Lincoln was sad and shit because his family locked him out of the house for being bad luck.
"I hate those no-good cocksucking fuckers!" he yelled. "I'm going to teach them a lesson they never forget!"
So he got on his skateboard and went all the way to the police station. He walked right up to the front desk where he saw the police sergeant in charge. He had a mustache.
"Hello, young man," said the police sergeant. "What's your emergency?"
"My dickriding family locked me out of the house for being bad luck!" yelled Lincoln.
The cop got out of his chair and fired his gun in the air several times. "That is a CRIME! I'm going to prosecute them right now and send them to Guantanamo Bay!"
So the two of them got in his cop car and they drove all the way to 1218 Franklin Drive or whatever their address is. The cop kicked in the door and told everyone to "FREEZE"! But Lola didn't so he shot her fifty times in the chest and she bled out on the floor.
"You're all under arrest for locking a boy out of the house!" he yelled at the top of his police officer lungs. "But first city ordinance mandates that I let the boy say his part."
Lincoln stepped up from behind the cop, pulled a microphone out of thin air, and said this:
"YOU FUCKING SHIT-EATING MONKEY-FELLATING FAGATINIS LOCKED ME OUT OF THE FUCKING DICK HOUSE! I COULD HAVE DIED FROM PNEUMONIA OR GOTTEN SHOT BY A DERANGED CRIMINAL WHILE I WAS OUT THERE! BUT DO YOU CARE?! NO! Y'ALL ARE A BUNCH OF MAN-HATING FEMINAZIS WHO WANT ME TO DIE BECAUSE I WAS BORN WITH A DICK! I KNOW THAT BECAUSE OF THE SISTER FIGHT PROTOCOL AND THE TIME YOU MADE FUN OF MY SUPER SUIT AND THE TIME YOU FOUGHT ME OVER MONEY AND THE TIME YOU LAUGHED AT ME FOR MY GIRL GURU IDEA WHICH I ONLY HAD TO DO BECAUSE YOU FATASSES GOBBLED DOWN ALL MY CHOCOLATE SO I COULDN'T MAKE ANY CHOCOLATE PIES! AND LORI YOU'RE THE ABSOLUTE WORST BECAUSE YOU CALL ME A TWERP AND SOMETHING SOMETHING HUMAN PRETZEL! SO I'M GONNA RUN AWAY TO LIVE WITH A FOSTER FAMILY AND YOU'LL ALL BE SORRY!"
And so, the cop took all of them to Guantanamo Bay, except Lola who didn't go because she was dead. He could do this because his car was a special futuristic car that could drive on water.
Meanwhile, Lincoln went to live with two chill dudes named Ace and Jocelyn who took him to Disneyworld every month and never ever abused him like his dumb sisters did.
Speaking of his sisters, they all got waterboarded in Guantanamo by their grandfather Albert, who was now a Guantanamo worker because I don't know lol. The only Loud who was spared from the torture was Lola, who was, again, dead. From being shot.
Also, Bobby broke up with Lori, and together he and Ronnie Anne entered a polyamorous relationship with Lincoln. They spent all day and all night feeding him ice cream sandwiches and sucking his dick.
And everyone lived happily ever after except the sisters because FUCK THOSE COCK JUGGLING THUNDERCUNTS
Fin