enjoy.